Back in goumet Mood...thus a treat for all

The feeling of sharing is good...
to the belated celebration for mother's day...
for my mum and grandma...
And for the good feeling of getting out of NTU.
HOHOHO....

The best feeling comes when I see people enjoying what I've
spent the day preparing for them...and set 2 days to plan and buy the stuff for cooking....

All my first time tests...(yet to perfect it fit for bigger mass and newbie people)...
Thanks to my honoured guinea pigs. lol.
=>Chicken Fajita with multigrain tortilla
=>Cajun grilled King Prawns with mango salsa
=>Spanish seafood backed rice
=>Swedish meatballs with cranberry jelly sauce and beef gravy cream sauce.
(my big tryout...was afraid it fails and have to finish the whole 1kg myself)
=>Balsamic Vinegar dressing salad with olive and garlic croutons
=>Clam Chowder
=>Chilled Mango Cheese cake

All in good time...all in good time...

Next....hmm....I duno...greek?....American?...

Anyway I hope everyone truely enjoyed the food...as much as I enjoyed cooking!

Sometimes I wonder what should I really do...
there are somethings in life that probably I just need to let it flow through...
and just not bother about too much...
But yet.. how would I know what those things really are?

Damn...such feelings are jack shit!

Feeling somehow that I've been in a way forced to come to a point
where I just don't wanna care so much about some stuff...and just let be...
stick on to what I've been with and the road I've travelled along...
just praying for the well being of my freakin' results...(which I'm so afraid to see actually)

Argh!!!

"To have someone breathed easier because you lived... that's success"

where experience flows
and opportunity comes...
buzz of life and lack of self time
in the beginning in inevitable...

Time to pick it all up!
And life long planning is on the way!

I've been spending days if not many years wondering...
WHY....
why is there division of different religion even when there is a common believe
of the same almighty being...
I'm a catholic...
born into and reaffirmed at the age of 14...
gotten in and out of faith...
basically, because I question...
But how did the religion catholic come about actually?
well....

Catholic is a term derived from latin or greek....meaning 'universal' or general.

Most Reformation and post-Reformation Churches use the term Catholic to refer to the belief that all Christians are part of one Church, regardless of denominational divisions. It is in line with this interpretation, which applies the word "catholic"/"universal" to no one denomination, that they understand the phrase "One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church" in the Nicene Creed, the phrase "the catholic faith" in the Athanasian Creed, and the phrase "holy catholic church" in the Apostles' Creed.

The term is used also to mean those Christian Churches which maintain that their Episcopate can be traced unbrokenly back to the Apostles, and consider themselves part of a broad catholic (or universal) body of believers.

I guess the only difference between Catholics and the Christians we have today is very much the method of teachings and following of the bible and one being universal, pays respect to the mother of God and pray directly to the almighty while the other only deals with direct communication. Isn't it afterall how humans interpret history and literature?... And if there are common believers, they form a new congregation of themselves and spread the very same words of the bible...

But how do each and every christians differ?....Methodist, presby, charismastics...blah blah blah...etc..?

Well I don't know...seems like all a complicated issue...
Sometimes it's a pain thinking about it.

I hate these differences.

Like I just respect all, whatever and however they see as respect as right...
am I still going to hell for that?...

Là I un coeur brisé,
pour vous valable,
dans toute la franchise,
vous sont spécial toujours.

Vous avoir détruit de telles voies,
a encore été le plus non,
a encore été le plus non désiré,
mais destiné il a été.
Peut-être un jour je comprendrais.
Peut-être un jour je viendrais
dans la recherche de vous quand j'ai vu la lumière sur quelques

Avec toutes les choses qui est noir,
vous avez semblé une combinaison plus blanche.
Je vois les deux couleurs et les embrasse toutes de vous.
Une image de vous dans mon esprit,
belle pourtant elle reste.

I lay before the stage of my own life...
a play I began 26 years since I saw light.
Wonderin' oh what's grave importance and what's not.
How did I come to such a point where I just want to be with
somebody yet I can't...
not because there ain't attraction...
not because there is some character mismatch...
not because we have life's grave differences we can't stand about each other...
Yet because of how religion in this world fools us...

How is it that even honouring the same supreme being
could be made so different by humans upon this sickening earth...?
How is it that simply living a life together isn't just it?...
It's either life expectations level differences or
the believe of meeting our maker on judgement day clashes
that has scared my emotional self... year by year....
one by one...

Making me thus so fed up...
Frustration is boiling within...
like some may say a singleton equates freedom
but I see a proper pair brings joy...
There see mine I do not...

sick and tired...

I just hope I won't grow into some selfish being
that I just have enough of all these issues to think about and handle...
that I'd want nothing anymore...
bring a scorpion filled mind...
pains and aches unending...

Where thus I go?
journey my OWN path...
my OWN way...
have my OWN talk...?...

I wish someone just go alter the scripts to my play...

Finally... FYP ended....the final presentation done...
weird but true...my supervisor who once threatened to fail me...
actually started aiding me during the firing of Q&A...
helped me explain the constrains and why I shouldn't be blamed so much on
getting all the fundamentals right...and all the memory work...
Coz to him...it's now very obvious that THE KENNETH CHAN IS A VERY BUSY MAN!!!
and that THE BRAIN ISN'T JUST FOR MEMORY WORK!!! other SURVIVAL ANALYSIS PROVE TO BE
OF HIGHER IMPORTANCE!...
hahahaaaa....

Oh well...
that phase....I hope it's all over now....

Something disturbs me very much....
sigh...why must there be a division of different denominations of christianity!!!!???
Can't there be something just common....?
Afterall...isn't it God we're all talking about?....the same God isn't it?....
What's with the world mama?....

A part of me feels torn....
to a person I feel quite abit for...
but yet...a line drawn by religion....I can't see the reason to cross...
I only see respect on what each other believes in...
sigh...
But reality bites so hard sometimes....
so painful...
Father! please show me a sign....a way...
it's like torn between a religion I was born into for 26yrs of my life...and my character....then towards something that is wholely new by someone I feel for....
feels like I'm suddenly not too sure what I'm gona think anymore...
it's wrecking me in a way...
And God I need to find a way to build me up....
Help me...
What's thy will really?...
I can't be toyed again....
your son is begging...

Funny how I'm being played around
all my life this far...
in and out of an emotional escapade....
sucks!

It totally feels so good without needing to have the thought of having any exams today...
no papers on my table...
no equation memory list...
No stupid professors to see with their look on theif faces like they are like kings of the exam hall...
and our fate lies within their hands....
No more!!!!

but yesterday....was a totally killer paper...
all my friends were clueless and totally had no experience in those kinda questions given...
even after doing past yr's paper...
doing all the tutorials...
were still unable to get it done with much confidence...
OMG...but what the heck...it's over and I can't be bothered to leave any brain juice on for it.
just relax my brain for now...

In 6hrs

In 6hrs...
I'm a free man...
Free from the torture of academic lock ups...
free from huge load of memory drag...
free from the place where they call NTU...
a place of total impractical studies...
really 90% life survival studies of whatever field you enter into...

In 6hrs...
the end of student life...
and the dawn of a new building of an empire...
there I'll rise...

OH what in the world is going on???

Hearing from some how they're being split apart from the person dear to them
mainly due to 2 factors...
1) Religion
2) History aka. pass r/s

Totally not good...
Sometimes I sit and think...
Why is it that religion has to be some issue when it comes to being together...
when it comes to being in a r/s. Isn't it most important how both feel for each other?
How the character binds each other?

Where both are great with each other...
understands each other...feels secure and warmth in the presence of each other...
feels the nice feeling of being together....
but due to Religion... to that difference, they can't be together...
Even within the same belief yet different denomination...there is still problem...
How is it that religions call for a division of type and other than calling for unity of all human race?
It's rather human's selfish interpretation of writings to formulate their own group...
for control...and thus leading to a 'tradition' or a 'custom' people follow.
How true those 'words of wisdom' are...all lies with the mouth of the founder...
Really to me...it doesn't matter which religion I've to deal with...
The one thing I've always believed... God gave us the freedom, we should give others
the freedom to choose where they wanna go....who they wanna follow. Still, no matter
what the case is...he still loves us the same. Shan't others from other groups, and we're already
not abiding by one of the law of the 10 commandments... "Love your neighbour...blah blah blah"
Respect what other people believe in... that's the most important...
If only the world can jolly well understand this and earth... will be much much more peaceful...
Sad to say....sometimes a cross of boundaries can cause an outrage for war... a no good excuse they call
a 'religious war'....

And history?... One changes and forms a character...good or bad...is mainly from experiences.
Happy are those who have experienced and change for the better...
Having many pass r/s doesn't equate to the person being a horrible player of emotions....
We grow...we learn...we fall and we get up once more...
Very often, we'd love to say that he/she is my first love...but sometimes...due to the infinite possibilities
of changes around us... is that ever possible to hit the target on the first try?....
one in a million I say...
if you've gotten that...then you're lucky....good for you.
But along the way I've come to understand, you'll never know a person until you're in a r/s with the person...
people are way different when being put in different situations...
different at friends,
different as working partners,
different as playmates,
different as a girlfriend/boyfriend
different as husband/wife
different as brother/sister....etc...
Being in a r/s with one...will bring you into another of his/her realm...where we see
how they react as a son/daughter...brother/sister...friends to others and most of all, girlfriend/boyfriend...
and thus give us an idea on how he/she is like as a husband/wife...
So...walk into it...and if it fails...at least you've tried and given a shot at it...
rather than regretting for life that it could've been the one but yet you gave the chance away...
Sadly for those who see past history as a grief obstacle in getting into a r/s with the other...
they'll never get give take those chances and miss out on the possibilities...

Actually...having gone through so many r/s... it only gives me a better understanding of what I want
in my partner... a better idea on how to deal with the other...
How best to treat a girl and most of the time how to interpret ambiguous verbal meanings...
If that's not a good thing... then oh crap... I'm a gonner...

The Top goals of '07

3 goals... and it's be accomplished by end 2007....

1) Career : set my footage and prove my worth in operations and biz

2) my darn civilian car license (and then the car given to me by the company...and hopefully save for an Audi R8 and a nice house)

3)Search and target possible candidates for "life partner" analysis....hahahaa.......



Oh finally the last goal that will be put into motion once I end exams....
build back fitness to man-of-steel standard....going in for reservice in June and don't wanna be looking like some slack shitty officer just for name sake....
and of course....Paul and Richie....rmb our goal of getting on the next marathon?....yah....we better head off with the training again....hahahaa...if not we probably die
this time.....I shouldn't be anywhere behind....lol....ample training unlike the last time....no training...after exams and off I go for the run...madness...almost died.

Went to chruch today...
Realised something really true today...
Marriage is yet another vocation....
A sacred vocation that both sides have to be opened to one another
to feel the love...
to share with each other the kind of person each of them are...
to share the life together...
That alone, isn't something easy at all...
Very often we get trapped in our own world...
our own space that we'd never wanna change.
Coz it's the very way we want it to be....the very vision we see it to be
and how we'd have it.
But when it comes to sharing a life with another, it's all a breaking down of our own beliefs
and a construction of a whole new set together with another person.

And the construction...is a process that isn't gona be easy...
Collaboration....compromise...hard work...understanding...and lots of other things.
Holding on strong to that someone... is yet the most important...
esp when in this present society, either sides....men and women the same sway...
taking a walk to the forbidden fruits...and commit something they'd regret doing
but have already done so...no turning back on it...just repent.
But it's already a scar.

Here I stand...by myself...
I've yet to decide on which way to walk to...
like a clearing fog...
just like I'd wanna settle, but yet after being through so many...
I've got this fear that I'll fall upon a relationship that will be so hard to sustain.
That somehow cripples...
That for one is the worry that I've always been having....
That's the thing that always gotten me thinking before I even say yes and given myself the go ahead.
I've got a good appetite for risk but when it comes to this... I don't...
Somehow I just can't anymore...
Tired maybe...just wanna settle for someone I'd live with through my life...
happily.
Just pray on it...
Just hope on it...
Just search and ponder...
one in mind but yet to wonder abt...
I guess time will tell...
time spent to understand and realise.
that...like I said before...will be part of my plans after exams...

A horrible 2 weeks...but a good break came after 6 papers...
very nice...
Buddy felix came visiting for supper...
then the next after packing some stuff back home...
met the good frenz of hall 10 at Wine Network to chill...
and the following day....

today actually...
out since morning for rock climbing with ZQ...
yeh yeh though we caught the wrong bus to SAFRA...
but it was still a joy ride around wasn't?...
Just good to waste a day away some times...
Just doing things and taking your time....
Got a big glass Jar for a fish tank at ikea....hahaa....
next would be to find a nice good filter and pump...
All before shifting my fishes over.

Oh the Swedish meat balls were great....great great....hahaha...
But think I over ordered...lucking thing I was sharing if not I'd be swedish meanball too...
Will try making one of these days...
Think about that after the last paper....

Tonite...I'm good to go again....and swing off to my readings
for the last...
Biomedical Signal Processing...
Let's go!

In the day....
whilst the day dreaming and the do nothings when i just couldn't study....

I got reminded of a glacier experience scary enough to shake me off my guts....

Duh....

Stalled on ice, dizzy, only slightly aware of the massive glacier that sloped away at a 35-degree angle for 2500 feet beneath my toes. My headache...or yes my headache had gotten worse in the preceding hours. The picturesque landscape of snow fields and icy cliffs all around me had compounded to a single image...
I watched the ice crowd my field of vision as I fell until my head hit the left footprint with a loud thud...
And just not far awway I heard the rope group calling "Falling" following sound of ice axes thrusting desperately into the mountain...
And thereafter...the nightmare began....
a situation where my symtoms were getting worse...and death was likely in the forecast...
the only solution was seemingly turn back before I hit summit...
But maybe it was me....
too courageous to quit...
too much to say I'd give up....
I just had to go for it and give it a bamm!

When you come to such a death defying moment...
you'd find how much your apetite for risk and adrenaline rush is like...
You wanna feel it...feel it at Mt Shasta...
slog your way to the Avalanche Gluch... fight death....fight fear and overcome yourself....

Makes you feel like an accomplished person in the world already....better than a million bucks...
Try tripping down to california then...find yourself!

=)

3 more to go...
just 3 more to go!!!
An that's the end of this pain...
the usual bi-yearly pain I've been dreadfully going through.
Academic stuff isn't for me...
not me at all...
Be operational...be working...
be a survivor out there...
a hunter...a seeker...
a leader...
just not be a student...
I'd die...
like I feel I am....just dying...in the books...piling over me...
the notes giving paper cuts after paper cuts...

just 3 more to go!!!

the 3 great heavy ones that requires at least 3 solid days of studying...
So darn tired when you've got to match against people who have 7 days to study for a module while u've got only 2..
maybe less than that...time is shared with another set coming on back to back...

finishing papers in the exams...is totally ecstatic...
even better than....erhmmm....ahemm...well..
just a good feeling...
Just don't bother about the results...
GIVE ME A PASS IS ALL I WANT!!!

Damn....!!!
Weird weird dream!

Suddenly I had something new...flashing in my 1hr+ rest time...
was so real that it was kinda possible for confusion and wrong move...

Out of God knows what senario...Dreamt I started kissing someone...and when
she came waking me up when the room was all dark
I almost pulled her over to give a peck on the cheek!...
Lucky I stopped...

must be the busted brains in there...

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

The time that it took writing words for my book
seems to have broken in half
The gate that i shut last time i got hurt
seems to have opened itself

Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

All I see are numbers...
making dark clouds in my mind...
2 sets of terror
a wicked dream come true...
perfect nightmare in the process...
But yet,
I shall stand even in weakness
of my tired legs...
the roar of my raging voice...
a call...
"Oh God Please aid me!"
I fall on my knees...
my sight darkens...
Just then,
The lightness of my heavy tired body
lifted into the light above...
There I found peace within...
an utter shut down of my system...
the wanting to think no more...
the desire of a stressless moment...
that was it...