The moment is now...the feel...the burst...
I'm taking it back...
getting it all back...
I need the rush...
the feeling all flush...
Bringing on blows...
throws and all the action...
the feeling of adrenalin satisfaction...
All my combinations and chained reaction..
All the power and vent of frustration...
In my at own rhythm...
My own pace...
movements of my own creation...
reflections of the restarted street fight...
Somebody stop me!

"Money can buy happiness...uuntil you look over the fence and see how much more your friends have..."

Won more than a thousand playing shit...Gatheriing engorged stack of chips
and backed away from the arena still trembling from the adrenaline binge, I floated across life's
risk taking shade...
And looked on my fellow life game junkie...
Time to pool our take and blow it on extravagantly overpriced red meat...
But then "I am down" said he...
And it was real bad...like the america flowed into an anarchy...
he lost whole lot to the foreign exchange.

There are sure ways to ruin an overnight risk bender with a friend.
leaving tables with different results. When both leave out ahead, then it's time to test Chris Rock's
theory about champagne room.
Damn...nothing but grief. To help or not to help? An offering is yet a posibility to offend his pride...
But after all why should I in this case?...Friendship isn't a Marxist endeavour.
Can't be sustained across the great line in life that divides the winners from losers. a conspiracy among men
of the same station. Role of money offends democratic ideals, primal model of absolute loyalty.
but the size of a man's bankroll has innumerable repercussions.
I had to deal with my own other shit...cover thy own ass first...

Damn...difficult situations when there is not much extras actually to help....which route to take I have no freakin idea.

hmm so what's money? --->means access to restaurants, vacation spots, season tickets...blah blah blah...lifting
the velvet rope.
And your posse can't roll if that rope drops down in front of some members. lol...

Think I'm just being super random today.....
crap...

Just had one weird mood today...
Simply having questions all over my head.
About life...career...love...
Damn it....everything...

Think I need some new space to re-evaluate the whole situation once more.
I need to grow...and I need to grow fast. Real fast actually. Question is...will I hit my
target by 30?...
Hard....real hard. But not impossible!

Where I am now, taking seat on the 3rd highest post of the company in decision making...
The pressure of making things happen is very high... blood will almost spill if I'm not careful.
my lack of sleep is ridiculous and I do hope I don't reach the state of being inhuman again...
INSOMNIA...!!!

sigh oh well....back to work....back to work...a long hard day's work!

Developed as a much more powerful and larger replacement for the 356...
an evolution of the Beetle...

Rear mounted 415hp 6-cylinder engine of boxer configuration.
5,500rpm with 12:1 compression ratio.
311km/hr top speed and a 4s 0-100 rating....

Oh yes if you're thinkin' what I'm thinkin'....
It's the 911 GT3!

yup...the ecstatic feeling of handling it on friday...
was a good blood rush.

Black...shiny...and majestic engine roar...
With quick manual gear shifts you can get it up and speeding
transforming the side street lamps into a stream of yellow lights form the side of my eye vision.

Tell me about fast and furious...

But I think I still can't beat my feeling that I've yet to overcome when roaring the Firebird many years back...
fully mechanical monster.

My legs are still killing me from the run.
My colleagues were saying I'm just pure crazy with the run....
at such an age and body mechanics...I'm still thinking I'm iron man.

hahahaaa.... my General Manager's commando son pushed so hard that
he ended up sleeping the whole day yesterday and clocked a good 2hrs 40mins...
Maybe he is just trying to console me on my fast run that came with the pains thereafter.

My friends all think that I've got some great stuff falling upon my back...
with frequent travels and stuff...knowing many parts of the world and being able to talk about it...
but hey...seriously..it's tiring...really...
after travels comes planning and reports and other yada yada...
However, the experience level goes 1 up again...that's the only good thing.

Today...allow me to introduce India....Hohohoo...




A sovereign country in south asia and the seventh largest country.
Beautiful architechture but yet... a holy land with lotsa...dung everywhere.
Very much the same as France when I went there... not sure what's up with these people.
But anyway... they have the wierdest temple there filled with millions of rats...
They take it as the reborn of their ancestors and thus feeding and taking care of these rodents
were a must. Their holy man would just sit there and allow the rats to feed off the food he holds...
sharing with them the fruits of his begging. Totally not my kind of life I must say.




My view of the hypnotic indian holy man....hahahaaa

A 5 star hotel, you get to hear small little footsteps running around the flooring or the ceiling boards...
And shockingly greeted by the brownish or greyish furry rodents in the wee hours of the morning...right on
the top of your blanket. Goodness me!... I do wonder how else it will be with the increase of these infestations.

Yet the sunset scene...other than Singapore's is very much nicer...
more brilliant..
well like they always say... The grass is always greener on the other side...hahaa
but really... it's beautiful.Beside the sea and rushing waves...away from the chocking stench
of coconut milk and lamb/goats odour...
no wonder the I'm starting to see the potential in sales for my air anti-bacterial sanitizer in that country...

One can see very obviously the effects of having too much curry...
Heatiness and sore throat... like blowing fire....hahahaa....just look at this...

When I close my eyes...
with the sound of saxophone softly grace the air.
I find my thoughts sway to you...
uncontrolled.
Brings the fuzzies...
Yet the pain...
Not like I can't live without...
probably I choose not to...

Gotta learn to suppress the rapid fire inside...
the NOS in my blood...
where results must come at the most instance.
I guess that's where my risk hunger is deemed as high...
Now I'm afraid that I might just explode the wrong bomb that I'd
not be able to withstand.

clocking a good 2hrs 5mins for a half marathon today...
but it's way off my actual schedule of the past...
2hrs 45mins for a full marathon...alamak...now I'm barely finishing the half of it
with a time close to that.... CANNOT MAKE IT!

body mechanics aren't as good as before already...
today my ligaments just gave way in the heat of the sprints at the last 3km...
practically reduced myself to 10cm/min speed after that....
Goodness the pain.

But what kept me on the run even as the pain started off alittle after 10km was the
ringing voice... "Can Can...sure can do it....no problem".... =)
The one voice I'd love to hear all my life....but I guess I gotta work on it and pace myself
well...mentally and emotionally....

Kenneth...remember you've been patient... why the change...now there is the need to keep that
ability going...hold on!

Head got kinda heavy...with the amount of work...
the responsibilities are getting higher...
much much more....really...
goodness...I'm thinking of how to develop the malaysian, indo,
vietnam and middle eastern market for certain niche products...

Today I kinda lost my cool when my director overwrite my quotation to a customer
even after I settled the case the day before...
totally made me lose credibility overall...
There I was tactfully shooting back to make sure all areas covered...
hoping that this won't happen again...
coz if this does happen...I'd say, why give me the job to handle these stuff in the 1st place....
My Goodness!

Chattin' with her always make things better...
pity didn't have to time to have dinner together today...
=/

but oh well...another better day perhaps...
some other day...

4.30am there I was going for my morning run...
to awaken me for a long long day...
5.30 left for my drive to KL...all the way...
all the way to my KL office...
seeing so many freaking customers from technical crap
to product crap...and some just pure trying their luck on better pricing...
leaving me caught in the jam at 5pm....
thus day ended only when I hit back singapore at 10pm...
aiyoh aiyoh so tiring!

on top of that....
there I saw something when I got back!!!....argh!
not good....not good....

lucky there she was on the phone with me....
making it all better already.

I guess hearing from both sides....my dear friends
I come to know that at least they are kinda on the stable side by now...
well...at least nobody is trying anything funny....
hearing from bud richie and gd friend maddy...
both seemed quite alright....but nobody can really be fully alright just after
a big bang off their normal routine in life....(that's having each other)...
Oh well...

I guess as I talk to people around me...I've come to realisation that I'm getting deeper
into the feelings I have for this special one...
like I'd be doing the craziest things for no reasons....just hoping to make her day or at least to see the slightest
smile on her sweet face...
(Oh goodness I still can remember that warming look at the dinner table...that caught me in a daze)

Tryin' to hit off the piano once again? or picking the guitar?....OMG... where will I ever find the time?

Will be heading off to KL once again tomorrow to check on the office...and to deal with some technical situation.
I'm gona miss being able to contact her and chat freely again.... =/

Last nite a had a weird but good dream...
where you were here just beside me...
the first I saw when I opened my eyes...
so close...so very close...
it felt so real that I couldn't believe it myself...
when I really woke up and didn't see you there...
I almost picked up and called you...

until reality hit....

bring me back into that dream please....

lol

They say "When the time is right"...
So when is the right time?....
really...
When?...
or is it just some pure guessing game?...
game of chances?...

goodness...that's tiring...

Last night... I tried something I've not done in a long time...
a long distance run....
This time was from home to Choa Chu Kang Way...at the brim of where my grand stays...
Goodness...when I say it's been a long time....I mean it...panting madness...

I've done distances
1) home-tampines
2) home-hougang
3) home-esplanade
4) sembawang beach-orchard road
not counting those shorter ones though...
now adding up is home-choa chu kang way...

Guess I needed the run...
so much to think about...so much running through my head...
it's like swirls unending.

come to think of it... I've taken on so many challenges...
against my fear of heights and speed...
nobody could actually tell that coz of what I've been doing these days....
scaling cliffs....overhangs...monstrous waves...storms...

haiz...but then again...with all those extremes...injuries I've got countless!

It's time for my trials...
time to find myself...
time to get my mind into focus...
....
.....I'm gone for these moments...

but just how strong away from what's dear?

As you sat across sipping adam's ale
looking around in wonder of surrounding
I gazed in a daze at you that warmed my heart...
what a beautiful masterpiece before me...
Perfect in your little ways.
Your eyes as captivating...
fuzzy fizzies rushed upon my entire sense of being...
those very moments you looked across
You sweetest smiles...
I'd give anything to see them again...
Sometimes I wish I'd take chances...
yet sometimes I fear to risk what I already have...
this....this simple gazing experience...
Where time just stood still...

There is no way of climbing up...
I've fallen deeper...
right through in free fall...

How'd things become?
light or dark?
smiles? frown? down?
life so mysterious...
so interesting...
yet can be so painful...

Funny how it is in such a way...
that I could actually spend time and money...and effort to try brighten someone's day
when all it takes was for that one...
to purely exist...
That alone is enough...

A Give'n Take situation on the emotional side...

Whatever...it's a good feelin'...
like tomorrow...there is a need to take the next step forward into life...

Life is simply so fragile..
one moment you're here
yet the very next...
you've crossed worlds.
Life is like a roller coaster...
interestingly troublesome...
full of variants...
what you feel today,
ain't gona be what you feel tomorrow.
So then, is there such word as 'forever'?
Or does it not even exist?
well without it, 'never' also won't come to place.
Wonder am I talking ay sense here...
Today seems like the day....where suddenly everything around me
stops in motion...or the pace just mallows down...
And here I am...
seated and in thought...
just what the hell have I don't through my 26 years of living?
Encountered and dealt with future shock...
merged in the changing patterns...
getting in and out of situations...problems....issues....whatever.
So what or where will I be 10 years down the road?
Will I get to the point where I wanna be?
Some overlooking say that I will...
Some say that the possibilities are infinite...
Some say it's hard...
Well I say...I want to very much but I don't know...
For the first time in a long time I'd say this...
maybe the battery life inside isn't on the high side
that I'm not at positive turns...
maybe I just feel some emptiness that I yet to fill...
and yet haven't...
There are some points in time where you wanna know some things...
And you'd take risks and chances to find or try...
yet...
the past burning wounds forbid you to carry on..
or should I say..set a limitation subconsciously...
Today I'd just hope to free my mind and make it for a free fall...
for the moments of flight...
feeling high...
just following the thing called gravity in the flow...
just following...

Today some of my senses tell me that the day somehow isn't good...
Something has just been disturbed...
and the lousy thing is I'm not sure what it is...
could be anything...

For the so difficult moments, I pray I mind stays clear...
With pending legal cases to fight...
against the petty customers who understood no business terms...
going to court for a few dollars is practically stupid.

With the Chairman and director away...
handling such issues,
making decisions...
and managing the whole situation...
all call for alot of mental strength and alertness...
one wrong move and I could cause high cost compared to the earning I'm
supposed to churn.
Find the balance to a win-win situation is difficult...
have been cracking my head trying to get answers from principle and dealing with customer end.

This is totally jack shit...

Well....part and parcel of business I guess...
DEALING WITH LOUSY ASS BUSINESSMAN WHO KNOWS SHIT CRAP ABOUT READING BUSINESS TERMS!

Goodness me....
somebody...help!...

If it's my own cost that I'm handling....it'll be way easier to deal with....
sorry..ain't always that perfect...
=/

Can't believe it's been already 20 years my buds and I have
been sticking around each other...
some bond that basically nothing can break...
Seeing how much each of us have changed was real funny...
weirdly I hardly even remembered myself looking like that
at certain times...
Goodness!

But it's great to know how far we've walked together
and at different routes...
different characters...
different lifestyles...
different goals...
yet like one brotherhood...

Cheers!

Some times in life...
the pace has just got to slow down...
breathe...

I enjoy what I do...
but too much of anything ain't too good...
and battery level is flowin' down...
ain't the insomniac as I used to be...
only just a normal guy
who'd wanna have a wonderful girl to be...

Am I just moving into my advancement too fast?...
way too fast?...
that I just get tired...
the strain...
freakin' strain!
where I eyes see blood shot...
I cease to open them in pain
like I said...
like a torn war machine...
still fightin' on the move...
Just how long...
how long it'll be...

I haven't felt this painful feeling for a long time...
sadistically...it feels good...
but hear me out...
my feeling of missing somebody...
the emotional yearning...
horrible isn't it?...
But...
yet...
I'd rather feel the pain missin' *you
than not having you to miss at all...

In life...
however difficult...
The force, the determination, the focus, the strength...
the will...
to take the very next step is yet very important.
thinking back of the time when I had to deal with disabilities unknown to many then...
back slip disc...if that's what they call it...knee ligament tear on both legs...right shoulder
dislocation...
oh man...you name it...
even the ribs fracture...where at times the pain can be ridiculous....
I still headed off to a dream of being in power...and in control...
And I managed...
1) free lance racing/stunt : physically challenging and mentally draining in many ways
Times where you find that things may be just impossible
you get it done....proving "impossible is nothing"
2) starting off 3 racing teams locally & internationally : time consuming and mentally
challenging. Time management
and physical limits tested...
when you find that you'd knock
out in bed with no dreams.
3) Officership in SAFTI MI : Totally mental to bring about the term "Mind over matter"
like a fighting machine on faulty movement mechanisms...
yet still fighting 'til the end.

Now thinking of it all....I also feel tired.
hahahahaa....

A simply wonderful day...
Every moment...Every minute...Every second of it...
just warms...
just lightens...

And I remembered back those times I was left alone...
focused on my mastery in control of wind...
Just me my, board and a sail...
Mornings, afternoons and the evenings at sunsets...

There living back those days, brings me thoughts on why I gave it all up...
those days of freedom....
those days of a carefree life...
those days of just pure rough training...
those days of pure physical challenge...
those days of mentally trying situations...

My injuries...and my inability to keep my balance once again...
once a peak...
but now all gone in a tweak...
from little mistakes...

Like I was blessed from above...
with the things I never realised I had...
Rays of light shone upon my skin..
warmth and graced.
Awaiting the challenges that I'm to face beyond my expectations...



And riding the rough thundering pains...
Taking each second as it comes...
swifting forward I go...
towards destiny...
into my future...

It's been a long time I had this feeling...

Sometimes it's just wonderful to free yourself...
and in just 30mins...I felt free once again...
like soaring in the breeze once more...
It's been some time...
a very long time...
sliding wakes 'n cutting waves..
adrenalin rushing to my head...
speed clearing every corner of my mind...
And once again...
just this once again... I'm just free...
free to be once more...

Just surrender...

he reads a book from across the street
Waiting for someone that she'll never meet
Talk over coffee for an hour or two
She wonders why I'm always in a good mood

Killing time before she struts her stuff
She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost you have found
(Surrender) Yourself to me

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed
This flower don't belong to me
Why can't she belong to me?

Every word, every thought, every sound
Every touch, every smile, every frown
All the pain we've endured until now
All the hope that I lost, you have found

I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask
Has my moment come and passed?
I never had the nerve to ask

To me... just how special can you get?
We'll see...

I think I've expressed just quite a fair bit now...