Fuck! damn it...
Why is it so difficult?...
Why can't I just get myself out of this?....
tell me why!!!
it's been weeks....oh God it's been weeks...
to month is has been...
fake to being kwel..
fake to having smiles...
fake to being alright...
a great pretender I try to be...
fake being strong
fake being stone cold and hard
fake being tough...
but afterall...
I'm the one...lying here
alone... here...
myself...
where the prayers somehow didn't work...
the rosaries can't silence the thoughts...
I'm in pain...
Give me the rage to numb the feeling...but it's only for awhile...
when I come back down...
I'm weakened.

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Staring right back in the face ~
A memory can't be erased ~
I know 'coz I tried ~
Start to feel the emptiness ~
And everything I've been missin'~
I know and I can't hide ~
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It was pain 'til I had to get out of it fast
Before the exhibit of emotions and tears
Faked a smile and made my move
like wanting to stay and yet wanting to disappear
reaction that I'm not familiar with
the wrong mix and fusion of the heart and mind
jumbled vocals
uneven breath
spike in heartbeat frequency...

Oh damn it...can't believe migraine overcame me last night...
mixing insomnia and migraine was sending me back to hell...
bring out the raging devil within the human body...
like everything was pumping the fire inside...
the blood boiling at every corner of the veins...
red fuming eyes and smoke fuming out from the skin...

then the world was spinning around...
my head was spinning all around...
having that and yet you can't faint into the darkness of sleep...
How wonderful is that...

And the heart super charge pumps blood
to feed every muscle inside
to mechanize and fuel the impulsing infinite fury

Nothin' provided the sense of physical pain...

But a jab and few needles
gave a punch to knock the daylights off my mind...

WONDERFUL! ain't it!

Just felt like writing some shit...so haha...here I am...blogging...
some inputs before I hopefully end the day in closure of my eyes...and my mind...
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If heartaches and jaded had a face
Think it would kinda look like mine
If they had homes it would be my eyes
Would everyone believe me if I said I'm sick of this
here I go all over one more time
Tried to climb the steps
Tried to put up the chase
Tried to earn my way through
Tried to change the living minds of love
Oh better believe that I've tried to beat all these...
So when will this end
It just goes on and on
Over and over again
spinning me round no it won't stop
'til I step off my living consciousness into a faint
Well I never thought I'd end up here
Oh I never thought I'd be standing where I am
kinda thought it would be easier than this
Guess I'm wrong now
This one more time
My Carousel of shit...
I still feel the same though everything has changed
the pain it cost
I feel lost in my own name
And I keep running
Just go workin'
I keep living dreaming the day when I'm with you
what if I'm with you...
The past has left its stain
now I feel the achin'
like you took away the chains of yesterday
And so heartaches and jaded, my face...

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