Sitting by the side of the table...
listening to the soft soothing sounds of "book of love"
played skillfully on a saxophone...
sipping on strained mocha espresso...
setting my mind on my surroundings...
awaken my senses...
Oh I miss sleep...
I wish to sleep tonight...
shutting off to the darkness of the world...
the knocking out of my mind...
But wait, if it's ever best...
I may just dream...
moments that could ever happen to me...
elements of emotional risk...
My enjoyment of singularity...
my yearn for company...
...
a head lifted high...
a confident guy...
a strong willed...
but behind there is always a need...
but hey...it's not time...
oh yes it's not time...

in due time things will fall in place...
like leaves settling on the earth
after some time of gliding and swifting
in the gradual calmness of the air...
though some times it can be so difficult...
but yet it could be so on the other side...
spikes....
spikes of my life...
jabs of my heart...
aches of my mind...
there I stand...
at the end of the day...
in will I'd smile the heart to bring light...

Damn....today is great....good day....lol....Wooohoo!
Can one imagine out of the blue I came upon a point of earning 350 just by talking and not doing anything!!!
does that sound good or what!...lol

Shit money is good when the karma is good...
it just comes when I need it so.
hahahaa...just when I thought I was just about to get real poor this month.... well this could be a good set for next month I guess...
some gd stuff to buy....hahaaa
oh wait....am I hearing the retail therapy?... Oooops

Today i suddenly had the butt shake feeling for salsa....madness but heck I like....hahahaaaa
Boogie!

"An image of your face
runs into my head...
over and over again...
how's it now?
is tomorrow going to be hard on you?
I don't know
but here I stay I prayer
I seek the highest
blessing you with better tomorrows.
How I've little time
but through it all I care...
wishing it's all alright
yes over there on your side...
I shut my eyes
I see and remember the times
when you were beside me
through my difficult times...
off and on it went
and patiently you listened
and understood...
every moment that passed
seemed like it's been decades
that I last saw you...
You somehow have been a part of my life...
that remains as a spark that can't fade...
sometimes as I sit alone in my empty room
tired from the day's work and rushes...
I wished you appear right before my eyes
so I can see your smile...
that warms my heart
and I believe everyone else around you too...
coz to me...it's been long...
so very long...
and the clock ticks every day away to weeks and months...
oh those precious moments
I tear as I wish I'd not need to do without...
I want to say I miss you so...
but yet somehow I can't...
what is it for my special thing
when even that I can't do...
so I just sit and pray for you in my heart..."

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million
tears but I wont drown
I let myself unfold
Gave my hand to hold
taken beyond where
I could see
but was released and a fall I go
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
but now I am invincible
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of life
I must be invincible. . .
I dont have X-rays eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could I have known
but love is risk I would take
If I had known that then
my eyes are wide open
I still believe I would've missed it
But it's always a blessing
never a curse.

A set of irish cream
I dash of little happy food
and a drop of banana choco
a good set of mix for a happy heart.

=)

It's great to see the difference that can be made.

I closed my eyes and I thank God for a great guides he has given me...
1) my mind (rebellious but careful)
2) my dad (analytical and simple)
3) the support of mum. =)
4) God himself for giving me great chances...good or bad.

yet another mixture of wonderous becoming...
taking life learning at warp speed...
=)

In chatting... I realised how much I've changed myself...
being positive and the thing about SMILES!
way different from what I was in a moment in time back....
it feels good....in fact....great.

Spreading it....and making people feel so, feels even better.
and the smiles they give are yet comforting.
Perspectives in life changes over time.... though the vision stays
the route to it takes a warping bold move into another path...
and sometimes it's a good thing...in this case it is.

Love life...
and life will be good....
think negative...and whatever improvements there is will never be enough...

taking some time to think...
I found the life I led...
is yet way different from many...
and it leaves people in surprise...even myself...
could be called as crazy...
could be said as eventful but whacky...
it all depends...
you live that moment only once...
without commitments, it's always worth giving it a shot...
coz in future when you want to, you might not be able to.
taken risk in my own finances, my physical self...my emotional self...
so far it earned me quite alot...
and it doesn't have to be getting richer in monetary value but rather richer in experience
something that people can't take away...
it makes the difference between you and me...

V-day's comin'....alone?.... well...there is yet much to be done...
but yet, I think... it can be another great day putting aside all the other stresses of tests the following day...
spending time and have the little things for those who matter most...
in fact...if in daily...you reach out to as many...it matters more than just a day...
Life is good!
=)

Tough week ahead and pulling up my pants....I'm braving this storm...
friday will be a nice chill out day by the pool side in the evening and see how my creation has gone...
good or bad...we'll see the results on people's face....lol....
cheers!

where it all started...

We smiled, that's how it all started
And you came right in time
When I needed someone
And we said hello
Suddenly, my heart was beating fast
At the mirror you fix your hair and put your makeup on
You're insecure about what clothes to wear
I see nothing wrong
To me you look so beautiful
even when you can't make up your mind
It's half past eight, it's getting late
Oh It's OK, take your time
Standing here my hands in my pockets
Like I have a thousand times
Thinking back it took one breath
One word to change my life
The first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

Sometimes in life...
the expected keeps us going...
moving on from day to day
giving us the push in so many ways...
It is yet the unexpected changes our lives
giving the twist of fate...
Often in realisation in what we were either once blinded
or have taken for granted.

Here I stand out of the many worldly troubles I used to have...
I see those in pain, in suffering...
but yet to some extence there is nothing I can do...
only to be comfort...
only to be there...
only to show that in us, we can be stronger than we think we are.

Walking off the recent journey I saw how weak I once became.
I saw how I could be brought down to the ground by...
I saw what was it that really tore me apart...
It was probably yet again me...
so much for the practical mind, that allowed impracticality sip through
in view of certain desired possibilities...
Not that I didn't see troubles coming out of an action...
but I'd just take the risk anyway for the hope of proving myself wrong...
wrong in certain stuff...
I've challenged myself so much through 9yrs of my life...
physically especially... and now I want to place the challenge against me mentally?...
It's madness but it sparks self realisation...
Fortunately nature is such..
that you can be down...but there is no way you can stay there too long...
you'll bounce up to greater heights...
And there....
there's now I will reach...
it's how I feel I'm getting stronger...
Maybe then, there has been a reason to all these...
I guess this should be it...

There afar I should see my light coming nearer as everyday approaches...
every tomorrow is brighter...
every today is a breeze...
and every yesterday...
a good memory.

Even as the water flows...
flows into forgotten rivers...
I keep the understanding to my question...
how is it easy to some to let go of a ball so easily after picking it up....
Well...actually the answer could just be simply said as...
one enjoys purely on the rolling in of balls into grip and spoiled for choice and colours...
and so the call of "keeping the balls rolling" comes...
no matter how... it's never long enough to realise the uniqueness of every individual...
so none ever suiting...keeping in mind that with every moutain, there is always another yet higher...just unfound.
keeps will never be. so as contentment.
Well only after learning.

There is nothing lousier than cursing about something one moment and saying you don't care the next...
Whatever the odd perceptions maybe... It all doesn't matter anyway...
So much for the care of the well-being on you
So much for the helping you in the things you need help for...
So much for even loving... when the difficulty in dropping it off was only one sided...
So much for the giving when the appreciation wasn't much and yet was deemed too little...
So much that for all that I felt for...
Friendship hits a point of
talking to water and pouring it away...
memories like the wind blow of lang lang seeds

but like i said...beyond all these...
it was yet an experience...
An eye opener...

life is good...life is purely good...

Hmmm...no matter how a good weekend it was with great people in my life...
good buds around and time with my family....
There is yet some spiking feeling that someone is misunderstanding something about me...
well maybe....or so I start to feel by the tone of words that come through.

What I've said in my troubled times...were basically the feelings i felt, but nothing bad on your part...
I place no fault in you and yet in time I've even asked myself if I was truely inside out at fault for it all...
but I realised it's nobody's and it's very much on the differences of perception.
Even now I feel I haven't loved in vain and do feel it was still worthwhile through all the time spent.
When being asked, I can only express how much I've loved, but yet having the inability to handle time and commitments
that led to much difficulties between... thus leading to the end.
Trust me, if it was horrible and bad to the imagery people you think have in mind, I wouldn't be even standing by ever willing to be of any aid as a friend and bothered to care. I'd just say, however much I loved, we weren't matched to the point of jigsaw pieces, but rather a frame to a picture.

I guess in every connection, there is often a question of compatibility just like links to every system. Fault lies with neither just wrong fitting though in physical it may all be in sets.

I'm sorry if you had such impression, but be assured that there hasn't been anything interesting or untrue said even in my downest times, coz to people I've once loved will always remain as one before in me... the fact can't be changed...
If you think I'm a hypocrite no matter what I say... well that's your view... I've said what I wanted to say and have been true to my heart about it all. It's been always how you perceive things to be and I can't stop that.

Spent the whole of last nite working on my artwork...
"This is the Chivas Dream"...it states....hahaha...some advert that I had to form up to make it personalized as my own.
funny project.
I've still yet to make my scary face....with eyes that sparkle like laser is just about to emit from it.... hahahaa...
Still thinking about how my Mexican double peppers hot wings is gona be...
It's yet another new creation to add in my 4 on the list of food recipe in these 2 months of december and january...hahaa...
well people.....9th of Feb, is gona be a many guinea pigs day! all are going to be my
testers!

Not nice don't blame me! hahahaa.... OOooops...
don't worry it will be good, just that make sure there is enough water to go around for everyone!...
The sleepy people be awaken, the active will be sent rushing to the pool for extra water! Yucks!...

Anyway, we'll see how it goes....
hmmm....what else should we be adding on the menu for the day?.....hmmmmm....
baby back ribs?.... pepper crab?...lol....

"You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand babe, united we fallGot the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this way
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between in the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide"

Hmm....weird...
I'm starting to appreciate white chocolate now...
Though I still love the bitter dark chocos...
Gotten very into the mexican cuisine...

And as my tummy is slowly recovering...
I'm busting it with all the protein once again....and hitting hard on the metal...
not as usual...but on alternate days...
strengthening in the process...
but I'm really not too sure about the agility to come back to me...
on scaling walls and rocks as good...hahaha....will try somehow.

=)

Adobe class tomorrow!!!....
Rocks!

I guess that's the only class in the week I look forward to...every fridays...
hahaaa....


Well the end of the hard week is arriving...and everything will be relaxed and well for alittle while...
before the start of a horror next week. lol... so many deadlines! OMG!

Avez-vous l'espoir de commencer ?
Y avait-il une vie où vous m'avez voulu avec ?
Je ne suis pas sûr...
Puisqu'elle semble que je suis juste facilement oublié.

As the start of a new third week for me arrives...
I lay with beads in hand...
I pray for the 2 other sickly dudes back from their trip...
and the one binkz who is in need of supernatural aid to get through the madness week... (well if I see I'll call on for their help...how about that?...lol)

And for me?...
the already recovered, but weakened Ken. weakened to a point where I'd be shivering while opening a packaging for those mini mart mango pudding.
But all will be good....

like I always say...
" Toutefois le demain difficile est, demain immobile venu...
tellement advienne que pourra,
il traversera également dans une brise. "....

So bring it on!!!

my this walk in life...

Dur il était a laissé aller, vous aiment tellement que je ,
mais oeil pour nous observer certains comment ne pourrait pas assortir...
avec vous être malheureux avec moi,
l'undure de la douleur I est pourtant en valeur comme longtemps en vous regardant loin souriez et soyez joyeux.

Même la pensée de la prise en bas des images de nous et de l'art d'humeur du soleil faisait mal. Vous juste n'avez jamais su. Elle n'est jamais étée car facile comme elle est à vous.

Funny how fever twirled my head this time...
woke up missing my close friends...
missing Min...
missing my ex-room mate while we do and talk nonsense together...
weird huh...lol...

oh well... life...that's the way it is...

Funny how fever twirled my head this time...
woke up missing my close friends...
missing Min...
missing my ex-room mate while we do and talk nonsense together...
weird huh...lol...

oh well... life...that's the way it is...

wao wao wao....what a day...
an experience...

Social work with IMH patients...
now that....that whole deal truly is something that tests my patience with crowds and get me to think that
I'm yet a person of reasons....besides having that shotgun temper. Esp when it comes to crowded places...and the inability to take care of people whom I totally can't communicate with.
Have done, orphans, down syndrome, old age... now IMH patients....think the next feat would be the deaf...lol....

But for now...i have to take care of myself....deal with my broken down body....from the many weeks of no sleep... it's giving way and acting against me now....
high power loss and over heating...thus a combo sickness....
argh...
Anyway...whatever...the day was still good and worth it.
I've done a gd deed at the start of the year...and also...gotten 3 of the things i wanted...and of which one i have been looking out for....i.e climbing shoes, chalk bag....just today...the MIGHTY MOUSE!!! BLUETOOTH!....lol....
hahahaaa
the week rocks!...well besides this stupid physical illness....
but the mind still thrives to have things seen as darn freaking great week!

And also....Thanks to Binks for the belated treat. enjoyed it too...
but that...u saw another magic trick....lol....hahahaaaa
funny how ur face gave the 'huh' look....
tricks are cool for entertainment....maybe...alittle more to me than to others....lol

Cheers to the ending 2nd week of the academic semester.... it's about weeks more to go towards 2nd of May...and I'm getting out of this freak place!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

A day of 3 Ex and 1 roomie...
my birthday...the eve of it...visitations by 3 ex-gfs and my ex-roomie...THE FELIX!
lol...

well at least people remembered...
but it's just another day I guess...
just getting older...

The best thing yet, I got myself my own birthday present....lol
A new pair of climbing shoes! a Chalk bag and chalk ball!....Woohoo!

Yamakasi I'm gona be soon....lol....ahahahaha...
God granted me with the wonderful elective that I always wanted... a great gift from him...
and a mind that has been strong enough to go through the things I have gone through...

Wonderful parents who've supported me through my 26yrs of existance...
with the rebel I am...and risk taker I am... and the oh so much problems and worries I've caused them in my sporting days...
At the end of the day...respected my decisions always and ever encouraging.

2 good brothers... one a social expert in the making and the other a self risen guitarist...both learning about life in their own special way that I've to help deal and guide them through...
and not forgetting my always baby sis... grown up to a decent banker...with a bf I will wanna make sure she is taken care of... else....nothing lah just see the tip of my knuckles by his eyeballs...lol...

26yrs have passed...
so much to think about,
so much have been done
so much has been gone through...
so much lost
so much gained...

yet...the real life of survival and building a place of my own is just about to start in a few months time...

10years ago...was the beginning of the great experience...
the times of travelling...the days of challenges and champions... the moments of fights and self determination... and the pains in life that one learns the hard ways... the aches of burnt emotions with the average of 1 each year that makes me totally sound that I'm really bad at handling those stuff... the rain of wealth and success and yet the letting go of such materials for the passion of sports even as I walk away from them with injuries...

And the first 16years were the years of plays and freedom... needless of worries...the wonders of carefree nature...
the life of a kid to a budding young man before hitting the next 10 into a man that I am today...

26years... just went by like that... with the blink of the eye...
For those I love will hold my love... the loved will be always cared for... and the cared for will remain...
whatever it is...all are still in my heart...but a big space is yet left for one... only one...
where those 10 have come and gone... they lay in comfort and left again... a decade of repetitions like this.
but the space is ever ready still to receive... still willing... though sometimes feelings of giving up were strong...
I still yearn the embrace of the special one.

Even now, the touch of those who've passed... brings tears to me... the feelings of sorrow in failure...
thought the past is left in history...there it will stay.

The future is the every second that I'm journeying through...looking forward to...
making 26years and beyond...

To those who've shared my life, being a part of it... be it ups and downs...
Thanks... it was an experience...
To those who've shared my passion in what I fought for...
I'm grateful... it was ecstatic...
To those, my dearest friends...
I wanna say, please stay around... there are more to come...and I thank you so much for bringing meaning to my life all these while...
My Dad, My mum... above all, you gave me the beginning to everything said above... all my love for you.


=)
funny things I'd say on my birthday.