sometimes I just sit and wonder....
am I really that lousy in handling a girl?....
Am I not spontaneous at all...?

I'm sad...demoralized.....
sigh...
What the hell....ARGH!!!

"Daily smoothness than a day of great WOW! and a lead and follow up of shit..."

Here I stare blankly at my study schedule...
Not sure if I'm ever going to successfully deal with it all in time...
Yet again, I'm getting real tired...
Awaiting the saturday's observation results...
It's the test of triggering issues.
Argh...what the heck....I can't seem to bother so much about that now.
At this moment... I don't seem to bother crap about the migraines coz I guess
it's just living with it.
don't care if it's psychological or some medical effect...
I just wanna get over this whole thing I'm in.
Just got 2 new fish...calming my senses with my buddy's new set of music...
Reading the 'Special Message' card as I sit at my desk...
All feels well...
But is it?...
Is it really well after all?
who is to tell me that?
Life is like on a long straight road now...just walking and walking...
desert on the sides...
the feeling of awaiting death
just couple of days ago I thought everything was smooth and I was just starting to get hyped
and with things running in my head to do some stuff...
then all of the sudden all went blank...
like i tried to retrieve it but to no avail...
nothing is..
where I stand is a point of "don't know what the fuck is going on" position..
in every sense...
confidence pillar seems to be corroding... and I'm not sure if it is...
like taking a plunge from heaven...pushed down by the archangel..
A big dive it is...
So what I probably have day by day is a masking...
smile or not...what's the difference?
what seems to be like a play going on world stage....
playing a character that is supposed to be...
yet not living what you're feeling...
being split into two...

I wanna break free from my body...
If only I had the cash...
If only I had what I used to...
then, whatever I needed and wanted I'd have...
whatever spoils and pampering I could give...
now...even dealing with daily could be alittle of a problem...
too much now...means lesser tmr...
There can be no balance.
Don't know what happens today for tomorrow to be.
Tomorrow maybe the hardest day to come...
It may not...
whatever it is...24hrs time it'll come.
clock ticks to it's arrival
just live it and before you know it...a new day reaches
and everything passes...
see what happens next...
the heart...soul...is laid down strengthless...
in need of my energizer to fire me up...