Ok now...alittle update for the while...

Just came back from my so so nice holiday, but obviously not enough...
It was simply fabulous. Even left my soul there when I returned to Narita, Tokyo and then Singapore.

I think everyday Jacelyn and I was like eating and eating non-stop!
Ice-cream almost everyday, from the normal creamy hokkaido ice-cream to the one with
lavender fragrance and then to the 5 level ice-cream.... putting on the extra in case anyone puncture a tire already...
:p

Every stop over I was bringing in food and more food into the bus....totally loaded with food, snacks and puffs....cream puffs...

Basically every meal there was sashimi and raw goodies...but of course, the premium stuff....
I freaking paid through my nose....imagine an almost SGD$280 for some basket of hand picked live seafood!
The alaskan king crab, big scallops, sea urchin, orange prawns, abalone...all live and swimming and there the
monstrous me making a fresh meal out of them....erhmm.....raw deal!

And the next buster was the A grade Kobe Beef that melts in your mouth when you first bite it...SGD$100+ per 200gm
Shit that's all madness...but oh well, not like you get that in Singapore with the best and top grade whacky skill
of preparing those good stuff....

The weather in Hokkaido was apparently damn good for me...but damn cold for Jace already.
Lowest of 9 degrees and the highest of 22 degrees....it's like about the aircon of my own office room...
about 16 degrees...shiok! hahaa...but I was the only idiot walking around in berms and a polo-T most of the time
with a shivering darling by my side and just trying to keep her warm with my jacket.

Oh yes....and the hot spring....it was great too...but it just got my hotter...and I was simply perspiring in the cold
with just a single layer T-shirt having a stroll outside...
better still, standing by the lake and awaiting for the 15mins of firing fire works in the dark evening...
Romantic huh...hahaha...

Ahhh...the shopping...not really my great thing, but seeing my darlin' just swifting around looking for her birthday present...
and totally enjoying it was a sight! Trying on all the bags she grabs hold...the clothes that were in the burberry store,
simply....awwww....well...good. Nice feeling to have her find something she really likes and just pay for it, instead of guessing
it through and ending up with something hmmm.... not so wanted at the end of the day.

And now...just trying to put together and sort out the 700+ photos we took on the trip....
wah totally headache this one is....hahahaa...but yet still, it's fun.
hahaha :p

Now...where to next?....hmmmmm......

And I'm going to Japan with Jacelyn!!!
WooHooooo!!!!!!

Finally my holiday is here....
oh please don't end so quickly.... :p

For the moment... I think I'm just sitting by feeling depressed...
What about?...probably many things in mind.
My character...--> to find something, to define something and to know something...

I think sometimes it's really hard to be just perfect...
Especially when you feel that you're taken for granted.
Then the question comes..."Why is it like that?"
"So how does the great one up there play a part in this?"

Well, Really, I don't know...
like a game...
Life it is...
You give your best,
You try your best...
But the end seems like a dim tunnel...
Even when there is so much heart...
So much soul placed into everything...
you find that there isn't much that comes from it...
Try not to bother too much?
Try not to care too much?
Just be the irresponsible jerk and be selfish?
Just be nonchalant on time priority?
Well...I could, but yet I can't...
The irony of life it is...

Like a stage play I'd want a break from for the moment, but yet somehow I find that I can't...
Maybe it's true...
I'm meant to be lonewolf...
on the roam in this world...
Maybe...as it was said to me before...
Sigh...

Sometimes... in the midst of the rushes
the turmoil of piling issues dragging you for attention...
priority of things in your life comes into play...

And here...I see...
at a different point in life...
various things takes on a different level positioning in you
and in place, they affect you emotionally

Well...maybe, that's what that is happening to me....
somehow...
certain things...I'm starting to really consider the options...
and for others, I might just feel the pinch about being buried
by the mindful things that come with it...

But anyway.....I think sometimes too...I need someone to tell me
what to do and where to go...
be blinded for awhile....just a little while...

These days are like..
uncertainty of what's to come in the business world...
instability in every way...

I'm thinkin' hard...
should I shoot out my application of a new set of business?
Well...seems like it was a success in a restaurant's acceptance...
Think I will start moving on to spread it by steps.

Hitting at the shop owners now...
let people understand tech capabilities....
then comes the penetration...
and then the volumetric sales...

Admitted: I've fallen in love...
That's the Naked Truth... :p

Need time off....
Need time off...
Maybe my brain is simply thinking 24hrs straight that it churns around all matters.
Information everywhere clumps in a huge mixture of ideas, cautious thoughts, fears, trauma, creativity....etc...
all in a big pot of brain juice.

How to save myself? Or maybe I can't... :p

At times, to deal with fear is to prepare for the eventual, but yet psychologically, in preparation for it
possibly could bring one to start shutting off emotions and reach....
Nope...not good...not good at all...
Don't even want to go there, unless I'm forced by circumstances...
been there once...felt very heartless, emotionless...robotic and stone hearted....nope nope...

"Kenneth...just work on it at a different angle maybe...
And maybe, you'll find some answers...
Maybe you'll see what the deeply hidden feels, and so you understand the naked truth...
What isn't said, isn't non-existent...yet what's said is definitely existent...
A feel of heart thoughts, tone and body expression says a million"
-Says some voice during snoring hours...

A disappointment of the day...
and ringing of the past my fears I say...
------------------------------

As positive I maybe, but yet somehow, in times where situations drew blood in
the heart, it's yet difficult to just hold on unshaken.
No matter how much one can give at different stages in life,
somehow, without a word...disaster struck.
Time and again...
time and again...
yet I hope it's not once again...
Seeing what happened to a friend, who held on to his love for a girl...
4 big years and hard support...
long term planning and much thoughts...
sacrifices being made...
yet all of a sudden, the lightning struck him with one of the most common reasons...
"I'm sorry, I don't think we go well together..."

Sometimes it is true that when girls say guys are bastards...
but yet how is it that I'm seeing very much of the other way round the situation?

And even as I love her so much...
yet I would always fear losing her..
I fight to keep.
just really hoping that big considerations have taken place
before making that decision of acception...

And as I'd wanna stay in content...
the content of the other unknown to me, might not be so...
Yet what can I do?...
Everyday I pray...
Everyday I hope...
history won't hit again...
One after another, have I not reflected enough to give what I've missed?
Have I not improved tolerance and attitude in handling matters?

I know one cannot give a fairytale many dream of
but I do know, what one can give is a fighter inside...
to keep things prolonging to the death of me...
the life force inside and the assurance of trust and strength...
but time and again when the rain comes to put out the fire...
it does need just alittle boost sometimes to fan strong the flame to keep it going...
Afterall... it shouldn't be just one sided right?...
I'm no fire generator...I still need the fuel somehow...
So what has my girls gotta say?

Some say they were sorry though it was the past...
Some say that they were naive then and didn't now what they wanted..
Some say that simply wanted to be spoiled and I couldn't keep doing that...
Some even said... "Why do you even have to long 10 steps ahead?"
Now that is the oddest thing I believe to have heard...
the irony of wanting to see the longest roads, and being asked not to...
yet when not seeing the longest roads, am being ask why aren't I doing so...

Some light here please...
Was told not to think too much...
but if she didn't matter to me...yes that would be possible...
but too bad for me I guess...she means alot to me...

I just had some rockin' day!

Argh!!!!!

Nice comforting days passing
but yet recessional stress is slowly en-caving...
bit by bit...
And yet I found ways to gradually overcome.
Somehow...I thought I'd be able to raise 24k in a month to somehow be able to just...
slap in some risk and hope to make double in profits...
crap...don't have that amount to play for now...
but anyway...
play abit more safe at the moment...
will find something to set my cash in and not having to bother...yet getting at least some returns.
Erhhmmm...but haven't found something right.
Still awaiting some funds to be released too...

Oh well...
I'm just waiting for this weekends to come and
monday the 12th too...
where I may find out something I've been awaiting to find out...
the little time will tell...
hope to see sunshine...

Sometimes there is a wonder...
if practicality is a good thing...
it causes conflicts between issues regarding sensitivity emotions and 'what's the straight thing to do' kinda mentality...
I might be blabbering crap alittle...but you know what I mean...

practicality saves the daily works...but yet could harm the sub-load of mental conflicts...
where sometimes you feel the adverse but yet gotta think against it because only it is the better thing to do...
or sometimes because it's the more practical thing to think of and react.

There will be one day I'll just one to let go and be one hellova bull...reasonable to only myself...
let lose in the wild and let the heat go...
conduct away the energy inside so as to lay at the end of that one very day... just simmered down and blank...
where reality will come back into line...

Just to cleanse the soul alittle... to let go of macho man shit and tear it out and over....

How is it ever possible to have 2 offers in the same week?
One in the medical field and the other in oil and gas...
but what's the common factor?...
business...strategizing...market positioning...emerging markets...
All trying to dig that vigor in tapping the 3rd worlds...
the raw and dangerous lands...and untouched places...
formulation of niche possibilities...
And so I've been hearing...
"countries where politics matters at least as much as economics to the markets."

Now the weird thing is....
How the hell did they come to know of me even existing?
The Kenneth ain't that good stuff!...
So for the moment...I should stop having the digging through my head...
there isn't anything in there... dredging inside is a waste of time and effort...
well, for now...
My head is exhausted...I keep coming up with new things...now opportunities...
like a part is addicted to it, while the other is so so tired out...

Sweetie...we gotta just let lose real soon....in a month and a half time...
just let lose...

Totally do not like the feel of self-pity...
The harder the fall the faster the climb
The tougher the situation the stronger to get
But the rockier the days...the fluid of ways...

How is it that I reckon bitterness
For the mere assumption of elements
running against a hopeful forwarder...?
Like time, space, and heart...
Like resentment of opportunity lack
Like support a must to give tangible results
Like preaching a dive into the sea, needing
all the floatation around, but yet call it risk...
A total irony of being...I don't understand...

I guess, it's more telling me
that a state of a person holds ties only for beneficial foundations,
yet not the true meaning of ties worth holding...
Disappointing...
But why do I want to bother so much?
coz....I cared to bother...
yet it's pointless....
so is it left or is it right?

Answer= whatever...

Nine fifty nine
a time off my nine to five...
And here I am working on case
many findings many numbers in my face
I look around, I just hear me...
I just see me and I guess it's just you and me...
body and shadow
two of one same thing...
my eyes are on for a close...
breathing gets harder
like I'm inhaling from a long winding hose...
Many things in hand
succeed it all depends...
time on stress
trying to speed work to my finest...
but here I am yet clueless on what's deeper I'm finding...
or maybe I'm just trying to shield off in knowing
that I don't know...
A thousand and one ways to show
A million forms to prove..
what's sincere
what's faithful
but tomorrow brings a surety
speedy fires, requiring me mindful...
And for a moment I feel numbness
on what's to come and my other dumbness...
But should things come...
let it come...
And in the dailies
the cycle goes on..
'til my hopeful day comes
my hand in handful
and the fuzzies my everyday living tool...

Within a circular confinement,
It's hard to look beyond the walls to seek refinement.
'coz inside the circle lies one's own world and where benefits seek
to come from those who hop in.

Isn't it how Mafia prosper in the days of the Godfather?

how one could seek only to be the light at the end of the tunnel
unknowing of the tunnel beyond lies more depth unknown.

Instead seek somewhere out of the zone of comfort to seek beyond self-righteousness...

cheers if it's attained.

At the corner of Scotts road
stands a very colonial hotel...
Been old since the day I saw light...
hahaaa....Goodwood Park...oh yeh..
Decided to take a dive into my month splurge on the tummy...
Oh this time was seemingly even higher than what Equinox gave in damages....
but it was sure satisfying....
Gordon Grill...
From my turning 4years old, this place has already been listed in Singapore's Best restaurants.

Very pleasant setting... just that dimmer lights make my sweet turn towards the alittle 'torpid' mode...
The cannot think mode that is...
While I simply after a rushy tough week just wanna excuse my brains for this while...
Just sit back and relax to the nice soft music and
gazing at her while we indulge in slow chats.

I found the trolley meat service concept rather unique...
especially when you think you wanna have a big bite for the day.... you too can choose.
Instead of being restricted to what's stated on the menu.

Service there was great too actually...really can excuse brains...except the hands and mouth...
compared to some countries where they call the "No hands" restaurant that my elder colleagues have been mentioning
to me. but nah...not interested and won't go to such 'lazy' places to eat and where standards of food are yet questionable.


Good....good evening went by...and now, the Weekends of workout and read ups on Operations management
will start, before I start going into hardcore web building once I get warmed up on the softwares again....

:p

Well...
have this good feeling at the end of the day... :) hehee...
only I know why.....

And I woke up
all jaded mode...
like I did something terrible
and yet not knowing what...
it was just in pure sleep...
just in pure dream....

and so I hummm....

----------------
Have you heard...
Have you tried to understand?
It's alright..
It gets easier with time...
How are you?
Are you ever coming back
I have changed
And I've realized I wrong
I was wrong
Now I'll never see your face, anymore...
Oh my love,
I'd give anything for one more day with you...

It's been a real rushy rushy time these days...
With so many people to meet for some discussions...
So much to handle 'til my hands are over flowing...
If only my pocket is filled with the amount of cash of
equivalence to my workdone...
I'd probably be erhmmm....hmmm well...not yet a millionaire...
coz I probably would have already invested half of it in some new biz for it to show truth
in 6mths to a year...
but ok....anyway.... 'til the day comes....
'til the day comes...

With new business ideas coming up....
with fuel cell pushing its way into my head...
and with all the intel war games that I've to deal with in these weeks....
Tired...

And today I bled
with tears draining
feeling the biting of torn
and it's been long
just very long

Sometimes I happen to sit and bitch about the days of my life...
all within my mind...
All in wonder why it isn't the way I hope for it to be.
Well I guess I ain't a road that you can really see a path that you're going.
I've humming the music of 'everlasting' and now I'm just on the verge of seeing that
as total bull crap.
a feeling of having given up on what I hope to be long term.
May be Buddhism might have some truth to what life is.
That nothing is forever.
Hmm...well maybe I know what's forever...
the rut that goes through.

Maybe even with my so broken body, I might just wanna go back into the sporting lifestyle...
No need to be the top optimist sportsman and live the kind of life I used to be 7 years ago
where it's all about I fast I go, how strong I become...
But rather just the free mind that I held inside.
going into the high seas and braving the storms...
Seems to me that the physical challenges threatening my life was easier to deal with
than the mental chore and the tiresome daily routine of bothering about everything.
When you can't not bother about it all.
Can't help but to worry and care for everything that's close within my place...
If one day I ever do....
I'd probably already dead.

Fortunately for blogs or online diaries...
where I throw my written vomit. :p

Fortunately for my trusty weights that have not failed me and seen me through all the pains
well and giving me the pains too....physical ones that is...

But I've yet to find a trusty dummy for me to just do my hard punches on....to let that high energy free
the heated energy...

Oh well...maybe giving up the macho shit....music itself can soothe the soul and once in awhile some tear
can just cleanse the soul inside...Only human.

Damn it...This very moment I need to tire the daylights out of me...

Like a rut it seems...
The warm feeling to love
but the pain to miss
The smiles of affection
but the aches being without...
Just one day I'll get used to this...
maybe it's all in a package...
all picked off the top shelfs
of emotional 'extra value meal'
or a swinging roller-coaster ride...

And the retest for Chilli Crabs after 3 freaking years of not touching the concoction...
Verdict...
hmmm....well you gotta ask those who've tried it...
and seems there ain't anything left for a second try....
:p

Weekend ending..

Weekend is coming to an end...
I think... it somehow has open my mind to some different perspectives...
Probably I've not yet really thought of. Maybe, just to keep myself away from feeling like shit.

Life should just be simpler right?

Wrong.
Life ain't that simple. And it just can't be what I'd love it to be and I guess I've to just be alittle robotic
and try to have myself alittle more hardy. Be it in anything at all..
But if I ever succeed in doing so, people will probably find me a total unfeeling person with no emotions
or whatsoever. So the question is...is it the preferred mode?...hmm... pros and cons now...
then again....Who could understand the shit being stirred?

I think I really need to vanish into the nothingness and just meditate...reflect alittle...
I with all my sincerity...
hate to be left in limbo...suddenly not knowing why in the crap I'm in a crossroad.
And somehow, I am seemingly placed in such a position that I'm just seated there in wonder.
Like, what I'm doing is always having tones behind that I've to look into....
which seems like a whole lot of issues that I've to clear up, taking half the amount of brain cells left in my head...
strategizing, foresight, calculations, decisions, problem solving, planning schemes and protections and
all the blah blah...though it's like a forte and I like doing but, as the saying goes..."too much of anything is no good"
And where am I going with doing all these? Maybe I need something that is structured in pathways while
now things seem rather bleak...which I totally not so much into the liking of.
Lost some in my investments 3 months ago and feeling the crunch just when I can't pull out of it, otherwise
everything else will come tumbling...I used to be able to come up with something that can turn me around
with a snap of my fingers....but why not now?....sigh...maybe I'm just having too much of my
half set of brain cells overloaded on...and I see it calls for some shifting very soon....in the works for that...
coz it's a must.
And the very thing that strengths me through days is still on a halfway house that I can't say much at the moment...
still seeing how things goes, and having to look at the fact that I can legally burn rubber on tar before knowing anything...
sometimes, I really keep asking myself the same old question why...but like I said...
it's like asking a question when I already know what's to come...
So better just keep my mouth shut.
right?.....right...

oh well...cheers! hava happy easter for those who are celebrating...

And tomorrow, I might just call in for leave... need to keep myself on the hook somewhere...
Just can't work like that...
sort things out is a must...I know I can do it....
erhmmm.....somehow...

Funny how I'd so simply just keep writing the whole day...
Be it on work, be it on thoughts and be it on feelings...
My hands are starting to just speak! what use becomes my mouth then? :p

yah crap...

Suddenly I'm feeling some burning sensation at the back of my mind...
just to fill up my adrenalin boiling blood.
Scare the wits off myself once again...
Maybe I'm just lacking of that in a while..or maybe I should say a long while.
Sometimes, being overly excited at one side of my life that is happening
might not just be a thing to do...
Then the talks of Yin and Yang will come rushing in and slap me in the face,
telling me it's all off balance.
No Kenneth...tell me, what's important in your life right now?
I constantly have my brains mumbling within itself...like it's a separate part of me.

Well, I guess I've got a few important things to me... and somehow, there is no
differentiation that I can come up with.
That's where monkhood can never come into reality in my life...
well maybe when I actually have given up on everything else...that
could just be yet the last option...
hmmm....nah....bullshit. It won't happen. Rather look at being some
long lost kungfu master hidden up in the mountains of the forgotten and
just simply live my life there myself...
where I breath the highest air, feel the coldest winds, see the darkest nights
yet the wondrous of stars and eat the grass that grow beneath my steps...
Well and just trying to forget what the hell went on 'til I came to such a point.
Oh well...just a thought though. That's when the world comes crashing on me
and I've got nobody behind me to keep my strength going...
That will be the day... or I could be simply lying in the hospital beds just staring into
the nothingness of the wall opposite me, or just the blankness of the other guy
lying, feeling just a crappy being in the hospital we both got ourselves into.

Oh anyway...
Like I said, when that time comes...the plans could've changed. Maybe the trends of being
the kungfu master or the lying in the hospital bed thing has already gone off beat in that social ring.

Now let me continue....

>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>

I dreamt vividly
oh yes most sincerely
words written with fire
across the grounds
that shows my desire...
Like a pitch black sky
with stars joint with symbolism
Of what can't be just blabbered...
Deep inside I held it
Held it oh so tight...
When the moment comes
I'd just show it
But....
Alas the moments keep changing
like a toy of my mind.
What's there to look for and decide on these days?
The wanting of doing so just let it fade...
not knowing when it should come yet again.
Sometimes it doesn't happen oh the pain...
and again and again you'd just hope things would be
and yet nothing you could see...
how then
I can't defend
the feelings deep inside
the very things I yet can't hide...
And then tonight I yet moved heavily...
Too like seeing a hefty 7 or more ahead...
But somehow,
no matter the strength
no matter the vision
no matter the wants...
I'm left breathless...
all in hope that a light-year crosses the path
and in a blink I feel nothing that has been hanging before
and be jolly for the next in step...
coz it's....
one
two
three
four
five...
all it's been so unkind
or maybe so...
it's a self pounding factor
that brought about that smashed
hmm oh yes the water ripples...
a reverse of power that hits with a thousand times harder...
But for now...
I just want a reason to believe....
And I'll find a way to see that it's all true...
As for now....it's just burning
so let it burn
so let it burn
burn into a speck of nothingness once again...
and tomorrow walks another day...
while now I sit with tear drop in my eye...
sometimes confused
sometimes in wonder
sometimes in ponder
but very in love....
My cocktail of flaming tequila!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

And you find that sometimes...life simply moves in a blink...
Even the fast shutter speed catches nothing at the road burning 235km/h along the express way...
Now do you really think the speed tracking cameras are really that effective? :p

Think again...hohoho...

With high reflective night numberings and gloss enhanced finishing car surface and dark tint screens....
The only way is to track such a car in the day...otherwise, don't dream of it...when you see it...
I'll smoke you.

hahahaa...

In the moments I stare...
so blankly
wondering of what's to come tomorrow...
with some matters unclear
still smoldering in the smear...
all mixed up.

Where tomorrow lies bleak
And how the emotion shiver in uncertainty
feels hurting beyond the freezing cold...

The play of words
juggling in suspense
The moves of scorpion dance
where visions of the superficial
all with nothing of bricks and stones...

And I am left once again
at stare in total blankness of the moment...

Just came back to Singapore from Sabah...
I guess I should say that it's been really mentally exhausting this reason...
So many things to solve and so much human problems to handle.

Sometimes I wonder why some management behave in a certain way...
Either penny wise pound foolish or "Wanting the buffalo to work with no adequate grass for filling"
Have been stressing to the old minds sometimes...Look at the bloody BIG picture!

There were many things I foresaw many months ago.
Like the directive we should be going into...
The new diversification we should spread our wings to...
The incentives we should offer...
many many more...
But there don't see it until times like now...
sigh...looks like the stupid army practice is still living...
"rushing to wait and wait to rush" mentality....

Anyway that's why this time round...
I shoot off my own decisions and have started off new forms wherever I go...
So now, I just have to stand on the frontline to act Rambo to backfire pressing issues.

My couter parts all think I'm damn bold...
but what to do...it's the venture capitalist spirit...
wanna do it...then do it big and keep looking forward...

Oh well...for now... I've got some other bigger aims to attain...
and this time, I will not wait for anyone to make the decision...
when the time comes...it's probably a good thing to open my own Private Limited if
the vision in this current company doesn't go in tie with mine... :p
As they say..."Shi jian bu liu ren"
So...when the iron is hot...strike it fast!

Ok very much earlier could just a whole load of crap....
Anyone who feels the same way?
How could anything just tell my character with my name in place?

So What in the world do I really mean?

What Kenneth Chan Wai Mun Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

And my heart pumped hard as I held your hands in mine
a warmth like a spreading qi blew through the veins and every other part of me.
It was like ecstasy a living dream afloat the free sunny skies...
And as you cling on to my arm with short glances while we watched
everything in this world simply felt so right...
enough said...

Nobody argues that the United States is far too dependent on foreign oil.
Environmental special interest groups continue to stand in the way of further exploration for and extraction of our own domestic energy resources. They respond to the growing crisis by demanding instead that we all drive less and turn to exotic, unproven sources of energy.

No one disagrees that diversifying our energy sources is a good idea. But if we really want to break free of our growing dependence on oil controlled by unstable and hostile governments, we must use domestic resource wealth to produce transportation fuels and do so in an environmentally sensitive way.

And I think something from the past is boiling right now to popularity for a big future take over!

:p

Yet another week ending..
like some messy warfront on the job
but a sunny warmth on the other side.
Mind's real stretched
with great extensions
and day's ending relaxations...
Like torrential rain
a darkening back and warmth to front.
So many hiccups
sometimes it simply gets me fed up
gotten enough of the dumping of trash...
But after words in just few moments
some light forces through the cold
To show some truth at the final moment...
Makes my life so darn interesting doesn't it?
Maybe alittle too interesting... :p

I walk I walk...
I thought and I thought
Where I'd go and where I'd not
turning left turning right
both ways somehow doesn't seem too right..
heavy hearted looking for something light...
In days like this I just...
walk...
I walk I walk...
then sitting by the swing
swaying left swaying right...
saw no reason saw no light...
Oh help me somebody
take me in custody..
A moment like this...
I just would crumble...

哪里能找到永远温暖的拥抱
谁在牵挂着孤单远行疲倦的红娘

哪里能找到受伤时候的依靠
有谁能让我烦恼的事都不再烦恼

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
为我敞开的双手

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
只有家为我等候

有一种味道能让我想起年少
有一座城堡包容原谅所有的争吵

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
为我敞开的双手

爱不需要理由
懂得珍惜就能够拥有
只有家为我等候

这爱无法取代不求回报的关怀
原来爱一直都在

Johannesburg- South Africa..

In the midst of a supposing already modernized Africa...
Still dirty, darkish and gloomy....
The air is very much filled with dust...lands of litter....





And Sometimes the streets can be oh so so confusing...one of which was Bree...
Abit dodgy district in Jozi that is currently undergoing some renewal....anyway...what a mess.



And What's new?...just like some third world countries...stall owners all say that their stuff is the best...
yakking away the whole day...aiyoh...was really disturbing esp when you're trying to think and focus on where you're going
or should I say trying to go...along a not so safe side street...
She sells some Giant Vetkoek...like some mince meat filled wrap (looks like a Pau) with cheddar cheese toppings and
chilli. But this was some where within Mandela's Market in J'burg. Yes yes....something that is alittle familiar from Singapore
if you take a closer look...you see...'Piesangs'...like our Goreng Pisang



Down in Soweto to see if I can make some improvement proposal....but nah....I think the place...is a vast piece of wasteland...
so much dirt...so much crap there....to clear it up...the people gotta start doing something themselves first....
This is like Miles of poverty over here...and yet sometimes they don't really work to help themselves....
So how to help?....
Still thinking about it. maybe when I come up with something I'll be a billionaire....

As seconds passed...
It feels like I'm gripped by a magnetic force...
so strong yet destination seem unreachable.

just recently, I've begun to think very frequently
about how I'd have to manage my future...
how I'd settle down with a place I'd call my own...
and with the things I'd say are my own
and built by me...
Suddenly it feels like I need some direction...
something to slap me straight on the path again
and I'd walk through the trying roads again...
to keep on going...

Oh well....these days I've been really thinking alot...
thinking alot about many many things...

The rush of memories of us
The 3 musketeers
20 years hath passed and yet going strong
How we've changed
from the small to the big
from the short to the tall
from the gorging monster to the conscious fanatic
like a full wave rectifier
keeping each other's strength on the go
we go down low
but ne'er the negatives
Together the 3 of us hath escalated from the talks
of kiddy wants and plays
to the move to marriage and settlement
to the reach of financial just.
However life's been trying
a rocky road
but however bumby it's been and it will be
in energized strength we will
stick on side by side..
beyond the end of days...

~To the Paulie and Richie~

"The only thing for the triumph of Evil is for Good man to do nothing,
Yet the very thing for Good to outshine is for just One man to do something"
-Hmm...have I suddenly be enlightened in thought today?.... :p

I wish..

"Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times
lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times
Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted"

Oh man...compare to what I just mentioned last night about
things going on an up slope...and today I see this horoscope thingy...
cool!

Sitting....just sitting on my desk...
Today I've got a different feeling...
just a feeling..
have I made the right choices so far in my life..?
Well the issue is...
Goodness...who really knows?
It's the calculated risk that I've taken at every step of my life...
either spending time
either spending money
either spending my brain cells with
either spending sleepless nights for
either spending all my strength and effort...
Oh but what the heck right?....
Of course there are somethings I just feel it's all a waste...
but somehow today...my views switched to a different perspective...
There were quite a number of things I've been working on....bearing fruits today..

C'mon....just 2 more days to the end of the month...and I'll see the short holidays for awhile....
need a mental break....just for awhile...

Hmmm....wait...for the next 12 days I've got to speak Mandrin!
Jiang Hua Yu! OMG....but I'll try my best as promised...
I guess it's gona be the first time I'd take up chinese for the sake of somebody...
worth it?...
well...always is. :)

And I shut my eyes...
in sudden remembrance,
of how situations...good or bad...just fired up the course
of poetic imagination...

I remembered when I let go, but the feelings that was in the
memory bank....
It was a form of raps....form of poetic war...

Well anyway...
it's been saddening enough to
know that I hit the spot of the one
who matters most...
Punishment....actually whatever it is...I'd accept...
I'm apologetic...
in fact...to know and to be conscious of
the effects and the act of it...
already...it's piercing.

And I should be geared for the 6th
ready to be full speed ahead....
erhmm....I hope.

I never thought my brain waves were colourful...
I never thought I was that active even when I'm supposed to be asleep...
crap....I think I'll age at an exponential rate...

Oh whata heck...
Does it even matter?...

Let's see what tomorrow brings...

back to scrap metal

Today marks the end of my first not so legal road burner...
haiz... my internal work of art...
totally self modified, self tuned, self upgraded...
My local hobby kit before the Chevy Corvette Stingray.
There's something about me and black when it comes to
these fast ones. Sigh...my 5sec car is going to be scrap metal...
Take it to the road...the sound, the full aesthetic look will bring you
to a police care chase any time...the exhaust..and tints...base lights....head and tail lights...
full Halogen modification.

I think, as my promise to the special someone...
I ain't gona endanger my life in these plays...
a cat can have one 9 lives....after that....it's gone...
I don't know where my ninth is...or was...
but I'm sure, I've seen death in my face quite a few times...
Windsurfing....surfing...free-climbing...speed boat high chases...drag races...Muay Thai...
damn....u name it...
I think at some point in life...you've got things you wanna hold on to...
and you won't wanna let them go. You'd just wanna build a place you call your own..
And I wanna do just that with...hmmm...you know who you are.

Homely I would be...financially conscious... and safety first mentality...
hmm....well..working towards those actually...
I've been a risk taker for ages and to turn that round over night won't be impossible
but it takes time. With great reasons comes great determination to keep to the route.

anyway...it's really been quite some time since I last blogged...
Been also very very busy...dealing with alot at work....juggling alot of things at a go.
Thanks to my 2 buddies...Paul and Rich..for celebrating my belated birthday...
the thing that I actually forgotten...buried in work far off in Thailand... Didn't have anyone to celebrate with.
But with a warming 1st SMS from Jace wishing me... that was enough...
People asked me then in Thailand...what would be my first wish...and I just said... I just wanted to pass my freakin'
Advance theory test! which was on the 21st...the day I return from Thailand. Somehow I've turned stupid and just can't get through that even after so many times....darn sickening...
of coz...I didn't wish for the one biggest thing that I've been yearning to get to...
I believed in working for it and not getting it like a breeze. That would bring no meaning...
working for it brings strength and more feeling to it. though sometimes... I did feel I was failing and on the down slope...
Many have asked me why won't I just give it up and knock on another door...
I can't do it...not my character. I pick a door, I'll keep knocking 'til the death of me...or 'til the door creeps open
not in welcome but to lay a seal before my eyes...
I can't help it...

But whatever... I passed! hohoho... but ended up with a fever... had a technical test to go for and in between I ran off for the
theory test....a full day of non-stop test and trials... weirdly...I managed them and passed both.
somehow the happiest I felt was the advance test...when the other was of more importance...hahaha...

However...to my disappointment I've to wait til may before I get to do my practical....SUCKS!
argh...I've to hold on a jam break to whatever hopes I had 'til then....
So long.. :S
But anyway... maybe God wants to exercise my patience once again...
like my life hasn't been enough of tests and trials already...
so much mental drain....emotional drain... so what's this?... I guess I can get through this...
but of coz with abit of a feeling like my heart's been grip on a restrainer.

For this moment...I think I need some avenue to let out the burning sensation...
I've to keep finding my strength...focusing on climbing forward...
bringing myself to fear...meeting fear in the eyes and overcoming every other physical and mental aspect of my
sense of being...
if not...I'll just need a long run...really long run...

But first...I'll take off to check on the blood vessel in my head...and my back...
the most worrying is yet my insomnia is seemingly back..
And I'll be going to alter that tomorrow... don't want it coming back...
and for me to be humanly awake for the next few months...

Jialat

And I'll be out of sight for a few days in the month of Jan...
haiz...
seems to me the migraines coming back...
I might be evolving...
with the cocktail of insomnia and imbalance hours...
I might just simply say I'm quite screwed...

With the silence of the night...
I lay tucked tight under blankets
feeling the coldness and emptiness within.
The sudden feel of pressure building
in this coming year...
like never before.
Challenges after challenges...
feats after feats...
the more I accomplish the more I step forward for more...

But what is it that I'm working for?
Sometimes I wonder about the days when I keep going...
what was it that I see for tomorrow?

Yes some dream of my own creation...
Some thoughts of a great empire...but will that even happen?

How do I go about it all?....hmmm....

this year...the mark of me on the take over...
to boost and make soaring monetary flow... not for me....but for the company I work for.
I aim to hit 100k in percentage for personal profits....how I go about that?....
I think and think constantly....everyday....every night...
haven't found something right...

I think as Jace is on the work for her studies...
I'll just let her focus while I seek fortune for 2008.
I want to have a house and a car of my own by age 30...
I'll be mobile... on the move everywhere to seek 'gold'...
somewhere I will find...
But really....at this point....
I do need a break somehow....sometime...
And June might be a good time to do that...
And plan my route for attaining my targets I will...

c'mon....I just need to freeze my brain alittle and then let loose for creativity
to run wild again....

Very frustrated at the moment...with no answers...
sigh...

All over last night...
A horrid dream I had. Losing the closest friends with nothing left behind.
The disappearing loving family into nothingness where I couldn't find.
And that darling one who is named as my "sqweaky furry rodent" held in my arms and hands...
gone too beyond the reach of my arm's lengths...
And then I'd say...now "I am legend"...
:/

A busy day I had with so much things flowing down from mountains stock piled from the season holis
that came from christmas and then the new year.

With the "always on vacation" American factory and the "always relaxed and take it too easy" European Factory...
Hardly could get anything finished. My orders in the containers had so much to deal with....so much coordination
still stuck in the dreamland of theirs. All will get serious firing when they get back...
I don't care if they are white black yello green or blue....They will get the wake up call from me.
So much administrative things to push on with...blasting off with all the prep for my "better working year"
resolution...oh well...
And I had to still complain I have no sales to deal with on local lands in the mid-morning....
So after lunch...the great one up there showered me with loads of enquiries and calls...
that once again I was becoming an octopus before I could even start taking my next breath.

Funny thing is that I managed to cut the slice off 300% margin in the beginning of the year with a nice 2k sales
in just less than half the day...Ooops....so you just do your math and see what my cost is....
Okok....my nose is getting longer...gotta roll it back some day.


After a whole day's work....practically ending it off at 11pm cut off...

I sit back and took a read into my friendster...
On some lousy feeling day...after a bad dream....after so much talks and discussions...
after so much craps that you think so lowly of yourself in the day....
you wonder into the warm fuzzies of the friendster commentary and testimonials...
There you see...and funniest things people notice about you...
and there you could just regain back the leverage to move on tomorrow...
coz you remembered how much more you can do and will want to push on....

Kudos to the idea of testi on friendster...
WARNING!! TO MUCH OF IT WOULD GET YOU TO BE FULL OF YOURSELF...
TAKE WITH PROPER PRESCRIPTION!!!

hahaaaa....ok....enough for the day....the bonkers and KO time!

A simple new year eve this time...
simply spent with Jace.
Got a nice Rhodium Cufflink for a christmas present from her too...
Raoul does sound like a plan...hahaa..
The next time I must remember though....never to step into town or try to
get into any eatery without booking....
so sickening....all fully booked.
Even when I decided on Equinox...wanna pay money also no space.
Disgusting...

But anyway...fortunately...the one most important factor was fulfilled...
and that's all that mattered. :)
wonder anywhere also...I can't really be that bothered already.
hahaha...

Somehow today seems empty...
closed a few deals...scolded a few sickening workers to get their butt movin'..
cleared up work...helped some stranger lady to fix her tires in the middle of the road...
explained some conceptual crap to somebody about starting up business...
and back home in the emotional irony.

bottled up emptiness...
is that even possible?

Simply crazy...just so so crazy...

"She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you"

The ringings in my ear when I'm away...

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever I’m away

I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when I'll be back
Back to you

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

If I could turn back time...

***************************************************************
I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you're just about to walk though my door
So what's the question now?
Oh baby please tell me how?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have said
that you would give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Are you turning away?
So is there some pride that makes you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
It's a lie what you keep inside
I hope this is not how you want to be
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I just want you in my life
No matter what i have to do
I'll just wait for you
If it's all true
***********************************************************

The weird networking of a third world country...
reception comes and goes like I never know what will happen next.
some of them simply uses the SMS protocol to connect to other countries...
some of them still have use an operator to do a call over
some of them use some super high powered transmitter which probably burn the cells
out of me just by being next to it.
Making it all so difficult to make contact some times...
Isolating me to just me and my thoughts...

sometimes it's just fortunate I get to some beeping cable contact to get online...
just for awhile...in some broken down shop...

all these simply pushes me out of the country very much....unless I'm looking for a getaway
where nobody can get me.

Into the wilderness....
the wild and darkness..
like into the depth of phi phi before it was developed alittle...
and all you have was just the tweety birds and cool fresh breeze that rushes in from nature's air welling.
And the morning dew shimmering cool drop into the bright new day...


But for now...when I'm not on a getaway...
I'll need to get connected....always!

Coming back to the moments in time...

____________________________________________________________
The feelings of the little moments
____________________________________________________________

Sra Srang was a sight
the silence so quiet I felt left beyond understanding
But yet the sunset
I feel the warmth of you
And as light fills the sky
like the imagery of you in my mind..
As the rest sit about in drinks and laughter
I stood in the moment...
appreciating the every second of closeness I had...
now that I am away
an hour behind... and 3hrs apart
Oh I wanna just be back
And soon I will
____________________________________________________

The year's ending... and it just crossed my mind that it was a flash that this year passes...
So quickly... it just swifts away. So much have changed, so much have been done yet not enough.
Like the biggest change from being a student to being a full time dog to the corporate rat race...
And then from being just free lance programmer to being an asst manager to being a marketing manager
and then finally to be a regional manager of a group of companies.
Different kinds of pressure digging in with different forms of stresses...studies and scholarships to targets, earnings,
profits and empire expansions...well of course in the consistent mind kept over finding this special one.

Sometimes people ask me along the way, what my greatest achievements were...
I pause...
I realised I haven't made any. Beyond those egoistic empowerment of strong teams, great winnings, high reaches over
over physical and mental challenges... I haven't found simplicity.
I guess I still need to find balance... or some automated system to clear all the piling up load that I have
while I just bring on the brave front to move forward everyday and end the day with the smiles at home...
soon my very own home...
Like the day is a warfare and the night & weekends becomes peace and soothing comfort in the fortress of my own
sharing the minutes and seconds with that special one and the special little ones thereafter.
Oh well...
These days with inflation and rising cost of living...
It's getting harder and harder to plan for things to happen especially when what you can afford today, you can't tomorrow.


Next year's resolution...
-To rev the engines legally
-settle down my office for operational smoothness
-find a snowballing effective plan
-to look at life and survival at a different angle
-take a good holiday some time to revive the senses (cost not considered)
-most of all to walk my life, sharing it with someone else



That's all for now.... :)

Imagine being a Mr amongst just too many Dr in a discussion of fluid mechanics...
AND I SELL PUMPS FOR FLUID TRANSFER!!!...
Good gracious! can you imagine that?... who am I to kid?

well...I still kid them and they bought the theories and resolution I came up with anyway...
It seems to them that amongst the group I emerged most resourceful...
But anyway...they are customers...so it's damn it my job to be more resourceful right?
hahaha....weird feeling in all that today...
dressed in forma business attire while I headed off in the rain into the fields of PUB water plant sites for testings
and problem solving....digging my hands in mud and soily water to find the meaning of filtration...
Oh I'm so darn tired...with countless calls ringing and vibrating the side of my freakin' groin when the pocket had to
slip right in...gave me the jump.

Well...but then again the most soothing voice did come and it made the day all bright again....hehe..
and then came some window shopping at the end of the day... and to top it off...
I think the feeling is getting more mutual...
Ok I like that thought...
and though my tummy is on the upset and nausea....it's good enough medication for me to keep me smiling...

HOHOHOOO...

=)

The run today was perfectly good...except for some small blisters caused by the sock...
considering the superb lack of training this year....I think well...
it's all good.
taken my mind well off some issues hangin'...
I'm like afraid that I might not be even able to spend christmas in Singapore.
I think that isn't much of an issue to many people...
but I guess for me...I'd wanna be in Singapore coz Jace is around.
At least I can try dig out time to spend with her in some way or other...
Well it's nothing much, as least it's something I will wanna work on with my work schedule.

Spent the whole of last week think and searching a gift for her just in case I'm not back in time...
WAh....goodness...trying to get girls stuff can be real complicated.
Not that I haven't gotten any girl anything but...this time is different.
And I was looking around all by myself...
Going ito girlie stores and female section...getting weird looking stares...people thinking
that I'm kinda going for some conversion....EEEeeew...never!
But yesterday, I finally found something...something simple.
And I guess the packaging would need some work....maybe just alittle...hahaha...
with alittle Poem slipped in.
Hope she likes it..

Oh well..

And today will be also the end of my 14 days of taking over the role of Daddy and Mummy in the house...
I only had time for just 1 experiment though....which I think my grandma and sis with her boyfriend found it
very nice...cool....

ok maybe just alittle sharing of it...
It's my own French Clear Onion Soup...
hahaha

Here it goes...

----------------------------------
-2 BigWhite Onion stripped
-3 big Pink Onion stripped
-1 small shallot stripped
-2 garlic minced
-Olive Butter
(if there is some white wine it will be good to let the onion cook in it with the butter)

Fry the top ingredients until the onions and tender and slightly brown.

Boil the bottom ingredients together under slow fire
-Fresh Thyme, Italian parsley & bay leaves tied together
-a pinch of dried rosemary
- 2 tablespoon Apple cider vinegar
-1.25 liter chicken broth
-3/4 teaspoon salt
-1 teaspoon brown sugar
-2 tablespoon Dubonnet

(if there is some beef cubes it will be best)

Once the onions are ready, combine the onions and stock together and let it all boil through.
Keep stirring to prevent the onions from burning at the bottom.

The Soup will slowly have a nice light sooth of sweet onion flavour.

Add alittle pepper to taste....and viola! It's done!
________________________________________________

Feel daring for the day...go try it. hahaha....

I think...
I found the reason for me...
to change who I used to be...
Coz' I'm no perfect person...

Like I start over anew...
did you know that it's you?

Comfortably rested on my couch
wind flowin' through the room gushin' the air
listening to 'Innocence' just without you there...
In the moments...you were missed...

Machine is down....!!!!
houston...we've got a problem...

with machine CPU micro controller overheating
and a left leg joint tumefication...

given: 5 days for repair or despair...

Alamak....so how?... die...

Phew! Just returned from a long hideous trip...
a time in Hanoi...
in the biggest hotel. Daewoo Hotel.
A Korean & Vietnamese merged Hotel which was built on top of a lake...
thus making the darn place ever sinking and slopes caused by the terrain movements.

Well but anyway...the trip was really worth while as I managed to cover alot of things there.
Basically hit off as the hotel's soon to be maintenance, machines and equipments supplier.
Who cool is that?. It's like taking the Hotel as the stepping stone to the rest of Hanoi,
covering every other inch of it....well before I hit at Ho Chin Mihn at least.

But I must say...the north is filled with the cocky bunch.
argh....boiled my blood teaching and doing demo for them.

Anyway....it was all a twist of fate.
Imagine arriving in a 3rd world country, having no accomodation planned...due to the lack of vacancy.
Spent the whole late afternoon and evening talking and discussing on issues with the customers I had to meet.
Never did I expect to have the Director/GM of the Hotel trying to squeeze me into the executive business suite
at a 60% discount net....and with all my meals and transport paid for...
And on top of that...giving me a complimentary bottle of Chilean red wine with a plate full of cheese and crackers...
sweet!

But....gosh! the work in the day I had to go through was really...and I mean really killing...
so much of talking with so little info going into those folks' head....goodness me.

Oh well...I'm beat...
turning in earlier for once...

It was like Deja Vu
I saw it coming
yet I didn't want to see...
The open heart stay neutral
yet the scorned cancerous brain remain rural.
Somewhere along the way...
cards will turn.

Somehow I'm starting to sense some crap somewhere
I think at some point... there ain't any point in explaining certain issues or even to say offer anything...
Doesn't seem to be worthwhile in the first place.
Especially when it trigger adverse reaction.
It doesn't pay to be bothering about the well being of others sometimes.

If that's the case...might as well F***ing screw it.

Basically now it brings me to some feeling that
there some people who simply just got too much air to be held that in such a way
seemingly can't accept the pure fact that one has to take on some learning process.
As if the foundation doesn't have to be built for a stable building block.
That no matter how much I care about knocking good info into the head...
it just bounces out like a thick numb skull...
Yet again too afraid to feedback even alittle bit, but fang screw your ass from the other end.
Otherwise it would be a harbouring cancer waiting to explode.

Putting in a few levels for thought...
"reaching your hands into a black box to save a calling serpent...
gets you totally no where. You don't see what's inside, you don't know what you're saving"

My utter disappointment I must say...
coz I think what I've been seeing is just a pure mask...

oh well...what's the point of it all....what's the point...huh?...

~watching the trail of broken petals
from a pair of asian flowers
one after another as I pick...
each tatter tells a story.
partial wonder and mostly sad.
What am I to say
But to put in nature's way...
Yet most often than not...
it's the hand that once plucked and caressed in care...
but the index points to the storm right there
the blame and cause of the petals torn~

What you thought you learnt well..
What you thought you saw well...
it may just merely be a shell.
Where within the core,
what one day arises,
others will see and everything once built is just fallen rubbish.
Brought to a forcing needle point...
will the colours of poison be shown
alittle more push could surface an in grown worm within...
digging into the ruins of the hollow hearted.

You know who you are...
The more silent you become
the more obvious it shows
yet when the voicing is ever done...
all around will know...

I think I'd say that this weekend was simply great...
a good fried rice experimentation...
a good work week ending...
Most of all...
a great date.

was like I wished it didn't have to end at all...
'Beowulf' wasn't that much of a great show to catch...
but I didn't mind...
food this time was simple at Simply Thai and TCC...
yet it didn't really get to me that the coffee was not thick enough
or the softshell crab wasn't tastier...
Coz most of all...Jace was there.

Through my so busy schedules, I haven't found time to meet up with her...
just made sure that I'd call her and SMSed her everyday...
have been talking alot to her, but yet...
once I caught sight of her...I felt a whole rush of feels just swarmed...
But I guess, I just had to keep the cool...
if not I'd just run to her and give her a big hug...
probably give her a shock...
Oh well...it's going back to reality of work tomorrow...but yet I'm not complaining...
I like the challenge everyday...fighting for figures, business at war, searching for possible opportunities.
Yet I think I'd just hold a little of my fantasy in one small part of my mind...keepin' this weekend living.
Erhmm....at least just for awhile longer.

=)

Cosmetic is everything...

This week, I learnt many new things...most of all,
impregnating diamond dusts with some hard fabric...and it simply does wonders!

I never realised some pad used to swish around the floor could be something so darn expensive!
but seeing the results of the works...Alamak...cheap lah...

People nowadays ...all wanna look good, feel good or act beyond their status...
that's where cosmetics are important... well of course I'm not saying that I'm dealing with make ups, face creams
and stuff like that....
I deal more with the bigger issues....buildings, streets, offices, aircrafts, cruises, spas....blah blah blah....

Spent the whole freaking week understanding the effects of scrubbing and friction on different stones, tile materials
and all those artificial flooring that make a building like a freaking palace...oh well..maybe I'd say a palace...coz,
you talk about brunei...my business is basically in the palace...hahaha...

Tiring...but I guess it's all worth it....
And so I've found yet another niche business....and a selling point to look at.
just got to work on the pricing...to get people to accept such pricing for a simple looking thing that does wonders...
oh well...more demo to do then....
*sweat*

Next week...it would be vietnam for me....Cooling Hanoi...maybe to some people....cold....hahaha....15 degress...is gona be
SHIOK!

The week has been a tough one I must say...
real tough...
But yet very interesting on the overall...
strategizing sales... cornering deals and making sure that I cover all aspects
in order not to be cheated off my pocket when dealing with
scheming people...
Some sickos could actually think that they could just fake me into looking at short term huge figures
and not think about the administrative regulations and possible consequences...

Oh well...just have to keep my eyes opened wide...
Esp when they are talking in terms of millions....and they aren't talking about the currency
called....Dong...
total in USD. well of coz USD ain't much to think about these days....but whata heck right?
still money....
better still if it was Euro
hahahaa....
or the pound?.....lol

Today...this night...
I lay tossin
and turnin...
my mind unending journey of thoughts
and burns of what I'm left without...

Little moments...
just little moments I lay...
through the darkness of this day...
as the night's thunders roar...
my mind wonderin'
am I on the right path?
what this year end means for me?
How my path leads to?

Shit!
Does this kinda phase thoughts just slip in every now and then?...
or is it like some self critics to just get myself move faster?....
Dunoo...

A very very fruitful but tiring trip I just had!...
Just in a trip to Malaysia and my boss and I have dug out quite a handful of business opportunities that are for long term...
flat against competitors...
Think we got many people unhappy....coz they lost a bite in the business...

Main purpose was to shake people off the advancing route and let the shrewd and the underhanded 'die a natural death'...
Plainly to say....stay on your own road, or we will start moving in yours and kick you out of your range!

Was really some eye opener too...especially when it comes to one on one dog fight, in direct competition with competitor
in front of a major customer...
It all had to be damn fierce but professional...strictly professional I say....hahahaa

And here I take off once again...through the vast lands of asia...
This time is a way back to the Empire hotel where one of the best rooms are found...
Trust me....it's world class. But the room is way too big for just one person...
hit there for a day just to be back in Singapore for an event and just leaving tomorrow morning at 6.15am
to Port Klang.

On a mission...
what's new right? But this time to try striking the great deals and future business dealings with Star Cruises.
Where total maintanence in the area of housekeeping could be handled or provided for by us...
Can you even imagine how much revenue that would mean?....
start with one vessel and stretching to the other part of the fleet....Phuah!!!

The week was like warefare...
merged into a price war...
the bloodshed result.
It wasn't just winning over competitors,
but totally moving them out of market.
Back into the kinda scenario that reminded me of the days as
an Artillery Officer...they say a soldier 'cheong sua' with guns and fighting machines...
while we fight with the calculators and computerized tech...
I was practically punching numbers and formulas in the calculator at various different situations...
different moments...different customers....different problems....I brought different pricing...
my mind was kept busy round the clock..solving big project problems....finding best pricing for acceptance...
and yet making the big marks. I aiming at a 10k profit margin this week...but damn it I hit only about 9.
Yet all at the same time...closing international deals...which was totally difficult since I was dealing with chinese...
Mandrin wasn't making anything easier for me. So trying to hit at that darn freaking few pallet load sales was
like trying to teach a duck to swim...
sometimes it was like a chicken and duck talk.

But through this process I realised one factor...
Solve a customer's problems and pricing isn't a question with added good and personal services...
I found myself hitting a 350% at one....shocked me at how it was possible.
From this blog, it should serve as a reminder to me...
as long as you have the will and keep trying...out of nowhere, there is money to make...
there are infinite possibilities.

Aiming to hit my next mark....I'm gona try for november.
And here I go again!

Those who are poor and yearn to be rich...
I realised that a handful of them would just bullshit their way through
at the slightest spark of status...
even when it's against those of their own kind...

Affirming the dog eat dog world in their sense of being...
Horrible...

sigh....oh well...let them dig their own grave...


Anyway...today I've been given light to my old interest...
'forceful virtual intrusion' against those who utilize the cyber world for the wrong reasons.
Hate it when people email threats to others and utilizing the identity of another.
Somehow I will find out...
threats of death and putting a bullet into another's head is such an unthinkable thing to do.
Esp when we're talking about those victim being in my circle...

I guess the wrong move fortunately was made already by sending an email...
There are but just a few suspects...
and when locality is right on target...
I guess the rightful victim might just use any possible ways to seek the physical virus.

I guess God is fair...where the evil minded are always stupid enough to leave their footprints behind
for the arm of the whatever law there is to grab them by the neck to beat the crap shit out of them...

And soon we'll see...

Now it's Office in Hydrabad!
yet another directorship to head for over there...
goodness...I think I'm gona be freaking ass busy my head off with everything going on like that.

I've also double confirmed my stand on the market requirement for a certain service...
that will be kinda labour intensive at first, but I guess we could make a fight with proper joint ventures
and partnership and soon to head off the IR business...

Shit my mental squirrel cage is ever turning and refusing to stop for awhile to rest....which means I might just KO
with all the thinking and thinking...

Yesterday I just dozed off beside my com while sitting upright on a cusioned BMW sports rim without back rest.
weird....like meditating monk. But ass now hurts....lol....walk also like cartoon....

Have been all busy aiming for my next hit of 20k in profit....how's that sounding to you?.... hahaha....sound good eh...
but it's a huge risk to take dealing with some China business man....
Actually I can't believe I'm actually trading in chinese....I'm doing business in chinese....blah blah blah...
fighting in the china market and stuff like that... and the funny thing is that my mandrin is still as usual purely like shit.
sorry correction.....it's purely shit....with no 'like' in ther description. hahahaa....

These days...one by one, people are trying to introduce some prospective partners to me... like their friend or their friend's friend....or some friend they think somehow in their head might just match me... whatever...
aye...are my white hair really showing that obvious that you all think I'm getting real old and need to hitch up quick?....
uh...oh....maybe....
spotted quite a few springing up already....damn.

But anyway...my next target stepping stone is a big showcase seminar in Sabah to whack the 'ancient' old Singapore market
there... what can't be sold in Singapore will be sold in Sabah...coz they haven't reached up the class where people are
just so picky and want things for big name sake....so alot of rubbish can me sold there actually....GOOD!

that's the hit for november!...
But I WANT TO GO ON A HOLIDAY!!! I NEED A BREAK!!!!!

lol....

Sometimes I pause and ask myself...
"is it all worth it?"
Well actually, the answers were long ago set within me.
I already know the answer to my very question.

The trouble is...I always weigh the consequences over the effort.
And if I see that I've that appetite for the risk...
It's always worth it.
From there I move forward...
The next step in life breaks through though it's a fork road.
A small deviation will get me to another path...
Well, it's not like I can jump over the right way again....just takes alittle more time.

recently I shifted my perspectives... I saw a different way in handling what hits me...
I'd simple throw back the question at anyone...."...it's important, I believe so, but is it urgent?"
This somehow got me some breathing space along the way...
those above me have begun to know my strengths and get the picture of how overworked I've been and
now have left me to set my decision on the various pace...
esp when I've already set my own vision in helping to expand the empire.

And the whole deal goes on...today....tomorrow...the next day...and the next....and the following...and the days beyond...

=)

Took a short nap...
with many things in mind just running through my head...
seems like there are some things I'm just putting off with my busy schedule and lack of time...
Have been on-going taking up so manything things...
learning so much at an accelerated pace.
Now there is even a branch office of the company with director title to my name...
where the start up and operation comes all in my hands.
If things flop, I'd be in the ditch together with it...yet if things rises, I'd rise with it...
From being just a mere asst manager to the Singpore office, I'm now the regional technical/marketing manager.
Some times it's not how high you climb...
it's how much time you've gotten left for yourself...
Life ain't about climbing up there...
It's who you can share the feeling with and not being just alone...

The accidental Prophecy

2 out of 5 came true so far...
What comes next I don't know...
What he calls the HMS...
Health Money Success...

I'll see...I'll see...
but there many things to the whole thing...I'm literally growing white hair at work...
Soon I'll be golden headed...

SIX solid days at work in foreign lands...

Woke up in the wee hours of the morning...actually practically not sleeping at all,
just to hit the roads at 5.30am to make my way to the airport on the 5th...
headed to Sabah Kota Kinabalu.

All set to carry on my quest to settle a whole load of stuff. Like a man on a mission.
I needed to start up the business there. A new distrubution office, warehouse and operation flow.
The new shareholder had totally no idea on business, while his partner has abit of marketing idea...
the rest...would be pure crap and bull.

Had alot to work to get started on...
Anyway... suddenly, I came to realise that somehow along the way I was put set to be one of the Directors
of this Sabah Branch...somewhat fufilled the first prophecy of the hypnotic indian man who foretold my coocoo
future.

Anyway...managed to settle lotsa stuff and now a container is being arranged to set sail from Singapore, with all
the goods and office ware support for the new office.
Left me with a little time to take walk around the place...
Went to the kelong side about 1hr away from my hotel...had great seafood there...all life! super fresh.
Prawns, fish and shellfish...the whole lot...was like practically digging into them right after I caught them.

Weird names they give their noodles though... 'Tua Lan' mee...
Was thinking...what the hell kinda noodles is that?....so vulgar....hahaha

The flea market is rather interesting...they sell anything...dogs, cats, fish, tortoise, little pigs....like some farm.
And the tribal head hunters kinda ornaments and traditional stuff too...
apart from the norm pasar malam stuff in Singapore...
Over all I must say that Sabah is quite a clean place...the toilets are even better than Singapore's.

Philippines...the weird bunch of people...where the guys have got no pride....relying on the girls to work
and feed them....slack to the max and also are humping machines....leaving the ladies dealing with the kids and
slogging like mad...and they...either slack or have someone else some where else in the country....
Well that's as far as I know...
The well known Balut...is their natural Viagra taken with red bull....that's why it's only sold evening onwards...
maybe that's the reason for the moment of passion...leading to them having the award of MBA....
Married By Accident....lol...

But I must say...the food and service there...is the top....fabulous!...
loves it!
hahaha...just a rough country with lasy, driveless people and wanting to seem very much like America....
just cannot make it..so making them look like a merge of a third world country and america fusion....

Oh well...got lotsa stuff to write about this trip...lotsa stuff I did...but too damn freaking tired to say too much...
maybe next time....Maybe...

I hope at the end of the month will be a proof of something meaningful.
Beginning of the week was bad...real bad...so much headache...so pushy...with everything so piled up
...all bottle necked up until I blew my top.
Had enough of the overload...
Only then they felt that it's time they cut me some slack...
but then again...before anything else can be done...
I'm in for yet another trip...

and tomorrow I'm off...in the wee hours of the morning...
to Sabah, brunei and manila I go..

hope I set the places up well and over some great deals.

tata!

When one is tipping off boiling point...
seriously...treading on such waters is asking for trouble...

Don't play with fire....

Argh!!!! ARgh!!!!!! argh!!!
@#$$%#$%@@#$ damn F*** ARGH!!!!!!!!

I'm totally not NOT NOT in the fucking mood to bother shit about many things right now!

How is it that I'm able to come up with figures when I've no freaking understanding of the break down?

Not like I don't want to find out...
It's hidden...and unexplained...no I should say unwanted to explain.
Totally crap!

I'm got something in mind today...on a business plan....
anyone daring enough to head it on with me?

hahaha...

C'mon....who got the balls to just be their own boss and their own worker?....
unfortunately...very little people...

sigh...

Slept for a good 24hrs straight...
in for exhausion...strengthless...mental drain...
took the whole day to recharge the biobattery....hahaha

But my head is still swirling...

Anyway...the ending feeling of the week...
was good.
satisfaction.
proven my abilities...and time effectiveness.
Now the topic on the weird indian man that told of my future has become the topic
to talk about between my parents and their friends...

realised also that I've got white hair growin' on my head already...
OMG...

Phew!!
What a week...seriously what a week it's been...
totally drained by work and the loads of responsibilities.
Suddenly I realised that I'm above all branch geneal managers and directors...
squeezing sales figures out of them...
teaching them the art of technical sales...
teaching them technical handling...
teaching them technical analysis of systemic faults or designs...
goodness!
And it's a whole week of hardcore extra stuff besides my daily work...
trying to force in the entire industrial products and commercial products info in just a week...
I think they all are also overloaded by the info....hahaha...

And even after that...have got so much to catch on my loaded work due to the times I'm not in office...

Oh the rush....esp when having to multi task the whole day through at a 12hr routine.

Fortunately though...at least I've got this weekend to take a day's breather... no more insomnia to back me up on time.

Today...a strange man came up to me to prove his supernatural abilities...
being able to tell my past....my character...my numbers in family size like how many brothers and sisters....
how the sequence is like....my birthday....my religion...what I've been feeling about work and life...
This is crazy....I never believed in fortune tellers...but this....this really shocked the hell out of me.
he could pre-write something out....crushed it in a piece of paper and then talked to me about it and after which
asked me to open the paper to double comfirm his findings after looking at me.

And then he went on telling me about what's like for in the future....together with some caution...
Totally too shocking for me to just remain alert for that moment...

And the best part...he wanted nothing from me... I just offered him a drink....that was purely it.

gave me a stone to keep...
something that is of special usage along my life....

Goodness me....don't know what's all these for...

still trying to figure out...
and awaiting to see the truth in his words of things being predestined for me at the end of this year...
and how things will be on a rise from this november on....

aiyoh...can this be real?....hahahaa...

Life unpredictable..
Like a sunny day fallen with a heavy rain...
With a need for time, abundance for what you don't wanna do...
A couple behind on a chase, yet taking a step forward for only one...
Being determined but yet need some focus...
The madness world in reality that people live it, don't realise it...

After work was a mixing set I was just doin' for the sake of let off steam...
For the steps of pretty people in body fit clothes
walking down the road they call the norm for the lands and take off for planes...

The suave, the cool, the sweet, the gorgeous and the sexy...

but there I was basically moving the whole floor with earth shaking thunderous music
in beats of pop, hip hop and modern acid jazz...

Feels like the entire mood and feeling was put into just the turntable, countless discs and me...
scratchin'....shiftin'...changin'...and rollin' the controls and snappin' up buttons to make all go well...

Not sure why but I'd normally stay around to mingle with the good graciously gorgeous...
but totally had no mood after that...looking at them after the even was just plain nothingness...

Some mood I'm just flowin' in for today...
all the work and draining responsibilities probably....
oh well...

Suddenly have to urge to do something to scare the wits of myself again...
Maybe it's some inner fetish I have...doing things to challenge my mental state...or
just to get me out of the mono routine.

The last time I said I would put on any pink or fool around the idea of dances...
There I took on salsa...and soon I went on for 2 stages of it...
So besides doing the DJ for samba music or world music ranges, I headed off for a total new genre
of mixes. Very much younger was toying with the feeling of height phobia and speed phobia...
yes yes I know the people who knows me will find it hard to believe with regards to these 2 aspects...
But it was true and horrible...imagine I couldn't even walk pass the overhead bridges or even take the slightly
faster speed in my dad's tortoise speed car...maybe snail would be a better word.

But now....erhmm....I think I need not say more on that...hahaha...

Now I'm toying with the idea of taking up Argentine Tango....
erhmm....should I or should I not?....damn it...
need to find that time slot...or someone who is also game enough to be my partner and go on with that flow...
now that part is the bigger challenge than overcoming my procastination of going for it.


hahahaa....

~There will be no ordinary days for you
If there is someone who cares like I do
just for you sweet girl
I'll be always ready with a smile
With just one glimpse of you
You dont have to search no more
Cause I am someone who would love you for sure
So... If we fall in love
Maybe we'll sing this song as one
If we fall in love
We can write a better song than this
If we fall in love
We will have this melody in our heads
If we fall in love
Anywhere with you will be a better place~

Gone has been the weekend I enjoyed most...
A wonderful saturday...
And an eventful sunday meeting up with old friends and good buddies
all at a good friend's wedding...

Somehow...something struck me last night...
I just realised that people actually took note of my many likes and dislikes...
just like even going down to the kinda of food and desserts I'd go for...
or the kind of lifestyle I'd go on with.
I'd hear things like "Kenneth wouldn't want to eat that... doesn't really like sweet stuff"...
or "Kenneth probably would be kept busy doing...."....or "Kenneth simply likes....."
and blah blah blah....

anyway... nothing bad about it...just never thought people really would remember.... coz it really
isn't that important at all.

Well...Congrats to my 2 friends....Ben and Michelle in their marriage!
Here's something I did for them....a flip page album...

http://www.thebenandmichelle.bravehost.com/