Here I lay...
with sadness my name...
loneliness my second...
and Lost my pet...
couldn't bear the thought
that now I'm just me...
no more us in description...
no more we.
I couldn't sleep the whole night,
thinking about the wonderful times...
and nice pictures we took.
funny how I never took so much pictures with any other
but just with her...
in fact I was never the picture fanatic...
and thus my history becomes a myth...
lost in the hard drive I once had...
but that besides the point...

Beyond the sadness and pain I've been feeling...
yet I smile to myself and say....
at least the better thing that came out of this is...
she no longer suffers...
the pain and anger...
being with me...
things she can't stand and can't accept...
the flaws I hold and somehow doesn't seem to let go.
given awhile...she will be depressed no more...
brightened and cheerful...
unlike the darken days with me...
covered by Kenneth the grey...
who lived not to her expectations...
killing her emotionally too...
Now she is free...
where I am placed in the middle of nowhere...
there...I lay....
Sad...
Lonely....
Lost...
with the hit of 24hrs no sleep and yet widely awake...
I guess... insomnia could be back...
once again to haunt me...
but so what...
let it be then...
let it be...
nothing worth being so conscious about anyway...
like hollow life it is...

The love that I built for
The care and concern I only have for....
was you and now it's gone...
one by one...
just like baby steps...
it fiddled away...
creeping away from me...
all alone I am...
better off away from this earth...
which I now don't see meaning for...
Coz the one I saw meaning in...
even to end any bonds or ties I had of future prospects...
is gone...
walked away from me...
so what's the point now?...
fighting myself not to get affected?...
it's the impossible that I've always feared coming....
all the time I've always wanted to give you surprises..
but either found out...spoiled or found unwanted...
every little bit no matter how hard...
I'd worked for...
and yet have been the first I've ever gone out to work for...
to get things for...
specialty?...
well, I don't do or go to such distance for anyone...
but you...
all you say, you're high maintenance and thus, it's gona be hard for me to up keep...
when all I'm saying is I keep trying...
I believe patience is a virtue...
it's something I held on all the time...
keeping calm and unangered towards you...
where towards you, my temper I tamed...
towards no other...they have seen such in me...
but to you...
everything is different.
How you see me...
is very different from how the others see or they get to see...
because it's been different for them...towards them
compared to you.
Coz you've been special.
I love you.
All this while...
I may not be a type who smokes...likes drinking and stuff...but...
even when it happens on you...
do I take it as you don't love me that much to control yourself?
I don't...
Coz I accept...
I may not like...but I grow to accept who you are...
and in love, or my love for you has been to accept the person you are and they way you are.
That's where you also see however things went...
whatever you did...
I'd still be at the corner...waiting...
in pain or iin tears
but ending with a smile towards you....hoping to hug and kiss you once more
and for you to accept me...
Very much earlier...
put across 3 phases of 400V having a potential across me...
that split... my fight was to be back...
like I made a deal with God...
that if I could just tell you I love you just one more time...
even if I have to go somehow...
with a heart attack....
it'll be all worth it...
Well I guess... now... since all is done...
whatever happens... matter does it not...
the chapter in my life...
coming to a close...
reopen to anew it may not...
just where I am....
sitted...alone...
helpless...
cold...
loveless...
where I fight alone with the dimension of time...
a race I consistantly have been through all the time since I came to work my life...
but whether the fight goes on...
it doesn't matter...
what matters is I've lost...
I've lost you...
the one special...the one I love...
I may not be the perfect person to be with...
but all I can say, I've never lost myself against you...
my mind,
my will,
my temper...
my love...
there was no other coming to level with you in me...
coz there was only you...
and my life surrounded you...
like where I am...is a subset of what school and you are...
there within is my life...just me...
no life...if you drop off...coz school...is just dead.