I guess today is the day
where a bright spark shines over me
for the split second...
Given me the boost...
it's time...

release the sand
and let it go...
unvalve the waters
and let it flow

rekindle the light
and the warmth that spreads
all over to the finger tips...
that others may feel...
and yet another time...

a suction comes...
and away I go...
sweeps me away...

Wah can u imagine words spread super fast!
Entered a tutorial room today and everyone under the power elective were looking at me and asking me about my final year project....
they were all from different labs...and some were from the same lab but my set of equipments and station was way at the other end of the lab...with them in an enclosed glass room...
They all heard that I've finished the base of my project, gotten the design done and the circuit confirmed with it's required results....
all were astonished.... coz most of the time they never really hear from me and before they know it....I'm done with the main part of the shit work....lol...
Asked this guy called Alvin...he said..."oh the network and rumours fly super fast...in fact the day that the professor came down to look at your project, everyone were already talking about it...didn't you know?"

Son of a......sounds like i spoiled their market...

damn....feel bad.
but anyhow, I've got no time...unlike some of them...the luxury of spending time in the lab from morning til night...as if they need not eat...
I've got freakin' classes damn it!

now what's left is to wait for the other professor who used to be NTU's pHd student to answer my questions on his designs so that I can link mine to his and complete the entire loop....voila...the full blasting circuitary is ready for pantent....lol
cool eh...sounds ground breaking eh....
bullshit... actually it's just a load of crap.
I did my part with less than 20 bucks in hand though the wonderous thing was stepping down a high 220V input to produce a low 3V control pulse wave...
it was really nothing....just a few simple stuff....not complicated as what people all think...
the norm resistors and transistors did the job....poking things here and there....and it's done. Great work? actually it's shit lah... it's a innovation of putting few available things together and changing some variables.
And everyone is taking it like some big thing....alamak...what's with the world mama...?

all blinded by the wires and complicated looking circuit....and I mean LOOKING...coz it just looks complicated, actually it's not. even the second year polytechnic student can do such kinda shit...hahahaaa....uni students?....dun waste ur time studying in a university... what's most important is hands-on experience and you can see things further.
What's the use of all the theory when you can't apply crap to the real world?
The thing is, if you can't, you a waste of space.


Oh well...anyway enough of the school stuff...
I've headed myself into some retail therapy thingy....
all of a sudden, my wanting to get rock climbing stuff has risen again....
to replace my climbing shoes...probably look into that this wed...
and a new chalk bag...also see to that this wed if possible...
And I guess a gd nice jacket will complete this season's list of wants....lol....
probably a birthday gift to myself and suffer the rest of the days with lesser finances to deal with?....
whatever, but it will feel great just having those and carrying on with my climbing activities...cheap, gd and gives and great workout.
While the rest of the time....it's back to hitting the reports and my other stuff to urgently get done. as for tonite....
Give me a break! hahahaa...

Oh please I need to sleep....damn I miss sleeping... this sounds horrible, but true...
funny how the remedy to my last hit can't be helping anymore... and this time it comes stronger... imagine the endless alertness....and shit last nite i was supposed to snooze....almost....but a call just broke it and that was it...the chance...the doziing window was gone....sadz.... =/

I truely wonder if there is such thing as fully letting go...
maybe it's just for myself
that I can't stop caring, being concerned for somebody
whom I've been caring for
for a long time...
enough to have the feeling buit deep inside of me.

Like it's a daily thing
that I wonder how are things going
How was breakfast, lunch, dinner
and everything at home for you...
Has the world been able to place the smile on your face these days...
or have you been kept in warmth and comfy in these cold chilling days...
such questions I ponder upon...

How is it then that I ever turn away...
that I can even one day look you in the eye and say you mean nothing to me...
well the thing is that I can't...
it's my inability...

argh...my handicap...
nature made me this way...
or probably fate brought me to such a point
to bring some teachings across to my head...

I don't know...
do you?
oh well...you probably don't care...

At the end of a hard day...
Or any day bringing a test of mental strength...
I sit down, having a bottle of Bundaberg Ginger Beer....
Ooooo.....yeh!
It's heaven.

lol....

And even after a great day with the day's catch... of 3 different fishes...
cooked in 3 different styles...
Wow...
pure enjoyment!

"Oooh mimi dancin' out on me
Oooh...she not wearin' any panties
I like it when she calls me dada
and she pop it like she from Jamaica..."

hahaaa...some song I came across while I was doing hip hop mixes...spinning some music in my room
with my trusty Altec THX 90Watt speakers!....WhoooHooooooo!

Guess wat!!!
My design work is a good to go!!!
I say again people!!! GOOOOOD to GO!!!

loves it!
riding on a highway now to project progress!
Wooooooohoooooooo!!!!!!

But I'm freaking freaking tired....
exhausted....
well hope that will knock off y insomnia...

Seeing you...
feeling you...
A wave of sadness and tears overcomes me...
To know the unhappiness within,
life's stirring turmoils
with little rest,
so much booze'n coffin nails...
I wish things were beter over that side...
I hope for improvements on all you matters...
here'n somwhere...
I still do care.

A free day today...
A slow moving day...
a continuation of the previous...reading up on lecture notes and books...
and awaiting time to dinner at Waraku... to meet up my ex-room mate...buddy....Felix
and the gang...
supposed to be a gathering...and to my surprise they put up an early birthday arrangment for me!
OMG...I was so shocked....totally lost for words...didn't know wat to say...
like even the thank you could be forced out of the mouth...
just stare blankly...
WoooHooo...
And a nice cool Nautica polo-T...
Thanks everyone!
Appreciate it...really!
Just made my day...

In realisation of how easy for some
to put away values that once were...
For me it was yet roses and kisses between,
the fragile sun and moon,
A special message a gift...
most of all a little chalice
with a word from the land of the rising sun.

So much for all that was said...

Ain't sure what I mean at all.

To watch you leaving...
is to know such pain,
it's jagged edges tearing into the soul...
As a stake from the garden tears into the warm dark earth.

To watch you leaving...
knowing all the while that never again
will fit myself...
warm with sleep against the comforting bosom...
Nor hear steady breating
Or feel the beating of you heart.

To watch you leaving...
aware in every moment of everyday that dreams and future...
once tied with silken ribbons will ne're come to be.
And the morning once so silent and hopeful,
me gazing into your awakening eyes...
so gently awaiting...
are now but small pieces of my past.

To watch you leaving...
is to know that I've lost my place...
The station and a heart's home.
That the wander, a nomad...
Alone, cold in sadness.
Troubled dreams watch you scoot...
again and again...
for the balance of sleepless days...

Fuck! damn it...
Why is it so difficult?...
Why can't I just get myself out of this?....
tell me why!!!
it's been weeks....oh God it's been weeks...
to month is has been...
fake to being kwel..
fake to having smiles...
fake to being alright...
a great pretender I try to be...
fake being strong
fake being stone cold and hard
fake being tough...
but afterall...
I'm the one...lying here
alone... here...
myself...
where the prayers somehow didn't work...
the rosaries can't silence the thoughts...
I'm in pain...
Give me the rage to numb the feeling...but it's only for awhile...
when I come back down...
I'm weakened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Staring right back in the face ~
A memory can't be erased ~
I know 'coz I tried ~
Start to feel the emptiness ~
And everything I've been missin'~
I know and I can't hide ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was pain 'til I had to get out of it fast
Before the exhibit of emotions and tears
Faked a smile and made my move
like wanting to stay and yet wanting to disappear
reaction that I'm not familiar with
the wrong mix and fusion of the heart and mind
jumbled vocals
uneven breath
spike in heartbeat frequency...

Oh damn it...can't believe migraine overcame me last night...
mixing insomnia and migraine was sending me back to hell...
bring out the raging devil within the human body...
like everything was pumping the fire inside...
the blood boiling at every corner of the veins...
red fuming eyes and smoke fuming out from the skin...

then the world was spinning around...
my head was spinning all around...
having that and yet you can't faint into the darkness of sleep...
How wonderful is that...

And the heart super charge pumps blood
to feed every muscle inside
to mechanize and fuel the impulsing infinite fury

Nothin' provided the sense of physical pain...

But a jab and few needles
gave a punch to knock the daylights off my mind...

WONDERFUL! ain't it!

Just felt like writing some shit...so haha...here I am...blogging...
some inputs before I hopefully end the day in closure of my eyes...and my mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If heartaches and jaded had a face
Think it would kinda look like mine
If they had homes it would be my eyes
Would everyone believe me if I said I'm sick of this
here I go all over one more time
Tried to climb the steps
Tried to put up the chase
Tried to earn my way through
Tried to change the living minds of love
Oh better believe that I've tried to beat all these...
So when will this end
It just goes on and on
Over and over again
spinning me round no it won't stop
'til I step off my living consciousness into a faint
Well I never thought I'd end up here
Oh I never thought I'd be standing where I am
kinda thought it would be easier than this
Guess I'm wrong now
This one more time
My Carousel of shit...
I still feel the same though everything has changed
the pain it cost
I feel lost in my own name
And I keep running
Just go workin'
I keep living dreaming the day when I'm with you
what if I'm with you...
The past has left its stain
now I feel the achin'
like you took away the chains of yesterday
And so heartaches and jaded, my face...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WOW!
hit off a good start... on the first day of school...
even though it meant rushing the shit out of me...
Been to lectures, lab then to hall and back to lab again...
suddenly the distance became very short...but seriously, my legs are tired from all that walking.
But still...it was worth while...all the rushing in and out of every where...

coz....

MY CIRCUIT WORKS!!!!....

decided to test it on 120 volts per cycle input instead of pumping up the volume straight to 230V immediately...
no wonder it kept burning....
and there wa some internet short circuit somewhere in the scope I was using that caused some error reading....
damn...took up so much of my time to search for the problem points...stripping off wires after wires and changing chips after chips...with every other components....finally!!! finally!!!!
well goal for today was set at just the 120V...tomorrow I will head off to see if gradually increase of the supply, will I get the same good output I want....

Oh pray for me!!! months of hard work and including losing so much that meant to me... at least the best things could go from here is to have my FYP work well enough for me to graduate and get me hell out of here.

Though I know deep inside, losing what I lost...really wasn't worth it...for my projects....material stuff....but...sigh
I've gotta answer to myself and my own financial supply...might not be able to last too long if i have to prolong this.
Things for me could just turn even uglier...which I don't want to.

my insomnia!!...argh...now that's the one thing to deal with...and the migraines...well...i guess in time it will all go off...i hope..
coz' I'm feeling the full fatigue and very soon I think I might just collapse. But this time, I'll be collapsing without the someone I've been missing.
I guess slowly she's taken her bigger than baby steps to create the forcefield away from me... and so... no more in her life I am living... oh I dunno...
Maybe just thinking too much shit...

for now...I'll just try to rest myself... with the mogu (reminds me of how it feels to sleep beside her...)

haiz...

After all this time
I never thought I'd be here
Never thought I'd end up here
When my love for you was fine
But I couldn't make you see it
oh I just couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And I found a part of me died
When I watched you go

Would try to fall asleep
in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
yet the nights seem to slowly fleeting
vanishing as reality crashed to the floor

Oh see oh see...
the beginning of the new semester is finally here....!!!
Oh man...
expecting crazy lifestyle...
while seeing others havine time to do other things....
sigh

Well had a good time at the "V tea room"
serves great tea cakes!
very english/venice ambience concept. cool.
just sitting down there have tea and cakes...well not my normal kinda habit but once in awhile.
Will head off for a workout soon to deal with that in awhile. lol....hahaha
Good set in the week to end the 'holidays'....so people are calling it even though I didn't really have much of it...better than nothing....hahaa.

Now Kenneth....back to work!... tmr is the day...8th of Jan...
with the next celebration time would be 11 days later...and that's about all...
Let's go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Has all love cold
a place bitter and broken.
taste of a world I know
there must be something better
something that good forever.
from the world below
I'm watching the sun burning
as the road slowly burning.
Oh yes I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give.
past the city lights
silence can be so disturbing.
you'll find me standing in the night
with stars seem so unending
a night's dead uncaring.
What's painted
whitewashed all works of loving
when all that remains
shadows of our stains
is it then all that easy
just drop it all and moving on?
I'll have to go
to a place I know
that's the one called beginning
start over after ending...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally managed at least 2hrs of sleep...but got awaken by God knows what...
leaving me with my eye wide open...

oh well... the semester is about to open once again...
after a few weeks of not much of a break, but better than nothing i guess.
Brave it! =)

I'll find my sleep soon...I hope.
since from 15mins to 2hrs...then comes 7hrs....lol....hahaa

--------------------------------------
Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
Trust me I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know that I can't hide
Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, coz' I am tired
Carrying the dreams and thoughts I lost
Picture frames and card with all the thoughts
Oh trust me I know, I hold inside...

All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...

But when you're near
you're lost, I'll help you find
come along around
time to time we're all blind
Don't have to tell me what you feel...
I know what you're going through
Won't be the one that lets go of you...
Dont' have to be alone with the journey you're traveling on
Though all dreams and hopes are torn...

All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...
------------------------------- ok I don't know what to say or do anymore....
Let time pass i guess...

The inability to fall asleep has hit once more...

3months....3 months phased passed...
now i hope it's not the beginning of another set...
it's been the 5th day straight already...

Part human...Part machine feeling...
or rather, on the ugly side... a Zombie...
the undead.

=/

FYP circuit didn't work! wat's with it! oh help somebody!!!

is it some avoidance on both side?
or is it just pure sensitivity issue?

darn....human is a set wierd beings...
oh well...