I wasn't alone...

Today...I went to church,
after three weeks of not going or probably going with my mind not in the mass at all....
I was shocked to listen to what was spoken by the priest...
I went to there early today initially thinking of making my confession after ages...
however, I didn't 'coz I didn't really know what much to say.
But the only thing I knew was that I doubt my religion.... I had doubts in God.
For the past few weeks or month I've been in troubled waters and felt that there was no where to turn to. Whatever the case was...i felt alone. I was just roaming around...aimlessly.
Trying to find answers for myself that I felt God or anyone up there couldn't or doesn't seem to me helping me or giving me confidence and support... my whole consciousness was in distress...

As I sat by the bench in the church...I felt I needed to confess this whole doubting thing, and just then, the priest walked up to the alter to begin the mass....
The first words he said was..."Many times in our lives we are often hit by storms. And during these times, do we keep our faith on what we were told to believe through scriptures?... Or do we doubt God and question if he is even there with us to go through the pain we are experiencing...or the storms we are being hit by?... He has been there with you trying to give peace to you at all times..."
I was shocked...as this topic was running in my head throughout my sitting there and days before I even stepped into church....

Just that very moment...tears filled my eyes and then rolled down my cheeks...
It somehow felt that someone was listening to my calling...
I wasn't really alone as I thought I was...

Well I really don't know...but I hope so...


Anyway... I do hope Min is not holding against me for my regretting shot of words.
I guess I was being hard and sharp when that came out...
On second thoughts I could feel the pain saying it, but I've said it.
Argh... I've got my faults...she has hers...who was I to compare or judge...
Like I said, I'd just want the hands of time to turn and I'll just keep quiet and not say anything... though it won't improve anything but at least it wouldn't have worsen.
Today...on msn, Min dropped me a message but ended saying that she'd better go if not she would be called ridiculous and asked to shut up... somewhat like the whole issue of yesterday's.
There was a part of me happy to know that she messaged me coz I'd wish to embrace her in everyway...but of coz, I don't think that'll happen. Guess I would only if she is forward about it....anyway...
The other part of me felt the stab...stab not from her...but from myself.
sigh...

Words said, hearts bled
All I'm left is my regret
In anger, in fear
Even when there was tear
I said the sharpest words
like a boomarang it hit
and turned back at me it too did...
I don't know...I guess
I've gotten myself in such a mess
Min must be hating me..
I can feel though I can't see.
Who else can I blame but myself....
Words said, hearts bled
All I'm left is my own regret.

I just pray that in time we just learn to compromise with each other... or maybe at least learn not to collide.

It's a shame what we've become
When we hurt the ones we love...
It's a place I don't wanna go anymore...

If she'd forgive me, I'll be contented.
I just want to say... I didn't mean to hurt... I'm sorry.

Some ordinary Sunday with a new activity...

First day of salsa beginner lesson...
well to begin with it wasn't in my line of activities at all,
but I guess I must say I kinda enjoyed it.
Instructor is important...and today's instructor was good.
got myself enrolled for the whole beginner's course instead of the
initial idea of just a one day tryout...hahaa...
looks like I've got a new social activity up coming!

That's the only highlight of the day I guess...
Other than that it's just nothing much... empty.
Took a walk in town after class and got myself some cool looking cuff links
with celtic designs...
Something that I can wear with any of the cuff link shirts.
Though the price wasn't cool at all I still got it... coz I liked it... enough said.
hahahaa....
So my process of changing my wardrobe has begun....bit by bit....can't do it all the way...
too much cost included... needs some time to do all that..hehe..

Arthur's wedding! congrats!

Just came back from a good friend's wedding....Arthur Foo...
Some big decision he has made...and I guess it's been a great choice!
his wife's great! They are just a wonderful pair I must say.
The whole wedding dinner thingy was great esp the video presentation... unique I must say
judging from my experience in event coord point of view.
Wow! I guess time is racing face for some of us...and for others...we just take out time and slowly move on with life.
The next great thing about this wedding was meeting up once again with my buddies from OCS...
the very guys who went through hardship with me...in all those trainings...the memories brought back.
Everyone leading different lives...and with some in the process of a marriage plan....Yes Jacky and Sharone!...the 2 long time love birds..
Some stuck in the army going all military once again and not forgetting those who are just starting in their new career...
Wow... how time flies...
We were once young and firing guns together and sometimes at each other in practice... running around in our camo attire hoping to merge with the forested surroundings....and the next moment...we find ourselves either in part time studies fighting in the books or in our own commercial war...fighting for a place in this world...
To truely and practically hit on surviving this rat race world.
But no matter what the case is... there was one thing common in all of us...
Brotherhood bonding...
Not the gayish shit...but rather a bond where it stays strong no matter what the case is.
no matter where we are...
We keep ourselves updated with each other.
There is always warmth coming back in gatherings.
The whole group of us.

Well...after just this night... my new life begins in a new thought...new perspective...
Yet in another, a whole new family planning hits off after a wedding...
while some to carry on with their lives in norm.

Whatever it is...Cheers! Cheers to wherever time brings us and brings unto us...
Good or bad...bring it on...!