why is it so difficult?...

Why is it so difficult to let down what you've picked up once before...?
Realising my very state of mind... realising the situation I am in...
I find that my shattered heart can lie to myself no more...
the more I think about it...the more I'd wish for her to be by my side...
now it has reached a stage where I don't know how to express myself when I see her...
coz I'm not sure how to....I've been too used to treat her with affection...
as a friend...beside me... I try to hold back all my actions of affections towards her...
such that my muscles simply cramp at pose not knowing what's the next full action to be...
body confusions....

~Oh gentle winds beneath the moonlit skies
Do you not hear my heart cries?
Do you not sense my fear and doubt?
Do you not hear my woeful screams?
Upon meadows, touched with dew
Do you not see my heart's a'skew?
And under the vast skies of million stars
Do you not feel my jagged scars?
My heart...
Scattered across the moonlit skies
All with heartfelt sighs
Drifting in the gentle rain
A symbol of my silen pain
It's lost among the stars this night
Too far to ease my quiet fright
Oh no gentle winds
seek not my heart
For very simply....
It has...
I am...
my gentle heart...
has torn apart...~