Took off work in the late morning...taking a break for yet another match...
yes yes ...I might be limping...just alittle bit but, when the muscles were warmed up,
speed run was up and going again.

Far end was pure brawl, fighting for an egg on the field...the name is GILBERT.
big splashes of mud on face with some covering the eyes...
couldn't see clearly but yet pushing in a scrum like a bull dragging a whole lot
of crap through the fields...

Down below were studded adidas everywhere awaiting to crush any knuckles in their way.
And soon, when GILBERT was out, it was speed, strategy and reflexes...
Racing to the double pole destination... I scored a try.
Ending a wonderful 37-11 victory...

But living poor Gilbert exhausted in the middle of the field...wasted...

hahaha....

Hounding on a 4 cylinder, 5 gear coupe...
rev it up to a 100km/h at a mere 5sec
and roaring the 1795cc 7000rpm on a feather weight machine...
Oh yeh...tell me about it... I've yet again test driven the small toy-like car,
Lotus Elise...
cool black and classy...
But drinks petrol like water....goodness...

The feeling was ridiculously good. hahahaa...

well...of course...whatever I've said....it could've only been done at nite....lol...

Yet another day at work...
feels like the weekends weren't any in the first place.
Too much going on...
So much to keep up that I hardly have time to just stone and rest the mind.
Need a breather...need it sometime...soon.

trying to set a target also to open offices in Korea and Taiwan.
Goodness! 2 places that I have language problems with!
a big headache...but somehow I'll cope with that...
Can cope with indian or arabs...I should be able to cope with anything...
c'mon...what can be that difficult?...get a translater at most!....lol

4 matches with one I gave up against my friend.
kept pulling back....couldn't help it.

3 knock outs and 1 walk out...
aching ribs and a painful ankle...

But the face shows none...
yet the heart is beatened to a crumb....
for the moments....

The moment is now...the feel...the burst...
I'm taking it back...
getting it all back...
I need the rush...
the feeling all flush...
Bringing on blows...
throws and all the action...
the feeling of adrenalin satisfaction...
All my combinations and chained reaction..
All the power and vent of frustration...
In my at own rhythm...
My own pace...
movements of my own creation...
reflections of the restarted street fight...
Somebody stop me!

"Money can buy happiness...uuntil you look over the fence and see how much more your friends have..."

Won more than a thousand playing shit...Gatheriing engorged stack of chips
and backed away from the arena still trembling from the adrenaline binge, I floated across life's
risk taking shade...
And looked on my fellow life game junkie...
Time to pool our take and blow it on extravagantly overpriced red meat...
But then "I am down" said he...
And it was real bad...like the america flowed into an anarchy...
he lost whole lot to the foreign exchange.

There are sure ways to ruin an overnight risk bender with a friend.
leaving tables with different results. When both leave out ahead, then it's time to test Chris Rock's
theory about champagne room.
Damn...nothing but grief. To help or not to help? An offering is yet a posibility to offend his pride...
But after all why should I in this case?...Friendship isn't a Marxist endeavour.
Can't be sustained across the great line in life that divides the winners from losers. a conspiracy among men
of the same station. Role of money offends democratic ideals, primal model of absolute loyalty.
but the size of a man's bankroll has innumerable repercussions.
I had to deal with my own other shit...cover thy own ass first...

Damn...difficult situations when there is not much extras actually to help....which route to take I have no freakin idea.

hmm so what's money? --->means access to restaurants, vacation spots, season tickets...blah blah blah...lifting
the velvet rope.
And your posse can't roll if that rope drops down in front of some members. lol...

Think I'm just being super random today.....
crap...

Just had one weird mood today...
Simply having questions all over my head.
About life...career...love...
Damn it....everything...

Think I need some new space to re-evaluate the whole situation once more.
I need to grow...and I need to grow fast. Real fast actually. Question is...will I hit my
target by 30?...
Hard....real hard. But not impossible!

Where I am now, taking seat on the 3rd highest post of the company in decision making...
The pressure of making things happen is very high... blood will almost spill if I'm not careful.
my lack of sleep is ridiculous and I do hope I don't reach the state of being inhuman again...
INSOMNIA...!!!

sigh oh well....back to work....back to work...a long hard day's work!

Developed as a much more powerful and larger replacement for the 356...
an evolution of the Beetle...

Rear mounted 415hp 6-cylinder engine of boxer configuration.
5,500rpm with 12:1 compression ratio.
311km/hr top speed and a 4s 0-100 rating....

Oh yes if you're thinkin' what I'm thinkin'....
It's the 911 GT3!

yup...the ecstatic feeling of handling it on friday...
was a good blood rush.

Black...shiny...and majestic engine roar...
With quick manual gear shifts you can get it up and speeding
transforming the side street lamps into a stream of yellow lights form the side of my eye vision.

Tell me about fast and furious...

But I think I still can't beat my feeling that I've yet to overcome when roaring the Firebird many years back...
fully mechanical monster.

My legs are still killing me from the run.
My colleagues were saying I'm just pure crazy with the run....
at such an age and body mechanics...I'm still thinking I'm iron man.

hahahaaa.... my General Manager's commando son pushed so hard that
he ended up sleeping the whole day yesterday and clocked a good 2hrs 40mins...
Maybe he is just trying to console me on my fast run that came with the pains thereafter.

My friends all think that I've got some great stuff falling upon my back...
with frequent travels and stuff...knowing many parts of the world and being able to talk about it...
but hey...seriously..it's tiring...really...
after travels comes planning and reports and other yada yada...
However, the experience level goes 1 up again...that's the only good thing.

Today...allow me to introduce India....Hohohoo...




A sovereign country in south asia and the seventh largest country.
Beautiful architechture but yet... a holy land with lotsa...dung everywhere.
Very much the same as France when I went there... not sure what's up with these people.
But anyway... they have the wierdest temple there filled with millions of rats...
They take it as the reborn of their ancestors and thus feeding and taking care of these rodents
were a must. Their holy man would just sit there and allow the rats to feed off the food he holds...
sharing with them the fruits of his begging. Totally not my kind of life I must say.




My view of the hypnotic indian holy man....hahahaaa

A 5 star hotel, you get to hear small little footsteps running around the flooring or the ceiling boards...
And shockingly greeted by the brownish or greyish furry rodents in the wee hours of the morning...right on
the top of your blanket. Goodness me!... I do wonder how else it will be with the increase of these infestations.

Yet the sunset scene...other than Singapore's is very much nicer...
more brilliant..
well like they always say... The grass is always greener on the other side...hahaa
but really... it's beautiful.Beside the sea and rushing waves...away from the chocking stench
of coconut milk and lamb/goats odour...
no wonder the I'm starting to see the potential in sales for my air anti-bacterial sanitizer in that country...

One can see very obviously the effects of having too much curry...
Heatiness and sore throat... like blowing fire....hahahaa....just look at this...

When I close my eyes...
with the sound of saxophone softly grace the air.
I find my thoughts sway to you...
uncontrolled.
Brings the fuzzies...
Yet the pain...
Not like I can't live without...
probably I choose not to...

Gotta learn to suppress the rapid fire inside...
the NOS in my blood...
where results must come at the most instance.
I guess that's where my risk hunger is deemed as high...
Now I'm afraid that I might just explode the wrong bomb that I'd
not be able to withstand.

clocking a good 2hrs 5mins for a half marathon today...
but it's way off my actual schedule of the past...
2hrs 45mins for a full marathon...alamak...now I'm barely finishing the half of it
with a time close to that.... CANNOT MAKE IT!

body mechanics aren't as good as before already...
today my ligaments just gave way in the heat of the sprints at the last 3km...
practically reduced myself to 10cm/min speed after that....
Goodness the pain.

But what kept me on the run even as the pain started off alittle after 10km was the
ringing voice... "Can Can...sure can do it....no problem".... =)
The one voice I'd love to hear all my life....but I guess I gotta work on it and pace myself
well...mentally and emotionally....

Kenneth...remember you've been patient... why the change...now there is the need to keep that
ability going...hold on!

Head got kinda heavy...with the amount of work...
the responsibilities are getting higher...
much much more....really...
goodness...I'm thinking of how to develop the malaysian, indo,
vietnam and middle eastern market for certain niche products...

Today I kinda lost my cool when my director overwrite my quotation to a customer
even after I settled the case the day before...
totally made me lose credibility overall...
There I was tactfully shooting back to make sure all areas covered...
hoping that this won't happen again...
coz if this does happen...I'd say, why give me the job to handle these stuff in the 1st place....
My Goodness!

Chattin' with her always make things better...
pity didn't have to time to have dinner together today...
=/

but oh well...another better day perhaps...
some other day...

4.30am there I was going for my morning run...
to awaken me for a long long day...
5.30 left for my drive to KL...all the way...
all the way to my KL office...
seeing so many freaking customers from technical crap
to product crap...and some just pure trying their luck on better pricing...
leaving me caught in the jam at 5pm....
thus day ended only when I hit back singapore at 10pm...
aiyoh aiyoh so tiring!

on top of that....
there I saw something when I got back!!!....argh!
not good....not good....

lucky there she was on the phone with me....
making it all better already.

I guess hearing from both sides....my dear friends
I come to know that at least they are kinda on the stable side by now...
well...at least nobody is trying anything funny....
hearing from bud richie and gd friend maddy...
both seemed quite alright....but nobody can really be fully alright just after
a big bang off their normal routine in life....(that's having each other)...
Oh well...

I guess as I talk to people around me...I've come to realisation that I'm getting deeper
into the feelings I have for this special one...
like I'd be doing the craziest things for no reasons....just hoping to make her day or at least to see the slightest
smile on her sweet face...
(Oh goodness I still can remember that warming look at the dinner table...that caught me in a daze)

Tryin' to hit off the piano once again? or picking the guitar?....OMG... where will I ever find the time?

Will be heading off to KL once again tomorrow to check on the office...and to deal with some technical situation.
I'm gona miss being able to contact her and chat freely again.... =/

Last nite a had a weird but good dream...
where you were here just beside me...
the first I saw when I opened my eyes...
so close...so very close...
it felt so real that I couldn't believe it myself...
when I really woke up and didn't see you there...
I almost picked up and called you...

until reality hit....

bring me back into that dream please....

lol

They say "When the time is right"...
So when is the right time?....
really...
When?...
or is it just some pure guessing game?...
game of chances?...

goodness...that's tiring...

Last night... I tried something I've not done in a long time...
a long distance run....
This time was from home to Choa Chu Kang Way...at the brim of where my grand stays...
Goodness...when I say it's been a long time....I mean it...panting madness...

I've done distances
1) home-tampines
2) home-hougang
3) home-esplanade
4) sembawang beach-orchard road
not counting those shorter ones though...
now adding up is home-choa chu kang way...

Guess I needed the run...
so much to think about...so much running through my head...
it's like swirls unending.

come to think of it... I've taken on so many challenges...
against my fear of heights and speed...
nobody could actually tell that coz of what I've been doing these days....
scaling cliffs....overhangs...monstrous waves...storms...

haiz...but then again...with all those extremes...injuries I've got countless!

It's time for my trials...
time to find myself...
time to get my mind into focus...
....
.....I'm gone for these moments...

but just how strong away from what's dear?

As you sat across sipping adam's ale
looking around in wonder of surrounding
I gazed in a daze at you that warmed my heart...
what a beautiful masterpiece before me...
Perfect in your little ways.
Your eyes as captivating...
fuzzy fizzies rushed upon my entire sense of being...
those very moments you looked across
You sweetest smiles...
I'd give anything to see them again...
Sometimes I wish I'd take chances...
yet sometimes I fear to risk what I already have...
this....this simple gazing experience...
Where time just stood still...

There is no way of climbing up...
I've fallen deeper...
right through in free fall...

How'd things become?
light or dark?
smiles? frown? down?
life so mysterious...
so interesting...
yet can be so painful...

Funny how it is in such a way...
that I could actually spend time and money...and effort to try brighten someone's day
when all it takes was for that one...
to purely exist...
That alone is enough...

A Give'n Take situation on the emotional side...

Whatever...it's a good feelin'...
like tomorrow...there is a need to take the next step forward into life...

Life is simply so fragile..
one moment you're here
yet the very next...
you've crossed worlds.
Life is like a roller coaster...
interestingly troublesome...
full of variants...
what you feel today,
ain't gona be what you feel tomorrow.
So then, is there such word as 'forever'?
Or does it not even exist?
well without it, 'never' also won't come to place.
Wonder am I talking ay sense here...
Today seems like the day....where suddenly everything around me
stops in motion...or the pace just mallows down...
And here I am...
seated and in thought...
just what the hell have I don't through my 26 years of living?
Encountered and dealt with future shock...
merged in the changing patterns...
getting in and out of situations...problems....issues....whatever.
So what or where will I be 10 years down the road?
Will I get to the point where I wanna be?
Some overlooking say that I will...
Some say that the possibilities are infinite...
Some say it's hard...
Well I say...I want to very much but I don't know...
For the first time in a long time I'd say this...
maybe the battery life inside isn't on the high side
that I'm not at positive turns...
maybe I just feel some emptiness that I yet to fill...
and yet haven't...
There are some points in time where you wanna know some things...
And you'd take risks and chances to find or try...
yet...
the past burning wounds forbid you to carry on..
or should I say..set a limitation subconsciously...
Today I'd just hope to free my mind and make it for a free fall...
for the moments of flight...
feeling high...
just following the thing called gravity in the flow...
just following...

Today some of my senses tell me that the day somehow isn't good...
Something has just been disturbed...
and the lousy thing is I'm not sure what it is...
could be anything...

For the so difficult moments, I pray I mind stays clear...
With pending legal cases to fight...
against the petty customers who understood no business terms...
going to court for a few dollars is practically stupid.

With the Chairman and director away...
handling such issues,
making decisions...
and managing the whole situation...
all call for alot of mental strength and alertness...
one wrong move and I could cause high cost compared to the earning I'm
supposed to churn.
Find the balance to a win-win situation is difficult...
have been cracking my head trying to get answers from principle and dealing with customer end.

This is totally jack shit...

Well....part and parcel of business I guess...
DEALING WITH LOUSY ASS BUSINESSMAN WHO KNOWS SHIT CRAP ABOUT READING BUSINESS TERMS!

Goodness me....
somebody...help!...

If it's my own cost that I'm handling....it'll be way easier to deal with....
sorry..ain't always that perfect...
=/

Can't believe it's been already 20 years my buds and I have
been sticking around each other...
some bond that basically nothing can break...
Seeing how much each of us have changed was real funny...
weirdly I hardly even remembered myself looking like that
at certain times...
Goodness!

But it's great to know how far we've walked together
and at different routes...
different characters...
different lifestyles...
different goals...
yet like one brotherhood...

Cheers!

Some times in life...
the pace has just got to slow down...
breathe...

I enjoy what I do...
but too much of anything ain't too good...
and battery level is flowin' down...
ain't the insomniac as I used to be...
only just a normal guy
who'd wanna have a wonderful girl to be...

Am I just moving into my advancement too fast?...
way too fast?...
that I just get tired...
the strain...
freakin' strain!
where I eyes see blood shot...
I cease to open them in pain
like I said...
like a torn war machine...
still fightin' on the move...
Just how long...
how long it'll be...

I haven't felt this painful feeling for a long time...
sadistically...it feels good...
but hear me out...
my feeling of missing somebody...
the emotional yearning...
horrible isn't it?...
But...
yet...
I'd rather feel the pain missin' *you
than not having you to miss at all...

In life...
however difficult...
The force, the determination, the focus, the strength...
the will...
to take the very next step is yet very important.
thinking back of the time when I had to deal with disabilities unknown to many then...
back slip disc...if that's what they call it...knee ligament tear on both legs...right shoulder
dislocation...
oh man...you name it...
even the ribs fracture...where at times the pain can be ridiculous....
I still headed off to a dream of being in power...and in control...
And I managed...
1) free lance racing/stunt : physically challenging and mentally draining in many ways
Times where you find that things may be just impossible
you get it done....proving "impossible is nothing"
2) starting off 3 racing teams locally & internationally : time consuming and mentally
challenging. Time management
and physical limits tested...
when you find that you'd knock
out in bed with no dreams.
3) Officership in SAFTI MI : Totally mental to bring about the term "Mind over matter"
like a fighting machine on faulty movement mechanisms...
yet still fighting 'til the end.

Now thinking of it all....I also feel tired.
hahahahaa....

A simply wonderful day...
Every moment...Every minute...Every second of it...
just warms...
just lightens...

And I remembered back those times I was left alone...
focused on my mastery in control of wind...
Just me my, board and a sail...
Mornings, afternoons and the evenings at sunsets...

There living back those days, brings me thoughts on why I gave it all up...
those days of freedom....
those days of a carefree life...
those days of just pure rough training...
those days of pure physical challenge...
those days of mentally trying situations...

My injuries...and my inability to keep my balance once again...
once a peak...
but now all gone in a tweak...
from little mistakes...

Like I was blessed from above...
with the things I never realised I had...
Rays of light shone upon my skin..
warmth and graced.
Awaiting the challenges that I'm to face beyond my expectations...



And riding the rough thundering pains...
Taking each second as it comes...
swifting forward I go...
towards destiny...
into my future...

It's been a long time I had this feeling...

Sometimes it's just wonderful to free yourself...
and in just 30mins...I felt free once again...
like soaring in the breeze once more...
It's been some time...
a very long time...
sliding wakes 'n cutting waves..
adrenalin rushing to my head...
speed clearing every corner of my mind...
And once again...
just this once again... I'm just free...
free to be once more...

Just surrender...

he reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask

To me... just how special can you get?
We'll see...

I think I've expressed just quite a fair bit now...

I just close my eyes

~Tomorrow morning I have to leave
But wherever I may be
Best believe I'm thinking of you
I can't believe how much I miss you
All I had is hear you tonight
don't want to waste this precious time
Give me something to remember
Baby put your voice through me And I'll hear you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart I Just close my eyes
And you'll be here with me
Just look to my heart
And that's where you'll be
If I just close my eyes
Till your drifting away
You'll never be too far from me
If I close my eyes I know I'm gonna see you again~

Today...the day....just had convocation ceremony in the morning....
took the full day leave...
but it was cut short...
responsibility calls.
went back to work....just like I was activated in the army...
But yet...somehow, I still went back to work...feeling all happy and with smiles...
great isn't it...hahaaha..

Back to office to clarify some cash transfer for Pakistan and Saudi...
and complete a sales transaction to Taiwan...
afterwhich,...meeting with a strange client who knows crap about his own
problem and application. Took a madness 1 hour just to slowly draw out to make out what
he was trying to tell me...
some people....are pure ridiculous...fortunately I was good with patience today....hahaha
if not....aiyoh aiyoh he is a gone case poor thing.

Oh and I chanced upon some rumour about the reason for me to make a next trip to KL...
it was plainly to take over the responsibilities of my present GM who is also the MD of the
KL Branch!!... aiyoh...aiyoh...

So fast?... this is too fast that it seriously scares me....
hahaaa

Deep in thought....deep in thought....
is it planning that is running through the spinning engine in my head?
planning of?
for awhile...out form the craziness of work...
my head spins...
spins in wonder...
And there I stare blankly...just blankly...
Pale white at the wall in front and the ceiling above...
Oh yes...my drive...the forwarding drive...
Like I'm emotionally affianced...
to such an extance...I get lost...knowing that I've been swept off my feet...
But yet...
I just don't know what to do...
If I should
If I shouldn't...
or should I just save the trouble of being spurned...
And pain all over again....

Je pense que je suis tombé pour elle...
Juste la pensée simple d'elle m'apporte des sourires et la chaleur pour le jour...
Mais je ne suis pas sûr des possibilités....

sigh....

Is this true?.....really?....sounds good...
coz I am feelin' something....wahahahaa

I'm in a rush for time...
every other day on the move...
in a rush...
trying to stabilize my own system...
Really need to get things going the way I want it to be....
For proper systemic automation...
It's a need...
then...
only then it's work smark...not just work hard...

Like a huge pile...
a yoke was placed upon me...
All with much confidence
That I've the strength to take the role.

From 1yr to 6 mths...
now...3 mths I may not have...
a challenge to my art of survival...

Sometimes it put me to wonder...
Am I that good?...
At some point, I don't think so...
yet I fire with confidence and dare to try...
that makes the only difference.

My theory of looking 10 steps ahead...
Now has to be applied with 2 times the speed and effectiveness...
Especially with soon taking over the portfolio of my
General manager....(Bao Suah Bao Hai)...
"Generally do everything around the place" manager...

hahahaaa....

My portfolio is adding on in growth way too fast....
feels alittle choking though....

The way you part your fringe...
revealing the sweetness and innocence...
the look that literally melts anything
hard and strong...
And what shocks me...
is to find the similarity...
The will and drive...
and hopes so high...
that nothing....
nothing in this world will take you done...
you keep moving...

What I see and how I'd see...
was much commonly found...
what I'd do and what I do...
like I've met my match...
But is this just a test?...
Is this some game I've been put on the world stage as before?
Where I play some one who takes a shot...
and probably get hit by a thousand strikes once more...
Yet I still stand in trust for that one day to come...
10years of tryouts...
and I've only been yet hitting around the stripes beyond the target...
Is this it?...
or is it fate for me to carry on my aiming and firing?...
For that....truly....I'm drained...
What many have thought of me
is no more in the present...
Though I try...but yet hold fear...
hope starts not...my scorpion filled mind...

"For the little moments I'd say
I was trapped in your eyes in many ways...
many times I couldn't look away
for the thought that the beauty in there
I'd not get to see everyday
will haunt me to my dismay...
You smile...
unique and sweet...
And presence soothing
A feeling that not words nor expressions
can fully describe...
Oh your captivating eyes...and your warming smile...
simply softens my hard and rough nature...

I'd say...I skipped a beat at first sight..."

For the few days...text conversation given me the feeling
that's all right...
building the confidence and interest...
like I'd wanna know more...
I hope I haven't been written off just yet...
=)

~Maybe tomorrow you'll say that you're mine
You'll realize, I could change
I'm gonna show you I'm in it for life
I'll get you back someday
Maybe tomorrow~

For just a moment....
just a little moment...
Tiredness sits in...
I close my eyes into the emptiness...
emptiness of everyday that fills
beyond work times...
sometimes I ain't sure if I should just get into the insomnia
where I'm not limited by time...
The periods when I just keep doing the things I need and want to...
Take chances on certain matters...
regardless of the important or the not so important things...

I live for myself...but yet at times when I just want to let go...
Who am I living for then?
~~~~~~?~~~~~~~~

At these times...the draining feeling sips in....

Collection of transcripts and my bachelor's certificate today...!!!

My graduation Gown....and the squarish hat....that makes me look like coocoo too....
Oh well at least it's all done...

And all the the people around...like some professors, alumni officers and university administrators
asking what in the world am I doing now...
not being in the industry that I've studied for the past 6 to 7 years....

Well...I'd just say, something larger than my own vision....
And they started guessing....Hotel? Aerospace? Aircraft? service? bioscience? oil and gas?
machineries? argriculture?
electronics? electrical? material and environmental science?
Hahaaa.....well I just replied with a smile....
as I did to one of the professors...."My dear prof...basically it's everything you just mentioned....
there are things that are niche to the point where the business is needed in every way,
every industry...industrial or commercial... like I promised you...somehow, you will smell me around.
And one day you'll see my email reply back to you
even if you set off an enquiry way off asia"

Funny how things are...
but today...I kept marketing my business and my company til....losing my voice....aiyoh....jialat...

Weight control is a very difficult and emotional endeavor. It drags you to the edge of human tolerance and tugs at every emotion in the human condition. As I talk with people every day about this, the agony and frustration of this struggle is a common topic of conversation. People are always contemplating that monumental question – will I ever reach my goal? In other words, will I ever be successful at this and get fit and healthy? But what is success?

Whether you succeed or fail depends on the actions that you take and the decisions that you make along the way. Where you end up is a direct result of the decisions that you make. Each and every choice you make has the potential of getting you closer to your goal or taking you farther away. That’s why it’s so important to be a good decision-maker. Success is all about the choices that you make because today’s choices are tomorrow’s reality!

If I can be so bold as to greatly oversimplify, weight management is a decision-making problem. Sure you need information about nutrition and you certainly must exercise, but for the most part, this is a decision-making problem. Everyone knows that they should eat right and exercise but they consistently choose not to. The bottom line is this: The physical act of eating always follows the mental decision to eat. You always decide to eat before you engage in the actual eating. There is not great mystery here about which comes first as in that old philosophical chicken and egg debate. The “physical” act of eating always follows the “mental” decision to eat. Success lies in choosing wisely and living in the moment.

on the verge of just spending on it...

Funny how things are...
I so feel like just booking a hotel room just to see the fireworks...
So unlike me I know...but somehow I feel that
this year's fireworks is going to be a jolly good one...
Might as well have a good full view....right?
hahahaaa.....
Best to have someone special in hand...
all turn to marvelous!

HOHOHO.....

I close my eyes, you I have in mind...

I'll remember you
It's daybreak, and you are asleep,
I can hear you breathe now,
Your breath is deep
But before I go,
I'll look at you one last time,
I can hear a heart beat, is it yours or is it mine?
I look at your lips, I know how soft they can be,
Did they know what they wanted, I wished they kissed me,
And your hands, that I'd hold in mine,
Now they're reposing on the pillow,
Will they ever miss me sometime?
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember
Your eyes, that always make me shiver,
Now they're closed, they just sometimes twitch a little,
And your body, I could hold for an hour,
It sent me to heaven, with its heat and power,
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember

Tired...draggy...but yet re-awaken...
Thoughts...openess brings truth and understanding...
There are yet somethings goes once and let be...
thrown in the confusion...
bring in the weirdness of situations...
firing up the disregarding attitude...
A single lay of the land tells much of how things go around...
like Uncle Wilson will always say...."no matter how big....in life...you pay to learn"
Yup...nothing comes free...
Won't do no more...
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Funny how things turns out to be..
Met a super long time friend...
since I was a walking toddler....knowing nuts about
the world and the pains of the land....
Totally didn't recognise her...and now she is the bride....
3 years my senior...
And now we're just all so different...
I guess I've reached the age where much of these
celebration of matrimony will come to place...
this year...will be 4.....so far...
last year was 6....the year before was 5...
damn....and counting...
yet all will pop me the same old question....
Aye it's not like I go to a super market and just buy it off the shelf leh...
Cool on it...

My Buddy number 1,2,3,4,5

-----------numbers is no order of preferrance----------------------------

Buddy no.1 just came back from fun----------------PaulYEHthat'sYOU
Buddy no.2's gona fire his eyes through-------------RICHIEyou'reTHEone
Buddy no.3 tomorrow singing songs heehee---------yesJAdon'tLOOKeverywhere
Buddy no.4 everyday's stocks and numbers even more-YUPmaddyYOURturn
Buddy no.5 smile so friendly but aiyoh so shy...-------addyAHdunPAIsehLAH

________________________________________________________________________________

Oh damn it Oh damn it...
I really really really....wanna get done with those tummy problem...
goodness me....it's striking me with sudden pain and stuff like that...
leaving me strengthless sitting by the toilet bowl so frequently....
The Toilet is my new found serenity of peace by the way....hahahaa...

So sickening...

This whole darn weekend was basically spent in the toilet....
No I wasn't locked in there for punishment...and neither was it that I loved the
smell of it....

Stupid tummy flu just swept me off my feet....
Seriously... it's horrible....

felt so weak...

aiyoh...

All the stuff I brought home to do...I couldn't get done.... not that I can bring it into the toilet
and do any typing while having the cramped up face right?..... lol......hahahaaa....

So tired...so sleepy.... give it just 2 more weeks....
and I guess insomnia is back on the way....alamak lah....
Siao liao
hohoho....

wonder how it will be next week...got so much in plan. Work to be done...
Got so many people to meet....strategy to gear up and propose...
hahahaah....

Another day...

hmmm Weekends!...finally....some small break for the busy schedule
of daily unending time work...

Tiring but yes it's kinda fun....shit sounds so sadistic huh...hahaha

headed on the point of thought on what in the world am I gona do next now...
well...career starting up...so next in the line would be house car and wife...
hohoho....
house and car in time will come.....wife....erhhmmmm....now that's gona be abit of a problem...
not so much of cannot get but rather have the fear lingering somewhere....
somehow it's just subconscious... especially when my schedule is so tight right now...
but yet to me....having a she in my life would be essential... brings more meaning to the
status of being successful....
That's having someone to share it all with you... and soon then those to carry it on...the way....
the characteristic...the whole deal with improvisations...

oh well....still keeping the eyes open....

spotted a plain Jane though...sounded like a 'EEeeeeeeee' at the end of the name but really...
she looks like a nice plain Jane....
then again I'll whack on the idea of... looks can be deceiving...
lol...damn...
I'm scar tissue...

"yes indeed i'm alone again
and here comes emptiness crashing in
it's either love or hate
i can't find in between
cause i've been with witches
and i have been with a queen
it wouldn't have worked out any way
so for now it's just another lonely day ay ay
further along we just may
but for now it's just another lonely day
wish there was something
i could say or do
see cause i can resist anything
but the temptation from you
but i'd rather walk alone
than chase you around
i would rather fall myself
than let you drag me on down
it wouldn't have worked out any way
so for now it's just another lonely day ay ay
further along we just may
but for now it's just another lonely day
yesterday seems like a life ago
cause the one i love
today i hardly know
you i held so close in my heart oh dear
grow further from me
with every falling tear
it wouldn't have worked out any way
so for now it's just another lonely day,ay ay
further along we just may, ay ay
but for now it's just another lonely day "

Phew! what a day....what a day....
A move to the new office....whilst the renovation is on going...
All of a sudden, it seems like I'm the one making decisions, making changes to the renovation plans...
having constracters and suppliers reporting to me regarding linits, constrains and what they were planning for...
And most of all...signing the hell for all the crazy expensive stuff...
Firming the phone line transfer from the old office to the new and getting the phone system fixed up together with
the new 2 madnessly powerful multi copiers that I went shopping around for the company for...
not forgetting the internet connection, setting of a server and the assembly of 7 new sets of computers....
and a referbishment of the old ones....All were no joke....
a huge responsibility placed unto me...tired... handling the core factors to the operation flow of the company
during this transition....highly crucial. A day of no communications could mean a few hundred thousand of
opportunity cost... like straight having my butt on the grill....

Well finally....all done....all done...

all done with a day having no aircon, no chair, lagging water, multi tasking like 5 load of different focal of concern
at a go...and having had only 2 hrs of sleep the night before...
wah....army wasn't so siong last time.....was it?....
or is today's operation MOVE HUGE OFFICE was meant for the SOFs?...hahahaa.....

retiring on my bed...sinking into the comfort of soft pillows....is like heaven.....

=)

Morning breakfast at Ang Mo Kio Ave 4...
truly brings back old memories.
The very old stores selling soya bean milk...
the wan tan mee stall and the one selling the best kway chap
I ever had that got me liking it so much.
The long time hawkers were still there besides the new ones springing up
here and there...
But they are the everlasting... the survival of the fittest...they are the strong ones.
I remembered myself as a young boy at about 5...
I would be at the market with my mum and my dad...strolling to the long morning queue
at the fried carrot cake stall for some nice hot tasty starch and off to the fishy wet market
with old aunties pushing around and all I saw was their butt right in my face.
It all takes a fart and I'd be down...foaming....lol...

Felt like a little boy again...

but reality hits when leaving for work...
I'm already 26 going on 27...
before I know it I'm hitting the 30 mark very soon and I'm at a point
where I either make or break....
and I jolly well make my mark in business and hit my target annual income...
Haiz... 2nd day of official work and already almost 1/3 of the company's cases and
business handlings have already been passed on to me...
fighting fire on the spot...
All the turbo charged learning...
sweeping me off...
Hey I'm gona say that this job can be rather addictive...
You just wanna keep thinking, keep working on cases and issues...
and seeing results coming in one by one.
hohoho....GoGoGo!

Back to work!
lots to learn, lots to quote, lots to think about, lots to strategize...
All in a day's work...
=)

My Art of topping score...strategy set. =) On the tryout. hahaha...

My 3 steps in sales...
the good set of 'C's or the bad set of 'C's??....
hmmm....


It's either the
Convince
then
Confuse
then
Con

For a one time sweep



or

Convince
then
Condition
then
Care

For a long term consumer relationship...thus come referrals and bigger bucks...
Process may be slow, but returns has a high chance of ripping out the ceiling tiles in potentials.

=)

Funny how some people just wanna look at things in one direction...
blindly doing things for the sake of it and not knowing if there are
any good effect in future or any possible cost savings....

All he wants was for me to just say that he made a great choice.

Maybe I'm just too frank when it comes to giving opinions of a
certain decision...
And he ain't much of a bird's eye watcher...


Well...maybe he hasn't been out long enough to know
and simply living in the idealistic dream...
Whatever really.....just whatever bradda....

Catching a glimpse of my journey in the business circle...
I found alot of potential for me to rise...
yet a heavy responsibility imposed upon me...
to search and conquer regions for control and it has to be
fast and furious and sure...
One mistake would mean a few hundred thousand USD...
Damn I don't think I'll wanna make such a mistake....
but anyway...
I guess trying and starting off for the first step...
there is bound to be mistakes here and there....
But I won't make the biggest mistake of all....
That's to not even try....not even do anything... =)

It's never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there's actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines

Since I've met you, my whole heart has changed
It's not just my beats, you've rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you've brought me back
And I haven't felt like this since before buddy said Ken relax

And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the choices best
All I'm asking you, is don't write me off, just yet

For all days I've been telling myself, the same old story
That I'm happy to live off my all time, former glories
But you've given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you'd wipe up all my plans

And though I know, I've already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I'm asking you, is don't write me off, just yet

Wah the end of my ICT finally....
5 days....short but really mentally draining.
Fortunately the people I was supporting in the Armour unit
had many of my friends in there and those I've worked with before
during my tour in the Division HQ. I was able to get things done easily
and get lucky with some stuff to make my life easier.

All days were nothing much but planning and planning...
explaining to people on the bigger picture of how things would turn out,
the reasons for certain things being done and stuff...
So much strategizing so much thinking so much talking...
Alamak....so much for them taking this as a break from the daily routine
in life...
I think it's worse....

Hardly have time to sleep there...
simply late nights and super early mornings...
and all with a super long winded CO...

And so I said "Being an officer does not give me any great
benefits, niether does it give power for suppression...
it simply imposes responsibilities. We here my brothers, are going to be
the kings of the battlefield and must make our presence felt by those we
standby for support."

All of a sudden, great memories of my military life just swept by and I found
that even as new breed officers, the higher ranking ones have to lean towards us for
support and advice....

I guess it's just about time to keep the visions open...
Scanning process...
For...
One very thing... I'll want, need, desire, keep, hold on to...
Infra-red, UV and micro-wave vision all in operation...

Hahaaa.... =)

Alamak....but time manah sia?
Weekends! lol

This easy feelin'...Hohoho...

~I like the way your sparkling earrings lay,
Against your skin, it's so brown
And i wanna sleep with you
In the desert tonight
With a billion stars all around
'cause i gotta peaceful easy feeling
And i know you won't let me down
'cause i'm already standing on the
Ground
And i found out a long time ago
What a woman can do to your soul
but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
And i gotta peaceful, easy feeling
And i know you won't let me down
'cause i'm already standing on the ground
I get this feeling i may know you
As a lover and a friend
But this voice keeps whispering
In my other ear, tells me
I may never see you again
'cause i get a peaceful, easy feeling
And i know you won't let me down
'cause i'm already standing on the ground~

Finally!

Wow what a week!
Came back from the wonderful Bali trip...
Feeling all refreshed and good to go for a new chapter in my life!
Work!
The very thing I've been waiting for since I started studying...
couldn't stand the times that I had to do and learn things that aren't
really gonna be applied in daily life....
to memorize sickening lot of stuff that doesn't help in the survival in this
society...all the blah blahs...

Bali was great....real great... The nice beach...and snorkelling area and
feeding the fishes...
The nice surfers' wet dream come true, where the waves keep coming
and coming unending together with the cool sea breeze...nice!
The cold deep in Ayung River while the few were staying on the rafting boat...
So many things! So fun...so relaxing....not forgetting the massages and spa I had
everyday there...simply gets me all bonded with the bed well at night....hahaha....

And coming home... I get to be a big purchaser for the company...
hahaha...imagine electronic and IT manufacturing companies like Toshiba,
Canon, Commax....all treating you like some king...taking all the effort and time
to entertain you and convince you that their product is better....hohoho....sweet!

Friday....8th of June...the moment of truth...
I FREAKIN' CLEARED UNIVERSITY ALREADY!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
I seriously thought I was going to fail 3 modules out of the 8 that I was dealing with...
coz I was only able to do 1 1/2 Qn to 2 Qns max...the rest of it was trying my luck and
putting down my own understanding without even solving any of the problems....

Anyway....it's prep for convocation now and into the workforce!

The target for the year would be aiming and hitting the 20mil deal and more to come!!!
GoGoGo!!!!
Gotta prove myself in 4 months...sitting in the position of Asst Manager...stress....
But hey this is good stress...
Hahahaaaa....


Monday! off to be an Army fighting machine once again!!!....for 5 days! hahaha....

Awww yeh!
Finally! it's surfing time!!!!....WoooHooo!

Wow! today was a rush! Phew!...

Went to scout on IT stuff at the PC show...Goodness! it was so crowded.
people were madness trying to push their way through.
I got pissed with a few and I think a guy got it from me....
Pushing his wah behind me, til I lost my temper and turned around
confronting him.
was on the verge of giving him a choke slam damn it...

oh well...

Spent a hundred odd on Storage utilities today....and some mini-SDs for friends.

After which I came home and took my mum's place in the kitchen while she went
to switch off with her old friends...
Slaughtered 2 fishes that were catches from the pond on wednesday by a family friend.
Got it seasoned and good for the grill...
Then had to prepare for pasta... all fit for the table at dinner time...
Darn dealing with the fish was so much problem when having the wrong tools.
And with nobody's assistance. I can feel why my mum sometimes gets so pissed
when she has to rush while everyone else ...aka my siblings sitting around
the place and minding their own business and just waiting for the meal to be
done. But I guess at least when I call out for them, I don't need to push off
for a second shout and they report to me in the kitchen....hohoho...
then that's not so bad lah...

I wish they can just try to help around sometimes and need not to have my mum calling for help.
By then she's already all boiling inside already.
I hope for more time to just take over her duties for awhile to let her go relax alittle...
Maybe on my first pay I'd just get a spa package for she and my dad to let them both go soothen down
themselves and take a break...
The rest will be old enough to deal with their stuff....meals and transport altogether....
they are 15yrs old and above already...so it's time my parents give themselves some time together.

Anyway today... I just got done with dinner and sweep my mum upstairs and got her away from
the maid, before the maid does some shitty thing to anger her and boil her blood.
the maid has been madness for the few months...it's like having her around is giving us more worries
and more work to deal with. things weren't clean, the clothes iron almost burnt the whole of my table...
the tables were never cleaned well...everything wasn't done properly to the bare minimum required at all!
And we've all been teaching her for months and she just doesn't bother at all...
My parents are are gona bat her all the way back to Indo once the new one is confirmed...
hope that time comes faster!


1 more day to Bali Day!!!

Oh man....counting down...2 more days...
and I'm off!
hohoho....Surf the big waves....

Taking some time to ponder on what I want out of life...
once again...
as I always do....hahahaha

Well...
Career....about there...
just need to work on that make it florish...and hit the big target of the year....
Studies....aiyah...heck it already....it's the past...

home....I'll find it and plan when I'll think of buying one...
Car...Oh...I think soon when I get the certifications by the next quarter...

Girlfriend....OMG....now that one...hmmm....haven't thought of yet. hahaha
It's a tough one.
Maybe wait and see...and the almighty being might just allow the chance to hit...


Also...
I'm feeling my temper heating up somehow...not sure why...
but, I seem to begin to get frustrated when people do odd and persistant things
to me... be it verbal, physical...whatever... the explosion will come.

Guess I really need the holiday!

"To be able to blame yourself for the mistakes made in life
but yet to be forward looking"
Is an enlightenment that will carry one beyond the the line of
norm abilities...

"To know what you want to achieve in life and to fight for it
in the best possible way with integrity" is one who holds strong determination
and will.

My future...in my line...
To get what I want...
I'll SWEAT it out!
For a better life, for a better future...
For the things I want and the place I wanna be....

Sell
With
Every
Available
Technique

Saturday....went for Novena....
after centuries since the last time I did so...
Realised I couldn't follow what they were doing....
wasn't too sure of the procedures so just prayed the way I would....
well that's so me lah....hohoho....

I'm so looking forward to the coming Saturday.....
Will then fly off to Bali...finally for a short short holiday....
Get out of the system awhile...

and out of the projects for free lance too....need a break before
I hardcore start on my work....my career.....
the burst into the building of Kenneth Empire!
hahahahaa....

Back in goumet Mood...thus a treat for all

The feeling of sharing is good...
to the belated celebration for mother's day...
for my mum and grandma...
And for the good feeling of getting out of NTU.
HOHOHO....

The best feeling comes when I see people enjoying what I've
spent the day preparing for them...and set 2 days to plan and buy the stuff for cooking....

All my first time tests...(yet to perfect it fit for bigger mass and newbie people)...
Thanks to my honoured guinea pigs. lol.
=>Chicken Fajita with multigrain tortilla
=>Cajun grilled King Prawns with mango salsa
=>Spanish seafood backed rice
=>Swedish meatballs with cranberry jelly sauce and beef gravy cream sauce.
(my big tryout...was afraid it fails and have to finish the whole 1kg myself)
=>Balsamic Vinegar dressing salad with olive and garlic croutons
=>Clam Chowder
=>Chilled Mango Cheese cake

All in good time...all in good time...

Next....hmm....I duno...greek?....American?...

Anyway I hope everyone truely enjoyed the food...as much as I enjoyed cooking!

Sometimes I wonder what should I really do...
there are somethings in life that probably I just need to let it flow through...
and just not bother about too much...
But yet.. how would I know what those things really are?

Damn...such feelings are jack shit!

Feeling somehow that I've been in a way forced to come to a point
where I just don't wanna care so much about some stuff...and just let be...
stick on to what I've been with and the road I've travelled along...
just praying for the well being of my freakin' results...(which I'm so afraid to see actually)

Argh!!!

"To have someone breathed easier because you lived... that's success"

where experience flows
and opportunity comes...
buzz of life and lack of self time
in the beginning in inevitable...

Time to pick it all up!
And life long planning is on the way!

I've been spending days if not many years wondering...
WHY....
why is there division of different religion even when there is a common believe
of the same almighty being...
I'm a catholic...
born into and reaffirmed at the age of 14...
gotten in and out of faith...
basically, because I question...
But how did the religion catholic come about actually?
well....

Catholic is a term derived from latin or greek....meaning 'universal' or general.

Most Reformation and post-Reformation Churches use the term Catholic to refer to the belief that all Christians are part of one Church, regardless of denominational divisions. It is in line with this interpretation, which applies the word "catholic"/"universal" to no one denomination, that they understand the phrase "One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church" in the Nicene Creed, the phrase "the catholic faith" in the Athanasian Creed, and the phrase "holy catholic church" in the Apostles' Creed.

The term is used also to mean those Christian Churches which maintain that their Episcopate can be traced unbrokenly back to the Apostles, and consider themselves part of a broad catholic (or universal) body of believers.

I guess the only difference between Catholics and the Christians we have today is very much the method of teachings and following of the bible and one being universal, pays respect to the mother of God and pray directly to the almighty while the other only deals with direct communication. Isn't it afterall how humans interpret history and literature?... And if there are common believers, they form a new congregation of themselves and spread the very same words of the bible...

But how do each and every christians differ?....Methodist, presby, charismastics...blah blah blah...etc..?

Well I don't know...seems like all a complicated issue...
Sometimes it's a pain thinking about it.

I hate these differences.

Like I just respect all, whatever and however they see as respect as right...
am I still going to hell for that?...

Là I un coeur brisé,
pour vous valable,
dans toute la franchise,
vous sont spécial toujours.

Vous avoir détruit de telles voies,
a encore été le plus non,
a encore été le plus non désiré,
mais destiné il a été.
Peut-être un jour je comprendrais.
Peut-être un jour je viendrais
dans la recherche de vous quand j'ai vu la lumière sur quelques

Avec toutes les choses qui est noir,
vous avez semblé une combinaison plus blanche.
Je vois les deux couleurs et les embrasse toutes de vous.
Une image de vous dans mon esprit,
belle pourtant elle reste.

I lay before the stage of my own life...
a play I began 26 years since I saw light.
Wonderin' oh what's grave importance and what's not.
How did I come to such a point where I just want to be with
somebody yet I can't...
not because there ain't attraction...
not because there is some character mismatch...
not because we have life's grave differences we can't stand about each other...
Yet because of how religion in this world fools us...

How is it that even honouring the same supreme being
could be made so different by humans upon this sickening earth...?
How is it that simply living a life together isn't just it?...
It's either life expectations level differences or
the believe of meeting our maker on judgement day clashes
that has scared my emotional self... year by year....
one by one...

Making me thus so fed up...
Frustration is boiling within...
like some may say a singleton equates freedom
but I see a proper pair brings joy...
There see mine I do not...

sick and tired...

I just hope I won't grow into some selfish being
that I just have enough of all these issues to think about and handle...
that I'd want nothing anymore...
bring a scorpion filled mind...
pains and aches unending...

Where thus I go?
journey my OWN path...
my OWN way...
have my OWN talk...?...

I wish someone just go alter the scripts to my play...

Finally... FYP ended....the final presentation done...
weird but true...my supervisor who once threatened to fail me...
actually started aiding me during the firing of Q&A...
helped me explain the constrains and why I shouldn't be blamed so much on
getting all the fundamentals right...and all the memory work...
Coz to him...it's now very obvious that THE KENNETH CHAN IS A VERY BUSY MAN!!!
and that THE BRAIN ISN'T JUST FOR MEMORY WORK!!! other SURVIVAL ANALYSIS PROVE TO BE
OF HIGHER IMPORTANCE!...
hahahaaaa....

Oh well...
that phase....I hope it's all over now....

Something disturbs me very much....
sigh...why must there be a division of different denominations of christianity!!!!???
Can't there be something just common....?
Afterall...isn't it God we're all talking about?....the same God isn't it?....
What's with the world mama?....

A part of me feels torn....
to a person I feel quite abit for...
but yet...a line drawn by religion....I can't see the reason to cross...
I only see respect on what each other believes in...
sigh...
But reality bites so hard sometimes....
so painful...
Father! please show me a sign....a way...
it's like torn between a religion I was born into for 26yrs of my life...and my character....then towards something that is wholely new by someone I feel for....
feels like I'm suddenly not too sure what I'm gona think anymore...
it's wrecking me in a way...
And God I need to find a way to build me up....
Help me...
What's thy will really?...
I can't be toyed again....
your son is begging...

Funny how I'm being played around
all my life this far...
in and out of an emotional escapade....
sucks!

It totally feels so good without needing to have the thought of having any exams today...
no papers on my table...
no equation memory list...
No stupid professors to see with their look on theif faces like they are like kings of the exam hall...
and our fate lies within their hands....
No more!!!!

but yesterday....was a totally killer paper...
all my friends were clueless and totally had no experience in those kinda questions given...
even after doing past yr's paper...
doing all the tutorials...
were still unable to get it done with much confidence...
OMG...but what the heck...it's over and I can't be bothered to leave any brain juice on for it.
just relax my brain for now...

In 6hrs

In 6hrs...
I'm a free man...
Free from the torture of academic lock ups...
free from huge load of memory drag...
free from the place where they call NTU...
a place of total impractical studies...
really 90% life survival studies of whatever field you enter into...

In 6hrs...
the end of student life...
and the dawn of a new building of an empire...
there I'll rise...

OH what in the world is going on???

Hearing from some how they're being split apart from the person dear to them
mainly due to 2 factors...
1) Religion
2) History aka. pass r/s

Totally not good...
Sometimes I sit and think...
Why is it that religion has to be some issue when it comes to being together...
when it comes to being in a r/s. Isn't it most important how both feel for each other?
How the character binds each other?

Where both are great with each other...
understands each other...feels secure and warmth in the presence of each other...
feels the nice feeling of being together....
but due to Religion... to that difference, they can't be together...
Even within the same belief yet different denomination...there is still problem...
How is it that religions call for a division of type and other than calling for unity of all human race?
It's rather human's selfish interpretation of writings to formulate their own group...
for control...and thus leading to a 'tradition' or a 'custom' people follow.
How true those 'words of wisdom' are...all lies with the mouth of the founder...
Really to me...it doesn't matter which religion I've to deal with...
The one thing I've always believed... God gave us the freedom, we should give others
the freedom to choose where they wanna go....who they wanna follow. Still, no matter
what the case is...he still loves us the same. Shan't others from other groups, and we're already
not abiding by one of the law of the 10 commandments... "Love your neighbour...blah blah blah"
Respect what other people believe in... that's the most important...
If only the world can jolly well understand this and earth... will be much much more peaceful...
Sad to say....sometimes a cross of boundaries can cause an outrage for war... a no good excuse they call
a 'religious war'....

And history?... One changes and forms a character...good or bad...is mainly from experiences.
Happy are those who have experienced and change for the better...
Having many pass r/s doesn't equate to the person being a horrible player of emotions....
We grow...we learn...we fall and we get up once more...
Very often, we'd love to say that he/she is my first love...but sometimes...due to the infinite possibilities
of changes around us... is that ever possible to hit the target on the first try?....
one in a million I say...
if you've gotten that...then you're lucky....good for you.
But along the way I've come to understand, you'll never know a person until you're in a r/s with the person...
people are way different when being put in different situations...
different at friends,
different as working partners,
different as playmates,
different as a girlfriend/boyfriend
different as husband/wife
different as brother/sister....etc...
Being in a r/s with one...will bring you into another of his/her realm...where we see
how they react as a son/daughter...brother/sister...friends to others and most of all, girlfriend/boyfriend...
and thus give us an idea on how he/she is like as a husband/wife...
So...walk into it...and if it fails...at least you've tried and given a shot at it...
rather than regretting for life that it could've been the one but yet you gave the chance away...
Sadly for those who see past history as a grief obstacle in getting into a r/s with the other...
they'll never get give take those chances and miss out on the possibilities...

Actually...having gone through so many r/s... it only gives me a better understanding of what I want
in my partner... a better idea on how to deal with the other...
How best to treat a girl and most of the time how to interpret ambiguous verbal meanings...
If that's not a good thing... then oh crap... I'm a gonner...

The Top goals of '07

3 goals... and it's be accomplished by end 2007....

1) Career : set my footage and prove my worth in operations and biz

2) my darn civilian car license (and then the car given to me by the company...and hopefully save for an Audi R8 and a nice house)

3)Search and target possible candidates for "life partner" analysis....hahahaa.......



Oh finally the last goal that will be put into motion once I end exams....
build back fitness to man-of-steel standard....going in for reservice in June and don't wanna be looking like some slack shitty officer just for name sake....
and of course....Paul and Richie....rmb our goal of getting on the next marathon?....yah....we better head off with the training again....hahahaa...if not we probably die
this time.....I shouldn't be anywhere behind....lol....ample training unlike the last time....no training...after exams and off I go for the run...madness...almost died.

Went to chruch today...
Realised something really true today...
Marriage is yet another vocation....
A sacred vocation that both sides have to be opened to one another
to feel the love...
to share with each other the kind of person each of them are...
to share the life together...
That alone, isn't something easy at all...
Very often we get trapped in our own world...
our own space that we'd never wanna change.
Coz it's the very way we want it to be....the very vision we see it to be
and how we'd have it.
But when it comes to sharing a life with another, it's all a breaking down of our own beliefs
and a construction of a whole new set together with another person.

And the construction...is a process that isn't gona be easy...
Collaboration....compromise...hard work...understanding...and lots of other things.
Holding on strong to that someone... is yet the most important...
esp when in this present society, either sides....men and women the same sway...
taking a walk to the forbidden fruits...and commit something they'd regret doing
but have already done so...no turning back on it...just repent.
But it's already a scar.

Here I stand...by myself...
I've yet to decide on which way to walk to...
like a clearing fog...
just like I'd wanna settle, but yet after being through so many...
I've got this fear that I'll fall upon a relationship that will be so hard to sustain.
That somehow cripples...
That for one is the worry that I've always been having....
That's the thing that always gotten me thinking before I even say yes and given myself the go ahead.
I've got a good appetite for risk but when it comes to this... I don't...
Somehow I just can't anymore...
Tired maybe...just wanna settle for someone I'd live with through my life...
happily.
Just pray on it...
Just hope on it...
Just search and ponder...
one in mind but yet to wonder abt...
I guess time will tell...
time spent to understand and realise.
that...like I said before...will be part of my plans after exams...

A horrible 2 weeks...but a good break came after 6 papers...
very nice...
Buddy felix came visiting for supper...
then the next after packing some stuff back home...
met the good frenz of hall 10 at Wine Network to chill...
and the following day....

today actually...
out since morning for rock climbing with ZQ...
yeh yeh though we caught the wrong bus to SAFRA...
but it was still a joy ride around wasn't?...
Just good to waste a day away some times...
Just doing things and taking your time....
Got a big glass Jar for a fish tank at ikea....hahaa....
next would be to find a nice good filter and pump...
All before shifting my fishes over.

Oh the Swedish meat balls were great....great great....hahaha...
But think I over ordered...lucking thing I was sharing if not I'd be swedish meanball too...
Will try making one of these days...
Think about that after the last paper....

Tonite...I'm good to go again....and swing off to my readings
for the last...
Biomedical Signal Processing...
Let's go!

In the day....
whilst the day dreaming and the do nothings when i just couldn't study....

I got reminded of a glacier experience scary enough to shake me off my guts....

Duh....

Stalled on ice, dizzy, only slightly aware of the massive glacier that sloped away at a 35-degree angle for 2500 feet beneath my toes. My headache...or yes my headache had gotten worse in the preceding hours. The picturesque landscape of snow fields and icy cliffs all around me had compounded to a single image...
I watched the ice crowd my field of vision as I fell until my head hit the left footprint with a loud thud...
And just not far awway I heard the rope group calling "Falling" following sound of ice axes thrusting desperately into the mountain...
And thereafter...the nightmare began....
a situation where my symtoms were getting worse...and death was likely in the forecast...
the only solution was seemingly turn back before I hit summit...
But maybe it was me....
too courageous to quit...
too much to say I'd give up....
I just had to go for it and give it a bamm!

When you come to such a death defying moment...
you'd find how much your apetite for risk and adrenaline rush is like...
You wanna feel it...feel it at Mt Shasta...
slog your way to the Avalanche Gluch... fight death....fight fear and overcome yourself....

Makes you feel like an accomplished person in the world already....better than a million bucks...
Try tripping down to california then...find yourself!

=)

3 more to go...
just 3 more to go!!!
An that's the end of this pain...
the usual bi-yearly pain I've been dreadfully going through.
Academic stuff isn't for me...
not me at all...
Be operational...be working...
be a survivor out there...
a hunter...a seeker...
a leader...
just not be a student...
I'd die...
like I feel I am....just dying...in the books...piling over me...
the notes giving paper cuts after paper cuts...

just 3 more to go!!!

the 3 great heavy ones that requires at least 3 solid days of studying...
So darn tired when you've got to match against people who have 7 days to study for a module while u've got only 2..
maybe less than that...time is shared with another set coming on back to back...

finishing papers in the exams...is totally ecstatic...
even better than....erhmmm....ahemm...well..
just a good feeling...
Just don't bother about the results...
GIVE ME A PASS IS ALL I WANT!!!

Damn....!!!
Weird weird dream!

Suddenly I had something new...flashing in my 1hr+ rest time...
was so real that it was kinda possible for confusion and wrong move...

Out of God knows what senario...Dreamt I started kissing someone...and when
she came waking me up when the room was all dark
I almost pulled her over to give a peck on the cheek!...
Lucky I stopped...

must be the busted brains in there...

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

The time that it took writing words for my book
seems to have broken in half
The gate that i shut last time i got hurt
seems to have opened itself

Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

All I see are numbers...
making dark clouds in my mind...
2 sets of terror
a wicked dream come true...
perfect nightmare in the process...
But yet,
I shall stand even in weakness
of my tired legs...
the roar of my raging voice...
a call...
"Oh God Please aid me!"
I fall on my knees...
my sight darkens...
Just then,
The lightness of my heavy tired body
lifted into the light above...
There I found peace within...
an utter shut down of my system...
the wanting to think no more...
the desire of a stressless moment...
that was it...

Oh damn I'm frustrated...it's 5.50am and I can't seem to sleep....exam at 9am...
Damn shit...am I screwed.

What is it this time?....

sigh...oh well... might as well let the insomnia come...
I'd rather that than having the wrong sleeping time!
argh!!!


All my buds seem to be dealing with some stuff at the moment...
Richie...having some decision to make...and feeling frustrated...
I think I might just know what it is actually...but hey...I think
there are some point where one has to stop and think if it's all worth it.
And worth is basically self perception...all up to you.

If it's a good thing and situations are seemingly strong enough to just let go
of what you have currently and just seek something of the unknown whilst purely having
the company of love...then go...
but having doubts...just alittle bit...think again then.

We all don't want you to make a decision you'd regret bro in future.
open the enclosed box and look what's inside before deeming it for keeps
or to the thrash... know thorougly what you are holding before letting go.
We have confidence you will make the right choice and the choice you'd be happy with.
We're just behind you...just look behind and a pat on your shoulder comes...take comfort
to that and just reflect and think things through.

Ja...leadership programme seems to be some draining thing...
like some adventure camp you put yourself through but this somehow stretches you
in someway that maybe I can't really see...but anyhow...I can see it's draining...
and I reckon it's very much about dealing with people.
I can't really comment much on this coz I've been one person who have been sadistic enough
to put myself through lotsa physical torture in tough trainings...mentally trying situations...
just to test myself and my limits...
Just that now...with academic stuff...hahaa I already know my limits...
I CAN'T STAND STUDYING CRAP!!! THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO DAILY SURVIVAL!!!!!
shit...I often think what in the world am I studying this and that for when I'm not going to use it in the long run...
horrible!
even the people teaching me are telling me that the educational system is horrid...
even the great scholars of distinctions and As...telling me at the end of the day, they realised that
they learnt nothing that helps them through the next step in life....survival...or should I say...
work.

oh well...don't think don't think...it's ending soon!
just try....

Paul...nice....all happy with his current position...that's great....toils and little struggles but I guess he is dealing great!
With all the holidays he just went for...and the one that we're all planning together....
hey everyone...we're gona have fun ya!

And buds...
The Kenneth is soon gona be out from the cage....!!!
VERY V E R Y SOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!
I'm so gona be over joyed...
somehow in some part of my brain I'm not even thinking what if I fail any subject this semester...
scary huh...coz basically I don't care already....all I know is that I'm just trying...
the darn stupid cert isn't important to me anymore...
not like the time I was tied up with SIA....with the whole thing about 2nd uppers and above...
pitting myself with those scholars of 1st class or having masters and pHd...
Afterall, at the end of the day...when I was there, they couldn't do many things that I could...
so much for being academically brilliant...

Recently I just told a professor that.... somehow I feel that he thinks he is darn great in this field and in his life
plainly because he is just being sheltered and in comfort of the educational protection...
like they all need him for the knowledge he has...
he is like someone in the stormy waters constantl having a float...since the day he started off being in the waters...
while those like me are rather the kind of people who simply get thrown into the waters and it's really up
to us to keep afloat...
and thus...when we find a float, we actually can live with or without it...while they probably not be able to
or to be fair...find great difficulties in doing so.

I got sick and tired when he kept thinking that students these days can't explain or get things so simple to him
into their head and remember it. These people can never bring themselves to the level of students...
Well...fortunately, there are still some good kind ones who are empathetic...

something inside is tingling...and I wonder what...
Do I have to eat the words I said before?....
hmmm....

Darn....it's rubbish...I wouldn't know if it's for real...

or just some momental feeling with the distraction of stress.....
thus the need and desire....

I'll give myself a short break...
hmmm...like maybe take a gun and fire it through my head...
and then recover back again....lol

It's the last burst
oh yes it's the last burst...
Everyone's telling me the same thing...
Yes, coz it is...
But there I feel the frustration building...
suddenly all my years of studies were like becoming pointless
as I find myself in confusion...
with theories...
with what's right and what's wrong...
what's science and what's engineering...
what's answer and what's solution...
I just want to have a normal life...
doing my trade...
my insterest...
and build a family of my own....
that's all that matters....!!!


Last burst?...
oh yes it is...
but questions arising....
what has this place taught me at the end of the day?...
I'm not sure anymore...
practically....nothing useful...

how can this be.....
how can such a educational guide be such?
madness...
got hit by a sudden requirement to do a demonstration today and
had no time for prep... no time for reading up...
my mind was blank...
sucks sucks!!!

And who is he is say that I will be unemployed?...
Who is he?... just a professor in engineering and he can tell me that?
just coz he is assessing me I'll just give him face and keep my mouth shut and not retaliate...
not kill his pride the way I'd do to anybody on the streets...
sickening...madness

such horrid person...
who is he to dig into so much about what I'm going to do?

FOR YOUR INFO MISTER...IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW...
I'M ALREADY IN THE BIZ... I'M ALREADY ON THE GO...
I KNOW MY PRODUCT BETTER THAN ANY SHIT PROFESSORS CAN TALK ABOUT UNLESS THEY INVENTED THE DAMN THING!
Do this here....do this in the campus....but don't let me find you at my face one day asking me for quotations...
I'll make sure, you'll see many digits slapped at your face and you don't have a freaking choice on that...
unless you travel off shores far far away to get it...by then the costs all add up...
So much for saying you're trying to be fair..? c'mon....the other moderators were simply good and kind....you didn't know
you hit the billboards for being the asshold professor in the power division that all students hate to be under...
utterly no compassion when it comes to the system of education...comparing your intelligence with students...
why? is that because you have nobody else to compare yourself to?...
sucker...
if you find the things we do really complex...then you're just a piece of shit who got your many years of experience in the education into the waste....matching 10yrs of power experience to a student is totally a thing to look down upon....
Open your eyes....the people working around you feel the same way!!! just you....!

The tree wants calm, but the wind keeps blowin'...
Somethings...is beyond the control of self....

Where are you now
And who's by your side
Can't hide for a lifetime
Uncover your eyes

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Where am I now
and who's on my side
I'd wait for a lifetime
For you to come back

Wake up, in the evening
Share the moonlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost
Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
You and me

4 days and I'm still all pissed....
Freakin' mad at!!
Damn shit!

It's burning inside like I have to print knuckles
somewhere before I can get it done for....

ARGH!!!!!!

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