To toulouse

Reaching the place of destination for work....
that's where work begins through and through..
where is the stop?
Well I don't know got no idea...
I'm not the boss
that put me here!

Ok now I'm kinda getting alittle exhausted. need to re-energize myself. Freezing cold everywhere these days...maybe even the once hot desert might be freezing up...hahaa
My lovely girl has got dance today and I hope no hurt or injuries befalls her... always want her safe.

Somehow I do see myself in her...like she to dance and me in the past to water sports...
Pain, tired, rushy...whatever it is...still must go. Coz' whatever the case is...it somehow eases the mind for those moments.
Well I used to take windsurfing as a form of dance art on the water...making the smooth stunts...flips 3m above water level...or some 360 turns and stuff like that...
like a dances on a water stage when u view across the vast sea horizon...
you'd feel like you're taking flight any moment and you're just free...free to the speed that only you know you can reach.
Well liking the adrenaline and things like that was really secondary...what was most important was you weren't thinking about anything else...just on what you're doing that very moment.
That's when I found myself...
that's when I see myself in struggles...
in pain...excitment... rage... holding some fighting spirit...
the determination to get to where I wanna be. and not just getting there is how I get there.
It's gotta be good. wanted to be the best...best in my league.
And was I, well only the people who saw can tell...
trophies...medals...they mean nothing... it's how the people I brought together...saw me...that was important. Coz' they are probably the one who will live long the dreams I had when the injuries on me just start to take over... Doing what I used to do?....I can never reach where I was again. Good to pass it on.

The way I see her dance... may not be the pros...but it's somewhat better coz it's with expression... with feeling... like a very part of her. Though panting in exhaustion, she moves in those beautiful steps to make the whole art piece wonderful...
Art...is acquired... it doesn't matter how people see it to be...it's what you see it to be that make you different from the rest...
And she is different. Could see her tired in a dance but filled with life...

hahaa...well...swaying from what happens to me today to talking about her once again....

Can't help it...what's there to say about me work?...just work..get done.
I guess I miss her so much, she doesn't know...
it doesn't matter... So long I know she is well and happy... having her smile is more important.

right Kenneth?...
right... =)

It's been trying...

In a long period when I could just sit and do some thinking of my own...
Where everything else stops revolving only the matters of heart and my mind...
I found that there are things that I've been prepared to giving everything for
but doesn't work out...yet there are things I've got absolutely no idea about just pops
into the stillness of my life and stirs things up.
My life has been just a dream... some dream where I wish I'd just wanna wake up from
and want to make things right.
Third day... away from love...

I've yearned to kiss her on her cool lips
hugging her with full emotions
filling my heart with warmth and gladness...
I yearn back those moments when I could just sit in daze looking at her...
sniffing around the sweet aroma by her neck and whispering love to her ears...
I miss those things...

L'amour est douleur...
Love is pain...
yet I'd want to go through it...
the tears I shed...
the aches I experienced
from every heart beat I felt....

I guess I should be lucky enough
that she has once loved me and
even had the thoughts of marry
but that was just a vision...

Some vision...

Enough to bring me up high...
but of course to fall with greater impact.

Those were the very moments I cherished and I wish come back...
As I imagine it all before me,
trust me unknowingly I actually did reach out in front of me
thinking that it was her I could feel...
But nothing...it was the cold air...
pure emptiness...

Oh well...
I guess she is getting on fine without me...seemingly happy...I hope she is
with the fact that I'm in pain...to make my pain worth...I hope she is happy...

sigh...

what's bliss? can anyone just tell me?
Felt I forgotting that already...it just vanished into the cracking heart of mine...
I just need to explode..!