Wow! today was a rush! Phew!...

Went to scout on IT stuff at the PC show...Goodness! it was so crowded.
people were madness trying to push their way through.
I got pissed with a few and I think a guy got it from me....
Pushing his wah behind me, til I lost my temper and turned around
confronting him.
was on the verge of giving him a choke slam damn it...

oh well...

Spent a hundred odd on Storage utilities today....and some mini-SDs for friends.

After which I came home and took my mum's place in the kitchen while she went
to switch off with her old friends...
Slaughtered 2 fishes that were catches from the pond on wednesday by a family friend.
Got it seasoned and good for the grill...
Then had to prepare for pasta... all fit for the table at dinner time...
Darn dealing with the fish was so much problem when having the wrong tools.
And with nobody's assistance. I can feel why my mum sometimes gets so pissed
when she has to rush while everyone else ...aka my siblings sitting around
the place and minding their own business and just waiting for the meal to be
done. But I guess at least when I call out for them, I don't need to push off
for a second shout and they report to me in the kitchen....hohoho...
then that's not so bad lah...

I wish they can just try to help around sometimes and need not to have my mum calling for help.
By then she's already all boiling inside already.
I hope for more time to just take over her duties for awhile to let her go relax alittle...
Maybe on my first pay I'd just get a spa package for she and my dad to let them both go soothen down
themselves and take a break...
The rest will be old enough to deal with their stuff....meals and transport altogether....
they are 15yrs old and above already...so it's time my parents give themselves some time together.

Anyway today... I just got done with dinner and sweep my mum upstairs and got her away from
the maid, before the maid does some shitty thing to anger her and boil her blood.
the maid has been madness for the few months...it's like having her around is giving us more worries
and more work to deal with. things weren't clean, the clothes iron almost burnt the whole of my table...
the tables were never cleaned well...everything wasn't done properly to the bare minimum required at all!
And we've all been teaching her for months and she just doesn't bother at all...
My parents are are gona bat her all the way back to Indo once the new one is confirmed...
hope that time comes faster!


1 more day to Bali Day!!!

Oh man....counting down...2 more days...
and I'm off!
hohoho....Surf the big waves....

Taking some time to ponder on what I want out of life...
once again...
as I always do....hahahaha

Well...
Career....about there...
just need to work on that make it florish...and hit the big target of the year....
Studies....aiyah...heck it already....it's the past...

home....I'll find it and plan when I'll think of buying one...
Car...Oh...I think soon when I get the certifications by the next quarter...

Girlfriend....OMG....now that one...hmmm....haven't thought of yet. hahaha
It's a tough one.
Maybe wait and see...and the almighty being might just allow the chance to hit...


Also...
I'm feeling my temper heating up somehow...not sure why...
but, I seem to begin to get frustrated when people do odd and persistant things
to me... be it verbal, physical...whatever... the explosion will come.

Guess I really need the holiday!

"To be able to blame yourself for the mistakes made in life
but yet to be forward looking"
Is an enlightenment that will carry one beyond the the line of
norm abilities...

"To know what you want to achieve in life and to fight for it
in the best possible way with integrity" is one who holds strong determination
and will.

My future...in my line...
To get what I want...
I'll SWEAT it out!
For a better life, for a better future...
For the things I want and the place I wanna be....

Sell
With
Every
Available
Technique

Saturday....went for Novena....
after centuries since the last time I did so...
Realised I couldn't follow what they were doing....
wasn't too sure of the procedures so just prayed the way I would....
well that's so me lah....hohoho....

I'm so looking forward to the coming Saturday.....
Will then fly off to Bali...finally for a short short holiday....
Get out of the system awhile...

and out of the projects for free lance too....need a break before
I hardcore start on my work....my career.....
the burst into the building of Kenneth Empire!
hahahahaa....

Back in goumet Mood...thus a treat for all

The feeling of sharing is good...
to the belated celebration for mother's day...
for my mum and grandma...
And for the good feeling of getting out of NTU.
HOHOHO....

The best feeling comes when I see people enjoying what I've
spent the day preparing for them...and set 2 days to plan and buy the stuff for cooking....

All my first time tests...(yet to perfect it fit for bigger mass and newbie people)...
Thanks to my honoured guinea pigs. lol.
=>Chicken Fajita with multigrain tortilla
=>Cajun grilled King Prawns with mango salsa
=>Spanish seafood backed rice
=>Swedish meatballs with cranberry jelly sauce and beef gravy cream sauce.
(my big tryout...was afraid it fails and have to finish the whole 1kg myself)
=>Balsamic Vinegar dressing salad with olive and garlic croutons
=>Clam Chowder
=>Chilled Mango Cheese cake

All in good time...all in good time...

Next....hmm....I duno...greek?....American?...

Anyway I hope everyone truely enjoyed the food...as much as I enjoyed cooking!

Sometimes I wonder what should I really do...
there are somethings in life that probably I just need to let it flow through...
and just not bother about too much...
But yet.. how would I know what those things really are?

Damn...such feelings are jack shit!

Feeling somehow that I've been in a way forced to come to a point
where I just don't wanna care so much about some stuff...and just let be...
stick on to what I've been with and the road I've travelled along...
just praying for the well being of my freakin' results...(which I'm so afraid to see actually)

Argh!!!

"To have someone breathed easier because you lived... that's success"

where experience flows
and opportunity comes...
buzz of life and lack of self time
in the beginning in inevitable...

Time to pick it all up!
And life long planning is on the way!

I've been spending days if not many years wondering...
WHY....
why is there division of different religion even when there is a common believe
of the same almighty being...
I'm a catholic...
born into and reaffirmed at the age of 14...
gotten in and out of faith...
basically, because I question...
But how did the religion catholic come about actually?
well....

Catholic is a term derived from latin or greek....meaning 'universal' or general.

Most Reformation and post-Reformation Churches use the term Catholic to refer to the belief that all Christians are part of one Church, regardless of denominational divisions. It is in line with this interpretation, which applies the word "catholic"/"universal" to no one denomination, that they understand the phrase "One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church" in the Nicene Creed, the phrase "the catholic faith" in the Athanasian Creed, and the phrase "holy catholic church" in the Apostles' Creed.

The term is used also to mean those Christian Churches which maintain that their Episcopate can be traced unbrokenly back to the Apostles, and consider themselves part of a broad catholic (or universal) body of believers.

I guess the only difference between Catholics and the Christians we have today is very much the method of teachings and following of the bible and one being universal, pays respect to the mother of God and pray directly to the almighty while the other only deals with direct communication. Isn't it afterall how humans interpret history and literature?... And if there are common believers, they form a new congregation of themselves and spread the very same words of the bible...

But how do each and every christians differ?....Methodist, presby, charismastics...blah blah blah...etc..?

Well I don't know...seems like all a complicated issue...
Sometimes it's a pain thinking about it.

I hate these differences.

Like I just respect all, whatever and however they see as respect as right...
am I still going to hell for that?...

Là I un coeur brisé,
pour vous valable,
dans toute la franchise,
vous sont spécial toujours.

Vous avoir détruit de telles voies,
a encore été le plus non,
a encore été le plus non désiré,
mais destiné il a été.
Peut-être un jour je comprendrais.
Peut-être un jour je viendrais
dans la recherche de vous quand j'ai vu la lumière sur quelques

Avec toutes les choses qui est noir,
vous avez semblé une combinaison plus blanche.
Je vois les deux couleurs et les embrasse toutes de vous.
Une image de vous dans mon esprit,
belle pourtant elle reste.

I lay before the stage of my own life...
a play I began 26 years since I saw light.
Wonderin' oh what's grave importance and what's not.
How did I come to such a point where I just want to be with
somebody yet I can't...
not because there ain't attraction...
not because there is some character mismatch...
not because we have life's grave differences we can't stand about each other...
Yet because of how religion in this world fools us...

How is it that even honouring the same supreme being
could be made so different by humans upon this sickening earth...?
How is it that simply living a life together isn't just it?...
It's either life expectations level differences or
the believe of meeting our maker on judgement day clashes
that has scared my emotional self... year by year....
one by one...

Making me thus so fed up...
Frustration is boiling within...
like some may say a singleton equates freedom
but I see a proper pair brings joy...
There see mine I do not...

sick and tired...

I just hope I won't grow into some selfish being
that I just have enough of all these issues to think about and handle...
that I'd want nothing anymore...
bring a scorpion filled mind...
pains and aches unending...

Where thus I go?
journey my OWN path...
my OWN way...
have my OWN talk...?...

I wish someone just go alter the scripts to my play...

Finally... FYP ended....the final presentation done...
weird but true...my supervisor who once threatened to fail me...
actually started aiding me during the firing of Q&A...
helped me explain the constrains and why I shouldn't be blamed so much on
getting all the fundamentals right...and all the memory work...
Coz to him...it's now very obvious that THE KENNETH CHAN IS A VERY BUSY MAN!!!
and that THE BRAIN ISN'T JUST FOR MEMORY WORK!!! other SURVIVAL ANALYSIS PROVE TO BE
OF HIGHER IMPORTANCE!...
hahahaaaa....

Oh well...
that phase....I hope it's all over now....

Something disturbs me very much....
sigh...why must there be a division of different denominations of christianity!!!!???
Can't there be something just common....?
Afterall...isn't it God we're all talking about?....the same God isn't it?....
What's with the world mama?....

A part of me feels torn....
to a person I feel quite abit for...
but yet...a line drawn by religion....I can't see the reason to cross...
I only see respect on what each other believes in...
sigh...
But reality bites so hard sometimes....
so painful...
Father! please show me a sign....a way...
it's like torn between a religion I was born into for 26yrs of my life...and my character....then towards something that is wholely new by someone I feel for....
feels like I'm suddenly not too sure what I'm gona think anymore...
it's wrecking me in a way...
And God I need to find a way to build me up....
Help me...
What's thy will really?...
I can't be toyed again....
your son is begging...

Funny how I'm being played around
all my life this far...
in and out of an emotional escapade....
sucks!

It totally feels so good without needing to have the thought of having any exams today...
no papers on my table...
no equation memory list...
No stupid professors to see with their look on theif faces like they are like kings of the exam hall...
and our fate lies within their hands....
No more!!!!

but yesterday....was a totally killer paper...
all my friends were clueless and totally had no experience in those kinda questions given...
even after doing past yr's paper...
doing all the tutorials...
were still unable to get it done with much confidence...
OMG...but what the heck...it's over and I can't be bothered to leave any brain juice on for it.
just relax my brain for now...

In 6hrs

In 6hrs...
I'm a free man...
Free from the torture of academic lock ups...
free from huge load of memory drag...
free from the place where they call NTU...
a place of total impractical studies...
really 90% life survival studies of whatever field you enter into...

In 6hrs...
the end of student life...
and the dawn of a new building of an empire...
there I'll rise...

OH what in the world is going on???

Hearing from some how they're being split apart from the person dear to them
mainly due to 2 factors...
1) Religion
2) History aka. pass r/s

Totally not good...
Sometimes I sit and think...
Why is it that religion has to be some issue when it comes to being together...
when it comes to being in a r/s. Isn't it most important how both feel for each other?
How the character binds each other?

Where both are great with each other...
understands each other...feels secure and warmth in the presence of each other...
feels the nice feeling of being together....
but due to Religion... to that difference, they can't be together...
Even within the same belief yet different denomination...there is still problem...
How is it that religions call for a division of type and other than calling for unity of all human race?
It's rather human's selfish interpretation of writings to formulate their own group...
for control...and thus leading to a 'tradition' or a 'custom' people follow.
How true those 'words of wisdom' are...all lies with the mouth of the founder...
Really to me...it doesn't matter which religion I've to deal with...
The one thing I've always believed... God gave us the freedom, we should give others
the freedom to choose where they wanna go....who they wanna follow. Still, no matter
what the case is...he still loves us the same. Shan't others from other groups, and we're already
not abiding by one of the law of the 10 commandments... "Love your neighbour...blah blah blah"
Respect what other people believe in... that's the most important...
If only the world can jolly well understand this and earth... will be much much more peaceful...
Sad to say....sometimes a cross of boundaries can cause an outrage for war... a no good excuse they call
a 'religious war'....

And history?... One changes and forms a character...good or bad...is mainly from experiences.
Happy are those who have experienced and change for the better...
Having many pass r/s doesn't equate to the person being a horrible player of emotions....
We grow...we learn...we fall and we get up once more...
Very often, we'd love to say that he/she is my first love...but sometimes...due to the infinite possibilities
of changes around us... is that ever possible to hit the target on the first try?....
one in a million I say...
if you've gotten that...then you're lucky....good for you.
But along the way I've come to understand, you'll never know a person until you're in a r/s with the person...
people are way different when being put in different situations...
different at friends,
different as working partners,
different as playmates,
different as a girlfriend/boyfriend
different as husband/wife
different as brother/sister....etc...
Being in a r/s with one...will bring you into another of his/her realm...where we see
how they react as a son/daughter...brother/sister...friends to others and most of all, girlfriend/boyfriend...
and thus give us an idea on how he/she is like as a husband/wife...
So...walk into it...and if it fails...at least you've tried and given a shot at it...
rather than regretting for life that it could've been the one but yet you gave the chance away...
Sadly for those who see past history as a grief obstacle in getting into a r/s with the other...
they'll never get give take those chances and miss out on the possibilities...

Actually...having gone through so many r/s... it only gives me a better understanding of what I want
in my partner... a better idea on how to deal with the other...
How best to treat a girl and most of the time how to interpret ambiguous verbal meanings...
If that's not a good thing... then oh crap... I'm a gonner...