The start of a new semester...

School's just started... the beginning just hit off and time awaits nobody.
3am into the 2nd day and I'm sitting right here... clueless... about certain things...
about myself and what phase I'm into now.

It feels as if I understood alot about myself through this whole holiday that has just passed...but yet there are complications clouding me here and there...
And my insomnia...not helping at all. Just prevents my sleep and I'm starting to talk strange... act strange... feel inhuman...
totally robotic.

But the only good thing I realised that my shot gun temper went away somehow.
My bursting anger just dispersed into nothingness...
Not that I don't have temper but it's just like very controlled...
maybe reverting to the way I was when I was way younger...
a cycle?...hmmm

oh well.... putting off that rage is a good thing anyway....

Too much things happening in my life these days...maybe should I say, it's during this short period of 3mths.... big changes....decisions... people coming in and out... lots of these kind of stuff...
What I once had in focus is now no more... I gave it up coz knowing it's not the kind of life I want to lead. having it for that short period was enough to realise it. With it came losing myself, my love, my time, my sleep... and yet out there lies a probable opportunities. the 4 things above were important to me...with them and only with them I'd have a free mind.

Having letting it go now... leaves a space somehow inside me...in question what my next step would be...
to hit off straight into IT sector? and be my creative designer and live my hobby dreams? or go into the marketing sector where I know my ability to network and deal or even manage people would be there?
Having offers all over the place...wanting to give me a start of a good 5 grand even when I've not finished undergrad studies....temptation but holding on to myself for that, I knew i must finish this crazy EEE course.

Sigh...anyway... a good run puts away all these for the moment...relaxing me for awhile at least...

As of now...I only know, putting a smile on everyday, makes everyday better and easier to get through...
Even through conflicts and stormy situations...
I guess I'd just live on that for the moment....