The time is about up...
The moment of results is about here...
I shake...
I fear what I'm to see though I say I'm not
yet...
I wanna see it though I say I don't...
it's crazy.
The month is about up
The year is to the end...
And the rest I haven't got...
Many things still undone...
like time was not enough.
Everyday passes by like I was constantly on the run...
a marathon unfinished
a run unending...
But the only comfort I find that I can be lying on
is to know things are good on your side of the world
that the time precious perl
spent with cool people
the way you want it
the way you liked it...
While I standing here...
I know it's the path I've been in
the one I can't get out
at a cross road
where either ways leads to mindless pains
Where numbness is the common thing...
As I move along the gravel
small puddles ripple my falling tears
reflection of sadness
with the kinda days going by...
not denying the aches of not being able
to have you the love of mine
mutual yet unmatched...
loved yet hurt
embracing yet aching...
wanting forever yet can't last to see it
with perceptions all criss crossed in a mess
but everyday I'd wonder how you are
having you in my heart and my mind...
now the only 'friend' I have is work
when the 'friend' still hurts me very much...
I'm back to sanitarium visitation
for the mind blowing syndromes...
either ways...life isn't too friendly
walking on either side of the road...
Just walk Kenneth
Just walk...
walk through it blind folded
and come what may...
though in the darkness
the focal memory is yet her...
with no ways of drowning it...
drinks won't do
sleep won't do
and dying is eternity...

"Still feels like the first night together...
feels like the first kiss
but we're getting weaker
no one can be blame for this
I held on like you're still the one
first when our eyes met
still the feelin' I get
wanna hug you tighter
wanted love to last longer
you could turn the fire on....
if my love was not enough...
but my heart was for you alone...
I wanted our future good...
for all that I've not done or you felt that I should...
Please forgive me
the pain I put you through
Please believe me
my love for you is true...

How our lives crossed
but the pain is matched we're not...

I guess,
You need to release me...
though I need you like I do..."


The great pains to have in mind that what you love...
isn't what that is gona happy with you....
Thus no matter how much...
things are hard to be right...
Though it isn't either at fault...
the thorn strikes at both...

Spending the few days without my handphone
and out of the house and in medical red lights...
the isolated moments I had to sit down, with nothing else at hand...
those thoughts struck me to the kill...
many reasons i couldn't be connected...
no phone,
didn't bring cash in the rush...
fever struck soon after...
knocked out dead and tired...
I was totally blocked!...
with just me and the arm chair beside the hospital bed
with my sick and sleeping grand...
What a way to spend christmas...
with worries and sadness...
with the pain I don't wanna have...

sigh...what's the life coming to?...
though I wanna see and hug her so much...
but time I don't have...and I'd wanna try to make...
look at us now...how are we and what are we, I yet do not know too...
Before I know it...I'd be in wilderness and more crap.

all a pile of shit...

How's anyone able to understand the position I'm in...
how to explain when words are cheap...
how to do when time is not my hands when anytime i want I beep...

ARGH!!!!!!!!
THIS IS DRIVING ME TO MY GRAVE WAY FAST!!!!!