And I should be geared for the 6th
ready to be full speed ahead....
erhmm....I hope.

I never thought my brain waves were colourful...
I never thought I was that active even when I'm supposed to be asleep...
crap....I think I'll age at an exponential rate...

Oh whata heck...
Does it even matter?...

Let's see what tomorrow brings...

back to scrap metal

Today marks the end of my first not so legal road burner...
haiz... my internal work of art...
totally self modified, self tuned, self upgraded...
My local hobby kit before the Chevy Corvette Stingray.
There's something about me and black when it comes to
these fast ones. Sigh...my 5sec car is going to be scrap metal...
Take it to the road...the sound, the full aesthetic look will bring you
to a police care chase any time...the exhaust..and tints...base lights....head and tail lights...
full Halogen modification.

I think, as my promise to the special someone...
I ain't gona endanger my life in these plays...
a cat can have one 9 lives....after that....it's gone...
I don't know where my ninth is...or was...
but I'm sure, I've seen death in my face quite a few times...
Windsurfing....surfing...free-climbing...speed boat high chases...drag races...Muay Thai...
damn....u name it...
I think at some point in life...you've got things you wanna hold on to...
and you won't wanna let them go. You'd just wanna build a place you call your own..
And I wanna do just that with...hmmm...you know who you are.

Homely I would be...financially conscious... and safety first mentality...
hmm....well..working towards those actually...
I've been a risk taker for ages and to turn that round over night won't be impossible
but it takes time. With great reasons comes great determination to keep to the route.

anyway...it's really been quite some time since I last blogged...
Been also very very busy...dealing with alot at work....juggling alot of things at a go.
Thanks to my 2 buddies...Paul and Rich..for celebrating my belated birthday...
the thing that I actually forgotten...buried in work far off in Thailand... Didn't have anyone to celebrate with.
But with a warming 1st SMS from Jace wishing me... that was enough...
People asked me then in Thailand...what would be my first wish...and I just said... I just wanted to pass my freakin'
Advance theory test! which was on the 21st...the day I return from Thailand. Somehow I've turned stupid and just can't get through that even after so many times....darn sickening...
of coz...I didn't wish for the one biggest thing that I've been yearning to get to...
I believed in working for it and not getting it like a breeze. That would bring no meaning...
working for it brings strength and more feeling to it. though sometimes... I did feel I was failing and on the down slope...
Many have asked me why won't I just give it up and knock on another door...
I can't do it...not my character. I pick a door, I'll keep knocking 'til the death of me...or 'til the door creeps open
not in welcome but to lay a seal before my eyes...
I can't help it...

But whatever... I passed! hohoho... but ended up with a fever... had a technical test to go for and in between I ran off for the
theory test....a full day of non-stop test and trials... weirdly...I managed them and passed both.
somehow the happiest I felt was the advance test...when the other was of more importance...hahaha...

However...to my disappointment I've to wait til may before I get to do my practical....SUCKS!
argh...I've to hold on a jam break to whatever hopes I had 'til then....
So long.. :S
But anyway... maybe God wants to exercise my patience once again...
like my life hasn't been enough of tests and trials already...
so much mental drain....emotional drain... so what's this?... I guess I can get through this...
but of coz with abit of a feeling like my heart's been grip on a restrainer.

For this moment...I think I need some avenue to let out the burning sensation...
I've to keep finding my strength...focusing on climbing forward...
bringing myself to fear...meeting fear in the eyes and overcoming every other physical and mental aspect of my
sense of being...
if not...I'll just need a long run...really long run...

But first...I'll take off to check on the blood vessel in my head...and my back...
the most worrying is yet my insomnia is seemingly back..
And I'll be going to alter that tomorrow... don't want it coming back...
and for me to be humanly awake for the next few months...

Jialat

And I'll be out of sight for a few days in the month of Jan...
haiz...
seems to me the migraines coming back...
I might be evolving...
with the cocktail of insomnia and imbalance hours...
I might just simply say I'm quite screwed...

With the silence of the night...
I lay tucked tight under blankets
feeling the coldness and emptiness within.
The sudden feel of pressure building
in this coming year...
like never before.
Challenges after challenges...
feats after feats...
the more I accomplish the more I step forward for more...

But what is it that I'm working for?
Sometimes I wonder about the days when I keep going...
what was it that I see for tomorrow?

Yes some dream of my own creation...
Some thoughts of a great empire...but will that even happen?

How do I go about it all?....hmmm....

this year...the mark of me on the take over...
to boost and make soaring monetary flow... not for me....but for the company I work for.
I aim to hit 100k in percentage for personal profits....how I go about that?....
I think and think constantly....everyday....every night...
haven't found something right...

I think as Jace is on the work for her studies...
I'll just let her focus while I seek fortune for 2008.
I want to have a house and a car of my own by age 30...
I'll be mobile... on the move everywhere to seek 'gold'...
somewhere I will find...
But really....at this point....
I do need a break somehow....sometime...
And June might be a good time to do that...
And plan my route for attaining my targets I will...

c'mon....I just need to freeze my brain alittle and then let loose for creativity
to run wild again....

Very frustrated at the moment...with no answers...
sigh...

All over last night...
A horrid dream I had. Losing the closest friends with nothing left behind.
The disappearing loving family into nothingness where I couldn't find.
And that darling one who is named as my "sqweaky furry rodent" held in my arms and hands...
gone too beyond the reach of my arm's lengths...
And then I'd say...now "I am legend"...
:/

A busy day I had with so much things flowing down from mountains stock piled from the season holis
that came from christmas and then the new year.

With the "always on vacation" American factory and the "always relaxed and take it too easy" European Factory...
Hardly could get anything finished. My orders in the containers had so much to deal with....so much coordination
still stuck in the dreamland of theirs. All will get serious firing when they get back...
I don't care if they are white black yello green or blue....They will get the wake up call from me.
So much administrative things to push on with...blasting off with all the prep for my "better working year"
resolution...oh well...
And I had to still complain I have no sales to deal with on local lands in the mid-morning....
So after lunch...the great one up there showered me with loads of enquiries and calls...
that once again I was becoming an octopus before I could even start taking my next breath.

Funny thing is that I managed to cut the slice off 300% margin in the beginning of the year with a nice 2k sales
in just less than half the day...Ooops....so you just do your math and see what my cost is....
Okok....my nose is getting longer...gotta roll it back some day.


After a whole day's work....practically ending it off at 11pm cut off...

I sit back and took a read into my friendster...
On some lousy feeling day...after a bad dream....after so much talks and discussions...
after so much craps that you think so lowly of yourself in the day....
you wonder into the warm fuzzies of the friendster commentary and testimonials...
There you see...and funniest things people notice about you...
and there you could just regain back the leverage to move on tomorrow...
coz you remembered how much more you can do and will want to push on....

Kudos to the idea of testi on friendster...
WARNING!! TO MUCH OF IT WOULD GET YOU TO BE FULL OF YOURSELF...
TAKE WITH PROPER PRESCRIPTION!!!

hahaaaa....ok....enough for the day....the bonkers and KO time!

A simple new year eve this time...
simply spent with Jace.
Got a nice Rhodium Cufflink for a christmas present from her too...
Raoul does sound like a plan...hahaa..
The next time I must remember though....never to step into town or try to
get into any eatery without booking....
so sickening....all fully booked.
Even when I decided on Equinox...wanna pay money also no space.
Disgusting...

But anyway...fortunately...the one most important factor was fulfilled...
and that's all that mattered. :)
wonder anywhere also...I can't really be that bothered already.
hahaha...

Somehow today seems empty...
closed a few deals...scolded a few sickening workers to get their butt movin'..
cleared up work...helped some stranger lady to fix her tires in the middle of the road...
explained some conceptual crap to somebody about starting up business...
and back home in the emotional irony.

bottled up emptiness...
is that even possible?

Simply crazy...just so so crazy...

"She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you"

The ringings in my ear when I'm away...

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever I’m away

I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when I'll be back
Back to you

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

If I could turn back time...

***************************************************************
I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you're just about to walk though my door
So what's the question now?
Oh baby please tell me how?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have said
that you would give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Are you turning away?
So is there some pride that makes you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
It's a lie what you keep inside
I hope this is not how you want to be
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I just want you in my life
No matter what i have to do
I'll just wait for you
If it's all true
***********************************************************

The weird networking of a third world country...
reception comes and goes like I never know what will happen next.
some of them simply uses the SMS protocol to connect to other countries...
some of them still have use an operator to do a call over
some of them use some super high powered transmitter which probably burn the cells
out of me just by being next to it.
Making it all so difficult to make contact some times...
Isolating me to just me and my thoughts...

sometimes it's just fortunate I get to some beeping cable contact to get online...
just for awhile...in some broken down shop...

all these simply pushes me out of the country very much....unless I'm looking for a getaway
where nobody can get me.

Into the wilderness....
the wild and darkness..
like into the depth of phi phi before it was developed alittle...
and all you have was just the tweety birds and cool fresh breeze that rushes in from nature's air welling.
And the morning dew shimmering cool drop into the bright new day...


But for now...when I'm not on a getaway...
I'll need to get connected....always!

Coming back to the moments in time...

____________________________________________________________
The feelings of the little moments
____________________________________________________________

Sra Srang was a sight
the silence so quiet I felt left beyond understanding
But yet the sunset
I feel the warmth of you
And as light fills the sky
like the imagery of you in my mind..
As the rest sit about in drinks and laughter
I stood in the moment...
appreciating the every second of closeness I had...
now that I am away
an hour behind... and 3hrs apart
Oh I wanna just be back
And soon I will
____________________________________________________

The year's ending... and it just crossed my mind that it was a flash that this year passes...
So quickly... it just swifts away. So much have changed, so much have been done yet not enough.
Like the biggest change from being a student to being a full time dog to the corporate rat race...
And then from being just free lance programmer to being an asst manager to being a marketing manager
and then finally to be a regional manager of a group of companies.
Different kinds of pressure digging in with different forms of stresses...studies and scholarships to targets, earnings,
profits and empire expansions...well of course in the consistent mind kept over finding this special one.

Sometimes people ask me along the way, what my greatest achievements were...
I pause...
I realised I haven't made any. Beyond those egoistic empowerment of strong teams, great winnings, high reaches over
over physical and mental challenges... I haven't found simplicity.
I guess I still need to find balance... or some automated system to clear all the piling up load that I have
while I just bring on the brave front to move forward everyday and end the day with the smiles at home...
soon my very own home...
Like the day is a warfare and the night & weekends becomes peace and soothing comfort in the fortress of my own
sharing the minutes and seconds with that special one and the special little ones thereafter.
Oh well...
These days with inflation and rising cost of living...
It's getting harder and harder to plan for things to happen especially when what you can afford today, you can't tomorrow.


Next year's resolution...
-To rev the engines legally
-settle down my office for operational smoothness
-find a snowballing effective plan
-to look at life and survival at a different angle
-take a good holiday some time to revive the senses (cost not considered)
-most of all to walk my life, sharing it with someone else



That's all for now.... :)

Imagine being a Mr amongst just too many Dr in a discussion of fluid mechanics...
AND I SELL PUMPS FOR FLUID TRANSFER!!!...
Good gracious! can you imagine that?... who am I to kid?

well...I still kid them and they bought the theories and resolution I came up with anyway...
It seems to them that amongst the group I emerged most resourceful...
But anyway...they are customers...so it's damn it my job to be more resourceful right?
hahaha....weird feeling in all that today...
dressed in forma business attire while I headed off in the rain into the fields of PUB water plant sites for testings
and problem solving....digging my hands in mud and soily water to find the meaning of filtration...
Oh I'm so darn tired...with countless calls ringing and vibrating the side of my freakin' groin when the pocket had to
slip right in...gave me the jump.

Well...but then again the most soothing voice did come and it made the day all bright again....hehe..
and then came some window shopping at the end of the day... and to top it off...
I think the feeling is getting more mutual...
Ok I like that thought...
and though my tummy is on the upset and nausea....it's good enough medication for me to keep me smiling...

HOHOHOOO...

=)

The run today was perfectly good...except for some small blisters caused by the sock...
considering the superb lack of training this year....I think well...
it's all good.
taken my mind well off some issues hangin'...
I'm like afraid that I might not be even able to spend christmas in Singapore.
I think that isn't much of an issue to many people...
but I guess for me...I'd wanna be in Singapore coz Jace is around.
At least I can try dig out time to spend with her in some way or other...
Well it's nothing much, as least it's something I will wanna work on with my work schedule.

Spent the whole of last week think and searching a gift for her just in case I'm not back in time...
WAh....goodness...trying to get girls stuff can be real complicated.
Not that I haven't gotten any girl anything but...this time is different.
And I was looking around all by myself...
Going ito girlie stores and female section...getting weird looking stares...people thinking
that I'm kinda going for some conversion....EEEeeew...never!
But yesterday, I finally found something...something simple.
And I guess the packaging would need some work....maybe just alittle...hahaha...
with alittle Poem slipped in.
Hope she likes it..

Oh well..

And today will be also the end of my 14 days of taking over the role of Daddy and Mummy in the house...
I only had time for just 1 experiment though....which I think my grandma and sis with her boyfriend found it
very nice...cool....

ok maybe just alittle sharing of it...
It's my own French Clear Onion Soup...
hahaha

Here it goes...

----------------------------------
-2 BigWhite Onion stripped
-3 big Pink Onion stripped
-1 small shallot stripped
-2 garlic minced
-Olive Butter
(if there is some white wine it will be good to let the onion cook in it with the butter)

Fry the top ingredients until the onions and tender and slightly brown.

Boil the bottom ingredients together under slow fire
-Fresh Thyme, Italian parsley & bay leaves tied together
-a pinch of dried rosemary
- 2 tablespoon Apple cider vinegar
-1.25 liter chicken broth
-3/4 teaspoon salt
-1 teaspoon brown sugar
-2 tablespoon Dubonnet

(if there is some beef cubes it will be best)

Once the onions are ready, combine the onions and stock together and let it all boil through.
Keep stirring to prevent the onions from burning at the bottom.

The Soup will slowly have a nice light sooth of sweet onion flavour.

Add alittle pepper to taste....and viola! It's done!
________________________________________________

Feel daring for the day...go try it. hahaha....

I think...
I found the reason for me...
to change who I used to be...
Coz' I'm no perfect person...

Like I start over anew...
did you know that it's you?

Comfortably rested on my couch
wind flowin' through the room gushin' the air
listening to 'Innocence' just without you there...
In the moments...you were missed...

Machine is down....!!!!
houston...we've got a problem...

with machine CPU micro controller overheating
and a left leg joint tumefication...

given: 5 days for repair or despair...

Alamak....so how?... die...

Phew! Just returned from a long hideous trip...
a time in Hanoi...
in the biggest hotel. Daewoo Hotel.
A Korean & Vietnamese merged Hotel which was built on top of a lake...
thus making the darn place ever sinking and slopes caused by the terrain movements.

Well but anyway...the trip was really worth while as I managed to cover alot of things there.
Basically hit off as the hotel's soon to be maintenance, machines and equipments supplier.
Who cool is that?. It's like taking the Hotel as the stepping stone to the rest of Hanoi,
covering every other inch of it....well before I hit at Ho Chin Mihn at least.

But I must say...the north is filled with the cocky bunch.
argh....boiled my blood teaching and doing demo for them.

Anyway....it was all a twist of fate.
Imagine arriving in a 3rd world country, having no accomodation planned...due to the lack of vacancy.
Spent the whole late afternoon and evening talking and discussing on issues with the customers I had to meet.
Never did I expect to have the Director/GM of the Hotel trying to squeeze me into the executive business suite
at a 60% discount net....and with all my meals and transport paid for...
And on top of that...giving me a complimentary bottle of Chilean red wine with a plate full of cheese and crackers...
sweet!

But....gosh! the work in the day I had to go through was really...and I mean really killing...
so much of talking with so little info going into those folks' head....goodness me.

Oh well...I'm beat...
turning in earlier for once...

It was like Deja Vu
I saw it coming
yet I didn't want to see...
The open heart stay neutral
yet the scorned cancerous brain remain rural.
Somewhere along the way...
cards will turn.

Somehow I'm starting to sense some crap somewhere
I think at some point... there ain't any point in explaining certain issues or even to say offer anything...
Doesn't seem to be worthwhile in the first place.
Especially when it trigger adverse reaction.
It doesn't pay to be bothering about the well being of others sometimes.

If that's the case...might as well F***ing screw it.

Basically now it brings me to some feeling that
there some people who simply just got too much air to be held that in such a way
seemingly can't accept the pure fact that one has to take on some learning process.
As if the foundation doesn't have to be built for a stable building block.
That no matter how much I care about knocking good info into the head...
it just bounces out like a thick numb skull...
Yet again too afraid to feedback even alittle bit, but fang screw your ass from the other end.
Otherwise it would be a harbouring cancer waiting to explode.

Putting in a few levels for thought...
"reaching your hands into a black box to save a calling serpent...
gets you totally no where. You don't see what's inside, you don't know what you're saving"

My utter disappointment I must say...
coz I think what I've been seeing is just a pure mask...

oh well...what's the point of it all....what's the point...huh?...

~watching the trail of broken petals
from a pair of asian flowers
one after another as I pick...
each tatter tells a story.
partial wonder and mostly sad.
What am I to say
But to put in nature's way...
Yet most often than not...
it's the hand that once plucked and caressed in care...
but the index points to the storm right there
the blame and cause of the petals torn~

What you thought you learnt well..
What you thought you saw well...
it may just merely be a shell.
Where within the core,
what one day arises,
others will see and everything once built is just fallen rubbish.
Brought to a forcing needle point...
will the colours of poison be shown
alittle more push could surface an in grown worm within...
digging into the ruins of the hollow hearted.

You know who you are...
The more silent you become
the more obvious it shows
yet when the voicing is ever done...
all around will know...

I think I'd say that this weekend was simply great...
a good fried rice experimentation...
a good work week ending...
Most of all...
a great date.

was like I wished it didn't have to end at all...
'Beowulf' wasn't that much of a great show to catch...
but I didn't mind...
food this time was simple at Simply Thai and TCC...
yet it didn't really get to me that the coffee was not thick enough
or the softshell crab wasn't tastier...
Coz most of all...Jace was there.

Through my so busy schedules, I haven't found time to meet up with her...
just made sure that I'd call her and SMSed her everyday...
have been talking alot to her, but yet...
once I caught sight of her...I felt a whole rush of feels just swarmed...
But I guess, I just had to keep the cool...
if not I'd just run to her and give her a big hug...
probably give her a shock...
Oh well...it's going back to reality of work tomorrow...but yet I'm not complaining...
I like the challenge everyday...fighting for figures, business at war, searching for possible opportunities.
Yet I think I'd just hold a little of my fantasy in one small part of my mind...keepin' this weekend living.
Erhmm....at least just for awhile longer.

=)