Making of a day...

As I take awhile by the reservoir in the middle of the night
well probably in the wee morning hours of 2am... the silence
some how felt comforting.
The cool air and the smell of the seletar forest was freshening.
But deep inside... I'm just very exhausted.
for days and weeks, tearing apart my brains to multi task has really been
not only stressful, it's been quite damaging actually.
I end up having sleepless nights with many tossing and turnings, and
the pressure build up to get all the stuff done in the choke.

Yet various fronts I'm fighting to keep together and many things buzzing my
brains out through my ears...
1) It's dawn upon the company that I am somehow that very person to bring in the
potentials of the company to the next level, even amid this recession. Both import and
exports the same. Finding niche arenas and building the foundation that wasn't there
even with the 26 years of age that the company has survived... Now that's shocking...
Designing new platforms in which a product can start reaching towards that people aren't
too aware of, and then comes the educating them phase that will be also trying towards the
'dinosaurs'. Designing and programming the website that was initially horrifying. The person
who even dared call himself a web designer doing that previous website should simply shoot
himself. Opening new opportunities with other country's people and bridging new partnership...
Setting up of a new manufacturing operation and budgeting for each and every damn thing that
flows within and not within my scope. Being a one man team to design each and every catalog and
advertising/marketing effort there is in the company....
All these....really all these have been just shoved in and made as a daily norm.... Madness....
which sane person can do all these with the normal working hours and 5 days a week? Crazy....
2) Daily checks of everybody's grammatical issues.... letters, orders, emails, contracts......blah blah blah
damn what have you....I'm like reading every other day until I get sick of words and words....
All to a point where I'd just see a big list of words in front of me and I crush it and dump in the bin.
I actually hit a point where I'd even do it to my boss's letters.
3) Worry about honey's studies and working environment with all the complains I'm hearing...and all the pain that
I hear.... Need to find a solution to that and find yet another placement. The worries actually end up becoming
assisting and being a part of the process....AND you can't really comment much which might have the
possibility of giving added stress or pressure...
4) Vibrating words of getting a car came in the once or twice a week dosage... (duno how is it not pressurizing
in the first place...because money simply doesn't drop from the sky) but I must say it's quite stressful with my
normal standards of wanting to meet expectations....
5) Fighting for the next level to grow the pocket somehow....working out on 2 project fronts and unfortunately, to make
things worst...recession hit during the R&D process, making much of the expenditure a hold on with no returns....
Fortunately one is seeing some light and awaiting constructive comments and decisions from abroad, but once
settled, I'd be consistently stripping wires and doing self assembly...which the other is currently alot of sitting down
to think on technical issues and constrains and then comes the expensive building phase.....
6) White hair growing exponentially, with all the load of stuff with little time, which constant pressurizing humming
and the lack of sleep....
7) Wondering if she does even listen enough to know the things I've been going through.....like everyday was a rush
was exhausting and with every step taken has been just to hopefully settle things down with her.
......
I think my aggression and temper has simmered quite abit through all these times.... the shot gun rage has been controlled
pretty much....
The reach to understand and embrace the situation of others has become more forthcoming....
But the returns to be not taken for granted is still in question.....
That's why my sense of consciousness returns back to where I am....sitting by the reservoir this wee hours in the morning
clicking to vent.
working out has yet become my point of letting go, but to the point of my being tired to the extreme....

What else is there to do?.... Goodness, help me somebody!