I can't help but...

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Mi Mancherai I will miss you
Perché vai via? Why are you going away?
Perché l'amore in te se spento? Why has the love in you died?
Perché? Why?
Non cambierà niente lo so Nothing will change i know
E dentro sento te And inside I feel you....
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~To watch you leaving....
is to know such pain,
it's jagged edges tearing into my soul.
As a stake from the garden tears
into this warm dark earth...
Knowing all the while that never again
will I fit myself
warm and heart flutters
against your smooth back
and your sweet smelling neck.
Nor hear your steady breathing
and beating of your heart...
aware in every moment of my days
that my dreams, my future,
once tied with silken ribbons to yours
will never come to be.
And the mornings once so silent
so blissful and hopeful,
us gazing at each other's eyes with smiles
and gentle touches that comes after,
in hall or at home...
are now but small pieces of my past...
To watch you leaving is to know
my lost of place on this earth, my heart's home.
that I now a new nomad
alone and torn.
And in my troubled dreams
watch you leave...
again and again...
the pain and the tears comes daily..
All with you leaving...~

morning aches...

This morning, I woke up to an unexpected aching....
The aching of my heart...What is it?...
A dream Or something that my mind captured the day before
and thus playing my body chemistry, hitting at my emotions?
Oh darn I really don't know...
Maybe...
Maybe silence winds a troubled mind...
A silence between us....
Thas is shaking my very consciousness...
I know, you consistantly feelt he lack of connectivity...
To you everything is about connectivity...
But have you thought that if only you'd let yourself loose
Let your great expectations be alittle more fluid,
you'd be a happier person?
Nobody in this world is perfect...
I'm not...and there is no way I can be...
Even this world isn't perfect to begin with.
Sometimes I'd wish that you just let go
Sometimes I'd wish that you'll find the meaning of life
In it's simplicity.
I love you and I love you very much...
Not because of lust nor just beauty...
Not because of taking you for a fling
Or some short term joy ride....
But rather for the person that you are
And the person you make me want to be.
Some may believe that there is no such thing
as changing for the one you love...
No such thing as making long term adjustments to fit the one you love...
But I believe otherwise.
I'm willing if my love is willing to accept things and give time...
Allowance basically...
Anyway...saying all these, would all this still matter to you?
Am I being blocked away from you?
Blocked by the coldness of your heart....
you somehow make me feel so...
well I guess you'd not want to bother.
I hope one day you'll just simply realize what I mean...
But then maybe you don't wish to see it...
Living in the fantasy world of perfection...
perfect to your own conception...fitting to you only...
Sigh...

today...I also..
remembered the first musical movie I every bought....
was RENT...the feeling I felt buying it.
I didn't know how it was....was it good or not...
had no questions... the point was you said it was good..and you wanted to catch it so much...
I went around looking for it the moment I heard it...
finally found it and purchased...
the excitment bringing it back to you for a surprise...
so much for "thousand sweet kisses"...