I love...
the closeness...
the warmth...
the split second moment of looking into your eye
But I find myself
sinking into speechlessness
for the seconds the felt long...
not knowing what to say.

I want you,
yet I don't dare...
in fear again
that you saying I don't care...
then I'd be sunken down
into a pool of blood
formed by my bleed heart....

I guess...
this is the point where
I don't know
if a line should be drawn.
Before I cross over the border
and get oh so deep into you
and yet to find that we somehow
are difficult together.

It pains me so much
to want to love
and to be with somebody...
yet it's so difficult...
And to be reminded that
what working things out really meant...
something that I couldn't give...
coz' I own none and incapable...

Help oh god help!...

Didn't sleep all night coz of the rain...
finally braving the hard pouring and thunder to get out of the dry comfort zone, moving out to the east.
Seeing you melted me. Even while the dog was jumping crazily for my attention that couldn't be shared...
my eyes just followed wherever you floated off to...
I missed you.
But the sight of you dumbed my mouth...
only little actions of pecking on your lips and hugs whispered alittle that hardly could hear.

It pains me to see how things ended up this way...
I love you that when I see you today I wanted to cry...
but I held it...
coz I couldn't say it...
to you words were cheap...
it probably meant nothing for me to say it...
coz whatever I did...
was done...
the result has taken over
Nothing can ever change it...
all with my slippings and faults...
only guy
only human....
maybe it was meant to be...
just friends...
or me just a shadow of you...
watching over...
caring for...
like a crew at backstage...

what's my kinda life?...