Oh damn I'm frustrated...it's 5.50am and I can't seem to sleep....exam at 9am...
Damn shit...am I screwed.

What is it this time?....

sigh...oh well... might as well let the insomnia come...
I'd rather that than having the wrong sleeping time!
argh!!!


All my buds seem to be dealing with some stuff at the moment...
Richie...having some decision to make...and feeling frustrated...
I think I might just know what it is actually...but hey...I think
there are some point where one has to stop and think if it's all worth it.
And worth is basically self perception...all up to you.

If it's a good thing and situations are seemingly strong enough to just let go
of what you have currently and just seek something of the unknown whilst purely having
the company of love...then go...
but having doubts...just alittle bit...think again then.

We all don't want you to make a decision you'd regret bro in future.
open the enclosed box and look what's inside before deeming it for keeps
or to the thrash... know thorougly what you are holding before letting go.
We have confidence you will make the right choice and the choice you'd be happy with.
We're just behind you...just look behind and a pat on your shoulder comes...take comfort
to that and just reflect and think things through.

Ja...leadership programme seems to be some draining thing...
like some adventure camp you put yourself through but this somehow stretches you
in someway that maybe I can't really see...but anyhow...I can see it's draining...
and I reckon it's very much about dealing with people.
I can't really comment much on this coz I've been one person who have been sadistic enough
to put myself through lotsa physical torture in tough trainings...mentally trying situations...
just to test myself and my limits...
Just that now...with academic stuff...hahaa I already know my limits...
I CAN'T STAND STUDYING CRAP!!! THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO DAILY SURVIVAL!!!!!
shit...I often think what in the world am I studying this and that for when I'm not going to use it in the long run...
horrible!
even the people teaching me are telling me that the educational system is horrid...
even the great scholars of distinctions and As...telling me at the end of the day, they realised that
they learnt nothing that helps them through the next step in life....survival...or should I say...
work.

oh well...don't think don't think...it's ending soon!
just try....

Paul...nice....all happy with his current position...that's great....toils and little struggles but I guess he is dealing great!
With all the holidays he just went for...and the one that we're all planning together....
hey everyone...we're gona have fun ya!

And buds...
The Kenneth is soon gona be out from the cage....!!!
VERY V E R Y SOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!
I'm so gona be over joyed...
somehow in some part of my brain I'm not even thinking what if I fail any subject this semester...
scary huh...coz basically I don't care already....all I know is that I'm just trying...
the darn stupid cert isn't important to me anymore...
not like the time I was tied up with SIA....with the whole thing about 2nd uppers and above...
pitting myself with those scholars of 1st class or having masters and pHd...
Afterall, at the end of the day...when I was there, they couldn't do many things that I could...
so much for being academically brilliant...

Recently I just told a professor that.... somehow I feel that he thinks he is darn great in this field and in his life
plainly because he is just being sheltered and in comfort of the educational protection...
like they all need him for the knowledge he has...
he is like someone in the stormy waters constantl having a float...since the day he started off being in the waters...
while those like me are rather the kind of people who simply get thrown into the waters and it's really up
to us to keep afloat...
and thus...when we find a float, we actually can live with or without it...while they probably not be able to
or to be fair...find great difficulties in doing so.

I got sick and tired when he kept thinking that students these days can't explain or get things so simple to him
into their head and remember it. These people can never bring themselves to the level of students...
Well...fortunately, there are still some good kind ones who are empathetic...

something inside is tingling...and I wonder what...
Do I have to eat the words I said before?....
hmmm....

Darn....it's rubbish...I wouldn't know if it's for real...

or just some momental feeling with the distraction of stress.....
thus the need and desire....

I'll give myself a short break...
hmmm...like maybe take a gun and fire it through my head...
and then recover back again....lol

It's the last burst
oh yes it's the last burst...
Everyone's telling me the same thing...
Yes, coz it is...
But there I feel the frustration building...
suddenly all my years of studies were like becoming pointless
as I find myself in confusion...
with theories...
with what's right and what's wrong...
what's science and what's engineering...
what's answer and what's solution...
I just want to have a normal life...
doing my trade...
my insterest...
and build a family of my own....
that's all that matters....!!!


Last burst?...
oh yes it is...
but questions arising....
what has this place taught me at the end of the day?...
I'm not sure anymore...
practically....nothing useful...

how can this be.....
how can such a educational guide be such?
madness...
got hit by a sudden requirement to do a demonstration today and
had no time for prep... no time for reading up...
my mind was blank...
sucks sucks!!!

And who is he is say that I will be unemployed?...
Who is he?... just a professor in engineering and he can tell me that?
just coz he is assessing me I'll just give him face and keep my mouth shut and not retaliate...
not kill his pride the way I'd do to anybody on the streets...
sickening...madness

such horrid person...
who is he to dig into so much about what I'm going to do?

FOR YOUR INFO MISTER...IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW...
I'M ALREADY IN THE BIZ... I'M ALREADY ON THE GO...
I KNOW MY PRODUCT BETTER THAN ANY SHIT PROFESSORS CAN TALK ABOUT UNLESS THEY INVENTED THE DAMN THING!
Do this here....do this in the campus....but don't let me find you at my face one day asking me for quotations...
I'll make sure, you'll see many digits slapped at your face and you don't have a freaking choice on that...
unless you travel off shores far far away to get it...by then the costs all add up...
So much for saying you're trying to be fair..? c'mon....the other moderators were simply good and kind....you didn't know
you hit the billboards for being the asshold professor in the power division that all students hate to be under...
utterly no compassion when it comes to the system of education...comparing your intelligence with students...
why? is that because you have nobody else to compare yourself to?...
sucker...
if you find the things we do really complex...then you're just a piece of shit who got your many years of experience in the education into the waste....matching 10yrs of power experience to a student is totally a thing to look down upon....
Open your eyes....the people working around you feel the same way!!! just you....!

The tree wants calm, but the wind keeps blowin'...
Somethings...is beyond the control of self....

Where are you now
And who's by your side
Can't hide for a lifetime
Uncover your eyes

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Where am I now
and who's on my side
I'd wait for a lifetime
For you to come back

Wake up, in the evening
Share the moonlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost
Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
You and me

4 days and I'm still all pissed....
Freakin' mad at!!
Damn shit!

It's burning inside like I have to print knuckles
somewhere before I can get it done for....

ARGH!!!!!!

wonders of itunes....MAc

Check out some cool stuff over ITUNES!!!
Wooohooo....

Silence across...
the emptiness.
Feelings of hollow
deep under the flesh...
the zest...oh yes the zest...
it's somewhere...
under the pillow.
I found a night...
me dreaming.
So real...so very real...
where you from?...
will you visit me again?
...perhaps perhaps...
'til I find... someone like you...
I now have some clear vision...

"It's beauty that capture my attention. Personality captures my heart."
But....

Like some may say... the way to a men's heart...
his tummy....

hahahaaa!!!

I'm just turning crazy...

gained 5kg in 2 weeks!
Lost 3 in a day....
with 2hrs of rock climbing (bouldering), 26 laps of swimming, 8km run,
wieghts circuit training and a big big jub of water for the day....

lol....and now my body is just burning...from the heat produced from all the day's workout...

isolation in progress... studies studies....it's the final burst...
But I'm real tired...
like swimming in a swimming pool of mud...
like running with a ball weight chained behind...
like cycling with a parachute attached...
since the recovery...
seems like coffee doesn't work much...
and redbull doesn't give me wings...

HELP!!!

I think things in my body is are starting to set right...
with the great fatigue...I'm starting to take naps...
but to gain much more energy I eat much more!!!
OMG...

Gained a freaking 4kg is 2 weeks! hahaaa....madness

gona be a rolling ball soon!

~Come to me and hold me
And you will see
The love i give
For you still hold the key
I'll never go far away from you
Even the sky will tell you
That i need you so
For this is all i know
I'll never go far away from you~

Long hours of briefings
long but enriching moments of dealing with people...
exercising the soft skills once more.

All of a sudden I found myself with a title...
An Asst.Manager of Industrial Products Division...
Good enough to stand in the crowd of Singapore's official launch
Fuel Cell Community.

The Goal of Clean Energy.

The whole thing sounds real interesting...
the future of big cash flow...
My future in the business...
but it's yet a small portion of what I'm gona be dealing with...

So little time...so much to think... so much to do...

A winner is a title for the self fulfilled...
victory felt is what defines you...
Anything else external,
is pure ego

``````````````````````````````````````````````
I feel your imprint on my thumbs...
Your defenses highlight my weaknesses now ...
And everywhere I go I hear you in the words that I use...
And the light in my red mood...

``````````````````````````````````````````````

"Her ghost hides
In my mind
In the night
In a way she’s haunting me
I’m wanting her still
Through rose colored skies
Or blue, blue moonlight
There’s miracles on high
She’s walking by
When I look at you I’ve got a 2nd chance
Really need to have you now
One by one they fall it always breaks me down

The quiet
Cuts me thru
The candle burnt
The knife has turned
The pain withers
Alive I know deep inside
When I look at you I’ve got a second chance
Really need to take it now
One by one they fall it always breaks me down

Her ghost hides
In my eyes
In the night
In a way she’s haunting me
I’m wanting her still
Through rose colored skies
Or blue, blue moonlight
There’s miracles on high
She’s walking by"

Maybe it's...

today I just got hit by the worst wave of migraine I've every gotten!!!
ARGH!!!! totally feels like I should just pry open the skull of mine!

Maybe it's the amount of knocks I got on the thursday...
Maybe it's the total amount of combat collisions...
Maybe it's the work stress that is building up...
Maybe it's the end of it all...

Oh well... Maybe it's just pure horrible migraine...

The weird outcome of my check up...
after multiple knee jabs, my ribs which I felt the crack from...
showed no signs of internal injuries...
no signs of hair line facture...

while I gave a dislocation of jaw...hanging with a jaw lock...
and a fractured collar bone...

Something is wrong somewhere...

Maybe it's the madness all contained in the ring...
Maybe the whole survival mentality locked on once a jab at my face just forcefully punched in...
Maybe it's the rush of adrenaline altogether and heightened the extra strength...
Maybe it's just some fire deep inside that isn't extinguished...
Maybe it's just pure defence for myself when confronted by highly offensive opponent...

Oh well... Maybe it's just good training and endurance put to good use...

Whatever it is... pressure heating and rising...
I can feel it... temper not to be trifled with...

Eyes are in flames...
yet the tiresome body wishes for rest
But the mind is a running squirrel cage...
with a stupid energizer rodent...

Sometimes I wonder why
The fields of love seems like a game
where I a walking piece
at a lost on what I am to find
how is it that I always end up with a sigh
while up there the one most high
just playfully throw the die for the daily moments to take place...
some steps I find one awaiting
some steps I find I'm awaiting
yet some I see myself eager to take the very next
while I see the the person on the next moving off soon...
out of my reach...
the hurting madness of the whole cycle...
I should just stick a blade into myself and end the game
and call it quits...
but yet damn it...
it isn't me...