Sometimes in life...
the expected keeps us going...
moving on from day to day
giving us the push in so many ways...
It is yet the unexpected changes our lives
giving the twist of fate...
Often in realisation in what we were either once blinded
or have taken for granted.
Here I stand out of the many worldly troubles I used to have...
I see those in pain, in suffering...
but yet to some extence there is nothing I can do...
only to be comfort...
only to be there...
only to show that in us, we can be stronger than we think we are.
Walking off the recent journey I saw how weak I once became.
I saw how I could be brought down to the ground by...
I saw what was it that really tore me apart...
It was probably yet again me...
so much for the practical mind, that allowed impracticality sip through
in view of certain desired possibilities...
Not that I didn't see troubles coming out of an action...
but I'd just take the risk anyway for the hope of proving myself wrong...
wrong in certain stuff...
I've challenged myself so much through 9yrs of my life...
physically especially... and now I want to place the challenge against me mentally?...
It's madness but it sparks self realisation...
Fortunately nature is such..
that you can be down...but there is no way you can stay there too long...
you'll bounce up to greater heights...
And there....
there's now I will reach...
it's how I feel I'm getting stronger...
Maybe then, there has been a reason to all these...
I guess this should be it...
There afar I should see my light coming nearer as everyday approaches...
every tomorrow is brighter...
every today is a breeze...
and every yesterday...
a good memory.
Even as the water flows...
flows into forgotten rivers...
I keep the understanding to my question...
how is it easy to some to let go of a ball so easily after picking it up....
Well...actually the answer could just be simply said as...
one enjoys purely on the rolling in of balls into grip and spoiled for choice and colours...
and so the call of "keeping the balls rolling" comes...
no matter how... it's never long enough to realise the uniqueness of every individual...
so none ever suiting...keeping in mind that with every moutain, there is always another yet higher...just unfound.
keeps will never be. so as contentment.
Well only after learning.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
There is nothing lousier than cursing about something one moment and saying you don't care the next...
Whatever the odd perceptions maybe... It all doesn't matter anyway...
So much for the care of the well-being on you
So much for the helping you in the things you need help for...
So much for even loving... when the difficulty in dropping it off was only one sided...
So much for the giving when the appreciation wasn't much and yet was deemed too little...
So much that for all that I felt for...
Friendship hits a point of
talking to water and pouring it away...
memories like the wind blow of lang lang seeds
but like i said...beyond all these...
it was yet an experience...
An eye opener...
life is good...life is purely good...
Whatever the odd perceptions maybe... It all doesn't matter anyway...
So much for the care of the well-being on you
So much for the helping you in the things you need help for...
So much for even loving... when the difficulty in dropping it off was only one sided...
So much for the giving when the appreciation wasn't much and yet was deemed too little...
So much that for all that I felt for...
Friendship hits a point of
talking to water and pouring it away...
memories like the wind blow of lang lang seeds
but like i said...beyond all these...
it was yet an experience...
An eye opener...
life is good...life is purely good...
Monday, January 29, 2007
Hmmm...no matter how a good weekend it was with great people in my life...
good buds around and time with my family....
There is yet some spiking feeling that someone is misunderstanding something about me...
well maybe....or so I start to feel by the tone of words that come through.
What I've said in my troubled times...were basically the feelings i felt, but nothing bad on your part...
I place no fault in you and yet in time I've even asked myself if I was truely inside out at fault for it all...
but I realised it's nobody's and it's very much on the differences of perception.
Even now I feel I haven't loved in vain and do feel it was still worthwhile through all the time spent.
When being asked, I can only express how much I've loved, but yet having the inability to handle time and commitments
that led to much difficulties between... thus leading to the end.
Trust me, if it was horrible and bad to the imagery people you think have in mind, I wouldn't be even standing by ever willing to be of any aid as a friend and bothered to care. I'd just say, however much I loved, we weren't matched to the point of jigsaw pieces, but rather a frame to a picture.
I guess in every connection, there is often a question of compatibility just like links to every system. Fault lies with neither just wrong fitting though in physical it may all be in sets.
I'm sorry if you had such impression, but be assured that there hasn't been anything interesting or untrue said even in my downest times, coz to people I've once loved will always remain as one before in me... the fact can't be changed...
If you think I'm a hypocrite no matter what I say... well that's your view... I've said what I wanted to say and have been true to my heart about it all. It's been always how you perceive things to be and I can't stop that.
good buds around and time with my family....
There is yet some spiking feeling that someone is misunderstanding something about me...
well maybe....or so I start to feel by the tone of words that come through.
What I've said in my troubled times...were basically the feelings i felt, but nothing bad on your part...
I place no fault in you and yet in time I've even asked myself if I was truely inside out at fault for it all...
but I realised it's nobody's and it's very much on the differences of perception.
Even now I feel I haven't loved in vain and do feel it was still worthwhile through all the time spent.
When being asked, I can only express how much I've loved, but yet having the inability to handle time and commitments
that led to much difficulties between... thus leading to the end.
Trust me, if it was horrible and bad to the imagery people you think have in mind, I wouldn't be even standing by ever willing to be of any aid as a friend and bothered to care. I'd just say, however much I loved, we weren't matched to the point of jigsaw pieces, but rather a frame to a picture.
I guess in every connection, there is often a question of compatibility just like links to every system. Fault lies with neither just wrong fitting though in physical it may all be in sets.
I'm sorry if you had such impression, but be assured that there hasn't been anything interesting or untrue said even in my downest times, coz to people I've once loved will always remain as one before in me... the fact can't be changed...
If you think I'm a hypocrite no matter what I say... well that's your view... I've said what I wanted to say and have been true to my heart about it all. It's been always how you perceive things to be and I can't stop that.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Spent the whole of last nite working on my artwork...
"This is the Chivas Dream"...it states....hahaha...some advert that I had to form up to make it personalized as my own.
funny project.
I've still yet to make my scary face....with eyes that sparkle like laser is just about to emit from it.... hahahaa...
Still thinking about how my Mexican double peppers hot wings is gona be...
It's yet another new creation to add in my 4 on the list of food recipe in these 2 months of december and january...hahaa...
well people.....9th of Feb, is gona be a many guinea pigs day! all are going to be my
testers!
Not nice don't blame me! hahahaa.... OOooops...
don't worry it will be good, just that make sure there is enough water to go around for everyone!...
The sleepy people be awaken, the active will be sent rushing to the pool for extra water! Yucks!...
Anyway, we'll see how it goes....
hmmm....what else should we be adding on the menu for the day?.....hmmmmm....
baby back ribs?.... pepper crab?...lol....
"This is the Chivas Dream"...it states....hahaha...some advert that I had to form up to make it personalized as my own.
funny project.
I've still yet to make my scary face....with eyes that sparkle like laser is just about to emit from it.... hahahaa...
Still thinking about how my Mexican double peppers hot wings is gona be...
It's yet another new creation to add in my 4 on the list of food recipe in these 2 months of december and january...hahaa...
well people.....9th of Feb, is gona be a many guinea pigs day! all are going to be my
testers!
Not nice don't blame me! hahahaa.... OOooops...
don't worry it will be good, just that make sure there is enough water to go around for everyone!...
The sleepy people be awaken, the active will be sent rushing to the pool for extra water! Yucks!...
Anyway, we'll see how it goes....
hmmm....what else should we be adding on the menu for the day?.....hmmmmm....
baby back ribs?.... pepper crab?...lol....
Friday, January 26, 2007
"You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand babe, united we fallGot the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this way
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between in the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide"
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand babe, united we fallGot the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this way
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between in the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide"
Hmm....weird...
I'm starting to appreciate white chocolate now...
Though I still love the bitter dark chocos...
Gotten very into the mexican cuisine...
And as my tummy is slowly recovering...
I'm busting it with all the protein once again....and hitting hard on the metal...
not as usual...but on alternate days...
strengthening in the process...
but I'm really not too sure about the agility to come back to me...
on scaling walls and rocks as good...hahaha....will try somehow.
=)
Adobe class tomorrow!!!....
Rocks!
I guess that's the only class in the week I look forward to...every fridays...
hahaaa....
Well the end of the hard week is arriving...and everything will be relaxed and well for alittle while...
before the start of a horror next week. lol... so many deadlines! OMG!
I'm starting to appreciate white chocolate now...
Though I still love the bitter dark chocos...
Gotten very into the mexican cuisine...
And as my tummy is slowly recovering...
I'm busting it with all the protein once again....and hitting hard on the metal...
not as usual...but on alternate days...
strengthening in the process...
but I'm really not too sure about the agility to come back to me...
on scaling walls and rocks as good...hahaha....will try somehow.
=)
Adobe class tomorrow!!!....
Rocks!
I guess that's the only class in the week I look forward to...every fridays...
hahaaa....
Well the end of the hard week is arriving...and everything will be relaxed and well for alittle while...
before the start of a horror next week. lol... so many deadlines! OMG!
Monday, January 22, 2007
As the start of a new third week for me arrives...
I lay with beads in hand...
I pray for the 2 other sickly dudes back from their trip...
and the one binkz who is in need of supernatural aid to get through the madness week... (well if I see I'll call on for their help...how about that?...lol)
And for me?...
the already recovered, but weakened Ken. weakened to a point where I'd be shivering while opening a packaging for those mini mart mango pudding.
But all will be good....
like I always say...
" Toutefois le demain difficile est, demain immobile venu...
tellement advienne que pourra,
il traversera également dans une brise. "....
So bring it on!!!
I lay with beads in hand...
I pray for the 2 other sickly dudes back from their trip...
and the one binkz who is in need of supernatural aid to get through the madness week... (well if I see I'll call on for their help...how about that?...lol)
And for me?...
the already recovered, but weakened Ken. weakened to a point where I'd be shivering while opening a packaging for those mini mart mango pudding.
But all will be good....
like I always say...
" Toutefois le demain difficile est, demain immobile venu...
tellement advienne que pourra,
il traversera également dans une brise. "....
So bring it on!!!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
my this walk in life...
Dur il était a laissé aller, vous aiment tellement que je ,
mais oeil pour nous observer certains comment ne pourrait pas assortir...
avec vous être malheureux avec moi,
l'undure de la douleur I est pourtant en valeur comme longtemps en vous regardant loin souriez et soyez joyeux.
Même la pensée de la prise en bas des images de nous et de l'art d'humeur du soleil faisait mal. Vous juste n'avez jamais su. Elle n'est jamais étée car facile comme elle est à vous.
mais oeil pour nous observer certains comment ne pourrait pas assortir...
avec vous être malheureux avec moi,
l'undure de la douleur I est pourtant en valeur comme longtemps en vous regardant loin souriez et soyez joyeux.
Même la pensée de la prise en bas des images de nous et de l'art d'humeur du soleil faisait mal. Vous juste n'avez jamais su. Elle n'est jamais étée car facile comme elle est à vous.
wao wao wao....what a day...
an experience...
Social work with IMH patients...
now that....that whole deal truly is something that tests my patience with crowds and get me to think that
I'm yet a person of reasons....besides having that shotgun temper. Esp when it comes to crowded places...and the inability to take care of people whom I totally can't communicate with.
Have done, orphans, down syndrome, old age... now IMH patients....think the next feat would be the deaf...lol....
But for now...i have to take care of myself....deal with my broken down body....from the many weeks of no sleep... it's giving way and acting against me now....
high power loss and over heating...thus a combo sickness....
argh...
Anyway...whatever...the day was still good and worth it.
I've done a gd deed at the start of the year...and also...gotten 3 of the things i wanted...and of which one i have been looking out for....i.e climbing shoes, chalk bag....just today...the MIGHTY MOUSE!!! BLUETOOTH!....lol....
hahahaaa
the week rocks!...well besides this stupid physical illness....
but the mind still thrives to have things seen as darn freaking great week!
And also....Thanks to Binks for the belated treat. enjoyed it too...
but that...u saw another magic trick....lol....hahahaaaa
funny how ur face gave the 'huh' look....
tricks are cool for entertainment....maybe...alittle more to me than to others....lol
Cheers to the ending 2nd week of the academic semester.... it's about weeks more to go towards 2nd of May...and I'm getting out of this freak place!
an experience...
Social work with IMH patients...
now that....that whole deal truly is something that tests my patience with crowds and get me to think that
I'm yet a person of reasons....besides having that shotgun temper. Esp when it comes to crowded places...and the inability to take care of people whom I totally can't communicate with.
Have done, orphans, down syndrome, old age... now IMH patients....think the next feat would be the deaf...lol....
But for now...i have to take care of myself....deal with my broken down body....from the many weeks of no sleep... it's giving way and acting against me now....
high power loss and over heating...thus a combo sickness....
argh...
Anyway...whatever...the day was still good and worth it.
I've done a gd deed at the start of the year...and also...gotten 3 of the things i wanted...and of which one i have been looking out for....i.e climbing shoes, chalk bag....just today...the MIGHTY MOUSE!!! BLUETOOTH!....lol....
hahahaaa
the week rocks!...well besides this stupid physical illness....
but the mind still thrives to have things seen as darn freaking great week!
And also....Thanks to Binks for the belated treat. enjoyed it too...
but that...u saw another magic trick....lol....hahahaaaa
funny how ur face gave the 'huh' look....
tricks are cool for entertainment....maybe...alittle more to me than to others....lol
Cheers to the ending 2nd week of the academic semester.... it's about weeks more to go towards 2nd of May...and I'm getting out of this freak place!
Friday, January 19, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
A day of 3 Ex and 1 roomie...
my birthday...the eve of it...visitations by 3 ex-gfs and my ex-roomie...THE FELIX!
lol...
well at least people remembered...
but it's just another day I guess...
just getting older...
The best thing yet, I got myself my own birthday present....lol
A new pair of climbing shoes! a Chalk bag and chalk ball!....Woohoo!
Yamakasi I'm gona be soon....lol....ahahahaha...
God granted me with the wonderful elective that I always wanted... a great gift from him...
and a mind that has been strong enough to go through the things I have gone through...
Wonderful parents who've supported me through my 26yrs of existance...
with the rebel I am...and risk taker I am... and the oh so much problems and worries I've caused them in my sporting days...
At the end of the day...respected my decisions always and ever encouraging.
2 good brothers... one a social expert in the making and the other a self risen guitarist...both learning about life in their own special way that I've to help deal and guide them through...
and not forgetting my always baby sis... grown up to a decent banker...with a bf I will wanna make sure she is taken care of... else....nothing lah just see the tip of my knuckles by his eyeballs...lol...
26yrs have passed...
so much to think about,
so much have been done
so much has been gone through...
so much lost
so much gained...
yet...the real life of survival and building a place of my own is just about to start in a few months time...
10years ago...was the beginning of the great experience...
the times of travelling...the days of challenges and champions... the moments of fights and self determination... and the pains in life that one learns the hard ways... the aches of burnt emotions with the average of 1 each year that makes me totally sound that I'm really bad at handling those stuff... the rain of wealth and success and yet the letting go of such materials for the passion of sports even as I walk away from them with injuries...
And the first 16years were the years of plays and freedom... needless of worries...the wonders of carefree nature...
the life of a kid to a budding young man before hitting the next 10 into a man that I am today...
26years... just went by like that... with the blink of the eye...
For those I love will hold my love... the loved will be always cared for... and the cared for will remain...
whatever it is...all are still in my heart...but a big space is yet left for one... only one...
where those 10 have come and gone... they lay in comfort and left again... a decade of repetitions like this.
but the space is ever ready still to receive... still willing... though sometimes feelings of giving up were strong...
I still yearn the embrace of the special one.
Even now, the touch of those who've passed... brings tears to me... the feelings of sorrow in failure...
thought the past is left in history...there it will stay.
The future is the every second that I'm journeying through...looking forward to...
making 26years and beyond...
To those who've shared my life, being a part of it... be it ups and downs...
Thanks... it was an experience...
To those who've shared my passion in what I fought for...
I'm grateful... it was ecstatic...
To those, my dearest friends...
I wanna say, please stay around... there are more to come...and I thank you so much for bringing meaning to my life all these while...
My Dad, My mum... above all, you gave me the beginning to everything said above... all my love for you.
=)
funny things I'd say on my birthday.
my birthday...the eve of it...visitations by 3 ex-gfs and my ex-roomie...THE FELIX!
lol...
well at least people remembered...
but it's just another day I guess...
just getting older...
The best thing yet, I got myself my own birthday present....lol
A new pair of climbing shoes! a Chalk bag and chalk ball!....Woohoo!
Yamakasi I'm gona be soon....lol....ahahahaha...
God granted me with the wonderful elective that I always wanted... a great gift from him...
and a mind that has been strong enough to go through the things I have gone through...
Wonderful parents who've supported me through my 26yrs of existance...
with the rebel I am...and risk taker I am... and the oh so much problems and worries I've caused them in my sporting days...
At the end of the day...respected my decisions always and ever encouraging.
2 good brothers... one a social expert in the making and the other a self risen guitarist...both learning about life in their own special way that I've to help deal and guide them through...
and not forgetting my always baby sis... grown up to a decent banker...with a bf I will wanna make sure she is taken care of... else....nothing lah just see the tip of my knuckles by his eyeballs...lol...
26yrs have passed...
so much to think about,
so much have been done
so much has been gone through...
so much lost
so much gained...
yet...the real life of survival and building a place of my own is just about to start in a few months time...
10years ago...was the beginning of the great experience...
the times of travelling...the days of challenges and champions... the moments of fights and self determination... and the pains in life that one learns the hard ways... the aches of burnt emotions with the average of 1 each year that makes me totally sound that I'm really bad at handling those stuff... the rain of wealth and success and yet the letting go of such materials for the passion of sports even as I walk away from them with injuries...
And the first 16years were the years of plays and freedom... needless of worries...the wonders of carefree nature...
the life of a kid to a budding young man before hitting the next 10 into a man that I am today...
26years... just went by like that... with the blink of the eye...
For those I love will hold my love... the loved will be always cared for... and the cared for will remain...
whatever it is...all are still in my heart...but a big space is yet left for one... only one...
where those 10 have come and gone... they lay in comfort and left again... a decade of repetitions like this.
but the space is ever ready still to receive... still willing... though sometimes feelings of giving up were strong...
I still yearn the embrace of the special one.
Even now, the touch of those who've passed... brings tears to me... the feelings of sorrow in failure...
thought the past is left in history...there it will stay.
The future is the every second that I'm journeying through...looking forward to...
making 26years and beyond...
To those who've shared my life, being a part of it... be it ups and downs...
Thanks... it was an experience...
To those who've shared my passion in what I fought for...
I'm grateful... it was ecstatic...
To those, my dearest friends...
I wanna say, please stay around... there are more to come...and I thank you so much for bringing meaning to my life all these while...
My Dad, My mum... above all, you gave me the beginning to everything said above... all my love for you.
=)
funny things I'd say on my birthday.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
I guess today is the day
where a bright spark shines over me
for the split second...
Given me the boost...
it's time...
release the sand
and let it go...
unvalve the waters
and let it flow
rekindle the light
and the warmth that spreads
all over to the finger tips...
that others may feel...
and yet another time...
a suction comes...
and away I go...
sweeps me away...
where a bright spark shines over me
for the split second...
Given me the boost...
it's time...
release the sand
and let it go...
unvalve the waters
and let it flow
rekindle the light
and the warmth that spreads
all over to the finger tips...
that others may feel...
and yet another time...
a suction comes...
and away I go...
sweeps me away...
Wah can u imagine words spread super fast!
Entered a tutorial room today and everyone under the power elective were looking at me and asking me about my final year project....
they were all from different labs...and some were from the same lab but my set of equipments and station was way at the other end of the lab...with them in an enclosed glass room...
They all heard that I've finished the base of my project, gotten the design done and the circuit confirmed with it's required results....
all were astonished.... coz most of the time they never really hear from me and before they know it....I'm done with the main part of the shit work....lol...
Asked this guy called Alvin...he said..."oh the network and rumours fly super fast...in fact the day that the professor came down to look at your project, everyone were already talking about it...didn't you know?"
Son of a......sounds like i spoiled their market...
damn....feel bad.
but anyhow, I've got no time...unlike some of them...the luxury of spending time in the lab from morning til night...as if they need not eat...
I've got freakin' classes damn it!
now what's left is to wait for the other professor who used to be NTU's pHd student to answer my questions on his designs so that I can link mine to his and complete the entire loop....voila...the full blasting circuitary is ready for pantent....lol
cool eh...sounds ground breaking eh....
bullshit... actually it's just a load of crap.
I did my part with less than 20 bucks in hand though the wonderous thing was stepping down a high 220V input to produce a low 3V control pulse wave...
it was really nothing....just a few simple stuff....not complicated as what people all think...
the norm resistors and transistors did the job....poking things here and there....and it's done. Great work? actually it's shit lah... it's a innovation of putting few available things together and changing some variables.
And everyone is taking it like some big thing....alamak...what's with the world mama...?
all blinded by the wires and complicated looking circuit....and I mean LOOKING...coz it just looks complicated, actually it's not. even the second year polytechnic student can do such kinda shit...hahahaaa....uni students?....dun waste ur time studying in a university... what's most important is hands-on experience and you can see things further.
What's the use of all the theory when you can't apply crap to the real world?
The thing is, if you can't, you a waste of space.
Oh well...anyway enough of the school stuff...
I've headed myself into some retail therapy thingy....
all of a sudden, my wanting to get rock climbing stuff has risen again....
to replace my climbing shoes...probably look into that this wed...
and a new chalk bag...also see to that this wed if possible...
And I guess a gd nice jacket will complete this season's list of wants....lol....
probably a birthday gift to myself and suffer the rest of the days with lesser finances to deal with?....
whatever, but it will feel great just having those and carrying on with my climbing activities...cheap, gd and gives and great workout.
While the rest of the time....it's back to hitting the reports and my other stuff to urgently get done. as for tonite....
Give me a break! hahahaa...
Oh please I need to sleep....damn I miss sleeping... this sounds horrible, but true...
funny how the remedy to my last hit can't be helping anymore... and this time it comes stronger... imagine the endless alertness....and shit last nite i was supposed to snooze....almost....but a call just broke it and that was it...the chance...the doziing window was gone....sadz.... =/
Entered a tutorial room today and everyone under the power elective were looking at me and asking me about my final year project....
they were all from different labs...and some were from the same lab but my set of equipments and station was way at the other end of the lab...with them in an enclosed glass room...
They all heard that I've finished the base of my project, gotten the design done and the circuit confirmed with it's required results....
all were astonished.... coz most of the time they never really hear from me and before they know it....I'm done with the main part of the shit work....lol...
Asked this guy called Alvin...he said..."oh the network and rumours fly super fast...in fact the day that the professor came down to look at your project, everyone were already talking about it...didn't you know?"
Son of a......sounds like i spoiled their market...
damn....feel bad.
but anyhow, I've got no time...unlike some of them...the luxury of spending time in the lab from morning til night...as if they need not eat...
I've got freakin' classes damn it!
now what's left is to wait for the other professor who used to be NTU's pHd student to answer my questions on his designs so that I can link mine to his and complete the entire loop....voila...the full blasting circuitary is ready for pantent....lol
cool eh...sounds ground breaking eh....
bullshit... actually it's just a load of crap.
I did my part with less than 20 bucks in hand though the wonderous thing was stepping down a high 220V input to produce a low 3V control pulse wave...
it was really nothing....just a few simple stuff....not complicated as what people all think...
the norm resistors and transistors did the job....poking things here and there....and it's done. Great work? actually it's shit lah... it's a innovation of putting few available things together and changing some variables.
And everyone is taking it like some big thing....alamak...what's with the world mama...?
all blinded by the wires and complicated looking circuit....and I mean LOOKING...coz it just looks complicated, actually it's not. even the second year polytechnic student can do such kinda shit...hahahaaa....uni students?....dun waste ur time studying in a university... what's most important is hands-on experience and you can see things further.
What's the use of all the theory when you can't apply crap to the real world?
The thing is, if you can't, you a waste of space.
Oh well...anyway enough of the school stuff...
I've headed myself into some retail therapy thingy....
all of a sudden, my wanting to get rock climbing stuff has risen again....
to replace my climbing shoes...probably look into that this wed...
and a new chalk bag...also see to that this wed if possible...
And I guess a gd nice jacket will complete this season's list of wants....lol....
probably a birthday gift to myself and suffer the rest of the days with lesser finances to deal with?....
whatever, but it will feel great just having those and carrying on with my climbing activities...cheap, gd and gives and great workout.
While the rest of the time....it's back to hitting the reports and my other stuff to urgently get done. as for tonite....
Give me a break! hahahaa...
Oh please I need to sleep....damn I miss sleeping... this sounds horrible, but true...
funny how the remedy to my last hit can't be helping anymore... and this time it comes stronger... imagine the endless alertness....and shit last nite i was supposed to snooze....almost....but a call just broke it and that was it...the chance...the doziing window was gone....sadz.... =/
Monday, January 15, 2007
I truely wonder if there is such thing as fully letting go...
maybe it's just for myself
that I can't stop caring, being concerned for somebody
whom I've been caring for
for a long time...
enough to have the feeling buit deep inside of me.
Like it's a daily thing
that I wonder how are things going
How was breakfast, lunch, dinner
and everything at home for you...
Has the world been able to place the smile on your face these days...
or have you been kept in warmth and comfy in these cold chilling days...
such questions I ponder upon...
How is it then that I ever turn away...
that I can even one day look you in the eye and say you mean nothing to me...
well the thing is that I can't...
it's my inability...
argh...my handicap...
nature made me this way...
or probably fate brought me to such a point
to bring some teachings across to my head...
I don't know...
do you?
oh well...you probably don't care...
maybe it's just for myself
that I can't stop caring, being concerned for somebody
whom I've been caring for
for a long time...
enough to have the feeling buit deep inside of me.
Like it's a daily thing
that I wonder how are things going
How was breakfast, lunch, dinner
and everything at home for you...
Has the world been able to place the smile on your face these days...
or have you been kept in warmth and comfy in these cold chilling days...
such questions I ponder upon...
How is it then that I ever turn away...
that I can even one day look you in the eye and say you mean nothing to me...
well the thing is that I can't...
it's my inability...
argh...my handicap...
nature made me this way...
or probably fate brought me to such a point
to bring some teachings across to my head...
I don't know...
do you?
oh well...you probably don't care...
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
"Oooh mimi dancin' out on me
Oooh...she not wearin' any panties
I like it when she calls me dada
and she pop it like she from Jamaica..."
hahaaa...some song I came across while I was doing hip hop mixes...spinning some music in my room
with my trusty Altec THX 90Watt speakers!....WhoooHooooooo!
Guess wat!!!
My design work is a good to go!!!
I say again people!!! GOOOOOD to GO!!!
loves it!
riding on a highway now to project progress!
Wooooooohoooooooo!!!!!!
But I'm freaking freaking tired....
exhausted....
well hope that will knock off y insomnia...
Oooh...she not wearin' any panties
I like it when she calls me dada
and she pop it like she from Jamaica..."
hahaaa...some song I came across while I was doing hip hop mixes...spinning some music in my room
with my trusty Altec THX 90Watt speakers!....WhoooHooooooo!
Guess wat!!!
My design work is a good to go!!!
I say again people!!! GOOOOOD to GO!!!
loves it!
riding on a highway now to project progress!
Wooooooohoooooooo!!!!!!
But I'm freaking freaking tired....
exhausted....
well hope that will knock off y insomnia...
A free day today...
A slow moving day...
a continuation of the previous...reading up on lecture notes and books...
and awaiting time to dinner at Waraku... to meet up my ex-room mate...buddy....Felix
and the gang...
supposed to be a gathering...and to my surprise they put up an early birthday arrangment for me!
OMG...I was so shocked....totally lost for words...didn't know wat to say...
like even the thank you could be forced out of the mouth...
just stare blankly...
WoooHooo...
And a nice cool Nautica polo-T...
Thanks everyone!
Appreciate it...really!
Just made my day...
A slow moving day...
a continuation of the previous...reading up on lecture notes and books...
and awaiting time to dinner at Waraku... to meet up my ex-room mate...buddy....Felix
and the gang...
supposed to be a gathering...and to my surprise they put up an early birthday arrangment for me!
OMG...I was so shocked....totally lost for words...didn't know wat to say...
like even the thank you could be forced out of the mouth...
just stare blankly...
WoooHooo...
And a nice cool Nautica polo-T...
Thanks everyone!
Appreciate it...really!
Just made my day...
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
In realisation of how easy for some
to put away values that once were...
For me it was yet roses and kisses between,
the fragile sun and moon,
A special message a gift...
most of all a little chalice
with a word from the land of the rising sun.
So much for all that was said...
Ain't sure what I mean at all.
to put away values that once were...
For me it was yet roses and kisses between,
the fragile sun and moon,
A special message a gift...
most of all a little chalice
with a word from the land of the rising sun.
So much for all that was said...
Ain't sure what I mean at all.
To watch you leaving...
is to know such pain,
it's jagged edges tearing into the soul...
As a stake from the garden tears into the warm dark earth.
To watch you leaving...
knowing all the while that never again
will fit myself...
warm with sleep against the comforting bosom...
Nor hear steady breating
Or feel the beating of you heart.
To watch you leaving...
aware in every moment of everyday that dreams and future...
once tied with silken ribbons will ne're come to be.
And the morning once so silent and hopeful,
me gazing into your awakening eyes...
so gently awaiting...
are now but small pieces of my past.
To watch you leaving...
is to know that I've lost my place...
The station and a heart's home.
That the wander, a nomad...
Alone, cold in sadness.
Troubled dreams watch you scoot...
again and again...
for the balance of sleepless days...
is to know such pain,
it's jagged edges tearing into the soul...
As a stake from the garden tears into the warm dark earth.
To watch you leaving...
knowing all the while that never again
will fit myself...
warm with sleep against the comforting bosom...
Nor hear steady breating
Or feel the beating of you heart.
To watch you leaving...
aware in every moment of everyday that dreams and future...
once tied with silken ribbons will ne're come to be.
And the morning once so silent and hopeful,
me gazing into your awakening eyes...
so gently awaiting...
are now but small pieces of my past.
To watch you leaving...
is to know that I've lost my place...
The station and a heart's home.
That the wander, a nomad...
Alone, cold in sadness.
Troubled dreams watch you scoot...
again and again...
for the balance of sleepless days...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Fuck! damn it...
Why is it so difficult?...
Why can't I just get myself out of this?....
tell me why!!!
it's been weeks....oh God it's been weeks...
to month is has been...
fake to being kwel..
fake to having smiles...
fake to being alright...
a great pretender I try to be...
fake being strong
fake being stone cold and hard
fake being tough...
but afterall...
I'm the one...lying here
alone... here...
myself...
where the prayers somehow didn't work...
the rosaries can't silence the thoughts...
I'm in pain...
Give me the rage to numb the feeling...but it's only for awhile...
when I come back down...
I'm weakened.
Why is it so difficult?...
Why can't I just get myself out of this?....
tell me why!!!
it's been weeks....oh God it's been weeks...
to month is has been...
fake to being kwel..
fake to having smiles...
fake to being alright...
a great pretender I try to be...
fake being strong
fake being stone cold and hard
fake being tough...
but afterall...
I'm the one...lying here
alone... here...
myself...
where the prayers somehow didn't work...
the rosaries can't silence the thoughts...
I'm in pain...
Give me the rage to numb the feeling...but it's only for awhile...
when I come back down...
I'm weakened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Staring right back in the face ~
A memory can't be erased ~
I know 'coz I tried ~
Start to feel the emptiness ~
And everything I've been missin'~
I know and I can't hide ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was pain 'til I had to get out of it fast
Before the exhibit of emotions and tears
Faked a smile and made my move
like wanting to stay and yet wanting to disappear
reaction that I'm not familiar with
the wrong mix and fusion of the heart and mind
jumbled vocals
uneven breath
spike in heartbeat frequency...
Staring right back in the face ~
A memory can't be erased ~
I know 'coz I tried ~
Start to feel the emptiness ~
And everything I've been missin'~
I know and I can't hide ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was pain 'til I had to get out of it fast
Before the exhibit of emotions and tears
Faked a smile and made my move
like wanting to stay and yet wanting to disappear
reaction that I'm not familiar with
the wrong mix and fusion of the heart and mind
jumbled vocals
uneven breath
spike in heartbeat frequency...
Oh damn it...can't believe migraine overcame me last night...
mixing insomnia and migraine was sending me back to hell...
bring out the raging devil within the human body...
like everything was pumping the fire inside...
the blood boiling at every corner of the veins...
red fuming eyes and smoke fuming out from the skin...
then the world was spinning around...
my head was spinning all around...
having that and yet you can't faint into the darkness of sleep...
How wonderful is that...
And the heart super charge pumps blood
to feed every muscle inside
to mechanize and fuel the impulsing infinite fury
Nothin' provided the sense of physical pain...
But a jab and few needles
gave a punch to knock the daylights off my mind...
WONDERFUL! ain't it!
mixing insomnia and migraine was sending me back to hell...
bring out the raging devil within the human body...
like everything was pumping the fire inside...
the blood boiling at every corner of the veins...
red fuming eyes and smoke fuming out from the skin...
then the world was spinning around...
my head was spinning all around...
having that and yet you can't faint into the darkness of sleep...
How wonderful is that...
And the heart super charge pumps blood
to feed every muscle inside
to mechanize and fuel the impulsing infinite fury
Nothin' provided the sense of physical pain...
But a jab and few needles
gave a punch to knock the daylights off my mind...
WONDERFUL! ain't it!
Just felt like writing some shit...so haha...here I am...blogging...
some inputs before I hopefully end the day in closure of my eyes...and my mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If heartaches and jaded had a face
Think it would kinda look like mine
If they had homes it would be my eyes
Would everyone believe me if I said I'm sick of this
here I go all over one more time
Tried to climb the steps
Tried to put up the chase
Tried to earn my way through
Tried to change the living minds of love
Oh better believe that I've tried to beat all these...
So when will this end
It just goes on and on
Over and over again
spinning me round no it won't stop
'til I step off my living consciousness into a faint
Well I never thought I'd end up here
Oh I never thought I'd be standing where I am
kinda thought it would be easier than this
Guess I'm wrong now
This one more time
My Carousel of shit...
I still feel the same though everything has changed
the pain it cost
I feel lost in my own name
And I keep running
Just go workin'
I keep living dreaming the day when I'm with you
what if I'm with you...
The past has left its stain
now I feel the achin'
like you took away the chains of yesterday
And so heartaches and jaded, my face...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
some inputs before I hopefully end the day in closure of my eyes...and my mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If heartaches and jaded had a face
Think it would kinda look like mine
If they had homes it would be my eyes
Would everyone believe me if I said I'm sick of this
here I go all over one more time
Tried to climb the steps
Tried to put up the chase
Tried to earn my way through
Tried to change the living minds of love
Oh better believe that I've tried to beat all these...
So when will this end
It just goes on and on
Over and over again
spinning me round no it won't stop
'til I step off my living consciousness into a faint
Well I never thought I'd end up here
Oh I never thought I'd be standing where I am
kinda thought it would be easier than this
Guess I'm wrong now
This one more time
My Carousel of shit...
I still feel the same though everything has changed
the pain it cost
I feel lost in my own name
And I keep running
Just go workin'
I keep living dreaming the day when I'm with you
what if I'm with you...
The past has left its stain
now I feel the achin'
like you took away the chains of yesterday
And so heartaches and jaded, my face...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, January 08, 2007
WOW!
hit off a good start... on the first day of school...
even though it meant rushing the shit out of me...
Been to lectures, lab then to hall and back to lab again...
suddenly the distance became very short...but seriously, my legs are tired from all that walking.
But still...it was worth while...all the rushing in and out of every where...
coz....
MY CIRCUIT WORKS!!!!....
decided to test it on 120 volts per cycle input instead of pumping up the volume straight to 230V immediately...
no wonder it kept burning....
and there wa some internet short circuit somewhere in the scope I was using that caused some error reading....
damn...took up so much of my time to search for the problem points...stripping off wires after wires and changing chips after chips...with every other components....finally!!! finally!!!!
well goal for today was set at just the 120V...tomorrow I will head off to see if gradually increase of the supply, will I get the same good output I want....
Oh pray for me!!! months of hard work and including losing so much that meant to me... at least the best things could go from here is to have my FYP work well enough for me to graduate and get me hell out of here.
Though I know deep inside, losing what I lost...really wasn't worth it...for my projects....material stuff....but...sigh
I've gotta answer to myself and my own financial supply...might not be able to last too long if i have to prolong this.
Things for me could just turn even uglier...which I don't want to.
my insomnia!!...argh...now that's the one thing to deal with...and the migraines...well...i guess in time it will all go off...i hope..
coz' I'm feeling the full fatigue and very soon I think I might just collapse. But this time, I'll be collapsing without the someone I've been missing.
I guess slowly she's taken her bigger than baby steps to create the forcefield away from me... and so... no more in her life I am living... oh I dunno...
Maybe just thinking too much shit...
for now...I'll just try to rest myself... with the mogu (reminds me of how it feels to sleep beside her...)
haiz...
hit off a good start... on the first day of school...
even though it meant rushing the shit out of me...
Been to lectures, lab then to hall and back to lab again...
suddenly the distance became very short...but seriously, my legs are tired from all that walking.
But still...it was worth while...all the rushing in and out of every where...
coz....
MY CIRCUIT WORKS!!!!....
decided to test it on 120 volts per cycle input instead of pumping up the volume straight to 230V immediately...
no wonder it kept burning....
and there wa some internet short circuit somewhere in the scope I was using that caused some error reading....
damn...took up so much of my time to search for the problem points...stripping off wires after wires and changing chips after chips...with every other components....finally!!! finally!!!!
well goal for today was set at just the 120V...tomorrow I will head off to see if gradually increase of the supply, will I get the same good output I want....
Oh pray for me!!! months of hard work and including losing so much that meant to me... at least the best things could go from here is to have my FYP work well enough for me to graduate and get me hell out of here.
Though I know deep inside, losing what I lost...really wasn't worth it...for my projects....material stuff....but...sigh
I've gotta answer to myself and my own financial supply...might not be able to last too long if i have to prolong this.
Things for me could just turn even uglier...which I don't want to.
my insomnia!!...argh...now that's the one thing to deal with...and the migraines...well...i guess in time it will all go off...i hope..
coz' I'm feeling the full fatigue and very soon I think I might just collapse. But this time, I'll be collapsing without the someone I've been missing.
I guess slowly she's taken her bigger than baby steps to create the forcefield away from me... and so... no more in her life I am living... oh I dunno...
Maybe just thinking too much shit...
for now...I'll just try to rest myself... with the mogu (reminds me of how it feels to sleep beside her...)
haiz...
After all this time
I never thought I'd be here
Never thought I'd end up here
When my love for you was fine
But I couldn't make you see it
oh I just couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And I found a part of me died
When I watched you go
Would try to fall asleep
in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
yet the nights seem to slowly fleeting
vanishing as reality crashed to the floor
I never thought I'd be here
Never thought I'd end up here
When my love for you was fine
But I couldn't make you see it
oh I just couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
And I found a part of me died
When I watched you go
Would try to fall asleep
in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
yet the nights seem to slowly fleeting
vanishing as reality crashed to the floor
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Oh see oh see...
the beginning of the new semester is finally here....!!!
Oh man...
expecting crazy lifestyle...
while seeing others havine time to do other things....
sigh
Well had a good time at the "V tea room"
serves great tea cakes!
very english/venice ambience concept. cool.
just sitting down there have tea and cakes...well not my normal kinda habit but once in awhile.
Will head off for a workout soon to deal with that in awhile. lol....hahaha
Good set in the week to end the 'holidays'....so people are calling it even though I didn't really have much of it...better than nothing....hahaa.
Now Kenneth....back to work!... tmr is the day...8th of Jan...
with the next celebration time would be 11 days later...and that's about all...
Let's go!
the beginning of the new semester is finally here....!!!
Oh man...
expecting crazy lifestyle...
while seeing others havine time to do other things....
sigh
Well had a good time at the "V tea room"
serves great tea cakes!
very english/venice ambience concept. cool.
just sitting down there have tea and cakes...well not my normal kinda habit but once in awhile.
Will head off for a workout soon to deal with that in awhile. lol....hahaha
Good set in the week to end the 'holidays'....so people are calling it even though I didn't really have much of it...better than nothing....hahaa.
Now Kenneth....back to work!... tmr is the day...8th of Jan...
with the next celebration time would be 11 days later...and that's about all...
Let's go!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Has all love cold
a place bitter and broken.
taste of a world I know
there must be something better
something that good forever.
from the world below
I'm watching the sun burning
as the road slowly burning.
Oh yes I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give.
past the city lights
silence can be so disturbing.
you'll find me standing in the night
with stars seem so unending
a night's dead uncaring.
What's painted
whitewashed all works of loving
when all that remains
shadows of our stains
is it then all that easy
just drop it all and moving on?
I'll have to go
to a place I know
that's the one called beginning
start over after ending...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Has all love cold
a place bitter and broken.
taste of a world I know
there must be something better
something that good forever.
from the world below
I'm watching the sun burning
as the road slowly burning.
Oh yes I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give.
past the city lights
silence can be so disturbing.
you'll find me standing in the night
with stars seem so unending
a night's dead uncaring.
What's painted
whitewashed all works of loving
when all that remains
shadows of our stains
is it then all that easy
just drop it all and moving on?
I'll have to go
to a place I know
that's the one called beginning
start over after ending...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally managed at least 2hrs of sleep...but got awaken by God knows what...
leaving me with my eye wide open...
oh well... the semester is about to open once again...
after a few weeks of not much of a break, but better than nothing i guess.
Brave it! =)
I'll find my sleep soon...I hope.
since from 15mins to 2hrs...then comes 7hrs....lol....hahaa
--------------------------------------
Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
Trust me I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know that I can't hide
Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, coz' I am tired
Carrying the dreams and thoughts I lost
Picture frames and card with all the thoughts
Oh trust me I know, I hold inside...
All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...
But when you're near
you're lost, I'll help you find
come along around
time to time we're all blind
Don't have to tell me what you feel...
I know what you're going through
Won't be the one that lets go of you...
Dont' have to be alone with the journey you're traveling on
Though all dreams and hopes are torn...
All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...
------------------------------- ok I don't know what to say or do anymore....
Let time pass i guess...
leaving me with my eye wide open...
oh well... the semester is about to open once again...
after a few weeks of not much of a break, but better than nothing i guess.
Brave it! =)
I'll find my sleep soon...I hope.
since from 15mins to 2hrs...then comes 7hrs....lol....hahaa
--------------------------------------
Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
Trust me I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know that I can't hide
Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, coz' I am tired
Carrying the dreams and thoughts I lost
Picture frames and card with all the thoughts
Oh trust me I know, I hold inside...
All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...
But when you're near
you're lost, I'll help you find
come along around
time to time we're all blind
Don't have to tell me what you feel...
I know what you're going through
Won't be the one that lets go of you...
Dont' have to be alone with the journey you're traveling on
Though all dreams and hopes are torn...
All this time that's passing by...
I think it's time
to just move on...
------------------------------- ok I don't know what to say or do anymore....
Let time pass i guess...
The inability to fall asleep has hit once more...
3months....3 months phased passed...
now i hope it's not the beginning of another set...
it's been the 5th day straight already...
Part human...Part machine feeling...
or rather, on the ugly side... a Zombie...
the undead.
=/
FYP circuit didn't work! wat's with it! oh help somebody!!!
3months....3 months phased passed...
now i hope it's not the beginning of another set...
it's been the 5th day straight already...
Part human...Part machine feeling...
or rather, on the ugly side... a Zombie...
the undead.
=/
FYP circuit didn't work! wat's with it! oh help somebody!!!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Here I sat...alone at work...
and study...trying to put my mind away from the world....
away from anything and everything else...
But...
in the moments of silence... the tranquility was disturbed by a short bang...
the dropping of a beautiful painted glass piece of a sun and a moon...
and together it fell with was a card...
the card that has been ever invaluable to me...
the card that everytime i felt alone. i read it and i felt happy and joy...
but this time...
it was pain and aches...
coz the feeling of missing someone who resided in my heart for a long time...
and now leaving it..making me the very thing
where the heart is an empty room, just came sweeping me over....
it read...
"Dear baby,
Surprise! =) I just wanted
to drop you a message to tell you how much I love you,
from the bottom of my heart.
For the difficult times, I'm sorry and am very happy
you still stuck around to bear
it all and make me smile again.
Thank you for being my little
understanding pupu and doing
all the silly things just to
make me smile. (i know it's
hard sometimes). You are, once
again, my...
SAFEKEEPER"
The very moment... what I've been holding within... all these while and just couldn't let out...
and all the dryness broke out drenched by tears...
Eyes were leaking!
shit I need a plumber quick!
sigh...
and study...trying to put my mind away from the world....
away from anything and everything else...
But...
in the moments of silence... the tranquility was disturbed by a short bang...
the dropping of a beautiful painted glass piece of a sun and a moon...
and together it fell with was a card...
the card that has been ever invaluable to me...
the card that everytime i felt alone. i read it and i felt happy and joy...
but this time...
it was pain and aches...
coz the feeling of missing someone who resided in my heart for a long time...
and now leaving it..making me the very thing
where the heart is an empty room, just came sweeping me over....
it read...
"Dear baby,
Surprise! =) I just wanted
to drop you a message to tell you how much I love you,
from the bottom of my heart.
For the difficult times, I'm sorry and am very happy
you still stuck around to bear
it all and make me smile again.
Thank you for being my little
understanding pupu and doing
all the silly things just to
make me smile. (i know it's
hard sometimes). You are, once
again, my...
SAFEKEEPER"
The very moment... what I've been holding within... all these while and just couldn't let out...
and all the dryness broke out drenched by tears...
Eyes were leaking!
shit I need a plumber quick!
sigh...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
It's been so long since Ive touched
So long since I wanted
Then you made me laugh
And my heart opened
I want you to find me charming and wise
I just want you to find me
Somewhere here inside
I barely know you
Weve been sort of friends
So what if I called you and called you again
What would I tell you
Where would I begin
Please forgive me
If I dont know what to do
It's an old fire
This familiar desire
But my skin is painfully new
Theres a light in my window
It shines all night long
In the morning my coffee
Is sweet but its strong
I carefully reach out from behind these walls
I'll take a deep breath and give you a call
Hello how are you
Not much at all
Lost in this hole
That has ripped through my soul
I unlock this secret inside
What should I think
I've had too much to drink
As my mind and my body collide
So long since I wanted
Then you made me laugh
And my heart opened
I want you to find me charming and wise
I just want you to find me
Somewhere here inside
I barely know you
Weve been sort of friends
So what if I called you and called you again
What would I tell you
Where would I begin
Please forgive me
If I dont know what to do
It's an old fire
This familiar desire
But my skin is painfully new
Theres a light in my window
It shines all night long
In the morning my coffee
Is sweet but its strong
I carefully reach out from behind these walls
I'll take a deep breath and give you a call
Hello how are you
Not much at all
Lost in this hole
That has ripped through my soul
I unlock this secret inside
What should I think
I've had too much to drink
As my mind and my body collide
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
awaken by the cracking of crickets...
after the many sleepless days
I found comfort on soft linen.
But there alone, I lay...
strengthless, tired and heated
by the chill of constant pour
and the shivers sent by the monsoon winds.
With bird's eye view I see myself...
lonely, woebegone...
all curled up under the blanket
unable to warm the cold...
how is it joyful for a new year to come by
when such despondency lies within?...
I guess I'd just lay back shutting of crickets
and fall into the dead of the night...
asleep...
exhausted I am, but somehow I can't...I'd try...
what is it that's haunting me?...
without love?
or the coming of a new tormenting semester?
or the rush of blood in my brains for all the crazy nights
in my fight for survival...
missions after missons...
role play after role play...
cracks of firing piercing through the silent nights,
up hills, up trees, embedded in shrubs or a cocktail of choco-like water and mud...?
or is it the emotions of combinational feelings above...
that wreck the senses of my mind...
to think to have found what I truly love at the lead of 2006
but to find that what was between was a misfit that caused
so much pain...
so much tears...
so much aches...
so much breaks and reconciliation...
so much depression...
for two...
the two in love...
that burned acid fire
in destruction of hopes
by the coda of ballad 2006.
Leaving me yearning her very much,
yet be near I may not...
be loved I cannot...
to love I'd wanna try...
but hateful of myself I'd become
to see myself falling in ditch after ditch
again and again...
failure unending...
I guess,
Yes it is...
it's the emotional combination...
the cocktail of what dissolves my heart and soul...
like the diminishing of flaming lamborgini.
the fury blue slowly disappearing into the clear shot of spirit...
I know...I still love...want to embrace...
you...
after the many sleepless days
I found comfort on soft linen.
But there alone, I lay...
strengthless, tired and heated
by the chill of constant pour
and the shivers sent by the monsoon winds.
With bird's eye view I see myself...
lonely, woebegone...
all curled up under the blanket
unable to warm the cold...
how is it joyful for a new year to come by
when such despondency lies within?...
I guess I'd just lay back shutting of crickets
and fall into the dead of the night...
asleep...
exhausted I am, but somehow I can't...I'd try...
what is it that's haunting me?...
without love?
or the coming of a new tormenting semester?
or the rush of blood in my brains for all the crazy nights
in my fight for survival...
missions after missons...
role play after role play...
cracks of firing piercing through the silent nights,
up hills, up trees, embedded in shrubs or a cocktail of choco-like water and mud...?
or is it the emotions of combinational feelings above...
that wreck the senses of my mind...
to think to have found what I truly love at the lead of 2006
but to find that what was between was a misfit that caused
so much pain...
so much tears...
so much aches...
so much breaks and reconciliation...
so much depression...
for two...
the two in love...
that burned acid fire
in destruction of hopes
by the coda of ballad 2006.
Leaving me yearning her very much,
yet be near I may not...
be loved I cannot...
to love I'd wanna try...
but hateful of myself I'd become
to see myself falling in ditch after ditch
again and again...
failure unending...
I guess,
Yes it is...
it's the emotional combination...
the cocktail of what dissolves my heart and soul...
like the diminishing of flaming lamborgini.
the fury blue slowly disappearing into the clear shot of spirit...
I know...I still love...want to embrace...
you...
Monday, January 01, 2007
Back finally...bringing satisfying exam results checked on friday....have to do more thanks giving for that...
and 4 sleepless nights and days of wet weather...
all drenched in mud and swarm waters...
where the skin wrinkles up,
all soaked up through.
For the moments I found to sit and reflect...
I missed you so...
but yet to find non responsiveness,
I guess someone else in life you may have gotten...
or drowned in fun you are that I'm smoothly forgotten...
But it's ok I guess...
I'd wish you all the best...
for this new year I wish you great blessings...
smilez and happiness you find...
without the known cause of depression, me...
with great warmth for u now you enjoy...
and a brightened joy you may have...
crazily tired I am...physically and mentally...
today I still have to say this for my resolution...
I'd wanna be able to better handle time,
accomplish driving,
get the academic final semester through...
start off my career...
find peace in myself...
to hold on to a good job
and to seek a well off love life I'd keep for long future...
in settling down...
where I'd find myself
with a family I may start by 30...
And I thank God for getting me through 2006...
finally it's over.... and I look towards a fruitful 2007...
and 4 sleepless nights and days of wet weather...
all drenched in mud and swarm waters...
where the skin wrinkles up,
all soaked up through.
For the moments I found to sit and reflect...
I missed you so...
but yet to find non responsiveness,
I guess someone else in life you may have gotten...
or drowned in fun you are that I'm smoothly forgotten...
But it's ok I guess...
I'd wish you all the best...
for this new year I wish you great blessings...
smilez and happiness you find...
without the known cause of depression, me...
with great warmth for u now you enjoy...
and a brightened joy you may have...
crazily tired I am...physically and mentally...
today I still have to say this for my resolution...
I'd wanna be able to better handle time,
accomplish driving,
get the academic final semester through...
start off my career...
find peace in myself...
to hold on to a good job
and to seek a well off love life I'd keep for long future...
in settling down...
where I'd find myself
with a family I may start by 30...
And I thank God for getting me through 2006...
finally it's over.... and I look towards a fruitful 2007...
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