The days just went on....
without sleep...
6am in the morning....dragged on with thoughts of aching and pains...
with head filled with so much uncertainty...
I love yet I am incapable...
maybe there is something that I don't have
thus leavin gme unfit...
that a quality that I lack...
or maybe is that the life I'm presently in does not permit.
Well I don't know...

seeing the indian ah neh prof wasn't a fun time too...
with getting stuck on project work once again...
aimless findings...
research with no direction...
test with no guidance...
totally madness.
This isn't the kinda life I wanna be in.
mental, physical and financially straining...
Work, effort and simple dollars and cents
should not be take for granted like that...
it all adds up to good use and bring future smiles...

sigh...
step by step...
I find going on with where I am standing...
status as a student
as a man...
as a guy in love...
it's all in the dump...
totally don't know where I'm heading to...
or what's going to become.

My goals my goals...
to have a family I call my own...
to hit the first million asset rich at 35
finally to set an auto churn system of earnings...

So that I may live in comfort with my love ones
in the furture to come...
no worries of the next day...
to have whatever that's needed and wanted...
I travel around happily with the family of my own...
see a son and daughter grow into their new circle
an extension of where I've been started....
like chains of rings..
bringing on unending continuity...

It's gona be tough as the start...
I always tell myself to push on....
to persevere...
determined...
and focus...

Each time falling into a ditch...be it academic or r/s...
I tend to ponder upon my abilities...
to handle these 2 so trying issues of my life...
like I'd any time
soon maybe...
just die in battle...

those may seem the simplest things..
but yet are the most trying to conquer
most challenging to steer off complications...

I found time and again
I fall into the boggling snag...
hurt, pain, aches...
tears, blood, sweat...
migraines, insomnia, lifelessness...
forming the cocktail of shit...

Here I stand in the midst of the wild...
no answers
no solutions
no way...
pushed on strongly
with a fire
ceasing to extinguish
but gears and axle
unreachable...

The ache of the heart
brings torment to the troubled mind...
how simple gestures
churn a huge wave
then into storm.
I care for
I love..
and everthing else
all my actions of concern
and prideless steps
seem meaningless.
all in one sweep
with just one slip.

Oh my scorpion filled mind...
what do I do?
blow off the fire...
To let all rest and heal in time?
push and let the fire burn within my engines...
where possible slippings
angered frustrations in time
may cause further hurt?...
What do I do?

I love thee,
I care for thee,
I yearn to embrace...

But my exhaustion
and breathless state
brings me further into the days
with a heavy yoke
I don't know if I can bear long enough
told hold the burnings
and steam in angered me...
I'm in control...
I've controlled...
and I've always...
for you
to you
with you...
but what has been done unto me,
why mistakes of similar nature
can't I do?
a complicated human
to a well programmed machine?
which am I to be?

Now what am I to do?
well, unfit to say
in many ways...
so now decision lies on you...
deep down I want...
but slips and faults I may...
thus hurt comes...
so to have this carry on?
or drop it off and take the next step in life and be lonely?...
what is it for us?
what now?...