I wasn't alone...

Today...I went to church,
after three weeks of not going or probably going with my mind not in the mass at all....
I was shocked to listen to what was spoken by the priest...
I went to there early today initially thinking of making my confession after ages...
however, I didn't 'coz I didn't really know what much to say.
But the only thing I knew was that I doubt my religion.... I had doubts in God.
For the past few weeks or month I've been in troubled waters and felt that there was no where to turn to. Whatever the case was...i felt alone. I was just roaming around...aimlessly.
Trying to find answers for myself that I felt God or anyone up there couldn't or doesn't seem to me helping me or giving me confidence and support... my whole consciousness was in distress...

As I sat by the bench in the church...I felt I needed to confess this whole doubting thing, and just then, the priest walked up to the alter to begin the mass....
The first words he said was..."Many times in our lives we are often hit by storms. And during these times, do we keep our faith on what we were told to believe through scriptures?... Or do we doubt God and question if he is even there with us to go through the pain we are experiencing...or the storms we are being hit by?... He has been there with you trying to give peace to you at all times..."
I was shocked...as this topic was running in my head throughout my sitting there and days before I even stepped into church....

Just that very moment...tears filled my eyes and then rolled down my cheeks...
It somehow felt that someone was listening to my calling...
I wasn't really alone as I thought I was...

Well I really don't know...but I hope so...


Anyway... I do hope Min is not holding against me for my regretting shot of words.
I guess I was being hard and sharp when that came out...
On second thoughts I could feel the pain saying it, but I've said it.
Argh... I've got my faults...she has hers...who was I to compare or judge...
Like I said, I'd just want the hands of time to turn and I'll just keep quiet and not say anything... though it won't improve anything but at least it wouldn't have worsen.
Today...on msn, Min dropped me a message but ended saying that she'd better go if not she would be called ridiculous and asked to shut up... somewhat like the whole issue of yesterday's.
There was a part of me happy to know that she messaged me coz I'd wish to embrace her in everyway...but of coz, I don't think that'll happen. Guess I would only if she is forward about it....anyway...
The other part of me felt the stab...stab not from her...but from myself.
sigh...

Words said, hearts bled
All I'm left is my regret
In anger, in fear
Even when there was tear
I said the sharpest words
like a boomarang it hit
and turned back at me it too did...
I don't know...I guess
I've gotten myself in such a mess
Min must be hating me..
I can feel though I can't see.
Who else can I blame but myself....
Words said, hearts bled
All I'm left is my own regret.

I just pray that in time we just learn to compromise with each other... or maybe at least learn not to collide.

It's a shame what we've become
When we hurt the ones we love...
It's a place I don't wanna go anymore...

If she'd forgive me, I'll be contented.
I just want to say... I didn't mean to hurt... I'm sorry.