In time I stall and wonder
how some things come around
fear and troubles hit like rolling thunder
missing and yearning for
but yet on looking I'm losing more

Sometimes I ask myself
is being honest worthwhile?
is being true gona bring me a further mile?
Today I slept with thoughts
clouding in my head...
Sleep sleep...the body rests
but the mind stays in constant reflection...

A very warm welcome
My African Frontosa!

~There's nothing i won't try
Just to make you mine
To get a little closer
Would be so divine
And everytime i see you
You make me come undone
I always watch you near me
In you i found the one
Oh why don't you smile my only star
Shine on baby
Smile my only star
With you by my side
baby it feels so right
And now that i'm close to you
I could stay all night
No matter where i go
No matter what i do
In the end your smile
Brings me back to you
You shine so true
I can't believe you're mine
And everything may change
But to me you'll always shine~

See what happens when you've got the darn weather keeping you indoors...
totally wet....and heavy to the max... cold...
with a very very badly beatened brain
filled with all the work all the strains and hassle...

A time when having proper meals outside becomes a problem...
it all becomes a question...
And so, you bring out whatever possible stock you have in store...
in the little cubic white cooler, and make fire like in 'cast away'...
After that it's all about burning and let the smoke rise to the senses of everybody...
that hey... we're sharin' some BBQ iin the midst of the this cold weather at the....
erhmm....I won't say comfort but simplicity of the staircase and the convenience of near vacinity of our rooms...

Way out of the norms from cooking the noodles, frying of canned food, stirring up pasta carbonara or basil and olive oil or even
whipping up some ham and mushroom cheese omelette... maybe topped with some nice pancakes and fruits like kiwi, grapes, banana and blue berries if it's int he morning...

But it's all do-able and the difference would be made with sharin' the time with some neighbours...

Strangely anyway, these days I've been very much heated on with chile wine especially Cabernet Sauvignon range of reds...
If needed to for beer, it would be the same Boddington and Kilkenny, some Oaky tasting draught all in a can...

My fridge is loaded!
anyway... it's good.
But once back to the rooms...life turns back to the norms and the work goes on...
the brain wreckage continues...

It's already half way through the heavy so called "recess week" of the term...
and the shit will start flowing through once 5th of March sets in...

Way to go....just way to go...
There's only one way actually...

Was trying to practice vector conversion from photo...
after a long night of thinking and penning down stuff for my FYP report...
I got so mentally drained that I started doing graphics....hahahaa

excuses!....
but anyway....couldn't think for the report already so...might as well do something constructive right?....hahaa

here it is!...
just randomly picked the first picture my cursor was on and worked on it....

Not that good at it yet....YET....
will work more on it in future....hmmmmm.....

got a long way for that!

Work work work....simply flowing in...
so much work
so much stress
so many deadlines...
all unending...
Calls after calls of biz too...
not sure for some if I should even take them...
not sure for some if I'm up to it...
coz sometimes, people tend to be over ambitious...
They all want the world for a cheap price...
while I set a cost by the effort and time invested in the work...
sometimes when it comes to dealing with friends....
it becomes harder...
so much harder...
you want to give them the best price, yet...
based on the time and workdone for it... it becomes totally crazy...
totally madness to even take it in the first place.
I'm a free lancer...
a self taught graphics designer and flash animator...
the abilities...are all up to my expectations...
sometimes...there are things which are overwhelming...
good for the pocket...but might not be good for the brain...
coz my mind has already been mistreated...
excuse me now... while I just try my best,
to just give myself a rest...
before my whole starts to degrade exponentially...

still in wonder....
still in thought...
of the moment I saw it appear in my room...
And courage I sought...
Communication i bridge.
The split of freakiness
sipped in...there my shivers in seconds.
Reality sat in and everything was just alright.
But unhideaous she was...
pretty was the less than opaque visual
yet weary I was...
but less afraid i became...

Injured...
Pain...wrapped up...
aches and swells...
blood and pus...
the mind all in a swirl...
So in a swirl...
migrains...
Back to haunt...
a combinational package
raging to kills me...
slowly....inside.
What is it?... Can't really tell...
One day I might just go...
Go away...to a land afar...
disappear into nothingness....
and swift off with the sound of the wind...

My return...
back to home...
the comfort of everything else around me.
Tired from all the works.
Yet today was enriching.
Talking to kids about creativity and innovation
can be just so funny...
had to try hard to keep all the laughter.
Kids say the darnest things...really...
And it was odd having to come to terms with them calling me Mr Chan...
Suddenly felt my age....hahahaaa....
And walking in the school I saw a darn hot teacher...couldn't imagine my eyes...
But she had the looks of those pornstar wannabes...
Argh...got the very very bitchy look...
This kinda....think better not get too close...trouble is just around her.

Now seated in view of the wonderful sunset...
Mexico that is...
mind relieving...
soothing the soul...
And how walking through the alley in the city
you suddenly find something so close to home...
so familiar...
the 7-11....wahahahaaa....

The wonderful structures
sculptured patterns of barcelona,
the night view by the waters
and the beautiful docking area
which I used to call my 2nd home...

Ok...sorry for the delay for the BBQ compilation pics...
have been busy and stuff...
lack of ideas on how the background should be....but now...
it's done boyz and girlz...
but these are the toned down ones... can't load too big files on the net...
Hope you like these.
Cheers!

My project of a computer magazine cover is done...
ready for handing in!...
all put into an actual magazine product... here's how it's supposed to look like
for the front and the back...

Emptiness...
A void left inside...
Of a day so normal
there's nothing much inside.
Vexed...

~A world challenged
limits we are bound
take a step beyond
breathe the difference
that the countless
unending we find
an arena uncontrolled
benefits we reap
the quickness of reaction
brings the impact escalation
that life ain't that simple afterall.
Take a walk down the road
today's steps are tomorrow's old
what can't you see is what you want to clear
what you can see you already know
but yet not hearing or fear
The moment's safety is yet the second's danger
where there is vastness
there is multitude or variations
thus comes the infinity of results.
We never know what's tomorrow like
yet tomorrow will come
sit and hope with actions unacted
we stand at a point where we become dails
things changes around us
but position is a ritual til eternal dust...~

well of coz...not forgetting
this little one....swimming in the open
that caught my sight as a little dot from afar
and then....as it drew nearer...
the cute little thing.

Imagine yourself in a spanish arena
not in the midst of concrete again...
with me, you always get near to waters...
There you see the beauty of every simple thing.
How backward things may look
but yet to many it could just be paradise.
all at the back of where you reside for the few days...
And then next to mexico...a walk amongst ruins
yet so beautiful....
so eye catching...seated at Quintana Roo

And for the once I face a decline
for such issues in my life...
That somehow I see no energy in me to pursue further.
Drained...
Today I smile and the next moment faint
A face of courage and endurance of pain
physical energy but mental zonked
...
Whatever...
Just ...
Drained...

Staring blankly
with strums of slow spanish romance
racing runs after runs
but reality bites
and reality scars
feelings of yesterday just watered
and what doors were left
turned stone cold...
shivers returns with the emptiness
what realisation I held inside
forced to fade into nothingness
yet it can't be instant
it's process can't be quicken
oh Lord how I wished things were otherwise
but as it's not...
I'm still around for
and be standing by
But now...I'm here...
just right here...
for you...

lacerated and down I am

~|Cold cool air
heal my wounds
and every deep cuts'n tear

Heal scrapes of mine
my bruises
and harness focus of my mind

Heal me and make me whole
heal my heart
and heal my soul

Heal me from the grind I tried
heal my body
and heal my pride that's left of me...|~