It's been days
It's been weeks
since my fingers start to type streams
A flow of words of thoughts
like a rushing river
from an up hill to the down bubbly lake...
The roaring power and tumbling water
calls out words of my heart
the thoughts of my mind
yet with alittle silence of my soul...
For the weeks that come
rough days, heavy mind and less fun
The days passings bring confusion and much wonder
Much things to ponder
Like how the world turns
The ticks and tocks of a lass
Just to work our smiles with my best...
Sometimes, it seems nothing is enough
sometimes it seems doing nothing is enough
sometimes it seems thinking of something is tough
sometimes I wished, a little spice
some salt and pepper too much
a raging fire that builds inside
angering fumes blew the skies
with no water or rain to soothe
but kerosene and fuel to boost...
Blazes roar an oven within
even smoke swirled a darkness in
no chimney out
no exhaust spout
holding inside the words I hide
And then....
Then they were lost
Lost to burnt out ashes...
Much as I try
but pressures out cry
tomorrow brings more
to a bursting balloon
exploding just about soon...
....
Sigh... I'd really wonder sometimes though, when can I just learn to say 'yes' even if it was with uncertainty?
Even if it was just all empty? Just to save the moment and think about beyond later....
The problem is, now....I can't seem to do so...
practical sanity hits...
I just need to set the plans right...
Need to see past the toils and troubles
To work what I've aimed for...
It's coming....soon it's coming...
forget what is boiling...
at work or with gambling crazed relations
neither with attitude I never saw reasons for....
just bad days...some days where you even try will not bring a plus...
gratitude not shown...warm embrace all kept...
I'll just need back a day or two to find...
find myself and put all behind
Coz the tomorrow I see
is the work of future I'll be
Bringing 2 or 3 or maybe 4 folds to bank my monthly bucks....
To work to think and to bring....I will...
Away with the depressing heart...
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Frustrated
Seems like a zillion years since I last blogged something...
Somehow a sudden frustration seem to build up...
With issues of people who gamble and now in need of cash come knocking on the doors...
They seem to make it our problem when they are in trouble and try to send us on a guilt trip for
not helping if they threaten to take a dive.
My number one rule...invest, don't gamble...
It's a darn stupid thing when even the experts who go into the market and yet make a big lost,
while the idiots who know next to nothing about what economics and shares are all about,
start to freaking go in to try their luck. After losing a sum, it's a double or nothing game.
What in the world are they thinking?
Now everyone around these sickening block heads who never seem to wanna get out of the shithole
are basically implicated into their problem, some emotionally weaker ones are traumatized by the whole
"I think I wanna jump" kinda attitude which might jolly well be an act at the end of the freaking day.
Like my late grandpa used to say in cantonese...to gamblers ... "To win, it's your take, to lose, it's our problem"
"Don't ever be the borrower nor the lender...either ways, it's a losing end"
Quite true because when you lend to these gambling freaks, you can simply forget about the take back.
It's a cold hard world in the minds of these madness people. Argh....it's getting on my nerves!
I finally completed a whole list of catalogs that has to be customized for the use by the company...
All works of Adobe Photoshop and my finger clicking...
Totally time consuming, eye straining and alot of writing and through on the design and structure put into it.
I think there must be a point in time where I have to simply make it like I take a higher cut for my pay to do these
kind of stuff and in addition to all my managerial/technical design engineer work...
The truth is....I'm really darn tired these days...
From days of my insomnia to the days now that I'm so hard up for sleep.
Yet on the other hand, I'm trying to get my other commodities going through trials and tests by the management of my
target customers, and planning the other routes to hit at once the less innovative suckers start to copy.
It's like everyday seems to be a day where I cannot simply let free my mind...
Think one way is to just try to see how I can get my back fixed and at least I can get back into running....where the few moments would be all about finishing the distance and every breath that I take....Nothing else....
Sigh....such a big sweep of issues for the start of december....
Even my dearest one has got some issues to 'chat' with me about but yet cannot be now and anytime earlier....has to be 3
sucky days later. God knows what in the world the agenda is gona be and why does it even have to be like 3 darn days later...
So that I won't lose my freaking mind at work? or so that I won't trash around for answers consistently through the rest of
the week? Well I think either ways...I'm already losing my freaking mind with the sickening suspense and the wanting
to know what in the world is it all about.
It's not like there is no way to control that between two people....
It's not like it cannot be said earlier....
It's not like there isn't any main agenda and reason to the whole 'chat'...
So why put me through this whole thing? It's cruelty... and I jolly well hate it because
it's not like I don't give a shit....
it's not like I don't open up to know
it's not like I'm not openly willing to listen....
I can't stand uncertainty...
I can't stand what I don't know...
Ever thought why I do anything, everything and try even if it's going to burn the hell out of me?
Because I want to experience it and see how to better the system and be able to deal with many things....well as much as possible.
Maybe it all wasn't thought of before putting me through this mental wait and torment...
truly it's the most painful thing that one (those who mean something to me) can put me through....by not being direct...
and beating about the bush....
ARgh!!!
I'm raging!!!
RAGING FIRE!
Somehow a sudden frustration seem to build up...
With issues of people who gamble and now in need of cash come knocking on the doors...
They seem to make it our problem when they are in trouble and try to send us on a guilt trip for
not helping if they threaten to take a dive.
My number one rule...invest, don't gamble...
It's a darn stupid thing when even the experts who go into the market and yet make a big lost,
while the idiots who know next to nothing about what economics and shares are all about,
start to freaking go in to try their luck. After losing a sum, it's a double or nothing game.
What in the world are they thinking?
Now everyone around these sickening block heads who never seem to wanna get out of the shithole
are basically implicated into their problem, some emotionally weaker ones are traumatized by the whole
"I think I wanna jump" kinda attitude which might jolly well be an act at the end of the freaking day.
Like my late grandpa used to say in cantonese...to gamblers ... "To win, it's your take, to lose, it's our problem"
"Don't ever be the borrower nor the lender...either ways, it's a losing end"
Quite true because when you lend to these gambling freaks, you can simply forget about the take back.
It's a cold hard world in the minds of these madness people. Argh....it's getting on my nerves!
I finally completed a whole list of catalogs that has to be customized for the use by the company...
All works of Adobe Photoshop and my finger clicking...
Totally time consuming, eye straining and alot of writing and through on the design and structure put into it.
I think there must be a point in time where I have to simply make it like I take a higher cut for my pay to do these
kind of stuff and in addition to all my managerial/technical design engineer work...
The truth is....I'm really darn tired these days...
From days of my insomnia to the days now that I'm so hard up for sleep.
Yet on the other hand, I'm trying to get my other commodities going through trials and tests by the management of my
target customers, and planning the other routes to hit at once the less innovative suckers start to copy.
It's like everyday seems to be a day where I cannot simply let free my mind...
Think one way is to just try to see how I can get my back fixed and at least I can get back into running....where the few moments would be all about finishing the distance and every breath that I take....Nothing else....
Sigh....such a big sweep of issues for the start of december....
Even my dearest one has got some issues to 'chat' with me about but yet cannot be now and anytime earlier....has to be 3
sucky days later. God knows what in the world the agenda is gona be and why does it even have to be like 3 darn days later...
So that I won't lose my freaking mind at work? or so that I won't trash around for answers consistently through the rest of
the week? Well I think either ways...I'm already losing my freaking mind with the sickening suspense and the wanting
to know what in the world is it all about.
It's not like there is no way to control that between two people....
It's not like it cannot be said earlier....
It's not like there isn't any main agenda and reason to the whole 'chat'...
So why put me through this whole thing? It's cruelty... and I jolly well hate it because
it's not like I don't give a shit....
it's not like I don't open up to know
it's not like I'm not openly willing to listen....
I can't stand uncertainty...
I can't stand what I don't know...
Ever thought why I do anything, everything and try even if it's going to burn the hell out of me?
Because I want to experience it and see how to better the system and be able to deal with many things....well as much as possible.
Maybe it all wasn't thought of before putting me through this mental wait and torment...
truly it's the most painful thing that one (those who mean something to me) can put me through....by not being direct...
and beating about the bush....
ARgh!!!
I'm raging!!!
RAGING FIRE!
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