I find being alittle too caught up and concerned in what others want....
could in turn make me not being spontaneous...
a lousy person who has no ideas...
I sat down and think while waiting for the docs...
I realised that many times I had something in mind....
something simple... that might not be appealing as something special
or to go out for... I just smack it down in worry of failure...
unknowingly that failure catches me from the other way
and in a different angle...
WTF...

sigh...maybe I'm just a person who considers too much...
trying to avoid this and that...and in the end...avoided doing everything...
there are things I've planned for....failed and got sick of the mess I created...
there were things I mentioned but couldn't materialise thus filling up disappointment...
so to avoid all those....I headed off to another direction
and the direction met with me avoiding what I wanted...
just some simplicity...a time out from the acad world and to spend time with Min.
It's not that I allow all the work stuff get ahead of the matters deal with her....
just that with some knock on the head and reminders...I'd get back on track..
coz somehow...I see there is a point I might sway due to my worries for this and worries for that....argh...WTF...
Maybe I'm just not good and handling these kinda stuff....maybe I'm just not good at handling time...
well maybe I'm just crap at being a guy that a girl needs...
I just pray that as time goes by....I'd find a way out...out of my head and get things straighten out....
all these headaches...must must go...
before I come tumbling down in all directions...
coz then....any direction...wouldn't matter at all....just down...