Argh.....for this moment....
this very moment....
I can't damn it focus!!!!
I head is just wondering everywhere!!!!
crazy!!!!

OMG....cannot take it....
totally madness....

There must be something disturbing my concentration.....hmmm ....now what could it be?.....
=/

feeling very restless....
from fatigue to restlessness...
I think the next step would be hyperactiveness....
Oh no....siao liao!

my Biological battery is having a surge!
freaking went for a run round the school...and did weights 'til my arms and legs shivered....but then...
after a nice shower...instead of getting relaxed and slack down....my body re-energized!!
MAdness! lol....

Funcione a mí

FATIGUE!!!!
OH NO!!!!....my battery running out at the wrong time!!!

Anywayz... Day was still alright so far...
Test was ok....ability to at least 75% with speed study...hahaa...

3 more tests to go for the week and 2 reports!!!...argh! OMG.

V-day...at the strike of midnight....hmmm...
Kenneth....doing anything at all?....
I'm sorry, seems like you're very much farked with the big load of work to get done!....
Can't deal much with doing anything for anyone... unless maybe it's for something that could change the entire course of
my life....then maybe only...


"No , usted no tuvo que excepto mi No.
de la vida,
usted no es listo yo puede sentirse que él afuera que está lloviendo,
pero apenas iré su corazón lo dejaré a casa algún día ir.

Tan pronto como usted consiga que la sensación de usted pueda comenzar a vivir otra vez tan pronto como el peor encima usted puede tenerle todo el sentido Rigt de la marca ahora que no puedo darle qué usted necesita tan pronto como usted consiga la sensación... Funcione A Mí.

Hush, usted no tienen que decir una palabra. Confíe en, yo no van a odiarle para ella. Se siente como mi tacto trae solamente detrás el dolor que esas memorias quieren algún día se descoloran funcionamiento ausente a mí."




If only it's such...

Sometimes life strikes you by your ass
without you knowing why...
At times everytime catches you by the sudden blow of the wind...
And you're caught...

It takes courage and get to the next step of deciding what to do...

If it's all worth it...
then it's always worth taking the risk for it...
even when many things are put on the line...

3 more days to go to the end of the week...
It's about done....it's about done Kenneth...

Do what one will...
"Just did it"...
move off from a position of tension...
a place of torment and torture...
to greener pastures.

There I am...

walk on towards if you will...
stay in unwillingness if you will...

A day I'd throw all comms media out of my life
To remain the person that's just me...
untouched...
God where are you?...
My dear father...
How can I better deal with this?
How much then is too close...
How much then is just right
What is enough...
What is the max I'd go?...

I guess for now...
Gone with my speech...
to write I will...
Kenneth...your focus must come back...
Full and hard...
like how you pushed yourself out of the whirlpool...
like how you survived raging storms...
like how you'd fight off the fierce by being fiercer...
like how anything comes your way and fear is a pure element you'd just kick it off....

I guess I need time out in reaching out for others...
Mis intenciones no fueron llevadas el curso derecho. Así un lío propulsó. Dar comodidad y golpe de la idea incorrecta una vez más o apenas hacer una pausa el excedente del lado y del reloj sería buenos? El... lo que el padre desea, él me dirá.

Here I lay...
I tear at the already shattered crystal...
Feeling worst than the many battles once lost...
To walk away is much pain
To stay is much hurt
The words and whatever that's been placed...
Just shrivels into nothingness
like it's been never there before...

I sit by with Sangria, Boddington and Sake
for company...
hope they knock me out unconscious
And just give me a moment of peace...
a moment away...

I wanted to work to cure
but unknowingly
I worked to hit another causal...
Cruel...
Sleep a bad omen?...

Oh qué la cogida

Cuál es el punto en entrar algo que no fue significado para ser y una unión mal hecha...? Por qué la necesidad de empujarla más lejos...? Significa siempre eso para lanzar tales sensaciones para el afecto para alguien, debe haber un resultado positivo? Cuando las cosas no son posibles, apenas permanecerá esa manera sin cambio. Hace que usted no piense cuál es él como para mi lado cuando usted guardó el empujar de él esa noche? Primero trataba de usted como un amigo y trataba después de usted como alguien que deseaba ser más que un amigo a mí.

Ésta es la situación más dura que usted me ha puesto adentro. Si signifiqué siempre cualquier cosa, mi would've bien escogido respetado... sin preguntar.

me siento de alguna manera que con todos que he hecho... qué he ido a través con usted... es como un esfuerzo perdido. Usted lo hizo solamente o lo aceptó porque usted tenía sensaciones para mí y no porque era lo que usted creyó verdad adentro.

No deseo seriamente caminar en este lío otra vez. He pasado con bastante de esta clase de rechazamiento de la mierda? dolor?... el pozo I ha tratado de bastantes para decir, usted nunca sabrá lo que he ido a través para que usted diga que es posible cambiar ese mindset. Con qué usted ha pasado... Tengo, apenas recuperado más rápidamente, que no significa que era menos dolor. Qué he ido a través, conjeturo que usted no ha visto o fieltro.

Soy totalmente triste ver que son las cosas de la manera y ellas manera que usted es... Tanto en la cáscara... y mí esperó aceptar. Si usted incluso valora a esta hembra entera de la cosa... o ser humano del varón...... me deja ir cuando yo ningún dicho... y después de lo cual vería un conjunto de cosas sobre usted eso solamente después de tal situación que usted se abriría. Imagínese después de que la aceptación y thent él se abran... puedan una culparme por no aceptar quiénes usted es? O era usted que no me demostró que usted es en el primer lugar? El hecho considerado del that?... difícilmente, pero yo está apesadumbrados que... ésta es vida. Recepción al mundo verdadero.


ARGH!...so frustrating.
How is it I've gotta deal with this! just being good...but taken otherwise.

And so I'll say...
once more...
it wasn't meant to be...
If there was a reduction of me to nothing...
Then so be it...
Character clash...
stumble of perspectives...

To begin was the end of something else I valued so much more...
I have that in such a state
only pains me even more...
which way can I go?...
in comfort I'd give off signals in a wrong way
and thus a bigger pain soon to come...
in hardness I break up one
spoils whatever I am....
whoever I am...
But the hurt...won't be long lasting like the other...

and soon I'll hated and forgotten...
and the pain i you fades away...

And so...there I'll be...

reminded of the very reasons why
to hear and to accept
such cross over dealings from close to affection...
I'd never wanna step into...not now...not ever...

I can't take it....I can't...
and I know I can't.

Suddenly I feel tired...
Suddenly I've been shaken...
Like no matter how much I try to focus...
Things I hoped so much don't happen...
Washed me like the very wave that killed a part of me in a split years ago...

The aches and squeezes at every artery pump....

Sometimes there are things I just don't wanna see...
I don't wanna hear...
just run...
yes...may be I'd just need that...

it's been sometime since I last did that neverending run...just run...

Find myself back again after a weekend...
thought it was supposed to be the other way...
but anyhow...
funny how things can turn against you...

oh life.... BRING IT ON!

"I miss you
I miss being overwhelmed by you...
And I need rescu
I think I'm fading away...
But I keep think that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear.
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room

So I wait and I wait....

...

I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone..."

I looked forward in coming back...
But in returning I find myself alone...
oh maybe not...just accompanied by notes and books...
A weekend of reminders...
weekend of happy moments...
Weekend of a new beginnings...
weekend of pain....
weekend of all emotional feelings put together...
Now somehow I'd just wanna fade away...

Sometimes I really wonder if somethings I see about a person is worth to share and worth to care...
Things either turned to loggers or just pure unjust emotional feelings...
So much for wanting to care
So much for bothering...

And sometimes I'd just wanna turn away...
But I've been asked...."Do you really want to turn your back on them?...yet if you do something you may get fired back"
And I replied to God in prayer..."Some pains are probably worth it..."

sitting by my desk... I wondered...after being knocked around by questions on r/s....
hmmm...actually...I duno when is it the time for me...lol
Coz the time is never straight forward with a sign placed there...
rather...it's a feeling that comes.
Last week...someone asked me...how is it that I'm remainding single when
there are quite a few girl friends around who are single and avail...
Well...I can't really answer that...maybe...I guess when one is like a sister to me...
like some in the hall... they will always be one.
Some are friends and buddies to me...they will always be one....
But when it comes to crossing that border... it will mean a different treatment... and somehow...
the imperfect me...can't deal with a change in attitude to those who were buddies and sistas...
somehow... that's what I reckon....damn it...but God might just make me eat my words again....hahaaa...he made me do so once
not sure when the next will come. It's an opening FAther!... =)

Anyway... the week of jialat hell...isolationism in progress....damn it....so much for it being a V-day week...with me filled with all these stupid tests and stuff... I've gotta start saving...start thinking how to make my freelancing ideas work harder.
and make a mark soon after I grad. hahahaa.....WoooHoooo!!!!

ok...here we go Kenneth!!! Let's go!!!!
Engine starting up now!...
this week is gona get busy busy busy!....
prob no pausal time...
full speed ahead!...

broke broke broke....
month's broke feeling....lol
damn it...spending too much...
and money from proj isn't in yet! OMG....
been doing too much funny stuff....trying too much madness stuff....hahaha....
I'm getting crazy...

strangely after having slept....
I can't get myself to start off studying....argh!!!...madness

Today my phone has become hot line...
Many SMSes...Many calls...
hahahaa...
some for chitchat...some for problem talk....so for biz...and some on shopping spree and did like to have
my opinion. hahaa...
next time I pick up.... "Yes operator speaking" I'll go....lol

Fatigue just kicked in...
And there I lay...
motionless...
Mindless....just a body....
mind in an empty space...
and I waste the day away...
like a dead man of the day...
the hours swifted pass
and then I saw night again.

Waking up...
I'm missing certain moments...
certain people...
certain touch...
certain voices...
like I'd always like them around...

oh well...

I've got NS call up for June!....
A 5 day "dunno what the hell they going to ask me to do" ICT.
Bring it on!
Shit duno if I can fit into my uniform now....hahahaa

A shocking day a good surprise...
It was great to be a cook...for all of you people...
It's even better feeling to have all of you enjoy the new stuff I created...
I welcome comments from all....
for future improvements!
bring it on!

Hey Thanks, Ja, Paul and Richie for all these....
It may have already been like weeks back...but you all have hit me with an impact...
really didn't expect the cake that I loved so much but...aye...Ja....too much for me to have to down at a go....
it's madness lah.... hahaaa...

But anyway...Thanks all!

Hope you all liked what you had and it was all to your liking.. next time probably come up with smthing else then! hahahaaa.

"If I had castles built on high
I'd find a million ways
to write yoour name
Against the sky
Just to let you know,
you've caught my eye
And if I had more than
wealth could buy
I'd sell it all and start again
for just a chance with you
Girl, I'd given my all to win your love
And I would be rich
And I would built all
my world around you
Just to show you
How to take my breath away
And you would find love, sweet lady
Nobody else this side of heaven knows
How you take my breath away
If I could turn the day to night
If I had faith to walk on water
Maybe you would see,
the reason I thank God for miracles
Cause baby when you walk into sight
You turned an ordinary man
like me into a king
I would do anything to wind your love
I think there's something
here worth sayin'
I don't want to scare you
So let me make my wish
and hope that you believe
In simple love, like I do
Say that it's true, baby
Cause you've got me shakin'
My breath has now been taken
I've got to overcome this achin'
To win your love"

Nice day... got out for a gd class...
somehow today i was like a blackhole...
knowing that today is gona be a great day
somehow I was having a constant smile on my face....
like it's like crammed on there....hahahaa

Went for a haircut today!

WooHooo....
and was visited by a client for my freelancing thingy.
all in all, I've already gotten 3 people contacting me about it. That's fast!...
Just about a day after sending out the softcopy of the biz card. lol....

And a nice surprise visit from Mag!
Shocked me at the door...
but it was a good feelin'. =)

people who aren't near or around the corner coming down...
dropping by the room... very nice!
And later I'll be having yet another group of friends comin' over again...but this time is for some advice on Biz ideas....
cool day!


=)

"There's no more waiting
Holding out for love
You are my Godsend
That I have been forever dreaming of
My angel from above
Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you
What is this feeling
I've never known before
That I should touch you
Swearing to surrender ever more
That's what I came here for
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in a wonderful daze
Lost in your wonderful ways"

=)

I take a moment of silence to reflect the day....
bring in my thoughts...
what's been circling around me meant...
my mind...
my soul....
Paul...you've got to know that there are times, you love a person so much, but yet hate at the same time...
my context... in those moments you love the person so much that you hate the fact that you can't live without the person.
You can never escape the person...
Your probably next topic...
There is much to think about but placing it in a moment of thought....
this is what I've got.

Getting back to my head...
Don't know what's with this salsa feelin'...
the feelin' of grooving to salsa music or some cuban dance mix...
it's just feeling like I'm free...
=)

mid week...it's just about half way more to go...
Wasn't too difficult was it...? =)

And today...
I'm reviving my Graphic Design and Sound editing Freelancing!!
Just made me biz cards!
So....Graphics stuff...or prints for anything....c'mon make this your starting point....ask me.... =)

I've been staring at this page for what seems like days
I guess I put this one off for awhile
Did I see a tear fall from your eyes?
Or did you laugh so hard that you cried?
My secrets and yours shared on a silver try
Hey now...
I guess the night's just bringing you down
There's no love, there no hate...
All I leave them here for you to take
But whatever I've been saying...
Was a piece of my heart.

Sitting by the side of the table...
listening to the soft soothing sounds of "book of love"
played skillfully on a saxophone...
sipping on strained mocha espresso...
setting my mind on my surroundings...
awaken my senses...
Oh I miss sleep...
I wish to sleep tonight...
shutting off to the darkness of the world...
the knocking out of my mind...
But wait, if it's ever best...
I may just dream...
moments that could ever happen to me...
elements of emotional risk...
My enjoyment of singularity...
my yearn for company...
...
a head lifted high...
a confident guy...
a strong willed...
but behind there is always a need...
but hey...it's not time...
oh yes it's not time...

in due time things will fall in place...
like leaves settling on the earth
after some time of gliding and swifting
in the gradual calmness of the air...
though some times it can be so difficult...
but yet it could be so on the other side...
spikes....
spikes of my life...
jabs of my heart...
aches of my mind...
there I stand...
at the end of the day...
in will I'd smile the heart to bring light...