Ok...sorry for the delay for the BBQ compilation pics...
have been busy and stuff...
lack of ideas on how the background should be....but now...
it's done boyz and girlz...
but these are the toned down ones... can't load too big files on the net...
Hope you like these.
Cheers!

My project of a computer magazine cover is done...
ready for handing in!...
all put into an actual magazine product... here's how it's supposed to look like
for the front and the back...

Emptiness...
A void left inside...
Of a day so normal
there's nothing much inside.
Vexed...

~A world challenged
limits we are bound
take a step beyond
breathe the difference
that the countless
unending we find
an arena uncontrolled
benefits we reap
the quickness of reaction
brings the impact escalation
that life ain't that simple afterall.
Take a walk down the road
today's steps are tomorrow's old
what can't you see is what you want to clear
what you can see you already know
but yet not hearing or fear
The moment's safety is yet the second's danger
where there is vastness
there is multitude or variations
thus comes the infinity of results.
We never know what's tomorrow like
yet tomorrow will come
sit and hope with actions unacted
we stand at a point where we become dails
things changes around us
but position is a ritual til eternal dust...~

well of coz...not forgetting
this little one....swimming in the open
that caught my sight as a little dot from afar
and then....as it drew nearer...
the cute little thing.

Imagine yourself in a spanish arena
not in the midst of concrete again...
with me, you always get near to waters...
There you see the beauty of every simple thing.
How backward things may look
but yet to many it could just be paradise.
all at the back of where you reside for the few days...
And then next to mexico...a walk amongst ruins
yet so beautiful....
so eye catching...seated at Quintana Roo

And for the once I face a decline
for such issues in my life...
That somehow I see no energy in me to pursue further.
Drained...
Today I smile and the next moment faint
A face of courage and endurance of pain
physical energy but mental zonked
...
Whatever...
Just ...
Drained...

Staring blankly
with strums of slow spanish romance
racing runs after runs
but reality bites
and reality scars
feelings of yesterday just watered
and what doors were left
turned stone cold...
shivers returns with the emptiness
what realisation I held inside
forced to fade into nothingness
yet it can't be instant
it's process can't be quicken
oh Lord how I wished things were otherwise
but as it's not...
I'm still around for
and be standing by
But now...I'm here...
just right here...
for you...

lacerated and down I am

~|Cold cool air
heal my wounds
and every deep cuts'n tear

Heal scrapes of mine
my bruises
and harness focus of my mind

Heal me and make me whole
heal my heart
and heal my soul

Heal me from the grind I tried
heal my body
and heal my pride that's left of me...|~

~A return of a gift
brings pain to the heart...
What does that mean?
or is it that ne'er can it start?
I'd rather it's being kept...
away from me
even if it's negative you see.
At least spare me...
please...
To see things given returned to me
is like taking what I've offered
and slapping me with it.
The pain...
Oh damn I'm in pain...
like a wall just placed before me
with no knowing why...
I'm returning to black hole all with a sigh~

I came upon a pic I once edited...
the place I worked for a short while...very nice...
relaxed...
Well as the Bartender...
A totally spanish Bar setting serving Tapas...
Well actually Tapas are small quantities of food...
aka. appetizers in Spanish cuisine.
It's something that is given to accompany a drink before
a main meal...well that's in Spain...not in Singapore.
Here, you just gotta pay to sit in there with a drink.

In the past, this place was called 'The Tapas' with
an octopus in the logo...now it's called
'La Viva'

"I've nothing, but an empty space...
To be filled and warmth will sip in
And love flows in the blood"

I close my eyes...
wondering what I could see beyond the physical world...
Like I've been able to see those things they say aren't human
I only heard voices surrounding me...
filling my ears through and through...
I only saw myself taking on challenges after challenges...
one after another...
had a whole lot of comments rushing in today...
Went to a house where there was a fortune teller from thailand...
Just there to look at the group of people at cost already dealt with...
And he saw me as he person who goes from challenges after challenges...
With people, against people, against myself...
Very much like I had in mind earlier...
darn shocking...
And that there will be a point soon where I will hit growing point in career
ain't just that...
Someone whom I'd stay with will soon come my way...
lol...damn....this is madness....
Think about it....
Don't know if it's actually true....hahaaa

~|I ought to be workin' but I can't concentrate
I ought to be sleeping but I stayed up real late
When I ought to be doing the things I should do...
I think about you....
I ought to be writing, but I can't find a song...
Stand her drifting, drifting along...
When I ought to be doing the things I should do...
I think about you....
I could go crusin' but I've had enough
I could go drinkin' but I can't stand the stuff
Just don't do it like it used to do
I'd rather think about you...|~

~You come and go like the wind...
Everytime I think about you, baby I see something new...
That takes me higher than before
And makes me want you more...
I wish I don't have to go...
don't wanna leave alone...
Coz' leaving means being further from you.
oh and I'd be missing you so...~

Day's ending...
felt my age already...
with one by one my young little cousins grow up....
all big...and having the experience of their own.

one by one handling BGR issues...still hangin' in the teenage stage...
yet childish 'political' issues.

and small ones that are at least 20yrs my junior...
running about and looking up to me as like some towering monster
able to carry the whole lot of them at one sweep...

hahaaa...

Played with them like mad.
All very cute...
some still at their shy stage...some so young yet already so vocal.

Oh the adorable little things all of them.
Feels like just yesterday they were just either babies or toddlers running around giving me the blur face.

2nd day of the lunar new year...
drained....tired. HohOHo... all the helping out and stuff...
did some reading til almost 7am this morning... and redid my resume assignment...
Well hope that works well enough for me to score somewhere.

After working was good...burning all the CNY poison...cuttlefish, cookies and other junk food
that came along the way.

Guess all's good...all's just good...relax the day away and evening the entire group of relatives are flooding my house and
I'll be getting real busy. Actually thought of getting friends over but with the crowd...It's gona be hard for me to even
be a good host to them. I'm gona be kitchen man...and Mum's runner.

On another mini part of me for the day... the words "Let money work hard for you, work too hard for money and you'll die" just rings in my head for no reason at all...lol...
A sign?...well Don't know....don't really know if I should even bother about such signs...hahahaaa

And now... For the new year...
A Blue Lagoon...
No no No....not the freaking show
idiot!
not even the place!
The drink!

- 1 part of blue curacao
- 1 part of gin
- 1 part of lemon juice
- ice cubes

Put the whole lot in the shaker...
shake some booty and strain the mix
into a tall glass...
garnish with a slice of lime, lemon and a cherry..
Pop the goodie down for cool and refreshing feeling!

Ladies and Gentlemen....
Anyone care for a new shot of
Flaming Lamborghini?

- 1 part of coffee liqueur
- 1 part of cointreau
- 1 part of white sambucca
- 1 dash of cream

Add the first 3 in a shot
light the freakin' booze...
Whack in the cream on top and
down it goes!

In the midst of postal code
139212...
we find beauty and comfort
for total relaxation...
for chilling out...
free your mind away on glasses of martinis
and seated in repose
out of the rat race and quick pace of life...

Would you have ever believed me if I told you that
these are taken in our local lands, Singapore?...
Well, you can be damn sure it is in Singapore!
hahahaaa....

Today I chanced upon a Business model to make money big time!!!
Imagine with a initial capital of USD$1000, in the 7th month of investment,
you would have gained 95% of your intial capital and the rest of the remainding 8 months
period towards full muturity is plainly Dividend...aka. Profits!
OMG! and the total profit from what I calculated would be about 200%!

Damn shit...madness but...gona go more into this and whack for a test drive!
feeling like some risk these days...
erhmm...since when I wasn't....? hmmm...

~I have not shine, shivering
not opened my mind, clearly seeing
I have ignored every blessing
But now this time is for confessing...
That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face
I am staggered by your beauty
Your unassuming grace
And I feel my heart is turning
Falling into place
I can’t hide
Here's my confession
I have been strong without you
Away from you now, I miss you
For so long
Nothing could move me
But I realised
Now you could change me
Now I feel myself in shivers
Each time I miss your face
I am captured by your beauty
Your unassuming grace
And I feel my heart is turning
Falling into place
Girl, I can’t hide
Here's my confession~

~You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this~

Oh yes the wonderful you...
Just as I managed to sleep...
that there you were in my dreams...
holding on to my hands asking me for a walk with you...
Delighted and I wished I didn't wake up...
but I'd say then...this sleep was a gift...
so wonderful feeling it gave ...felt so real...
that I didn't wanna wake to reality
to where I'm standing.
Anyway,
In appreciation I thank God for that still...
It was heart warming enough...
just for those moments...

Friday...
Some asked me which are the most
beautiful beaches I've been...
well I'd say Grand Cayman island or
The island of Tahiti...
Well Heard of Bora Bora?...
It's in French Polynesia though...
I couldn't really find my photos
of Cayman so... let me show you
Tahiti...Bora Bora (First born)...
The language there pronounce it as
'Pora Pora'...
You'll often find yourself directly over
waters...even during your stay in
luxury accomodations...
and sometimes you may even find the
only mode of transport to get stuff
would be a row boat...hahaa...
Of the pictures...you'll see just one
not of tahiti but of hawaii...
its just some addition to bring you
Waimea canyon. Inspite of the sign...
We climbed...hahaa....well those days...
Daredevils.. Death defying creature I was.

And then off to Japan I went! Fukuoka!
Many places I went...the wind was so strong
I could hardly open my eyes...Cold!!
Especially going to Asia's Biggest Ferris Wheel!

Funny how time flies...
just when fun was around the corner...

Went to Korea in 2003.
Climbed mountains, skii and of course
the shopping area along the streets
of Seoul. But erhmm...frankly... boring place.

Well of course not forgetting
those days in army...
hmm...here's some from
The australia trip!

Was looking around in my CDs...some collection of digital photos taken over past
few years... well there are some striking ones that really was good...
like the days when I was in windsurfing and sailing...my glorious days...
but oh well...then came to NTU...having fun and stuff...
going to Vill Bali with my Buddy felix...

Well here's some...

The reunion dinner...
finally we stop the face moving pace of our lives
sit down together and chat the evening through at dinner.
Was good...really good.
My mum's preparation was great for some hot plate BBQ and steam boat altogether.
My Dad and us all are lucky to have her.
Homemaker and a Chef...
Well...time for me to pick the whole lot up from where she is.

Then the annual big clean up will take place after dinner...
my younger brothers were activated...
how they were so small last time now,
getting older... they have to get moving too...but of course, blur at everything
well they've gotta start somewhere.
Aiding my mum with the backyard while she teaches the new maid... my sis dealing with the inside of the house...
While I saw to the pavillion, car porch and the car.
Tiring but it was good to see all working together and getting the whole clean up done fast.
When all's done...it's been always good to sit at the pavilion and enjoying the cool night breeze for awhile...
sigh...what a week has passed.

Today I came upon a thought...
for this new year...
I'll braving even more or should I say...
I'd wanna bring up this guts even stronger to brave challenges
to be where I wanna be...to have what I feel is right...
give myself a chance to the things I feel worth taking the risk for.
I'm worth it and whatever it may be..whoever it may be...
after giving it all some thought....they're all worth it...
"Cannot then cannot lor"..."Can then can lor..."

=)

It's like walking through a lonely path...
Quiet...
Empty...
and everything's dim.
The end of the road is darkened.
Light at the end of the road there isn't
'Cause you don't know where the end is...
it's like bring on a splitting road...
Going back and forth is yet darken roads
I hope standing at this point...
two lamp posts,
like gardian angels...
will keep me lighted 'til the time to move...
'til I see some light at either paths...

I've been starin' at the page for what seems like days
I guess I'm tryin' to put this one off for awhile
Did I just feel a tear fall off from my eyes?
Or have I been happy, laughed so hard that I cried?
I'm flow my secrets to you like a flowin' river
I guess the day's just bringing me down...
Only love, there's no hate
Leavin' it here for you to take...
Please know that every word is a piece of my heart...
The smiles on my face,
They came easy 'cause of you
Sometimes I think,
I love you, but I hate you
'Cause I know I can never escape you...
Through my days and through my dreams...
Some how you image and smiles are just always there.
Only love, there's no hate
Leavin' it here for you to take...
Please know that every word is a piece of my heart...
Have I said too much?
Maybe I haven't said enough...
But I know that every word is a piece of my heart...

A nice moment I felt I needed by myself...
after the dryness and boredom of school...
I left my fav class of weeks early having nothing to do at all...
Got back, dropped my stuff and headed down to the place they call...
Cafe at the Sea....
For some good food...
like once in awhile I'd just treat myself after a hard week.
Joined by a sweet lady whom I met in the evening at the very place...
Alone... hmmm....
well anyway, we had a good chat on dinner...
apparently she isn't from Singapore... and so I found her to be coz of her accent...
In fact she seems like a rather good mix!...
From Canada she says... Mum a korean and Dad a spanish...
Didn't ask how they landed in Canada but I must say that they made up a fine 25 year cocktail mix!...
Yup Everyone I admit...she's fine.
Here on holiday... parents were busy with some stuff and she was just having a 2 nights stay at the Shangrila Rasa Sentosa.
So that explains her being alone here...having dinner...
Well...I'm not complaining. =)
Good Company!...
The music was good...the food wasn't too bad... the presentation was somewhat nice to look at.
Taste was...actually just like any other kinda fusion cuisine you find outside...but hey, good company good chilling out place.
Again...I'm not complaining!
Anyway...I had my fill...stay alittle for chats...and decided I'd be on my way home.
Fatigue was sitting in... And no no....I didn't do anything to her if any one of you reading this are thinking of me
making a move...Sorry...
Good company doesn't mean I gotta take the dive...
Got someone in mind.

Anyway... the day ended off from school well... Spent the entire journey out of campus chattering with 2 girls from my Adobe class... Somehow fascinated by my travelling adventures... and my portfolio I was building with animations and still imaging.
Hahahaaa...a very nice pair... somehow conversation kept flowing... and it made the journey out less trying besides the fact that I've got my ipod for company...but I reckon it'd be better with people. lol...

The Start of the Chinese New year Season....
But somehow feeling too drained to think of the visitation...
probably be stay put at home to rest... getting myself energized for the enxt week ahead...
got alot more to deal with...
Think about and sort out.

Studying studying studying....
Final test for the week...
Friday marks the end of week 6 of this semester... and very soon...
it's the entry to killing grounds.
In the midst of reading up for the test later...
I also did up my Adobe artwork video portfolio....sounds good eh....hahaha....anyway... it's something to
start off in the whole graphics biz....
The more I look at it...the cooler it is...

Anyway....3 more hrs to test time...
Going for a morning RUN!...my usual. =)
At least it's a few mins of self...
the only I'd think about is to move forward...nothing else disturbs me...
Giving my mind a 15min break....so that means....about a 3km+ run?....sounds good to me!
Then comes a good breakfast!...
Self-made...cheese and ham omelette with Toast and Oats...
and an apple with some grapes....

Moving off!

Like once again...
inside me I hold raging fire...
It will take time to cool...
and soothe the burning flames...
But for now it burns...

Think I'll start going through things in another circle...
But I know I need some time off....
everything...
Get my head back in whack...
undo some triggering thoughts...
[m] will be someone I'm around for...
sometimes... to like is not to have
yet for some,
to have may not be for likes...
someday....
we'll see where I go...
when the time comes... I will know what to do...
I believe I would.
But first...we'll see how tomorrow comes.

=)

Had this lyrics resonating in my head the whole time...
Meant very much...
Said very much...
And embedded in with my thoughts...soo much...
How what's the use?...
couldn't catch it...
was just a goodnight song...

anyway....here it goes....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in everyway.

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything... I have
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The beach...

2 Tests in a row...
Screwing up my head big time early in the morning...
Ain't thinking all too well...
Got another set tomorrow and the head ain't too good for such pounding...
For once after so long I'm losing my mind...
Just for alittle while...
Just for this while...

I think I long for the times when I lay on the soft white sands
the brush of the gentle breeze...
The Beach...
And I close my eyes... I picture myself just there...

But I ...alone...only a rooted tree...

"I saw you coming from a mile away
Trying to hide behind that pretty face
Bet my last dollar baby you been bruised
Poor little heart all black 'n' blue
Last thing you need's another pickup line
You must have heard them all a thousand times
God only knows what you been through
Believe me I've been broken too
It aches, it breaks, it made me wanna fade away
I've been around that block a time or two
Baby, I don't want to fall in love with you
I try, but I can't get around the truth
Please don't say my name, give this heart a break
I don't want to make the same mistake but it's too late
I'll leave on the light
These arms are open all night
I got your face in the back of my mind
I want to reach in and pull it out
And I'd be lying if I didn't say
When you're this close I'm afraid
Of the way I'll feel if I touch your hair
The way I'll miss you when you're not there
And that I'll see you when I close my eyes
It's too late, I've crossed that line
It aches, it breaks, it takes your breath away
I'll still be around come closing time
Just for you..."

I would promise the world but it's out of my hands...
But I can only give you everything....
That I am...and I have....

If I had to describe the very picture in my mind
I'd say it's a scene with stormy weather...
and I stranded in the midst of nowhere
visuals blinded and can go no further...
There I am in the blistering cold...
hoping for warmth
I find none...
Shivering in my bones...
like I a fallen angel...
losing all graces and brightness...
where my pillar is
where my fire is
where my strength is...
Grasp hold of none I can...
And there I reach out for a fading figure...
but to hold I can't...
to touch seemingly impossible...
Oh you....yes you...
don't you know you're...
Just like a star...
My star...
but diminishing to afar....
My painted picture of my mind...
And here I'm left falling awake...
Just blue....

I lay motionless...
weakened
staring into the blank of my ceiling...
a burning feeling arises...
an emptiness I felt as I travelled in the last ending week
I missed...
and I realised only being away
Away from everything
and there an apparition
or was it an image stuck at the back of my mind...
appeared right before me...
as I flowed myself into a short eyes close...
I reached out and it was gone...
Then a text beeped out of my pocket...
my delighted eyes brightened...
You are missed...
I told you so.
And the picture clip was merged with a beautiful song...
selected with you in mind...
all with a meaning behind...

But maybe all I am
is the invisible man...

Eagle in the dark
feathers in the pages...
Monkeys in my heart
Rattling in their cages
I walked a way that's blue
like I'm another ghost to follow...
It's only up to you...
Now my head is swell and hollow...
Romancing people are...
Forget it I'm no Romeo...
I've lost it through and through...
Don't know how to get it...
it's like
One foot in the grave
Other in the shower...
It's so hard to say...
And it's painful by the hour...
2 hours more to go
and today's yesterday it follows...
And there you see...
a lonesome man a broken down me...
But it's life...
My life.....

rockin' the hellova my room on a nothing day...
Just some day....
A commercial uproar...
a romance burst...

I'm feeling this is gona be my most jialat V-day since
D-day of romancing in my life...
oh well...
Yet the first I don't spend a shit on anything....
hmmm well...maybe abit. lol...for contributions to canvassing....hahahaaa
OOOoooops....

"It's late at night, and all gone home.
So finaly, we are all alone.
The waitor says, we're closing very soon...
Still remind so long, don't want to say goodbye to you.
I've got plans for us tonight. Baby that's right.
We share the last glass of wine.
Our hearts are beating in perfect time.
Wondering who, would be the first to say.
You know it feels allright,
why don't you hold me tight?
And that's tomorrow comes a day.
Don't think about what they will say,
just close your eyes and dream away.
In my way."

Cocktail for a night of letting myself just fade...
fade away....

Cruz Gracia Sangria 100ml
Scotch whiskey 1 shot
Porta Chile Red Wine 100ml
Erdinger white 1 Can

Mix them in your stomach + churn alittle...

= Redish Kenneth Stoning and in mood slow music....sway the night away....lol

Argh.....for this moment....
this very moment....
I can't damn it focus!!!!
I head is just wondering everywhere!!!!
crazy!!!!

OMG....cannot take it....
totally madness....

There must be something disturbing my concentration.....hmmm ....now what could it be?.....
=/

feeling very restless....
from fatigue to restlessness...
I think the next step would be hyperactiveness....
Oh no....siao liao!

my Biological battery is having a surge!
freaking went for a run round the school...and did weights 'til my arms and legs shivered....but then...
after a nice shower...instead of getting relaxed and slack down....my body re-energized!!
MAdness! lol....

Funcione a mí

FATIGUE!!!!
OH NO!!!!....my battery running out at the wrong time!!!

Anywayz... Day was still alright so far...
Test was ok....ability to at least 75% with speed study...hahaa...

3 more tests to go for the week and 2 reports!!!...argh! OMG.

V-day...at the strike of midnight....hmmm...
Kenneth....doing anything at all?....
I'm sorry, seems like you're very much farked with the big load of work to get done!....
Can't deal much with doing anything for anyone... unless maybe it's for something that could change the entire course of
my life....then maybe only...


"No , usted no tuvo que excepto mi No.
de la vida,
usted no es listo yo puede sentirse que él afuera que está lloviendo,
pero apenas iré su corazón lo dejaré a casa algún día ir.

Tan pronto como usted consiga que la sensación de usted pueda comenzar a vivir otra vez tan pronto como el peor encima usted puede tenerle todo el sentido Rigt de la marca ahora que no puedo darle qué usted necesita tan pronto como usted consiga la sensación... Funcione A Mí.

Hush, usted no tienen que decir una palabra. Confíe en, yo no van a odiarle para ella. Se siente como mi tacto trae solamente detrás el dolor que esas memorias quieren algún día se descoloran funcionamiento ausente a mí."




If only it's such...

Sometimes life strikes you by your ass
without you knowing why...
At times everytime catches you by the sudden blow of the wind...
And you're caught...

It takes courage and get to the next step of deciding what to do...

If it's all worth it...
then it's always worth taking the risk for it...
even when many things are put on the line...

3 more days to go to the end of the week...
It's about done....it's about done Kenneth...

Do what one will...
"Just did it"...
move off from a position of tension...
a place of torment and torture...
to greener pastures.

There I am...

walk on towards if you will...
stay in unwillingness if you will...

A day I'd throw all comms media out of my life
To remain the person that's just me...
untouched...
God where are you?...
My dear father...
How can I better deal with this?
How much then is too close...
How much then is just right
What is enough...
What is the max I'd go?...

I guess for now...
Gone with my speech...
to write I will...
Kenneth...your focus must come back...
Full and hard...
like how you pushed yourself out of the whirlpool...
like how you survived raging storms...
like how you'd fight off the fierce by being fiercer...
like how anything comes your way and fear is a pure element you'd just kick it off....

I guess I need time out in reaching out for others...
Mis intenciones no fueron llevadas el curso derecho. Así un lío propulsó. Dar comodidad y golpe de la idea incorrecta una vez más o apenas hacer una pausa el excedente del lado y del reloj sería buenos? El... lo que el padre desea, él me dirá.

Here I lay...
I tear at the already shattered crystal...
Feeling worst than the many battles once lost...
To walk away is much pain
To stay is much hurt
The words and whatever that's been placed...
Just shrivels into nothingness
like it's been never there before...

I sit by with Sangria, Boddington and Sake
for company...
hope they knock me out unconscious
And just give me a moment of peace...
a moment away...

I wanted to work to cure
but unknowingly
I worked to hit another causal...
Cruel...
Sleep a bad omen?...

Oh qué la cogida

Cuál es el punto en entrar algo que no fue significado para ser y una unión mal hecha...? Por qué la necesidad de empujarla más lejos...? Significa siempre eso para lanzar tales sensaciones para el afecto para alguien, debe haber un resultado positivo? Cuando las cosas no son posibles, apenas permanecerá esa manera sin cambio. Hace que usted no piense cuál es él como para mi lado cuando usted guardó el empujar de él esa noche? Primero trataba de usted como un amigo y trataba después de usted como alguien que deseaba ser más que un amigo a mí.

Ésta es la situación más dura que usted me ha puesto adentro. Si signifiqué siempre cualquier cosa, mi would've bien escogido respetado... sin preguntar.

me siento de alguna manera que con todos que he hecho... qué he ido a través con usted... es como un esfuerzo perdido. Usted lo hizo solamente o lo aceptó porque usted tenía sensaciones para mí y no porque era lo que usted creyó verdad adentro.

No deseo seriamente caminar en este lío otra vez. He pasado con bastante de esta clase de rechazamiento de la mierda? dolor?... el pozo I ha tratado de bastantes para decir, usted nunca sabrá lo que he ido a través para que usted diga que es posible cambiar ese mindset. Con qué usted ha pasado... Tengo, apenas recuperado más rápidamente, que no significa que era menos dolor. Qué he ido a través, conjeturo que usted no ha visto o fieltro.

Soy totalmente triste ver que son las cosas de la manera y ellas manera que usted es... Tanto en la cáscara... y mí esperó aceptar. Si usted incluso valora a esta hembra entera de la cosa... o ser humano del varón...... me deja ir cuando yo ningún dicho... y después de lo cual vería un conjunto de cosas sobre usted eso solamente después de tal situación que usted se abriría. Imagínese después de que la aceptación y thent él se abran... puedan una culparme por no aceptar quiénes usted es? O era usted que no me demostró que usted es en el primer lugar? El hecho considerado del that?... difícilmente, pero yo está apesadumbrados que... ésta es vida. Recepción al mundo verdadero.


ARGH!...so frustrating.
How is it I've gotta deal with this! just being good...but taken otherwise.

And so I'll say...
once more...
it wasn't meant to be...
If there was a reduction of me to nothing...
Then so be it...
Character clash...
stumble of perspectives...

To begin was the end of something else I valued so much more...
I have that in such a state
only pains me even more...
which way can I go?...
in comfort I'd give off signals in a wrong way
and thus a bigger pain soon to come...
in hardness I break up one
spoils whatever I am....
whoever I am...
But the hurt...won't be long lasting like the other...

and soon I'll hated and forgotten...
and the pain i you fades away...

And so...there I'll be...

reminded of the very reasons why
to hear and to accept
such cross over dealings from close to affection...
I'd never wanna step into...not now...not ever...

I can't take it....I can't...
and I know I can't.

Suddenly I feel tired...
Suddenly I've been shaken...
Like no matter how much I try to focus...
Things I hoped so much don't happen...
Washed me like the very wave that killed a part of me in a split years ago...

The aches and squeezes at every artery pump....

Sometimes there are things I just don't wanna see...
I don't wanna hear...
just run...
yes...may be I'd just need that...

it's been sometime since I last did that neverending run...just run...

Find myself back again after a weekend...
thought it was supposed to be the other way...
but anyhow...
funny how things can turn against you...

oh life.... BRING IT ON!

"I miss you
I miss being overwhelmed by you...
And I need rescu
I think I'm fading away...
But I keep think that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear.
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room

So I wait and I wait....

...

I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone..."

I looked forward in coming back...
But in returning I find myself alone...
oh maybe not...just accompanied by notes and books...
A weekend of reminders...
weekend of happy moments...
Weekend of a new beginnings...
weekend of pain....
weekend of all emotional feelings put together...
Now somehow I'd just wanna fade away...

Sometimes I really wonder if somethings I see about a person is worth to share and worth to care...
Things either turned to loggers or just pure unjust emotional feelings...
So much for wanting to care
So much for bothering...

And sometimes I'd just wanna turn away...
But I've been asked...."Do you really want to turn your back on them?...yet if you do something you may get fired back"
And I replied to God in prayer..."Some pains are probably worth it..."

sitting by my desk... I wondered...after being knocked around by questions on r/s....
hmmm...actually...I duno when is it the time for me...lol
Coz the time is never straight forward with a sign placed there...
rather...it's a feeling that comes.
Last week...someone asked me...how is it that I'm remainding single when
there are quite a few girl friends around who are single and avail...
Well...I can't really answer that...maybe...I guess when one is like a sister to me...
like some in the hall... they will always be one.
Some are friends and buddies to me...they will always be one....
But when it comes to crossing that border... it will mean a different treatment... and somehow...
the imperfect me...can't deal with a change in attitude to those who were buddies and sistas...
somehow... that's what I reckon....damn it...but God might just make me eat my words again....hahaaa...he made me do so once
not sure when the next will come. It's an opening FAther!... =)

Anyway... the week of jialat hell...isolationism in progress....damn it....so much for it being a V-day week...with me filled with all these stupid tests and stuff... I've gotta start saving...start thinking how to make my freelancing ideas work harder.
and make a mark soon after I grad. hahahaa.....WoooHoooo!!!!

ok...here we go Kenneth!!! Let's go!!!!
Engine starting up now!...
this week is gona get busy busy busy!....
prob no pausal time...
full speed ahead!...

broke broke broke....
month's broke feeling....lol
damn it...spending too much...
and money from proj isn't in yet! OMG....
been doing too much funny stuff....trying too much madness stuff....hahaha....
I'm getting crazy...

strangely after having slept....
I can't get myself to start off studying....argh!!!...madness

Today my phone has become hot line...
Many SMSes...Many calls...
hahahaa...
some for chitchat...some for problem talk....so for biz...and some on shopping spree and did like to have
my opinion. hahaa...
next time I pick up.... "Yes operator speaking" I'll go....lol

Fatigue just kicked in...
And there I lay...
motionless...
Mindless....just a body....
mind in an empty space...
and I waste the day away...
like a dead man of the day...
the hours swifted pass
and then I saw night again.

Waking up...
I'm missing certain moments...
certain people...
certain touch...
certain voices...
like I'd always like them around...

oh well...

I've got NS call up for June!....
A 5 day "dunno what the hell they going to ask me to do" ICT.
Bring it on!
Shit duno if I can fit into my uniform now....hahahaa

A shocking day a good surprise...
It was great to be a cook...for all of you people...
It's even better feeling to have all of you enjoy the new stuff I created...
I welcome comments from all....
for future improvements!
bring it on!

Hey Thanks, Ja, Paul and Richie for all these....
It may have already been like weeks back...but you all have hit me with an impact...
really didn't expect the cake that I loved so much but...aye...Ja....too much for me to have to down at a go....
it's madness lah.... hahaaa...

But anyway...Thanks all!

Hope you all liked what you had and it was all to your liking.. next time probably come up with smthing else then! hahahaaa.

"If I had castles built on high
I'd find a million ways
to write yoour name
Against the sky
Just to let you know,
you've caught my eye
And if I had more than
wealth could buy
I'd sell it all and start again
for just a chance with you
Girl, I'd given my all to win your love
And I would be rich
And I would built all
my world around you
Just to show you
How to take my breath away
And you would find love, sweet lady
Nobody else this side of heaven knows
How you take my breath away
If I could turn the day to night
If I had faith to walk on water
Maybe you would see,
the reason I thank God for miracles
Cause baby when you walk into sight
You turned an ordinary man
like me into a king
I would do anything to wind your love
I think there's something
here worth sayin'
I don't want to scare you
So let me make my wish
and hope that you believe
In simple love, like I do
Say that it's true, baby
Cause you've got me shakin'
My breath has now been taken
I've got to overcome this achin'
To win your love"

Nice day... got out for a gd class...
somehow today i was like a blackhole...
knowing that today is gona be a great day
somehow I was having a constant smile on my face....
like it's like crammed on there....hahahaa

Went for a haircut today!

WooHooo....
and was visited by a client for my freelancing thingy.
all in all, I've already gotten 3 people contacting me about it. That's fast!...
Just about a day after sending out the softcopy of the biz card. lol....

And a nice surprise visit from Mag!
Shocked me at the door...
but it was a good feelin'. =)

people who aren't near or around the corner coming down...
dropping by the room... very nice!
And later I'll be having yet another group of friends comin' over again...but this time is for some advice on Biz ideas....
cool day!


=)

"There's no more waiting
Holding out for love
You are my Godsend
That I have been forever dreaming of
My angel from above
Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you
What is this feeling
I've never known before
That I should touch you
Swearing to surrender ever more
That's what I came here for
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in a wonderful daze
Lost in your wonderful ways"

=)

I take a moment of silence to reflect the day....
bring in my thoughts...
what's been circling around me meant...
my mind...
my soul....
Paul...you've got to know that there are times, you love a person so much, but yet hate at the same time...
my context... in those moments you love the person so much that you hate the fact that you can't live without the person.
You can never escape the person...
Your probably next topic...
There is much to think about but placing it in a moment of thought....
this is what I've got.

Getting back to my head...
Don't know what's with this salsa feelin'...
the feelin' of grooving to salsa music or some cuban dance mix...
it's just feeling like I'm free...
=)

mid week...it's just about half way more to go...
Wasn't too difficult was it...? =)

And today...
I'm reviving my Graphic Design and Sound editing Freelancing!!
Just made me biz cards!
So....Graphics stuff...or prints for anything....c'mon make this your starting point....ask me.... =)

I've been staring at this page for what seems like days
I guess I put this one off for awhile
Did I see a tear fall from your eyes?
Or did you laugh so hard that you cried?
My secrets and yours shared on a silver try
Hey now...
I guess the night's just bringing you down
There's no love, there no hate...
All I leave them here for you to take
But whatever I've been saying...
Was a piece of my heart.

Sitting by the side of the table...
listening to the soft soothing sounds of "book of love"
played skillfully on a saxophone...
sipping on strained mocha espresso...
setting my mind on my surroundings...
awaken my senses...
Oh I miss sleep...
I wish to sleep tonight...
shutting off to the darkness of the world...
the knocking out of my mind...
But wait, if it's ever best...
I may just dream...
moments that could ever happen to me...
elements of emotional risk...
My enjoyment of singularity...
my yearn for company...
...
a head lifted high...
a confident guy...
a strong willed...
but behind there is always a need...
but hey...it's not time...
oh yes it's not time...

in due time things will fall in place...
like leaves settling on the earth
after some time of gliding and swifting
in the gradual calmness of the air...
though some times it can be so difficult...
but yet it could be so on the other side...
spikes....
spikes of my life...
jabs of my heart...
aches of my mind...
there I stand...
at the end of the day...
in will I'd smile the heart to bring light...

Damn....today is great....good day....lol....Wooohoo!
Can one imagine out of the blue I came upon a point of earning 350 just by talking and not doing anything!!!
does that sound good or what!...lol

Shit money is good when the karma is good...
it just comes when I need it so.
hahahaa...just when I thought I was just about to get real poor this month.... well this could be a good set for next month I guess...
some gd stuff to buy....hahaaa
oh wait....am I hearing the retail therapy?... Oooops

Today i suddenly had the butt shake feeling for salsa....madness but heck I like....hahahaaaa
Boogie!

"An image of your face
runs into my head...
over and over again...
how's it now?
is tomorrow going to be hard on you?
I don't know
but here I stay I prayer
I seek the highest
blessing you with better tomorrows.
How I've little time
but through it all I care...
wishing it's all alright
yes over there on your side...
I shut my eyes
I see and remember the times
when you were beside me
through my difficult times...
off and on it went
and patiently you listened
and understood...
every moment that passed
seemed like it's been decades
that I last saw you...
You somehow have been a part of my life...
that remains as a spark that can't fade...
sometimes as I sit alone in my empty room
tired from the day's work and rushes...
I wished you appear right before my eyes
so I can see your smile...
that warms my heart
and I believe everyone else around you too...
coz to me...it's been long...
so very long...
and the clock ticks every day away to weeks and months...
oh those precious moments
I tear as I wish I'd not need to do without...
I want to say I miss you so...
but yet somehow I can't...
what is it for my special thing
when even that I can't do...
so I just sit and pray for you in my heart..."

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million
tears but I wont drown
I let myself unfold
Gave my hand to hold
taken beyond where
I could see
but was released and a fall I go
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
but now I am invincible
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of life
I must be invincible. . .
I dont have X-rays eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could I have known
but love is risk I would take
If I had known that then
my eyes are wide open
I still believe I would've missed it
But it's always a blessing
never a curse.

A set of irish cream
I dash of little happy food
and a drop of banana choco
a good set of mix for a happy heart.

=)

It's great to see the difference that can be made.

I closed my eyes and I thank God for a great guides he has given me...
1) my mind (rebellious but careful)
2) my dad (analytical and simple)
3) the support of mum. =)
4) God himself for giving me great chances...good or bad.

yet another mixture of wonderous becoming...
taking life learning at warp speed...
=)

In chatting... I realised how much I've changed myself...
being positive and the thing about SMILES!
way different from what I was in a moment in time back....
it feels good....in fact....great.

Spreading it....and making people feel so, feels even better.
and the smiles they give are yet comforting.
Perspectives in life changes over time.... though the vision stays
the route to it takes a warping bold move into another path...
and sometimes it's a good thing...in this case it is.

Love life...
and life will be good....
think negative...and whatever improvements there is will never be enough...

taking some time to think...
I found the life I led...
is yet way different from many...
and it leaves people in surprise...even myself...
could be called as crazy...
could be said as eventful but whacky...
it all depends...
you live that moment only once...
without commitments, it's always worth giving it a shot...
coz in future when you want to, you might not be able to.
taken risk in my own finances, my physical self...my emotional self...
so far it earned me quite alot...
and it doesn't have to be getting richer in monetary value but rather richer in experience
something that people can't take away...
it makes the difference between you and me...

V-day's comin'....alone?.... well...there is yet much to be done...
but yet, I think... it can be another great day putting aside all the other stresses of tests the following day...
spending time and have the little things for those who matter most...
in fact...if in daily...you reach out to as many...it matters more than just a day...
Life is good!
=)

Tough week ahead and pulling up my pants....I'm braving this storm...
friday will be a nice chill out day by the pool side in the evening and see how my creation has gone...
good or bad...we'll see the results on people's face....lol....
cheers!

where it all started...

We smiled, that's how it all started
And you came right in time
When I needed someone
And we said hello
Suddenly, my heart was beating fast
At the mirror you fix your hair and put your makeup on
You're insecure about what clothes to wear
I see nothing wrong
To me you look so beautiful
even when you can't make up your mind
It's half past eight, it's getting late
Oh It's OK, take your time
Standing here my hands in my pockets
Like I have a thousand times
Thinking back it took one breath
One word to change my life
The first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

Sometimes in life...
the expected keeps us going...
moving on from day to day
giving us the push in so many ways...
It is yet the unexpected changes our lives
giving the twist of fate...
Often in realisation in what we were either once blinded
or have taken for granted.

Here I stand out of the many worldly troubles I used to have...
I see those in pain, in suffering...
but yet to some extence there is nothing I can do...
only to be comfort...
only to be there...
only to show that in us, we can be stronger than we think we are.

Walking off the recent journey I saw how weak I once became.
I saw how I could be brought down to the ground by...
I saw what was it that really tore me apart...
It was probably yet again me...
so much for the practical mind, that allowed impracticality sip through
in view of certain desired possibilities...
Not that I didn't see troubles coming out of an action...
but I'd just take the risk anyway for the hope of proving myself wrong...
wrong in certain stuff...
I've challenged myself so much through 9yrs of my life...
physically especially... and now I want to place the challenge against me mentally?...
It's madness but it sparks self realisation...
Fortunately nature is such..
that you can be down...but there is no way you can stay there too long...
you'll bounce up to greater heights...
And there....
there's now I will reach...
it's how I feel I'm getting stronger...
Maybe then, there has been a reason to all these...
I guess this should be it...

There afar I should see my light coming nearer as everyday approaches...
every tomorrow is brighter...
every today is a breeze...
and every yesterday...
a good memory.

Even as the water flows...
flows into forgotten rivers...
I keep the understanding to my question...
how is it easy to some to let go of a ball so easily after picking it up....
Well...actually the answer could just be simply said as...
one enjoys purely on the rolling in of balls into grip and spoiled for choice and colours...
and so the call of "keeping the balls rolling" comes...
no matter how... it's never long enough to realise the uniqueness of every individual...
so none ever suiting...keeping in mind that with every moutain, there is always another yet higher...just unfound.
keeps will never be. so as contentment.
Well only after learning.

There is nothing lousier than cursing about something one moment and saying you don't care the next...
Whatever the odd perceptions maybe... It all doesn't matter anyway...
So much for the care of the well-being on you
So much for the helping you in the things you need help for...
So much for even loving... when the difficulty in dropping it off was only one sided...
So much for the giving when the appreciation wasn't much and yet was deemed too little...
So much that for all that I felt for...
Friendship hits a point of
talking to water and pouring it away...
memories like the wind blow of lang lang seeds

but like i said...beyond all these...
it was yet an experience...
An eye opener...

life is good...life is purely good...

Hmmm...no matter how a good weekend it was with great people in my life...
good buds around and time with my family....
There is yet some spiking feeling that someone is misunderstanding something about me...
well maybe....or so I start to feel by the tone of words that come through.

What I've said in my troubled times...were basically the feelings i felt, but nothing bad on your part...
I place no fault in you and yet in time I've even asked myself if I was truely inside out at fault for it all...
but I realised it's nobody's and it's very much on the differences of perception.
Even now I feel I haven't loved in vain and do feel it was still worthwhile through all the time spent.
When being asked, I can only express how much I've loved, but yet having the inability to handle time and commitments
that led to much difficulties between... thus leading to the end.
Trust me, if it was horrible and bad to the imagery people you think have in mind, I wouldn't be even standing by ever willing to be of any aid as a friend and bothered to care. I'd just say, however much I loved, we weren't matched to the point of jigsaw pieces, but rather a frame to a picture.

I guess in every connection, there is often a question of compatibility just like links to every system. Fault lies with neither just wrong fitting though in physical it may all be in sets.

I'm sorry if you had such impression, but be assured that there hasn't been anything interesting or untrue said even in my downest times, coz to people I've once loved will always remain as one before in me... the fact can't be changed...
If you think I'm a hypocrite no matter what I say... well that's your view... I've said what I wanted to say and have been true to my heart about it all. It's been always how you perceive things to be and I can't stop that.

Spent the whole of last nite working on my artwork...
"This is the Chivas Dream"...it states....hahaha...some advert that I had to form up to make it personalized as my own.
funny project.
I've still yet to make my scary face....with eyes that sparkle like laser is just about to emit from it.... hahahaa...
Still thinking about how my Mexican double peppers hot wings is gona be...
It's yet another new creation to add in my 4 on the list of food recipe in these 2 months of december and january...hahaa...
well people.....9th of Feb, is gona be a many guinea pigs day! all are going to be my
testers!

Not nice don't blame me! hahahaa.... OOooops...
don't worry it will be good, just that make sure there is enough water to go around for everyone!...
The sleepy people be awaken, the active will be sent rushing to the pool for extra water! Yucks!...

Anyway, we'll see how it goes....
hmmm....what else should we be adding on the menu for the day?.....hmmmmm....
baby back ribs?.... pepper crab?...lol....

"You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand babe, united we fallGot the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this way
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between in the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide"

Hmm....weird...
I'm starting to appreciate white chocolate now...
Though I still love the bitter dark chocos...
Gotten very into the mexican cuisine...

And as my tummy is slowly recovering...
I'm busting it with all the protein once again....and hitting hard on the metal...
not as usual...but on alternate days...
strengthening in the process...
but I'm really not too sure about the agility to come back to me...
on scaling walls and rocks as good...hahaha....will try somehow.

=)

Adobe class tomorrow!!!....
Rocks!

I guess that's the only class in the week I look forward to...every fridays...
hahaaa....


Well the end of the hard week is arriving...and everything will be relaxed and well for alittle while...
before the start of a horror next week. lol... so many deadlines! OMG!

Avez-vous l'espoir de commencer ?
Y avait-il une vie où vous m'avez voulu avec ?
Je ne suis pas sûr...
Puisqu'elle semble que je suis juste facilement oublié.

As the start of a new third week for me arrives...
I lay with beads in hand...
I pray for the 2 other sickly dudes back from their trip...
and the one binkz who is in need of supernatural aid to get through the madness week... (well if I see I'll call on for their help...how about that?...lol)

And for me?...
the already recovered, but weakened Ken. weakened to a point where I'd be shivering while opening a packaging for those mini mart mango pudding.
But all will be good....

like I always say...
" Toutefois le demain difficile est, demain immobile venu...
tellement advienne que pourra,
il traversera également dans une brise. "....

So bring it on!!!

my this walk in life...

Dur il était a laissé aller, vous aiment tellement que je ,
mais oeil pour nous observer certains comment ne pourrait pas assortir...
avec vous être malheureux avec moi,
l'undure de la douleur I est pourtant en valeur comme longtemps en vous regardant loin souriez et soyez joyeux.

Même la pensée de la prise en bas des images de nous et de l'art d'humeur du soleil faisait mal. Vous juste n'avez jamais su. Elle n'est jamais étée car facile comme elle est à vous.

Funny how fever twirled my head this time...
woke up missing my close friends...
missing Min...
missing my ex-room mate while we do and talk nonsense together...
weird huh...lol...

oh well... life...that's the way it is...

Funny how fever twirled my head this time...
woke up missing my close friends...
missing Min...
missing my ex-room mate while we do and talk nonsense together...
weird huh...lol...

oh well... life...that's the way it is...

wao wao wao....what a day...
an experience...

Social work with IMH patients...
now that....that whole deal truly is something that tests my patience with crowds and get me to think that
I'm yet a person of reasons....besides having that shotgun temper. Esp when it comes to crowded places...and the inability to take care of people whom I totally can't communicate with.
Have done, orphans, down syndrome, old age... now IMH patients....think the next feat would be the deaf...lol....

But for now...i have to take care of myself....deal with my broken down body....from the many weeks of no sleep... it's giving way and acting against me now....
high power loss and over heating...thus a combo sickness....
argh...
Anyway...whatever...the day was still good and worth it.
I've done a gd deed at the start of the year...and also...gotten 3 of the things i wanted...and of which one i have been looking out for....i.e climbing shoes, chalk bag....just today...the MIGHTY MOUSE!!! BLUETOOTH!....lol....
hahahaaa
the week rocks!...well besides this stupid physical illness....
but the mind still thrives to have things seen as darn freaking great week!

And also....Thanks to Binks for the belated treat. enjoyed it too...
but that...u saw another magic trick....lol....hahahaaaa
funny how ur face gave the 'huh' look....
tricks are cool for entertainment....maybe...alittle more to me than to others....lol

Cheers to the ending 2nd week of the academic semester.... it's about weeks more to go towards 2nd of May...and I'm getting out of this freak place!