The Top goals of '07

3 goals... and it's be accomplished by end 2007....

1) Career : set my footage and prove my worth in operations and biz

2) my darn civilian car license (and then the car given to me by the company...and hopefully save for an Audi R8 and a nice house)

3)Search and target possible candidates for "life partner" analysis....hahahaa.......



Oh finally the last goal that will be put into motion once I end exams....
build back fitness to man-of-steel standard....going in for reservice in June and don't wanna be looking like some slack shitty officer just for name sake....
and of course....Paul and Richie....rmb our goal of getting on the next marathon?....yah....we better head off with the training again....hahahaa...if not we probably die
this time.....I shouldn't be anywhere behind....lol....ample training unlike the last time....no training...after exams and off I go for the run...madness...almost died.

Went to chruch today...
Realised something really true today...
Marriage is yet another vocation....
A sacred vocation that both sides have to be opened to one another
to feel the love...
to share with each other the kind of person each of them are...
to share the life together...
That alone, isn't something easy at all...
Very often we get trapped in our own world...
our own space that we'd never wanna change.
Coz it's the very way we want it to be....the very vision we see it to be
and how we'd have it.
But when it comes to sharing a life with another, it's all a breaking down of our own beliefs
and a construction of a whole new set together with another person.

And the construction...is a process that isn't gona be easy...
Collaboration....compromise...hard work...understanding...and lots of other things.
Holding on strong to that someone... is yet the most important...
esp when in this present society, either sides....men and women the same sway...
taking a walk to the forbidden fruits...and commit something they'd regret doing
but have already done so...no turning back on it...just repent.
But it's already a scar.

Here I stand...by myself...
I've yet to decide on which way to walk to...
like a clearing fog...
just like I'd wanna settle, but yet after being through so many...
I've got this fear that I'll fall upon a relationship that will be so hard to sustain.
That somehow cripples...
That for one is the worry that I've always been having....
That's the thing that always gotten me thinking before I even say yes and given myself the go ahead.
I've got a good appetite for risk but when it comes to this... I don't...
Somehow I just can't anymore...
Tired maybe...just wanna settle for someone I'd live with through my life...
happily.
Just pray on it...
Just hope on it...
Just search and ponder...
one in mind but yet to wonder abt...
I guess time will tell...
time spent to understand and realise.
that...like I said before...will be part of my plans after exams...

A horrible 2 weeks...but a good break came after 6 papers...
very nice...
Buddy felix came visiting for supper...
then the next after packing some stuff back home...
met the good frenz of hall 10 at Wine Network to chill...
and the following day....

today actually...
out since morning for rock climbing with ZQ...
yeh yeh though we caught the wrong bus to SAFRA...
but it was still a joy ride around wasn't?...
Just good to waste a day away some times...
Just doing things and taking your time....
Got a big glass Jar for a fish tank at ikea....hahaa....
next would be to find a nice good filter and pump...
All before shifting my fishes over.

Oh the Swedish meat balls were great....great great....hahaha...
But think I over ordered...lucking thing I was sharing if not I'd be swedish meanball too...
Will try making one of these days...
Think about that after the last paper....

Tonite...I'm good to go again....and swing off to my readings
for the last...
Biomedical Signal Processing...
Let's go!

In the day....
whilst the day dreaming and the do nothings when i just couldn't study....

I got reminded of a glacier experience scary enough to shake me off my guts....

Duh....

Stalled on ice, dizzy, only slightly aware of the massive glacier that sloped away at a 35-degree angle for 2500 feet beneath my toes. My headache...or yes my headache had gotten worse in the preceding hours. The picturesque landscape of snow fields and icy cliffs all around me had compounded to a single image...
I watched the ice crowd my field of vision as I fell until my head hit the left footprint with a loud thud...
And just not far awway I heard the rope group calling "Falling" following sound of ice axes thrusting desperately into the mountain...
And thereafter...the nightmare began....
a situation where my symtoms were getting worse...and death was likely in the forecast...
the only solution was seemingly turn back before I hit summit...
But maybe it was me....
too courageous to quit...
too much to say I'd give up....
I just had to go for it and give it a bamm!

When you come to such a death defying moment...
you'd find how much your apetite for risk and adrenaline rush is like...
You wanna feel it...feel it at Mt Shasta...
slog your way to the Avalanche Gluch... fight death....fight fear and overcome yourself....

Makes you feel like an accomplished person in the world already....better than a million bucks...
Try tripping down to california then...find yourself!

=)

3 more to go...
just 3 more to go!!!
An that's the end of this pain...
the usual bi-yearly pain I've been dreadfully going through.
Academic stuff isn't for me...
not me at all...
Be operational...be working...
be a survivor out there...
a hunter...a seeker...
a leader...
just not be a student...
I'd die...
like I feel I am....just dying...in the books...piling over me...
the notes giving paper cuts after paper cuts...

just 3 more to go!!!

the 3 great heavy ones that requires at least 3 solid days of studying...
So darn tired when you've got to match against people who have 7 days to study for a module while u've got only 2..
maybe less than that...time is shared with another set coming on back to back...

finishing papers in the exams...is totally ecstatic...
even better than....erhmmm....ahemm...well..
just a good feeling...
Just don't bother about the results...
GIVE ME A PASS IS ALL I WANT!!!

Damn....!!!
Weird weird dream!

Suddenly I had something new...flashing in my 1hr+ rest time...
was so real that it was kinda possible for confusion and wrong move...

Out of God knows what senario...Dreamt I started kissing someone...and when
she came waking me up when the room was all dark
I almost pulled her over to give a peck on the cheek!...
Lucky I stopped...

must be the busted brains in there...

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

The time that it took writing words for my book
seems to have broken in half
The gate that i shut last time i got hurt
seems to have opened itself

Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up
and tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but i meant to say
many things along the way
so this ones for you

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache for you?

Have i told you i ache
Have i told you i ache/and i hope its not too late
Have i told you i ache/Can i hold you and ache for you?

All I see are numbers...
making dark clouds in my mind...
2 sets of terror
a wicked dream come true...
perfect nightmare in the process...
But yet,
I shall stand even in weakness
of my tired legs...
the roar of my raging voice...
a call...
"Oh God Please aid me!"
I fall on my knees...
my sight darkens...
Just then,
The lightness of my heavy tired body
lifted into the light above...
There I found peace within...
an utter shut down of my system...
the wanting to think no more...
the desire of a stressless moment...
that was it...

Oh damn I'm frustrated...it's 5.50am and I can't seem to sleep....exam at 9am...
Damn shit...am I screwed.

What is it this time?....

sigh...oh well... might as well let the insomnia come...
I'd rather that than having the wrong sleeping time!
argh!!!


All my buds seem to be dealing with some stuff at the moment...
Richie...having some decision to make...and feeling frustrated...
I think I might just know what it is actually...but hey...I think
there are some point where one has to stop and think if it's all worth it.
And worth is basically self perception...all up to you.

If it's a good thing and situations are seemingly strong enough to just let go
of what you have currently and just seek something of the unknown whilst purely having
the company of love...then go...
but having doubts...just alittle bit...think again then.

We all don't want you to make a decision you'd regret bro in future.
open the enclosed box and look what's inside before deeming it for keeps
or to the thrash... know thorougly what you are holding before letting go.
We have confidence you will make the right choice and the choice you'd be happy with.
We're just behind you...just look behind and a pat on your shoulder comes...take comfort
to that and just reflect and think things through.

Ja...leadership programme seems to be some draining thing...
like some adventure camp you put yourself through but this somehow stretches you
in someway that maybe I can't really see...but anyhow...I can see it's draining...
and I reckon it's very much about dealing with people.
I can't really comment much on this coz I've been one person who have been sadistic enough
to put myself through lotsa physical torture in tough trainings...mentally trying situations...
just to test myself and my limits...
Just that now...with academic stuff...hahaa I already know my limits...
I CAN'T STAND STUDYING CRAP!!! THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO DAILY SURVIVAL!!!!!
shit...I often think what in the world am I studying this and that for when I'm not going to use it in the long run...
horrible!
even the people teaching me are telling me that the educational system is horrid...
even the great scholars of distinctions and As...telling me at the end of the day, they realised that
they learnt nothing that helps them through the next step in life....survival...or should I say...
work.

oh well...don't think don't think...it's ending soon!
just try....

Paul...nice....all happy with his current position...that's great....toils and little struggles but I guess he is dealing great!
With all the holidays he just went for...and the one that we're all planning together....
hey everyone...we're gona have fun ya!

And buds...
The Kenneth is soon gona be out from the cage....!!!
VERY V E R Y SOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!
I'm so gona be over joyed...
somehow in some part of my brain I'm not even thinking what if I fail any subject this semester...
scary huh...coz basically I don't care already....all I know is that I'm just trying...
the darn stupid cert isn't important to me anymore...
not like the time I was tied up with SIA....with the whole thing about 2nd uppers and above...
pitting myself with those scholars of 1st class or having masters and pHd...
Afterall, at the end of the day...when I was there, they couldn't do many things that I could...
so much for being academically brilliant...

Recently I just told a professor that.... somehow I feel that he thinks he is darn great in this field and in his life
plainly because he is just being sheltered and in comfort of the educational protection...
like they all need him for the knowledge he has...
he is like someone in the stormy waters constantl having a float...since the day he started off being in the waters...
while those like me are rather the kind of people who simply get thrown into the waters and it's really up
to us to keep afloat...
and thus...when we find a float, we actually can live with or without it...while they probably not be able to
or to be fair...find great difficulties in doing so.

I got sick and tired when he kept thinking that students these days can't explain or get things so simple to him
into their head and remember it. These people can never bring themselves to the level of students...
Well...fortunately, there are still some good kind ones who are empathetic...

something inside is tingling...and I wonder what...
Do I have to eat the words I said before?....
hmmm....

Darn....it's rubbish...I wouldn't know if it's for real...

or just some momental feeling with the distraction of stress.....
thus the need and desire....

I'll give myself a short break...
hmmm...like maybe take a gun and fire it through my head...
and then recover back again....lol

It's the last burst
oh yes it's the last burst...
Everyone's telling me the same thing...
Yes, coz it is...
But there I feel the frustration building...
suddenly all my years of studies were like becoming pointless
as I find myself in confusion...
with theories...
with what's right and what's wrong...
what's science and what's engineering...
what's answer and what's solution...
I just want to have a normal life...
doing my trade...
my insterest...
and build a family of my own....
that's all that matters....!!!


Last burst?...
oh yes it is...
but questions arising....
what has this place taught me at the end of the day?...
I'm not sure anymore...
practically....nothing useful...

how can this be.....
how can such a educational guide be such?
madness...
got hit by a sudden requirement to do a demonstration today and
had no time for prep... no time for reading up...
my mind was blank...
sucks sucks!!!

And who is he is say that I will be unemployed?...
Who is he?... just a professor in engineering and he can tell me that?
just coz he is assessing me I'll just give him face and keep my mouth shut and not retaliate...
not kill his pride the way I'd do to anybody on the streets...
sickening...madness

such horrid person...
who is he to dig into so much about what I'm going to do?

FOR YOUR INFO MISTER...IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW...
I'M ALREADY IN THE BIZ... I'M ALREADY ON THE GO...
I KNOW MY PRODUCT BETTER THAN ANY SHIT PROFESSORS CAN TALK ABOUT UNLESS THEY INVENTED THE DAMN THING!
Do this here....do this in the campus....but don't let me find you at my face one day asking me for quotations...
I'll make sure, you'll see many digits slapped at your face and you don't have a freaking choice on that...
unless you travel off shores far far away to get it...by then the costs all add up...
So much for saying you're trying to be fair..? c'mon....the other moderators were simply good and kind....you didn't know
you hit the billboards for being the asshold professor in the power division that all students hate to be under...
utterly no compassion when it comes to the system of education...comparing your intelligence with students...
why? is that because you have nobody else to compare yourself to?...
sucker...
if you find the things we do really complex...then you're just a piece of shit who got your many years of experience in the education into the waste....matching 10yrs of power experience to a student is totally a thing to look down upon....
Open your eyes....the people working around you feel the same way!!! just you....!

The tree wants calm, but the wind keeps blowin'...
Somethings...is beyond the control of self....

Where are you now
And who's by your side
Can't hide for a lifetime
Uncover your eyes

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Where am I now
and who's on my side
I'd wait for a lifetime
For you to come back

Wake up, in the evening
Share the moonlight shining down on us
You and me
Are these sad days always lost on us

Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost
Can anyone play me another sad song
Cause sad songs remind me of all that we've lost

Wake up, in the morning
Share the sunlight shining down on us
You and me
You and me

4 days and I'm still all pissed....
Freakin' mad at!!
Damn shit!

It's burning inside like I have to print knuckles
somewhere before I can get it done for....

ARGH!!!!!!

wonders of itunes....MAc

Check out some cool stuff over ITUNES!!!
Wooohooo....

Silence across...
the emptiness.
Feelings of hollow
deep under the flesh...
the zest...oh yes the zest...
it's somewhere...
under the pillow.
I found a night...
me dreaming.
So real...so very real...
where you from?...
will you visit me again?
...perhaps perhaps...
'til I find... someone like you...
I now have some clear vision...

"It's beauty that capture my attention. Personality captures my heart."
But....

Like some may say... the way to a men's heart...
his tummy....

hahahaaa!!!

I'm just turning crazy...