Last nite a had a weird but good dream...
where you were here just beside me...
the first I saw when I opened my eyes...
so close...so very close...
it felt so real that I couldn't believe it myself...
when I really woke up and didn't see you there...
I almost picked up and called you...

until reality hit....

bring me back into that dream please....

lol

They say "When the time is right"...
So when is the right time?....
really...
When?...
or is it just some pure guessing game?...
game of chances?...

goodness...that's tiring...

Last night... I tried something I've not done in a long time...
a long distance run....
This time was from home to Choa Chu Kang Way...at the brim of where my grand stays...
Goodness...when I say it's been a long time....I mean it...panting madness...

I've done distances
1) home-tampines
2) home-hougang
3) home-esplanade
4) sembawang beach-orchard road
not counting those shorter ones though...
now adding up is home-choa chu kang way...

Guess I needed the run...
so much to think about...so much running through my head...
it's like swirls unending.

come to think of it... I've taken on so many challenges...
against my fear of heights and speed...
nobody could actually tell that coz of what I've been doing these days....
scaling cliffs....overhangs...monstrous waves...storms...

haiz...but then again...with all those extremes...injuries I've got countless!

It's time for my trials...
time to find myself...
time to get my mind into focus...
....
.....I'm gone for these moments...

but just how strong away from what's dear?

As you sat across sipping adam's ale
looking around in wonder of surrounding
I gazed in a daze at you that warmed my heart...
what a beautiful masterpiece before me...
Perfect in your little ways.
Your eyes as captivating...
fuzzy fizzies rushed upon my entire sense of being...
those very moments you looked across
You sweetest smiles...
I'd give anything to see them again...
Sometimes I wish I'd take chances...
yet sometimes I fear to risk what I already have...
this....this simple gazing experience...
Where time just stood still...

There is no way of climbing up...
I've fallen deeper...
right through in free fall...

How'd things become?
light or dark?
smiles? frown? down?
life so mysterious...
so interesting...
yet can be so painful...

Funny how it is in such a way...
that I could actually spend time and money...and effort to try brighten someone's day
when all it takes was for that one...
to purely exist...
That alone is enough...

A Give'n Take situation on the emotional side...

Whatever...it's a good feelin'...
like tomorrow...there is a need to take the next step forward into life...

Life is simply so fragile..
one moment you're here
yet the very next...
you've crossed worlds.
Life is like a roller coaster...
interestingly troublesome...
full of variants...
what you feel today,
ain't gona be what you feel tomorrow.
So then, is there such word as 'forever'?
Or does it not even exist?
well without it, 'never' also won't come to place.
Wonder am I talking ay sense here...
Today seems like the day....where suddenly everything around me
stops in motion...or the pace just mallows down...
And here I am...
seated and in thought...
just what the hell have I don't through my 26 years of living?
Encountered and dealt with future shock...
merged in the changing patterns...
getting in and out of situations...problems....issues....whatever.
So what or where will I be 10 years down the road?
Will I get to the point where I wanna be?
Some overlooking say that I will...
Some say that the possibilities are infinite...
Some say it's hard...
Well I say...I want to very much but I don't know...
For the first time in a long time I'd say this...
maybe the battery life inside isn't on the high side
that I'm not at positive turns...
maybe I just feel some emptiness that I yet to fill...
and yet haven't...
There are some points in time where you wanna know some things...
And you'd take risks and chances to find or try...
yet...
the past burning wounds forbid you to carry on..
or should I say..set a limitation subconsciously...
Today I'd just hope to free my mind and make it for a free fall...
for the moments of flight...
feeling high...
just following the thing called gravity in the flow...
just following...

Today some of my senses tell me that the day somehow isn't good...
Something has just been disturbed...
and the lousy thing is I'm not sure what it is...
could be anything...

For the so difficult moments, I pray I mind stays clear...
With pending legal cases to fight...
against the petty customers who understood no business terms...
going to court for a few dollars is practically stupid.

With the Chairman and director away...
handling such issues,
making decisions...
and managing the whole situation...
all call for alot of mental strength and alertness...
one wrong move and I could cause high cost compared to the earning I'm
supposed to churn.
Find the balance to a win-win situation is difficult...
have been cracking my head trying to get answers from principle and dealing with customer end.

This is totally jack shit...

Well....part and parcel of business I guess...
DEALING WITH LOUSY ASS BUSINESSMAN WHO KNOWS SHIT CRAP ABOUT READING BUSINESS TERMS!

Goodness me....
somebody...help!...

If it's my own cost that I'm handling....it'll be way easier to deal with....
sorry..ain't always that perfect...
=/

Can't believe it's been already 20 years my buds and I have
been sticking around each other...
some bond that basically nothing can break...
Seeing how much each of us have changed was real funny...
weirdly I hardly even remembered myself looking like that
at certain times...
Goodness!

But it's great to know how far we've walked together
and at different routes...
different characters...
different lifestyles...
different goals...
yet like one brotherhood...

Cheers!

Some times in life...
the pace has just got to slow down...
breathe...

I enjoy what I do...
but too much of anything ain't too good...
and battery level is flowin' down...
ain't the insomniac as I used to be...
only just a normal guy
who'd wanna have a wonderful girl to be...

Am I just moving into my advancement too fast?...
way too fast?...
that I just get tired...
the strain...
freakin' strain!
where I eyes see blood shot...
I cease to open them in pain
like I said...
like a torn war machine...
still fightin' on the move...
Just how long...
how long it'll be...

I haven't felt this painful feeling for a long time...
sadistically...it feels good...
but hear me out...
my feeling of missing somebody...
the emotional yearning...
horrible isn't it?...
But...
yet...
I'd rather feel the pain missin' *you
than not having you to miss at all...

In life...
however difficult...
The force, the determination, the focus, the strength...
the will...
to take the very next step is yet very important.
thinking back of the time when I had to deal with disabilities unknown to many then...
back slip disc...if that's what they call it...knee ligament tear on both legs...right shoulder
dislocation...
oh man...you name it...
even the ribs fracture...where at times the pain can be ridiculous....
I still headed off to a dream of being in power...and in control...
And I managed...
1) free lance racing/stunt : physically challenging and mentally draining in many ways
Times where you find that things may be just impossible
you get it done....proving "impossible is nothing"
2) starting off 3 racing teams locally & internationally : time consuming and mentally
challenging. Time management
and physical limits tested...
when you find that you'd knock
out in bed with no dreams.
3) Officership in SAFTI MI : Totally mental to bring about the term "Mind over matter"
like a fighting machine on faulty movement mechanisms...
yet still fighting 'til the end.

Now thinking of it all....I also feel tired.
hahahahaa....

A simply wonderful day...
Every moment...Every minute...Every second of it...
just warms...
just lightens...

And I remembered back those times I was left alone...
focused on my mastery in control of wind...
Just me my, board and a sail...
Mornings, afternoons and the evenings at sunsets...

There living back those days, brings me thoughts on why I gave it all up...
those days of freedom....
those days of a carefree life...
those days of just pure rough training...
those days of pure physical challenge...
those days of mentally trying situations...

My injuries...and my inability to keep my balance once again...
once a peak...
but now all gone in a tweak...
from little mistakes...

Like I was blessed from above...
with the things I never realised I had...
Rays of light shone upon my skin..
warmth and graced.
Awaiting the challenges that I'm to face beyond my expectations...



And riding the rough thundering pains...
Taking each second as it comes...
swifting forward I go...
towards destiny...
into my future...

It's been a long time I had this feeling...

Sometimes it's just wonderful to free yourself...
and in just 30mins...I felt free once again...
like soaring in the breeze once more...
It's been some time...
a very long time...
sliding wakes 'n cutting waves..
adrenalin rushing to my head...
speed clearing every corner of my mind...
And once again...
just this once again... I'm just free...
free to be once more...

Just surrender...

he reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask

To me... just how special can you get?
We'll see...

I think I've expressed just quite a fair bit now...

I just close my eyes

~Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I'm thinking of you
I can't believe how much I miss you
All I had is hear you tonight
don't want to waste this precious time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your voice through me And I'll hear you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart I Just close my eyes
And you'll be here with me
Just look to my heart
And that's where you'll be
If I just close my eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If I close my eyes I know I'm gonna see you again~