Oh what life is....

Life's been good
only the professors are giving me a headache with all their teachings...
imagine they are clueless themselves on why some subects are designed....
So much for NTU being a world class university.
Damn it....the world should come to know of this.

The craziness of the school....teaching for the sake of teaching without having to spare a thought for those
in the course of studies...what kind of difficulties they suffer under.... why some have problems understanding
certain things in the course...

Nver thought that it was solely due to their lack of ingenuity for some proper design of an undergrad engineering course.

argh....!!!!!

Make me a channel...

It's been sometime since my last post...
busy with the start of school... So fast and a week has passed...
Time awaits nobody.

Somehow...the start of this new semester,
I feel many mixed feelings...
In a great wonder of the things going around me,
coming and going...
My fragile mind... bursting in me through and through sometimes.
Night runs or just in general runs are just so comforting
where I just look forward and every moment is about just myself.
I burn...like a heart without a home and a rebel with a cause...


A part of me has somehow changed through those difficult and trying times that hath just passed.

I'm look around for a life partner...building with me a family I call my own.
While I slog daily in the rat race for returns on the table...
I don't mind the slogging... just bring in the joy of offsprings...
Grannies of my dad's and mum's side have been mumbling in my ears about this issue... yes it's true, age is catching up for me and especially for them...
one of the eldest few in the family and pinned with the pressure of hope for them.


I realised and fully believed in a hymn that rings in my head or so very often...
really brings meaning to many things.... simple words with simple yet great teachings....

"Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring you love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in you.
.....
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
....
It's in pardoning that we are pardoned;
In giving of ourselves that we receive,
and in dying that we're born to eternal life..."

Just a simple extract of a hymn...
brings me much peace, to know ultimately what comes around goes around...

Why fret so much when at the end of the day, things will naturally fall into place.

Smile to another day!

The start of a new semester...

School's just started... the beginning just hit off and time awaits nobody.
3am into the 2nd day and I'm sitting right here... clueless... about certain things...
about myself and what phase I'm into now.

It feels as if I understood alot about myself through this whole holiday that has just passed...but yet there are complications clouding me here and there...
And my insomnia...not helping at all. Just prevents my sleep and I'm starting to talk strange... act strange... feel inhuman...
totally robotic.

But the only good thing I realised that my shot gun temper went away somehow.
My bursting anger just dispersed into nothingness...
Not that I don't have temper but it's just like very controlled...
maybe reverting to the way I was when I was way younger...
a cycle?...hmmm

oh well.... putting off that rage is a good thing anyway....

Too much things happening in my life these days...maybe should I say, it's during this short period of 3mths.... big changes....decisions... people coming in and out... lots of these kind of stuff...
What I once had in focus is now no more... I gave it up coz knowing it's not the kind of life I want to lead. having it for that short period was enough to realise it. With it came losing myself, my love, my time, my sleep... and yet out there lies a probable opportunities. the 4 things above were important to me...with them and only with them I'd have a free mind.

Having letting it go now... leaves a space somehow inside me...in question what my next step would be...
to hit off straight into IT sector? and be my creative designer and live my hobby dreams? or go into the marketing sector where I know my ability to network and deal or even manage people would be there?
Having offers all over the place...wanting to give me a start of a good 5 grand even when I've not finished undergrad studies....temptation but holding on to myself for that, I knew i must finish this crazy EEE course.

Sigh...anyway... a good run puts away all these for the moment...relaxing me for awhile at least...

As of now...I only know, putting a smile on everyday, makes everyday better and easier to get through...
Even through conflicts and stormy situations...
I guess I'd just live on that for the moment....