I haven't felt this painful feeling for a long time...
sadistically...it feels good...
but hear me out...
my feeling of missing somebody...
the emotional yearning...
horrible isn't it?...
But...
yet...
I'd rather feel the pain missin' *you
than not having you to miss at all...

In life...
however difficult...
The force, the determination, the focus, the strength...
the will...
to take the very next step is yet very important.
thinking back of the time when I had to deal with disabilities unknown to many then...
back slip disc...if that's what they call it...knee ligament tear on both legs...right shoulder
dislocation...
oh man...you name it...
even the ribs fracture...where at times the pain can be ridiculous....
I still headed off to a dream of being in power...and in control...
And I managed...
1) free lance racing/stunt : physically challenging and mentally draining in many ways
Times where you find that things may be just impossible
you get it done....proving "impossible is nothing"
2) starting off 3 racing teams locally & internationally : time consuming and mentally
challenging. Time management
and physical limits tested...
when you find that you'd knock
out in bed with no dreams.
3) Officership in SAFTI MI : Totally mental to bring about the term "Mind over matter"
like a fighting machine on faulty movement mechanisms...
yet still fighting 'til the end.

Now thinking of it all....I also feel tired.
hahahahaa....

A simply wonderful day...
Every moment...Every minute...Every second of it...
just warms...
just lightens...

And I remembered back those times I was left alone...
focused on my mastery in control of wind...
Just me my, board and a sail...
Mornings, afternoons and the evenings at sunsets...

There living back those days, brings me thoughts on why I gave it all up...
those days of freedom....
those days of a carefree life...
those days of just pure rough training...
those days of pure physical challenge...
those days of mentally trying situations...

My injuries...and my inability to keep my balance once again...
once a peak...
but now all gone in a tweak...
from little mistakes...

Like I was blessed from above...
with the things I never realised I had...
Rays of light shone upon my skin..
warmth and graced.
Awaiting the challenges that I'm to face beyond my expectations...



And riding the rough thundering pains...
Taking each second as it comes...
swifting forward I go...
towards destiny...
into my future...

It's been a long time I had this feeling...

Sometimes it's just wonderful to free yourself...
and in just 30mins...I felt free once again...
like soaring in the breeze once more...
It's been some time...
a very long time...
sliding wakes 'n cutting waves..
adrenalin rushing to my head...
speed clearing every corner of my mind...
And once again...
just this once again... I'm just free...
free to be once more...

Just surrender...

he reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask

To me... just how special can you get?
We'll see...

I think I've expressed just quite a fair bit now...

I just close my eyes

~Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I'm thinking of you
I can't believe how much I miss you
All I had is hear you tonight
don't want to waste this precious time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your voice through me And I'll hear you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart I Just close my eyes
And you'll be here with me
Just look to my heart
And that's where you'll be
If I just close my eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If I close my eyes I know I'm gonna see you again~

Today...the day....just had convocation ceremony in the morning....
took the full day leave...
but it was cut short...
responsibility calls.
went back to work....just like I was activated in the army...
But yet...somehow, I still went back to work...feeling all happy and with smiles...
great isn't it...hahaaha..

Back to office to clarify some cash transfer for Pakistan and Saudi...
and complete a sales transaction to Taiwan...
afterwhich,...meeting with a strange client who knows crap about his own
problem and application. Took a madness 1 hour just to slowly draw out to make out what
he was trying to tell me...
some people....are pure ridiculous...fortunately I was good with patience today....hahaha
if not....aiyoh aiyoh he is a gone case poor thing.

Oh and I chanced upon some rumour about the reason for me to make a next trip to KL...
it was plainly to take over the responsibilities of my present GM who is also the MD of the
KL Branch!!... aiyoh...aiyoh...

So fast?... this is too fast that it seriously scares me....
hahaaa

Deep in thought....deep in thought....
is it planning that is running through the spinning engine in my head?
planning of?
for awhile...out form the craziness of work...
my head spins...
spins in wonder...
And there I stare blankly...just blankly...
Pale white at the wall in front and the ceiling above...
Oh yes...my drive...the forwarding drive...
Like I'm emotionally affianced...
to such an extance...I get lost...knowing that I've been swept off my feet...
But yet...
I just don't know what to do...
If I should
If I shouldn't...
or should I just save the trouble of being spurned...
And pain all over again....

Je pense que je suis tombé pour elle...
Juste la pensée simple d'elle m'apporte des sourires et la chaleur pour le jour...
Mais je ne suis pas sûr des possibilités....

sigh....

Is this true?.....really?....sounds good...
coz I am feelin' something....wahahahaa

I'm in a rush for time...
every other day on the move...
in a rush...
trying to stabilize my own system...
Really need to get things going the way I want it to be....
For proper systemic automation...
It's a need...
then...
only then it's work smark...not just work hard...

Like a huge pile...
a yoke was placed upon me...
All with much confidence
That I've the strength to take the role.

From 1yr to 6 mths...
now...3 mths I may not have...
a challenge to my art of survival...

Sometimes it put me to wonder...
Am I that good?...
At some point, I don't think so...
yet I fire with confidence and dare to try...
that makes the only difference.

My theory of looking 10 steps ahead...
Now has to be applied with 2 times the speed and effectiveness...
Especially with soon taking over the portfolio of my
General manager....(Bao Suah Bao Hai)...
"Generally do everything around the place" manager...

hahahaaa....

My portfolio is adding on in growth way too fast....
feels alittle choking though....

The way you part your fringe...
revealing the sweetness and innocence...
the look that literally melts anything
hard and strong...
And what shocks me...
is to find the similarity...
The will and drive...
and hopes so high...
that nothing....
nothing in this world will take you done...
you keep moving...

What I see and how I'd see...
was much commonly found...
what I'd do and what I do...
like I've met my match...
But is this just a test?...
Is this some game I've been put on the world stage as before?
Where I play some one who takes a shot...
and probably get hit by a thousand strikes once more...
Yet I still stand in trust for that one day to come...
10years of tryouts...
and I've only been yet hitting around the stripes beyond the target...
Is this it?...
or is it fate for me to carry on my aiming and firing?...
For that....truly....I'm drained...
What many have thought of me
is no more in the present...
Though I try...but yet hold fear...
hope starts not...my scorpion filled mind...

"For the little moments I'd say
I was trapped in your eyes in many ways...
many times I couldn't look away
for the thought that the beauty in there
I'd not get to see everyday
will haunt me to my dismay...
You smile...
unique and sweet...
And presence soothing
A feeling that not words nor expressions
can fully describe...
Oh your captivating eyes...and your warming smile...
simply softens my hard and rough nature...

I'd say...I skipped a beat at first sight..."

For the few days...text conversation given me the feeling
that's all right...
building the confidence and interest...
like I'd wanna know more...
I hope I haven't been written off just yet...
=)

~Maybe tomorrow you'll say that you're mine
You'll realize, I could change
I'm gonna show you I'm in it for life
I'll get you back someday
Maybe tomorrow~

For just a moment....
just a little moment...
Tiredness sits in...
I close my eyes into the emptiness...
emptiness of everyday that fills
beyond work times...
sometimes I ain't sure if I should just get into the insomnia
where I'm not limited by time...
The periods when I just keep doing the things I need and want to...
Take chances on certain matters...
regardless of the important or the not so important things...

I live for myself...but yet at times when I just want to let go...
Who am I living for then?
~~~~~~?~~~~~~~~

At these times...the draining feeling sips in....

Collection of transcripts and my bachelor's certificate today...!!!

My graduation Gown....and the squarish hat....that makes me look like coocoo too....
Oh well at least it's all done...

And all the the people around...like some professors, alumni officers and university administrators
asking what in the world am I doing now...
not being in the industry that I've studied for the past 6 to 7 years....

Well...I'd just say, something larger than my own vision....
And they started guessing....Hotel? Aerospace? Aircraft? service? bioscience? oil and gas?
machineries? argriculture?
electronics? electrical? material and environmental science?
Hahaaa.....well I just replied with a smile....
as I did to one of the professors...."My dear prof...basically it's everything you just mentioned....
there are things that are niche to the point where the business is needed in every way,
every industry...industrial or commercial... like I promised you...somehow, you will smell me around.
And one day you'll see my email reply back to you
even if you set off an enquiry way off asia"

Funny how things are...
but today...I kept marketing my business and my company til....losing my voice....aiyoh....jialat...